that's how much I cried in law school.

(quirky music)

- So I went into law school doe-eyed, ready to work hard,

but not really understanding what I was getting into.

- I feel like I blocked a lot of it out.

Law school is traumatizing.

- Basically, you're with the same 80 people

for all of your classes the entire first year of law school.

You would end class and stand outside

and just like talk to each other about law school.

- Little groups, you huddle in little groups

about how much you hate law school,

and then shuffle over to the library together.

- Yeah, together.

Like, alright, I guess I'll study now.

- Like little flamingos.

- So cold-calling is basically, you're in class

and then the professor calls on people.

So he might say Tina, "What was the courts rationale?"

and like, "Well what did the dissenting opinion say?"

And not only question, so you know if your professor

called on you, you're going to be cold-called

for the entire case.

So you better know it inside and out.

Make inferences about it.

Like have an informed, critical opinion of the case.

And he might leave you for a little bit and come back

and be like, "Tina, what happen in Paul's graph?"

- Right, and you think you're safe,

for that moment that he leaves.

You're like, I got this, I slay, queen.

You walk away thinking your Beyonce

and then come back and get hit in the face again

with questions that you can't answer

cause you have no idea what's going on.

- So this class, he did a little differently.

He would right a letter on the board.

And so you would walk in, look at the board,

and it's like, "Oh yes, the letter is "S",

my last name starts with a "C"".

I'm safe for today.

You knew right at the get-go if you weren't

going to be on-call so you could kind of relax.

But if your letter was on the board you're just like scared.

I had never missed a class, people don't miss class

in law school also, by the way.

Anyway, so I missed this class

because I had a doctors appointment.

That was the day my letter was on the board

and I had text messages from like 10 people in class

asking me where I was.

So I guess my professor called my name like three times

and I wasn't there and it was actually so humiliating.

The professor I don't think even remembers that probably.

But every single day feel so ashamed, embarrassed, scared.

Like nothings going to happen if you get cold-called

and don't know the answer.

- It is definitely public shaming.

- Yeah.

- On my birthday, we took our first criminal law exam.

I slept through my class the next day, through that morning

and I missed class.

So twelve o'clock rolls around, I wake up,

I don't really know how sober I am

but you can't miss class.

So I throw on my girly pink running shorts,

I run from the mission district through it

to the tenderloin, which is like a 10, 15 minute run.

So I'm covered in sweat, I have Pedialyte as my breakfast,

and I have my aviator sunglasses and I stroll into class

and I'm like, yes I got this.

I don't got this.

So I'm in class, everybody is already staring at me

because I'm suppose to be on-call.

It's civil procedure, I have no idea what's going on.

The professor is sitting in front of our lecture.

He turns to me and we make eye contact

and for a moment in my life I'm like,

this is it, this is when I go, Mom.

I'm sorry, I love you, I've shamed you.

So I felt myself about to throw up

and we're locking eyes and I can't feel it like a chipmunk.

Just culminating in my mouth because I'm so nervous.

By this time I'm a marathon runner,

I just ran to the tenderloin, I just ran to school.

So I run into the bathroom and he didn't even call on me.

So I puke in the bathroom for no reason

and I'm too ashamed to go back into the class.

So my ride or die law school homie,

she luckily picks up my stuff and just kind of walks it out

and everyone just forgets that ever happened.

It was traumatizing though, ruined that bathroom.

So I was sent to Texas for Moot Court

and it was the Houston competition.

- Moot court is like mock trial,

but it is a little different.

- It's less exciting and theatrical, I think.

- We don't get to yell out, "I object,

- Yeah, no.

- "You can't handle the truth."

One really old lawyer man

comes up to us and he was just talking to us,

it was really early in the morning

and he looks at me and goes,

"I'm surprised they let women argue."

Silence.

From our table.

And we're from San Francisco area so we're not use

to the type of discrimination or at least,

I'm not use to the type of discrimination

that I would have to face in Texas.

And without missing a beat, I just looked at him

and was like, "I look forward to surprising every body."

And it was something that I necessarily wasn't

prepared for coming into law school.

I didn't realize how much biased and prejudice

I would get from current attorneys,

especially being a woman of color, first generation law.

But it was something in Texas that kind

of hit me in the face.

And that was my terrible experience.

It just threw me for the whole competition

so I did end up rolling my eyes and saying "Mhm" a lot.

I got a little feisty, I got a little attitude over there.

- Yeah, I would leave, I feel like.

- We didn't get very far.

- Yeah that's for the best probably.

- Yeah.

(laughing)

- I'm banned from Texas.

- Yeah, goodbye.

I had an exam, it was my first year of law school,

my first semester, so it was one of my first exams.

I studied a lot, I felt fine.

Just as I'm ready to get into the exam

I go to the library to just review things very quickly

before going into the classroom.

And I look over to my left and there's a girl in my class

a smart girl, like someone who should be feeling

better than me, is sobbing in a study room.

Like crying, sobbing.

That just really tore up my life.

- Confession session.

It wasn't me.

I walked into my civil procedure class,

which is funny because I'm attorney now

and I do nothing but civil procedure.

But in law school it's terrifying.

I walk in, I sit down.

My little sister was hyping me up all day.

She was just like, you got this, you slay,

walk in there like you own it.

I do and then I open the first page of my booklet,

I look down and I just start balling.

In the exam room, just crying.

And I try to look cute because I figure

if I'm going to fail, I'm going to look fly as I fail.

And I did it, mascara was running everywhere.

My cat eye was not cute like it is, it was everywhere.

Half of my eye brow wasn't even done,

I don't even know how that happened.

It was the trauma of civil procedure

and so I had to work through tears.

And my laptop, I was like

great, now there's water everywhere,

it's gonna explode then I'm going

to burn the school down accidentally.

So that is my confession about how I cried.

- So you did cry?

- I cried.

- It really does break you down, like really tests you.

- I don't cry now, anymore.

Except when I'm watching This is Us.

- You'll cry a lot, you won't recognize yourself.