We start the episode in a nice warm room

Ah, fuck

That didn't last long

Tormund shares a listicle on how to stop your balls from freezing

Gendry talks about being sexually abused by Melisandre

And Jon tries to give Longclaw to Jorah

But he's like: "Now you don't have a sword"

"I have my fists"

"Don't be a dickhead"

Seriously, it was a dodgy idea

Arya accuses Sansa of getting their dad killed

She presents her flimsy as fuck evidence

Sansa is like: "Oh, you have got some bloody nerve, you little judgemental arrogant shit!"

Even in sub-zero weather, Tormund can still get a stiffy thinking about Brienne

Beric and Jon laugh about how they can't die

And the Hound metaphorically points to his brother

Dany misses her boyfriends, and wants to go out night-clubbing

Tyrion tells her she needs to start thinking about her future

The Friday work drinks turns into a big fucking argument

Meanwhile, Thoros has a go at fighting an undead flaming bear

He then says: "I really loved this mission"

Jon's like: "These spare pricks were fucking useless"

Sansa has been Littlefinger-ed a few times in the past

And she could get Littlefinger-ed again, if she's not careful here

Thoros tells Jorah: "I really loved this mission"

Such a top attitude!

There's a White Walker with 20 good dead men

He's probably on a mission to steal a human

Jon-o and the Fellowship charges in to pick a fight

There's some bloody hammer time

A flaming sword

Jorah needs to lift his game

Jon-o turns this wanker into a bag of ice cubes!

And all his minions explode and die

Except this little fella

He gets bullied

He's like: "Help! Someone help!"

Luckily, he has the best mates

Team Jon-o shits their dacks and starts running away

Oh, Gendry also buggers off to call in back-up

One of the spare pricks falls on the ice and breaks it

So I'm giving him credit for all of these kills

Unfortunately, they do end up in a pickle

Run Gendry, run!

He makes it into the loving arms of Davos

who yells: "Email the dragons!"

Jorah's thinking: "Could be worse, I could be a rock"

Thoros is like: "I really loved this mission"

Beric says: "Why don't we just go kill the boss man, and then we could all go home, Bob's your uncle?"

"Ye fucking think I haven't thought of that?"

Back where everyone has central heating, Sansa tells Brienne to bugger off

Arya also keeps mind-fucking her to the point she's probably thinking:

"Even getting Littlefinger-ed isn't as bad as this bullshit"

Dany has put on her winter outfit

She fires up the dragons and heads into battle

Day 53: It looks like we're about to see a shit fight

Yup, it is hammer time!

Jon-o gets a kill

Jorah scores a point

Sonic BOOM

Yoga flame

Hyah!

Superb

Excellent

Outstanding

Ah fuck me dead, where's Dany?

Thousand-and-one!

Thousand-and-two!

Lookout, Jon-o

Think of Brienne

Think of Brienne, mate!

Oh, no worries, the Hound has got ya

Another spare prick bites the dust

Slow-mo face

Slow-mo face

Slow-mo face

Jorah does the best one

Suddenly, they hear someone yell:

"BARBECUE!"

AND THE ARMY OF THE DEAD GETS ROASTED!

This is a massive cook-up!

look at Jon-o, he loves it

Dany says: "Come with me, if you want to live"

Jon's like: "Hang on, let me show you some of my moves"

He does some pretty cool moves

But then the Night's King yells:

"POPSICLE!"

And Viserion gets fucked on!

Dragon down!

Dragon down!

Oh no, Jon-o down!

Jon-o down!

And JORAH DOWN!

JORA- Oh no, he's good

He's alright

Yeah nah, Jon-o is good too

Uncle Benjen gives him a horse, and he makes into the loving arms of Davos

Dany checks out his awesome scars and six-pack

Later on, they have a deep and meaningful chat about how they're gonna help each other out

Fuck yes, Jon-o and Dany, fuck yes!

Finally, the Night's King does his favourite party trick

And Viserion is reborn as a frosty wanker

*"The Breaking of the Fellowship" playing*

*Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs - "Most People I Know" playing*

Yeah, look, that mission turned out okay

Considering it was a dodgy mission

This episode was a fucking roller coaster

I was a bit worried for some reason it was gonna be a shit episode

But the second half was incredible

I dunno, I kinda put my finger on it

At 70 minutes long, and having a couple of days to digest it

I think it's a real surprise packet

He does hold up well as a whole

I gotta give Most Valuable Player to Emilia Clarke

This scene between her and Jon-o at the end where she's in pain, as a mother, due to the loss of Viserion

is fair dinkum gold

I think the reason this scene has such an emotional punch

is due to the character building blocks in the previous three episodes

I've enjoyed all of the Jon and Dany scenes

And even though, the pacing of this season feels lightning fast

I think the main A-grade characters are still getting enough screen time to sink their teeth into some juicy dilemmas

I'm very worried as to how things are gonna pan out between Tyrion and Dany

Although his plans have gone to shit, his intentions and instincts have been on point, when you think about it

You could never just rock up to King's Landing, and immediately start a barbecue

Too many people would have been triggered due to the Targaryen barbecues from the past

So, yeah nah, I love all of the Dany scenes this week

Maybe the episode was lacking suspense, because it was predictable all along she would save the day

But m'yeah, once the stand-off ended, I did enjoy this shit fight

I loved the Night King took out a dragon and respawned it

I was worried the army was a bit of a joke

I think

And maybe that's why I thought early on, the episode could fall apart

This whole powerful army that Jon bangs on about

was struggling to kill a few blokes

But then, by the end, you do have to wonder if the Night King wanted Jon-o and the gang to be trapped

Was it his plan to lure Daenerys near ground level, and steal her dragons?

How much do they know about who is on the other side of the wall?

Yeah, the final taste in my mouth, is that they're not to be underestimated

The banter between Tormund and the Hound was on a whole other level this week

Like, double 0 agent level of fucking professional banter

I hope Arya is acting

We know Littlefinger can have places bugged

He loves a peephole

Loves a secret peephole

She has what it takes to be a good actor, from her time in Braavos

I hope she's not being a dumbass

I feel like handing Sansa Littlefinger's dagger could have been a signal

Like: "Blink twice if you're having me on with how judgemental you're being, sister"

"Bloody blink twice"

The handing over of the dagger could have been Arya blinking twice

The episode is called "Beyond the Wall"

And if you're dedicated to truth, if you wanna see truth in its 100% purest form

You have to be willing to look beyond a bloody wall

These fellers are on a mission to prove that the army of the Dead is true

Some of them find truth in religion

Truth in unrequited love

Truth in owning your past's mistakes

It's a quest for fucking truth

Sansa and Arya have a wall between them as well

Either Arya needs to see beyond the wall, and the truth is that Sansa is not an enemy

Or Sansa needs to see beyond the wall, and that Arya is helping her snuff out Littlefinger once and for all

Tyrion is struggling to see beyond the wall, as to whether or not Dany truthfully wants to break the wheel

And she can't see if he honestly wants to overthrow his family

Absolute truth is a hard thing to pin down and hold on to

And that's what this episode was about

For me, anyways

Oh, and Benjen could have gotten on that horse

Likely I could have gotten on the door in Titanic

Benjen could have done it

[Outro Music - "Most people I know" - Billy Thorpe"]