LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A

WORLD-RENOWNED CHEF ARE A RESTAURATEUR, AND A TELEVISION

PERSONALITY.

HIS NEW SHOW IS "THE F WORD."

>> I'VE TRAVELED ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO NEW YORK CITY FOR A

FORMER PRODIGY OF MINE AND HER STUDENTS.

THEY'LL BE COOK ALONG A STAR CHEF WITHOUT THEM KNOWING.

FIRST STOP, THE MAKEUP CHAIR TO BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE.

LET'S GO!

>> MY NAME IS MARIA.

I SPENT LAST SEVEN YEARS AS AN EXECUTIVE CHEF FOR THE GORDON

RAMSEY GROUP.

>> MY NAME IS JAMES, AND I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO COOK.

>> DO YOU THINK GORDON RAMSEY WOULD BE PROUD OF MY WORK?

>> HE WOULD BE.

>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME CHEF GORDON RAMSEY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU!

HELLO!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

>> THANK YOU!

>> Stephen: NOW, YOU ALREADY-- YOU ALREADY SEEM MORE CHEERFUL

THAN I'M USED TO SEEING YOUR FACE.

THIS IS MORE SMILING THAN WE NORMALLY GET ON ONE OF YOUR TV

SHOWS.

>> WE DO HAVE GOOD DAYS, THOUGH, DAYS OF UTTER PERFECTION.

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, THEY MAY LOOK SOMEWHAT BORING SO I LIKE

TO SPICE IT UP A LITTLE BIT.

>> Stephen: EVERY UNHAPPY FAMILY IS UNHAPPY IN THEIR OWN

WAY AS SAYING GOES.

YOU HAVE 31 RESTAURANTS, MULTIPLE MICHELIN STARS?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: MULTIPLE MICHELIN STARS.

YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE ORDER OF BRITISH EMPIRE, O.B.E.

IS THAT GOOD, IS THAT FUN?

>> FOR CURSING.

>> Stephen: IT JUST ADDS A LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA-- EXTRA

CLASS WHEN YOU DROP THE "F" BOMB.

>> ORDER OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE, AND THE QUEEN GAVE IT TO ME AS

WELL, SO IT WAS REALLY NICE.

>> Stephen: IS IT LIKE A SWORD SITUATION?

>> NO, THAT IS LIKE WHEN YOU GET KNIGHTED.

O.B. IS UNDER THAT.

SO A LITTLE HANDSHAKE AND A POLITE (BLEEP) OFF.

SHE MUTTERS IT UNDER HER BREATH.

>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: OKAY, WHEN YOU GO INTO A RESTAURANT, DO PEOPLE

FREAK OUT BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: AND THEY WANT TO IMPRESS YOU.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WALK INTO ANY OLD PLACE?

>> I MEAN, FIRST OF ALL, EVERYONE LOOKS BEHIND ME TO SEE

IF THERE'S A CAMERA CREW.

THEY THINK O(BLEEP).

"HE'S FILMING KITCHEN NIGHTMARES HERE.

WE'RE TOO LATE.

THIS PLACE IS A CONFIRMED (BLEEP).

>> Stephen: SO YOU CAN SAY THAT KIND OF STUFF ON TV IN

ENGLAND, CAN YOU?

>> OH, WHAT (BLEEP) (BLEEP)?

>> Stephen: JS YS JORKS ONE MINUTE PAST 9:00.

>> Stephen: AT ONE MINUTE PAST 9:00 YOU CAN SAY (BLEEP).

>> OR (BLEEP).

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

>> Stephen: I'VE NEVER BEEN TO THAT RESTAURANT.

NO.

>> THEY FIEND OUT WHAT I'M EATING AND IF THEY'RE NOT

WATCHING WHAT I'M EATING HERE COMES THE CHEF AND HE WANTS TO

SERVE THIS DISH AND THAT DISH AND I'M GETTING SPOILED.

I WANT TO BE TREATED NORMAL, WHICH YOU CAN IMAGINE IS

IMPORTANT.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT COOKING IN AMERICA?

BECAUSE WE'VE GOT, LIKE, REGIONAL DISHES THAT ARE VERY

SPECIAL OVER HERE?

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU SEE OVER HERE AND SAY, "I COULDN'T

POSSIBLY EAT THAT?" ANYTHING THAT TURNS YOU OFF.

>> I'M NOT A FAN OF GRITS.

I FIND THEL HARD ON 2 -- >> Stephen: REALLY, IT'S A

POLENTA, CORNMEAL, AND BUTTER AND SALT AND PEPPER.

>> THEY'RE RICH, HEAVY, AND SOMETIMES A BIT GREASY.

AND SANDWICHES -- >> Stephen: ENGLISH FOOD IS

FILTRATION ORGANS, ISN'T IT?

HOW DARE YOU JUDGE US.

YOU STUFF THINGS AN ANIMAL AND BURY IT.

>> THE SANDWICHES, YOU GO TO A DELI AND THE SANDWICH IS (BLEEP)

LIKE 12 FOOT TALL.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A SANDWICH.

THAT'S A SANDWICH.

>> NO!

NO!

NO!

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE SANDWICH OF A SUPERPOWER, MY

FRIEND.

BACK WHEN YOU HAD AN EMPIRE, SANDWICHES WERE MUCH LARGER, YOU

REALIZE.

>> YOU CAN'T EAT IT.

>> Stephen: WHAT.

>> YOU CAN'T EAT IT.

>> Stephen: TAKE YOUR TIME.

YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.

WERE YOU ALWAYS DEMANDING, EVEN AS A KID?

DID YOU DEMANTD LUNCH LADIES, LIKE, IMPROVE THEIR SERVICE--

"PUT SOME PARSLEY ON THERE.

OF THE.

>> I WAS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT THE SORT OF SKIN THAT SAT ON A

STEW LIKE A LIVER AND BACON -- >> Stephen: AGAIN, KIDNEY,

LIVER, ALL FILTRATION ORGANS.

>> ... TO REMOVE THAT PIECE OF SKIN.

COME ON, I'M JOKING.

WE HAVE AN AMAZING DESSERT.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD SPOTTY DICK.

IT'S A VERY DELICIOUS, STEAMED SORT OF SPONGE WITH SORT OF

MARINADE IN THERE.

YOU DON'T WANT A CRISPY SKIN ON THAT?

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T.

YOU SHOULD REALLY HAVE THAT CHECKED OUT.

YES.

DO YOU ENCOURAGE-- HOW ABOUT YOUR OWN CHILDREN?

HOENCOURAGE YOUR OWN-- HOW MANY CIZ HAVE YOU GOT?

>> FOUR, THREE GIRLS AND A BOY.

SO THEY GREW UP AS LITTLE FOODIES.

AND BACK IN THE U.K., I-- I SORT OF BECAME A BIT OF A MENTOR FOR

THEM BECAUSE I DIDN'T BUY THEM iPADS AND X-BOX GAMES.

I BOUGHT THEM TURKEY AND SHEEP AND LAMBS TO REAR.

>> Stephen: TO REAR?

TO RAISE?

>> TO EXPRAIZ THEN TO EAT.

>> Stephen: BUT THEN THEY HAVE TO LIKE...

>> I COME HOME LATE ONE NIGHT, AND TILLY WAS UPSTAIRS --

>> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR YOUNGEST.

>> THAT'S THE YOUNGEST.

I COULD HEAR HER MESSING AROUND-- "WHAT'S GOING ON UP

THERE."

IT'S HER TURKEY.

"WHAT YOU ARING DO?" SHE SAID, "I DON'T WANT IT TO GO

TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE TOMORROW?" AND I SAID, "DON'T WORRY, IT

WILL BE PLUCKED AND READY FOR THE OVEN."

SHE STARTED CRYING, AND SO I BROKE HIS NECK-- NO, I DIDN'T!

COME ON!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS.

>> Stephen: SHE HAS TO GROW UP SOMETIME.

>> EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE HERE DEEP FRIES THEIR

(BLEEP) TURKEY, RIGHT?

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU DONE THAT?

DO YOU ENJOY DEEP FRYING THE TURKEY.

>> I WENT AROUND TO A FRIEND OF MINE FOR THANKSGIVING, AND HE

STARTED GOING TO THE GARAGE FOR PREPARATION OF THE LUNCH.

I SAID, "WHERE ARE WE GOING?" AND THERE'S THIS BIG VAT AND HE

WHEELED THIS BIG BIRD DOWN AND DEEP FAT FRIED THIS THING AND IT

WAS (BLEEP) DISGUSTING.

>> Stephen: OH, IT'S SO GOOD.

>> DRY TURKEY?

THERE'S A REASON WHY WE ONLY EAT THAT BIRD ONCE A YEAR.

>> Stephen: OH!

>> ROAST IT.

OR BUTTER, BEAUTIFULLY DONE, BACON ON TOP.

BUT NOT DEEP FRIED.

FROM A CHEF POINT OF VIEW, COME ON!

SERIOUSLY.

>> Stephen: I WON'T.

I'M FROM THE SOUTH.

EVERYTHING IS DEEP FRIED.

WE DIP IT IN CONCRETE AND DEEP FAT FRY IT.

>> NO!

>> Stephen: THE NEW SERIES IS CALLED "THE F WORD."

>> YES.

>> Stephen: "THE F WORD."

WHICH I WAS ALOUD TO SAY ON CBS BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE.

NORMALLY I CAN'T SAY "F" WORD.

I CAN'T EVEN SAY THE EUPHEMISM?

>> REALLY.

>> Stephen: WE'RE VERY CLEAN HERE.

>> AT 11:35 AT NIGHT.

>> Stephen: YES, YES.

SO COULDN'T EVERY ONE OF YOUR SHOWS BE CALLED "THE F WORD"?

WHY IS THIS ONE CALLED "THE F WORD"?

>> THIS IS FUN, FOOD, AND FAMILY.

AND WE'RE LIVE -- >> Stephen: THAT WAS A

PRETAPE.

>> WE SORT OF GOT A LITTLE BIT OF NAUGHTINESS GOING ON SO THIS

WILL BE A COUPLE OF B.T.s FLOATING AROUND.

FAMILIES ARE COMPETING COOKING FOR THE ENTIRE DINING ROOM.

I HAVE KEVIN SPACEY NEXT WEEK, JAMES CORDON.

THEY'RE SERIOUS FOODIES.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME ON.

>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO.

YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LIKE MORE THAN THAT.

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND

HAVE YOU YELL AT ME WHILE I DO IT.

>> SERIOUSLY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: READY?

>> OKAY, RIGHT.

SPREAD IS NICE AND EVENLY.

AND WHY ARE YOU USING WHITE, ANEMIC BREAD?

WOULDN'T YOU TOAST THAT FIRST?

>> Stephen: THERE'S NO TIME.

>> YOU'RE RIPPING THE BREAD ALREADY.

>> Stephen: IT'S TEARING.

>> YOU'RE TEARING THE BREAD.

>> Stephen: IT'S A THICKER PEANUT BUTTER THAN I'M USED TO.

>> IT'S ALL IN THE BLOODY MIDDLE, SPREAD IT OUT A LITTLE

BET.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

NOW THE CORNERS.

WHAT ABOUT THE CORNERS.

OTHERWISE THE ENDS ARE DRY.

>> Stephen: WATCH THIS.

>> NO, NO!

CORNERS!

SEE, NOW THAT-- THAT LOOKS A MESS.

>> Stephen: I CUT THE CORNERS OFF.

LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT THAT.

>> STEPHEN-- RIGHT.

RIGHT.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

RIGHT.

OKAY.

MAY I?

>> Stephen: SURE.

>> PLEASE, THAT LOOKS LIKE A PILE OF (BLEEP).

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S $2 MILLION.

>> IT'S A HELICOPTER.

>> Stephen: IN THE WORDS OF A GREAT MAN, THAT'S A (BLEEP)

DISASTER.

"THE F WORD" PREMIERS NEXT WEDNESDAY ON FOX.

GORDON RAMSEY EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DAVID SEDARIS.