Hi.

嗨

The audience is so well lit.

觀眾席好明亮

I feel like I know all of you.

我感覺好像都認識你們

It's normally dark out there.

但那裡通常都是暗的

No, when we started the show, I thought

不是的，節目剛開始的時候，我認為

they should be part of the show.

他們應該要一起參與

They shouldn't be in the dark.

不應該是在陰暗處

They should be as lit as we are.

他們應該跟我們一樣明亮

So we actually include them in the show.

所以我們有把他們錄到節目裡

I like that.

我喜歡

OK, cool.

很好啊

That's on purpose.

我們是特地這麼做的

Do you want me to turn--

妳要我把那裡變暗嗎

It's a little scary.

有點詭異

OK.

好的

No, no, no, it's OK.

不、不、不、這樣很好

[INAUDIBLE]

[無聲]

Do you not want to see them?

妳不想看到他們嗎？

No, no, no, it's fine.

不、不，不，這樣很棒

Just keep smiling.

就保持微笑

OK.

好的

Be supportive.

配合著大家

So first of all, the movie is fantastic.

那首先，妳的電影很棒

Thank you.

謝謝

Portia and I loved it.

Portia 和我都很愛這部

Thanks.

謝謝

We watched it and said this is like a good old-fashioned spy

我們都有看，也都說這是一部還不錯的老式間諜的驚悚片

thriller that the way movies used to be made.

使用了拍電影常用的手法

Yeah.

是啊

And I just love it.

我就是很喜歡

I think you're great in it.

我覺得妳演得很不錯

I think the movie is fantastic.

我覺得這部電影很精彩

So I highly recommend it.

所以我大力推薦

I think it's fantastic.

我真的覺得很好

Thank you so much.

謝謝妳

And it comes out today, so now you're officially on vacation.

這部電影今天剛好撥出，所以妳正式開始度假

Yeah.

是啊

And you have an alter ego when you go on vacation.

還有，當你在度假時，妳另外的人格會跑出來

Yeah, I can't go on a vacation right now.

是啊，我現在不能度假

Because I just can't--

因為就是不行

I can't deal with Gail at the mo--

我無法應付 Gail

I need to rest before Gail.

在她出來前，我需要趕快休息

OK, why did you name her Gail?

好，為何要叫她 Gail

I didn't.

我沒有

She almost named herself.

她自己取的

I think my girlfriends probably named her Gail just

我想應該是我的女性朋友幫她取名的

by the way I look.

依我當下的樣子

And it's a very specific drunk too.

她是某一種酒醉的狀態

It's not just like every time I'm drunk, I turn into this--

不只是喝醉的時候她才會出現

I think she's some sort of tortoise gambler or something.

我想她是某一種會拿路龜來賭博之類的人

I don't always turn into this masculine alter ego

我不常切換到會跳到鯊魚水域

that jumps into shark ridden waters

很 Men 的人格

just to make my friends laugh.

就只為了取悅朋友

My friends were like, that's too far, Jen-- no not funny.

我朋友 Jen 說有點過火，並不好笑

It's not every time.

也不是每次都這樣

I think it might be rum, which is

我想應該是我買給 Colbert

what I brought up to Colbert.

的萊姆酒

Because the only time I drink rum is on vacation.

因為我只有在度假時才會喝萊姆酒

Well, you're on vacation.

那既然妳現在在渡假

Bring the rum.

把萊姆酒端出來

[APPLAUSE]

[掌聲]

I can't.

我不行啦

I can't keep doing this.

沒辦法一直喝

Oh my god.

我的天

I can't.

我不行

I really can't.

我真的不行

I'll take this one.

我選這杯

They're all labeled.

酒名都有標示

Oh my god.

我的天

That's rum punch.

是蘭姆調酒

They're fake, right?

這是假的，對吧？

Are they--

它們是..

Let's see if they are.

我們喝喝看真假

That's real.

是真的

Yeah.

是啊

Oh my god, this is going to turn into my whole thing.

我的天，這杯會讓我的醜態百出

But you don't normally--

但妳一般都不會...

I'm not this big of a drinker.

我其實沒這麼會喝

When I'm on a press tour, I really drink a lot.

只有在跑記者招待會時，才會喝很多

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

是啊

Only on a press tour.

只有在記者招待會

Yeah, but if I'm working and filming, then I can't.

是啊，但如果我正在工作拍片，那我就不會喝

No.

不

It's not like I'm like this every night.

每晚不會像現在一樣

No.

不

Well, you wouldn't be able to.

妳當然不會

Because you're very professional.

因為妳非常專業

No, but bus tours.

才不是，但在車上會喝

It's the only way to make it through.

只有這樣才能順利完成工作

Yeah, so let's talk about Gail some more while you drink that.

是啊，妳邊喝酒的同時我們來聊聊一些有關 Gail 的事情

Gail is a lovely-- she's got a heart of gold.

Gail 非常可愛，她非常善良

She's just--

她就是..

Can we show a picture of Gail?

我們可以看一下 Gail 的照片嗎？

Because she does look very different.

因為她看起來非常不一樣

There she is.

出現了

There is my girl.

我的好姊妹

So that's how--

這就是..

Zoom in, please.

麻煩請放大

That's how you normally look.

這就是妳平時的樣子

And then Gail is--

還有 Gail ..

what is the difference there?

有什麼差別呢？

First of all, that's not how I-- oh my god.

首先，這是我的樣子，我的天

Look, I was trying to look cute.

我是想要裝可愛

I was getting photographed with all my girlfriends

當時是跟我女性朋友

on the beach.

在沙灘上拍照

I wanted to look cute.

我想要看起來可愛

And look what-- I can't even repeat it.

然後妳看，我都不敢再模仿一次

My whole face is just crooked.

我的臉都歪了

It's a different face.

那是不同張臉

Yeah.

是啊

That's not your normal smile.

那不是妳平時的笑容

I hope not.

我希望不是

No.

不

It might be.

或許是

I don't know.

我不知道

No.

不

But the hair too, just so presidential.

但頭髮也是一樣，看起來好有架式

Yeah.

是啊

What happens?

發生什麼事？

So you become braver.

所以妳變成勇士

You go into shark infested waters.

跳進鯊魚水域

I'll just give you five seconds of Gail.

那我來說說 Gail 當時的狀況

So from there, we went conch diving.

我們當時在那裡潛水

And we pull up the conch, and the guy driving our boat

我們拉起了海螺，一位在開船的男生

goes look.

看過來

They all have little worms.

他們都有小蚯蚓

I took it out of his hand and swallowed it, and then pulled

我把蚯蚓搶過來吞下肚，接著又從海螺裡

the worms out of all the conchs and swallowed all the worms.

拉出一些蚯蚓，也全部吞掉

And some of my friends are like kind of laughing.

我的朋友有些像是在笑

But they're like hello?

但她們問候我，哈羅？

Hello?

哈囉？

And then we pull up.

然後

And he's like, and this is where the fishermen

然後他說，這是漁夫

clean all the fish out.

清理魚的地方

So there's all these sharks here.

所有的鯊魚都在這

And I was like sack and just jumped in.

然後我像沙袋一樣的跳進去

And everyone's like somebody get her some water and coffee.

然後大家急忙的說來人啊，拿些水或咖啡來給她

She's going to die.

來她快往生了

Wow.

哇

It was just one masculine--

當時 Men 到很像一種

what are those people called, adrenaline junkie?

那個叫什麼來著，腎上腺素癮君子

Adrenaline junkies?

腎上腺素癮君子

Yeah, and I'm like--

而我則是

I'm normally pretty cautious.

我通常都非常小心

I've never really broken--

從來沒有

You sit like that.

妳這樣座著

I sit like this--

我是這樣坐著的

Wow.

哇

--in my real life.

是真實的

And then I get rum in me, and I'm just

我體內有萊姆酒精，我就..

like let's arm wrestle!

我們來比腕力

So because usually if you drink vodka, you don't become Gail?

所以通常妳喝的是伏特加，妳就不會變 Gail 了嗎？

It's only rum.

只有萊姆酒

I'm trying to think what I drank at your birthday.

我在想在妳生日派對我喝的是什麼？

Vodka.

伏特加

OK, that's--

那應該是

I think you did.

我覺得是 Gail

Yeah, and that did something else but not Gail.

是啊，除了 Gail 我還變了其他的

But I think someone was passing a tra--

但我想有人當時遞托盤

I think it was Reese walking around with a tray of tequila

我想應該是 Reese 拿著一盤一口杯

shots, though.

的龍舌蘭酒

So I don't know if you did that.

我不知道妳是否有變 Gail

I probably knocked the tray over.

我可能有把那盤酒給撞翻

Rawr!

恐龍吶喊中 !

I don't know.

我不知道

All I know is after five minutes, me

我只知道 5 分鐘後

and Jennifer Aniston had our arms around each other.

我與 Jennifer Aniston 手臂互相勾著

No, I love you the most!

不，我是最愛你的

No, I love you!

不，我才愛妳

We were just like ah!

我們就一直這樣

Nostrils flared.

撐鼻孔

Wow.

哇

I love her.

我愛她

And she loves you.

她也愛妳

I love a lot of people at your party.

妳的派對上，我愛的人可多囉！

So what kind of drunk was this on--

那這是哪一種酒醉的人格

this was a red carpet.

這張是在走紅地毯的

Oh, jeez.

喔，天啊

And I want to know--

我想要知道

Oh!

噢！

[LAUGHTER]

[笑聲]

No!

不！

What?

什麼？

No!

不！

Oh, god, it was so awful.

噢，天啊，這張超恐怖

In my defense, please take her away.

我的解釋是，請把她拿開

Oh my god.

我的天啊！

Oh my god!

我的天啊！

That's not Gail, right?

那不是 Gail，對吧？

No, that's someone else.

不，那是別人

I just met her the other night.

前晚才認識她的

I feel like her name ends with an E,

感覺她名字結尾有個 E

or [? Veronica-e ?] or something.

還是 ？Veronica-e ？還是什麼的

I don't know.

我不知道

So what happened was I did Andy Cohen.

其實我是變 Andy Cohen

I was drinking a lot of wine.

我當時紅酒喝多了

And then I went to Colbert, tried to sober up.

然後去找 Colbert，試圖幫他醒酒

I was drinking coffee.

我當時在喝咖啡

And I was like, uh oh.

然後我就，噢，噢

I got too drunk with the housewives,

我跟她太太喝太多了是

which is something I've always dreamt of saying.

我一直是我想說的

So I was like, I got too drunk with the housewives.

所以我就跟家庭主婦喝多了

I'm trying to drink coffee.

我嘗試喝咖啡

And then he pulls out shots of rum in the middle of the show.

然後就在節目中拿出蘭姆酒

Then I have to go to the premiere.

然後我就去首映會

And I am hammered.

接著我就茫了

And so, I get on the red carpet.

然後我就在紅地毯上了

I'm like don't look drunk.

我就嘗試裝沒有酒醉

Don't look drunk.

我沒酒醉

And then I look like I've been electrified.

然我看起來像被電到一樣

Oh my god.

我的天

Oh my god.

我的天

That was you trying not to look drunk?

那是妳裝沒酒醉的樣子嗎？

Yeah.

是啊

Wow.

哇

Yeah.

是啊

It would have been better just to look drunk, I think.

我覺得酒醉好像比較好看

Yeah.

是啊

I think my nipple was out too.

我想我的奶頭當時有外露

I was just all sorts of awful.

那真是有點可怕

I don't think your nipple is out.

我不覺得你的奶頭有外露

Is your nipple out?

你的奶頭有外露嗎？

[INAUDIBLE] I really think drinking is a good idea for me.

[無聲] 我的覺得喝一杯對我是好事

Yeah.

是啊

It's a good way to get through a [INAUDIBLE]..

它是個能熬過去的好方法

Yeah.

是啊

No, it worked out.

真的有用