THAT THEY STILL ENJOY THE "TRANSFORMER" MOVIES.

IF YOU THOUGHT THE WAY FACEBOOK TRACKS YOU WAS SCARY, IT'S GOT

NOTHING ON THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT, WHICH JUST UNVEILED

A SYSTEM OF MONITORING AND GRADING EVERY CITIZEN'S

BEHAVIOR.

IN ONE CITY, IT ASSIGNED 1,000 POINTS TO EACH OF THE 740,000

RESIDENTS.

GET A TRAFFIC TICKET; YOU LOSE FIVE POINTS.

EARN A CITY-LEVEL AWARD, SUCH AS FOR COMMITTING A HEROIC ACT, AND

YOUR SCORE GETS BOOSTED BY 30 POINTS.

THAT'S JUST GOING TO MAKE PEOPLE TO SET UP THEIR OWN HEROIC ACTS.

( LAUGHTER ) "OH, NO!

THAT NURSING HOME IS ON FIRE!

I'LL SAVE THEM.

HERE, HOLD MY GASOLINE AND MATCHES."

( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )

AND -- AND -- AND IT IS REALLY EASY TO GET

DOCKED POINTS IN THIS SYSTEM.

>> CHINA'S VERSION FACTORS IN EVERYTHING FROM JAYWALKING, TO

SMOKING ON TRAINS, TO BUYING TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES.

>> STEPHEN: JAYWALKING?

SMOKING?

TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES?

THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS FOR THE COOLEST KID IN SEVENTH GRADE.

( LAUGHTER ) EVEN THOUGH CHINA HAS OVER A

BILLION PEOPLE, THEY'VE GOT A TERRIFYING WAY OF ENFORCING

THIS.

>> CHINA'S GROWING NETWORK OF SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS MAKES ALL

OF THIS POSSIBLE.

THE GOVERNMENT IS EVEN TRACKING JAYWALKERS.

CAMERAS RECORD THEM GOING THROUGH INTERSECTIONS, ZERO IN

ON THEIR FACE AND PUBLICLY SHAME THEM ON NEARBY VIDEO SCREENS.

YES, PUTTING YOUR FACE ON A SCREEN.

THE EXACT SAME WAY AMUSEMENT PARKS PUBLICLY SHAME YOU FOR CRYING ON

THE LOG FLUME.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

HERE'S HOW THEY TRACK YOU.

>> POLICE IN BEIJING HAVE BEEN WEARING THESE GLASSES THAT CAN

RECOGNIZE FACES LINKED TO THE GOVERNMENT'S NATIONAL DATABASE

TO HELP BOOST ARRESTS.

>> STEPHEN: FIRST, THAT IS HORRIFYING THAT SOMEONE HAS

FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR GOOGLE GLASS.

( LAUGHTER ) SECOND, FACIAL RECOGNITION IS

LITERALLY WHAT THE TERMINATOR DOES.

"SARAH CONNER.

I NOTICED YOU HAVE A LOT OF UNPAID PARKING TICKETS."

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: KEEP GOING.

KEEP GOING.

UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.

BUT THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT INSISTS IT HAS A GREAT REASON

FOR DOING THIS.

>> THE GOVERNMENT HERE SAYS IT IS TRYING TO PURIFY SOCIETY.

>> STEPHEN: HOLD UP, CHINA.

THE PHRASE "PURIFY SOCIETY" IS A HUGE RED FLAG.

YOURS.

BUT I INTERRUPTED-- YOU WERE USHERING IN A DYSTOPIA?

>> THE GOVERNMENT HERE SAYS IT IS TRYING TO PURIFY SOCIETY BY

REWARDING THOSE WHO ARE TRUSTWORTHY AND PUNISHING THOSE

WHO ARE NOT.

>> STEPHEN: CHINA, IF YOU WANT TO PURIFY SOMETHING, MAYBE START

WITH YOUR SKY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

WELL, I CANNOT LET THIS STAND.

SO I WANT TO ADDRESS MY CHINESE AUDIENCE FOR A SECOND.

GOOD PEOPLE OF CHINA, "NI HAO.

( LAUGHTER ) THIS OPPRESSIVE SYSTEM OF

DRACONIAN GOVERNMENT CONTROL LEADS DOWN A DARK PATH TO-- OH,

WAIT.

IS CHINA SCORING THIS?

WELL, DARN IT, I DON'T CARE.

THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID.

NO MATTER WHAT -- OKAY, HOLD ON.

STOP.

I DO LOVE SOME THINGS ABOUT CHINA.

YOU HAVE A RICH HISTORY AND CULTURE.

OH, GOOD.

OKAY.

OKAY.

WHAT ELSE?

UH-- I ENJOYED "KUNG-FU PANDA"!

NO, WAIT!

LOOK!

ONE OF MY WRITERS IS CHINESE!

JAMES, GET UP HERE!

CHINESE!

>> ACTUALLY STEPHEN, I'M TAIWANESE.

(BUZZER) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN: DAMMIT, JAMES!

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ONE CHINA POLICY HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW"!

NOW I'M GOING TO GET PURIFIED.

BACK IN THE WRITER'S HOLE!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JIM PARSONS.