[cheers and applause]

AND I AM EASY, BREEZY, BEAUTIFUL

COVERGIRL FROM COLOMBIA.

[cheers and applause]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

[cheers and applause]

AS YOU CAN SEE, I PUT MY PUMPKINS OUT.

I KNOW.

[audience cheering loudly]

I KNOW.

YES!

[audience cheering loudly]

- [laughs] [cheers and applause]

- SHE'S AMAZING, ISN'T SHE? - THAT WAS LAST HALLOWEEN.

- YEAH. - SHE'S AMAZING.

SHE CAN JUST GIVE YOU THAT LOOK.

I THINK THAT WAS MY LAST HALLOWEEN OUTFIT,

AND SHE WAS-- SHE'S JUST SO GREAT,

'CAUSE SHE JUST STARES AT YOU, AND THAT'S ALL YOU NEED.

- SHE'S THE BEST. - YEAH.

NOW, YOU SANG--I KNOW THAT ONE OF THE REASONS THAT YOU--

I KNOW YOU DON'T DO TALK SHOWS OFTEN.

AND I KNOW THAT YOU WERE SCARED

I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU DANCE ON THIS, BECAUSE YOU DON'T DANCE.

I'M NOT GONNA MAKE YOU DANCE.

- I TOLD DEREK, I SAID

I WOULD RATHER BE DRAGGED BY A MULE TEAM OVER GLASS.

BUT I ENJOY WATCHING DANCING.

- HAVE THEY ASKED YOU TO DO DANCING WITH THE STARS?

- THEY DID, AND THAT'S WHAT MY RESPONSE WAS.

- OH, REALLY?

- BUT I DO LOVE DANCING. I LOVE TO WATCH IT.

AND WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I ENJOYED DOING IT, BUT--

- WHAT MADE YOU STOP?

- I JUST RAN OUT OF GAS.

- NO. [laughter]

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE YOU DO IT TODAY,

BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD EVER RUN OUT OF GAS

WHEN IT COMES TO DANCING.

- I'M SORT OF KIDDING.

I DANCE SOMETIMES WHEN I'M ALONE.

- YOU DO? OH.

BUT YOU SING. WE SAW YOU SING ON THE SHOW.

- I USED TO SING A BIT, YES.

I USED TO SING YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS--

I'M FROM YOUNGSTOWN, OHIO,

AND THERE WAS A LOT OF RHYTHM AND BLUES BANDS,

SO I USED TO DO SOME OF THAT.

- WERE YOU IN A BAND?

- YEAH. - WOW.

THERE'S A LOT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU.

AND YOU WERE GONNA BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER

- AND A GANGSTER-- - AND A GANGSTER.

- I LIE.

- YEAH, WELL, I KNOW THAT YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF AMAZING THINGS.

BUT HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA ASK YOU TO DO,

BECAUSE IT'S BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

AND J.C. PENNEY IS GONNA DONATE $10,000

TO THE BREAST CANCER RESEARCH FUND

IF YOU DO YOUR BEST SOFIA VERGARA FOR 15 SECONDS.

- WELL, ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT TO DO IT.

EVERYBODY DOES HER, YOU KNOW.

AND I DON'T REALLY DO HER, BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT GOOD.

BUT ANYWAY--

I DON'T DO HER,

BUT FOR $10,000--

OKAY, SHE--I HEARD HER SAY ONCE,

IN REGARD TO HER FIGURE, AND SOMEBODY WAS SAYING,

"WHAT CAN I DO TO LOOK LIKE YOU?

WHAT EXERCISES CAN I DO?"

AND SOFIA SAID, "IT DOESN'T MATTER

"WHETHER I'M FAT OR SKINNY,

"IT'S GENETIC.

"I'M STILL GONNA HAVE THE CURVES.

"SO MY GRANDMOTHER LOOKED LIKE THIS,

"MY MOTHER LOOKED LIKE--

MY GRANDFATHER LOOKED LIKE THIS."

[laughter]

- THAT IS $10,000 FOR THE BREAST CANCER RESEARCH FUND.

"MODERN FAMILY" AIRS WEDNESDAYS AT 9:00 ON ABC.

I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT NO ONE--

ANYONE IS NOT WATCHING THAT SHOW, BUT IT IS HILARIOUS.

YOU SHOULD WATCH IT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ED O'NEILL, EVERYBODY.

[cheers and applause]