I was on an evening out with friends

去年四月，

to celebrate one of their birthdays.

晚上我和幾個朋友出去聚餐，

We hadn't been all together for a couple of weeks;

幫其中的一位友人慶生。

it was a perfect evening, as we were all reunited.

我們好幾個禮拜沒聚在一起了；

At the end of the evening,

我們度過了一個美好的夜晚。

I caught the last underground train back to the other side of London.

結束之後，

The journey was smooth.

我搭乘末班地鐵回到倫敦的另一頭。

I got back to my local station

一路上很平順。

and I began the 10-minute walk home.

我抵達我家附近的地鐵站，

As I turned the corner onto my street,

並照例走 10 分鐘的路回家。

my house in sight up ahead,

轉過街角

I heard footsteps behind me

就能看見我家。

that seemed to have approached out of nowhere

我聽見背後有腳步聲，

and were picking up pace.

不知道是從那裡冒出來的。

Before I had time to process what was happening,

腳步聲愈來愈急促，

a hand was clapped around my mouth so that I could not breathe,

我還來不及反應，

and the young man behind me dragged me to the ground,

一隻手已經摀住我的嘴巴， 令我不能呼吸。

beat my head repeatedly against the pavement

身後的年輕男子將我硬拽在地，

until my face began to bleed,

不停地將我的頭往地面撞，

kicking me in the back and neck

直到我的臉開始流血，

while he began to assault me,

他用腳踢我的背和脖子

ripping off my clothes and telling me to "shut up,"

開始對我性侵，

as I struggled to cry for help.

他撕開我的衣服並叫我閉嘴，

With each smack of my head to the concrete ground,

當時我掙扎奮力地呼救。

a question echoed through my mind that still haunts me today:

每當我的頭被撞向水泥地時，

"Is this going to be how it all ends?"

心中便浮現一個 至今仍縈繞腦海的問題：

Little could I have realized, I'd been followed the whole way

「我會就這樣死掉嗎?」

from the moment I left the station.

我完全沒有察覺到， 從我一離開車站開始

And hours later,

那個人就一路尾隨著我了。

I was standing topless and barelegged in front of the police,

幾個小時之後，

having the cuts and bruises on my naked body photographed

我站在警察面前 袒露著上半身、赤裸著腿，

for forensic evidence.

身上的傷口、瘀腫都被拍照存證，

Now, there are few words to describe the all-consuming feelings

作為法醫鑑識的證據。

of vulnerability, shame, upset and injustice that I was ridden with

我沒有辦法形容當時心裡滿溢的

in that moment and for the weeks to come.

脆弱、羞恥、憤惱和不公不義的感覺，

But wanting to find a way to condense these feelings

接下來的數週亦是。

into something ordered that I could work through,

但我想找到能把這些百感交集的情緒

I decided to do what felt most natural to me:

彙整成我能處理、克服的方式，

I wrote about it.

於是我選擇了我最擅長的事：

It started out as a cathartic exercise.

我把它寫下來。

I wrote a letter to my assaulter,

我一開始將之視為宣洩的管道。

humanizing him as "you,"

我寫信給加害人，

to identify him as part of the very community

並以「你」稱呼他，

that he had so violently abused that night.

把他當成是其所施暴的

Stressing the tidal-wave effect of his actions,

社群團體中的一份子。

I wrote:

為了強調他的行為所造成的 連鎖反應，

"Did you ever think of the people in your life?

我寫道：

I don't know who the people in your life are.

「你想過你身邊的人嗎?

I don't know anything about you.

雖然我不認識任何你的親朋好友。

But I do know this:

雖然我對你一無所知。

you did not just attack me that night.

但我知道：

I'm a daughter, I'm a friend,

你那晚攻擊的不只是『我』而已。

I'm a sister, I'm a pupil,

我是別人的女兒、朋友，

I'm a cousin, I'm a niece,

我是姊姊，我是學生，

I'm a neighbor;

我是表姊、姪女，

I'm the employee who served everyone coffee

我是鄰居。

in the café under the railway.

我是在地鐵站的咖啡廳裡

And all the people who form these relations to me

端咖啡的服務生。

make up my community.

而所有這些跟我有聯結的人

And you assaulted every single one of them.

組成了我的社群。

You violated the truth that I will never cease to fight for,

你攻擊的是他們每一個人。

and which all of these people represent:

你還侵犯了一項我誓死維護的，

that there are infinitely more good people in the world than bad."

也是這群人所代表的一項真理：

But, determined not to let this one incident make me lose faith

世界上，好人永遠比壞人多。」

in the solidarity in my community or humanity as a whole,

但我決定不讓這次事件

I recalled the 7/7 terrorist bombings in July 2005 on London transport,

讓我失去對整個社群與 人性的信念，

and how the mayor of London at the time, and indeed my own parents,

我想起 2005 年的 倫敦七七爆炸案，

had insisted that we all get back on the tubes the next day,

那時的倫敦市長，乃至於我的雙親，

so we wouldn't be defined or changed

都堅持大家隔天要照常搭地鐵，

by those that had made us feel unsafe.

如此一來，我們就不會 被那些令人恐慌的人、事、物

I told my attacker,

所侷限或改變。

"You've carried out your attack,

我告訴我的加害人，

but now I'm getting back on my tube.

「你雖攻擊了我，

My community will not feel we are unsafe walking home after dark.

但我還是會照常搭地鐵，

We will get on the last tubes home,

我們會照常走夜路回家， 不會感覺到不安。

and we will walk up our streets alone,

我們還是會搭末班車回家，

because we will not ingrain or submit to the idea

我們還是會隻身走在街道上，

that we are putting ourselves in danger in doing so.

因為我們不會讓 這樣做就會置自己於險境的想法，

We will continue to come together, like an army,

深深植入腦中。

when any member of our community is threatened.

當我們社群中有任何成員受到威脅，

And this is a fight you will not win."

我們會團結一心，像支軍隊一樣，

At the time of writing this letter --

這是一場你贏不了的戰爭。」

(Applause)

當我寫這封信的時候，

Thank you.

（掌聲）

(Applause)

謝謝你們。

At the time of writing this letter,

（掌聲）

I was studying for my exams in Oxford,

當我寫這封信的時候，

and I was working on the local student paper there.

我正在準備牛津的考試，

Despite being lucky enough to have friends and family supporting me,

我也在當地一家學生日報工作。

it was an isolating time.

儘管很慶幸有親朋好友的情義相挺，

I didn't know anyone who'd been through this before;

但基本上那是段孤獨的時光。

at least I didn't think I did.

我不認識任何有相同經歷的人，

I'd read news reports, statistics, and knew how common sexual assault was,

至少我認為如此。

yet I couldn't actually name a single person

我也看過報章雜誌、統計數據， 知道性侵是多麼地普遍，

that I'd heard speak out about an experience of this kind before.

但我講不出任何一個我聽過的人名，

So in a somewhat spontaneous decision,

曾公開講述這類的經歷。

I decided that I would publish my letter in the student paper,

出於某個自發性的決定，

hoping to reach out to others in Oxford

我將這封信投到學生日報上，

that might have had a similar experience and be feeling the same way.

希望讓牛津其他有相同經歷

At the end of the letter,

或感同身受的人看到。

I asked others to write in with their experiences

在信的結尾，

under the hashtag, "#NotGuilty,"

我呼籲其他人寫出他們的經歷，

to emphasize that survivors of assault could express themselves

並標註「# 我本無罪 」 （#NotGuilty）

without feeling shame or guilt about what happened to them --

讓那些受害者在不覺得有羞恥或 罪惡感的情況下，對其所經歷的事件

to show that we could all stand up to sexual assault.

抒發自己的情緒。

What I never anticipated is that almost overnight,

證明我們都能夠走出性侵的陰影。

this published letter would go viral.

沒想到，一覺醒來，

Soon, we were receiving hundreds of stories

這封信就像病毒般擴散。

from men and women across the world,

很快，我們就收到來自世界各地

which we began to publish on a website I set up.

上百位男女的故事，

And the hashtag became a campaign.

我們開始將故事發表在 我建立的網站上。

There was an Australian mother in her 40s who described how on an evening out,

而所標註的話題已成為一股風潮。

she was followed to the bathroom

一位 40 多歲的澳洲媽媽說， 在一個外出的夜晚，

by a man who went to repeatedly grab her crotch.

有人跟蹤她到廁所，

There was a man in the Netherlands

那個男人不停地摩蹭她的胯下。

who described how he was date-raped on a visit to London

有個荷蘭籍男性，

and wasn't taken seriously by anyone he reported his case to.

說他去倫敦與人約會時遭對方強暴，

I had personal Facebook messages from people in India and South America,

但沒有人把他的話當真。

saying, how can we bring the message of the campaign there?

我收到來自印度和南美洲人 在臉書的私訊，

One of the first contributions we had was from a woman called Nikki,

他們問道：要如何 把這個活動的訊息帶到當地？

who described growing up, being molested my her own father.

我們收到的第一篇投稿， 是一位名叫妮琪的女士，

And I had friends open up to me

述說她從小到大都被生父猥褻。

about experiences ranging from those that happened last week

接著有更多朋友向我敞開心房，

to those that happened years ago, that I'd had no idea about.

訴說著我所不知的 早已發生在他們身上的經歷，

And the more we started to receive these messages,

從上周才發生 到好幾年前發生的都有。

the more we also started to receive messages of hope --

收到越來越多這類的訊息，

people feeling empowered by this community of voices

我們也開始燃起越來越多的希望，

standing up to sexual assault and victim-blaming.

受害者被這社群的發聲所鼓舞，

One woman called Olivia,

他們得以站出來面對性侵的傷痛， 和抵抗「責怪受害者」的現象。

after describing how she was attacked

一位名為歐麗薇雅的女士，

by someone she had trusted and cared about for a long time,

在描述自己

said, "I've read many of the stories posted here,

被長期信賴與關心的人性侵後，

and I feel hopeful that if so many women can move forward,

說道：「我在這裡看到很多故事，

then I can, too.

見到這麼多女人都踏出這一步，

I've been inspired by many,

我相信我也可以。

and I hope I can be as strong as them someday.

我受到這當中很多人的啟發，

I'm sure I will."

希望有朝一日也能像他們一樣堅強，

People around the world began tweeting under this hashtag,

我相信會有這麼一天的。」

and the letter was republished and covered by the national press,

世界各地的人開始在推文時 標記上「我本無罪」，

as well as being translated into several other languages worldwide.

而全國性的報社也刊載了我的信件，

But something struck me about the media attention

同時也被翻譯成多國語言。

that this letter was attracting.

但我對媒體會對我的信

For something to be front-page news,

這麼感興趣而大吃一驚。

given the word "news" itself,

他們把信刊在頭版，

we can assume it must be something new or something surprising.

鑒於「新」聞這個字本身的意義，

And yet sexual assault is not something new.

我們理所當然地認為 它一定是很新或令人驚訝的事情。

Sexual assault, along with other kinds of injustices,

但性侵已經不是新鮮事了。

is reported in the media all the time.

性侵就跟其他不公平、 不公正的事件一樣，

But through the campaign,

每天都出現在各種媒體上。

these injustices were framed as not just news stories,

但透過這個運動，

they were firsthand experiences that had affected real people,

性侵事件不僅只是個新聞事件，

who were creating, with the solidarity of others,

而是影響當事人一生的 真人真事的第一手經歷，

what they needed and had previously lacked:

這些當事人凝聚團結在一起，

a platform to speak out,

創造出他們所需要， 但之前一直欠缺的東西：

the reassurance they weren't alone or to blame for what happened to them

一個能讓他們發表言論的平台，

and open discussions that would help to reduce stigma around the issue.

讓他們知道自己不是孤軍奮鬥， 也不是有錯的那一方，

The voices of those directly affected were at the forefront of the story --

而公開討論也能夠幫助減輕 談論到相關議題的羞辱感。

not the voices of journalists or commentators on social media.

這個社群中，說故事的人 同時也是事件的當事者

And that's why the story was news.

並不是記者或評論員撰擬出來的。

We live in an incredibly interconnected world

這也是為什麼這故事被稱為新聞。

with the proliferation of social media,

我們身在一個網路資訊 四通八達的世界，

which is of course a fantastic resource for igniting social change.

社群媒體不斷地激增，

But it's also made us increasingly reactive,

而它的確是推動社會改變的利器。

from the smallest annoyances of, "Oh, my train's been delayed,"

但這也使人們越來越過度反應，

to the greatest injustices of war, genocides, terrorist attacks.

小至「天啊！火車誤點了！」的 惱人小事，

Our default response has become to leap to react to any kind of grievance

大至戰爭、種族屠殺， 甚至是恐怖攻擊。

by tweeting, Facebooking, hastagging --

看到任何發牢騷、不滿的訊息時， 就會立即做出回應，

anything to show others that we, too, have reacted.

在推特、臉書上發文、標記，

The problem with reacting in this manner en masse

竭盡所能的昭告天下 自己也有所共鳴。

is it can sometimes mean that we don't actually react at all,

問題是，當大家都有所反應時，

not in the sense of actually doing anything, anyway.

有時也意味著大家根本沒反應，

It might make ourselves feel better,

沒有人真的想去做些什麼，

like we've contributed to a group mourning or outrage,

我們只是讓自己心裡面舒服點，

but it doesn't actually change anything.

覺得好像在集體的哀悼與憤慨中 貢獻了一己之力，

And what's more,

但事實上你沒有任何貢獻。

it can sometimes drown out the voices

還有，

of those directly affected by the injustice,

這些行為有的時候，

whose needs must be heard.

會掩蓋掉真實受害者的聲音，

Worrying, too, is the tendency for some reactions to injustice

而他們的需求必須被聽見。

to build even more walls,

還令人擔憂的是 有些回應不公事件的行為

being quick to point fingers with the hope of providing easy solutions

也可能會帶來更多隔閡，

to complex problems.

人們迅速究責並希望能夠

One British tabloid, on the publication of my letter,

對複雜的問題提供簡單的解決方案。

branded a headline stating,

一家英國小報在刊登我的信時，

"Oxford Student Launches Online Campaign to Shame Attacker."

下了這麼一個標題：

But the campaign never meant to shame anyone.

「牛津學生在網路上 發起羞辱加害人運動。」

It meant to let people speak and to make others listen.

但我發起的這個運動， 從未想要羞辱任何人。

Divisive Twitter trolls were quick to create even more injustice,

只是要讓大家勇於發言並有人傾聽。

commenting on my attacker's ethnicity or class

推特上具爭議性的謬論 只會造成更多傷害，

to push their own prejudiced agendas.

藉由批評我的加害人的種族和階級，

And some even accused me of feigning the whole thing

來推波助瀾他們自己的偏見。

to push, and I quote,

有人甚至指控我是在自導自演，

my "feminist agenda of man-hating."

容許我引用一下報社的文字：

(Laughter)

「為了申張女權主義而仇恨男人」。

I know, right?

（笑聲）

As if I'm going to be like, "Hey guys! Sorry I can't make it,

好笑吧？

I'm busy trying to hate the entire male population

好像我是會說：「抱歉，夥伴們， 我沒辦法去了喔，

by the time I'm 30."

因為在 30 歲之前，我都在忙著 仇恨全世界所有的男人。」

(Laughter)

這種話的人。

Now, I'm almost sure

（笑聲）

that these people wouldn't say the things they say in person.

現在，我幾乎可以確定，

But it's as if because they might be behind a screen,

這些人不會當著我的面說出 他們在網路上留下的那些言論。

in the comfort in their own home

那是因為他們躲在螢幕後面，

when on social media,

待在自己舒適的家中

people forget that what they're doing is a public act --

使用著社群媒體。

that other people will be reading it and be affected by it.

人們常會忘記他們的所作所為 是一種公眾行為，

Returning to my analogy of getting back on our trains,

其他人會看，也會受其影響。

another main concern I have about this noise that escalates

回到前面提到的重回地鐵的比喻，

from our online responses to injustice

對那些在網路上回應 不公義的干擾言論，

is that it can very easily slip into portraying us as the affected party,

我所關注的是，

which can lead to a sense of defeatism,

這些干擾言論很容易 把我們描繪成受影響的一方，

a kind of mental barrier to seeing any opportunity for positivity or change

這可能會導致失敗主義的情緒：

after a negative situation.

這是一種無法正向地看待機會

A couple of months before the campaign started

或無法在負面狀態下 做出改變的精神障礙。

or any of this happened to me,

在這個運動開始的幾個月前

I went to a TEDx event in Oxford,

或在我遭遇這些事之前，

and I saw Zelda la Grange speak,

我參加 TEDx 在牛津的活動，

the former private secretary to Nelson Mandela.

我看見了納爾遜·曼德拉的 前任私人秘書

One of the stories she told really struck me.

芮爾妲•拉格蘭奇的演講，

She spoke of when Mandela was taken to court

她其中的一個故事震撼了我。

by the South African Rugby Union

她提到曼德拉在委任對體育事件 進行調查後，

after he commissioned an inquiry into sports affairs.

就被南非國家橄欖球隊

In the courtroom,

一狀告到法院。

he went up to the South African Rugby Union's lawyers,

在法庭上，

shook them by the hand

他走向南非國家橄欖球隊的律師團，

and conversed with them, each in their own language.

跟他們握手，

And Zelda wanted to protest,

並用他們各自的語言和他們對話。

saying they had no right to his respect

芮爾妲想提出抗議，

after this injustice they had caused him.

她認為這些律師對曼德拉做出 不公義的指控，

He turned to her and said,

不配得到曼德拉的尊重。

"You must never allow the enemy to determine the grounds for battle."

曼德拉回頭告訴她：