I was the CEO of a large religious nonprofit,

我是一個大型非營利宗教組織的執行長

the host of a national television show.

也是一名國家電視節目秀主持人

I preached in mega churches.

我在數不勝數的教堂演講過

I was a successful, well-educated, white American male.

我是一名成功、受過良好教育的美國白人男性

The poet and mystic Thomas Merton said,

Thomas Merton ，一名詩人以及神秘主義者，曾經說道：

"It's a difficult thing to climb to the top of the ladder of success

「當你終於爬升梯子到達成功的巔峰時

only to realize when you get there

才發現原來你的梯子

that your ladder has been leaning against the wrong wall."

一直都靠著一面錯誤的墻，那是很難接受的事。」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I knew from the time was three or four years of age I was transgender.

我在三四歲時知道自己是個跨性別者

In my naivety, I thought I got to choose.

當時的天真讓我以為我能夠選擇

I thought a gender fairy would arrive and say,

我以為有一天會出現一個性別仙子，跟我說：

"Okay, the time has come!"

「好啦，是時候了！」

But alas, no gender fairy arrived,

但老天呀，從來沒有出現過任何性別仙子

so I just lived my life.

所以我就認份過我的生活

I didn't hate being a boy.

我並不討厭作為一個男孩

I just knew I wasn't one.

我只是知道自己並不是

I went to college, got married, had kids, built a career,

我上大學、結婚、生小孩、開啟我的事業

but the call toward authenticity has all the subtlety of a smoke alarm.

但是呼召我揭露真實身份的響鈴總是暗中潛伏著

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And eventually decisions have to be made.

終於，是時候做決定了

So I came out as transgender and I lost all of my jobs.

於是我公開自己跨性別者的身份，結果我丟了我所有的工作

I had never had a bad review,

我從來沒有過負面評價

and I lost every single job.

但我失去了每一份工作

In 21 states, you can't be fired for being transgender,

在 21 個州，你不會因為身為跨性別者而被炒魷魚

but in all 50,

但在總共 50 個州裡

you can be fired if you're transgender and you work for a religious corporation.

你若是在宗教組織中工作，你就會因為跨性別者的身份而捲鋪蓋走人

Good to know!

太好啦，現在我知道了！

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

It's not easy being a transgender woman.

作為一位跨性別女性並不簡單

People sometimes ask, "Do you feel 100% like a woman?"

人們有時會問，「你感覺像是個徹頭徹尾的女性嗎？」

And I say, "Well, if you've talked to one transgender person,

我回答，「嗯...如果你問過一個跨性別者，

you've talked to exactly one transgender person.

你就是問過這麼一個而已，

I can't speak for anybody else."

我沒辦法代替別人發言。」

I feel 100% like a transgender woman.

我感覺自己百分之百是一名跨性別女性

There are things a cisgender woman knows I will never know.

有些事情是順性別女性知道，但我永遠不會知道的

That said, I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female,

換言之，作為一位女性我了解到了很多箇中滋味

and I am learning a lot about my former gender.

也學到了很多是關於我從前的性別

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I have the unique experience of having lived life on both sides -

在兩邊的生活都有過，我真的是有很獨特的經歷

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

and I'm here to tell you: the differences are massive.

我在這裡要告訴你：差別可大了

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

So, I'll start with the small stuff -

這樣吧，我從小事情開始說起

like the pockets on women's jeans.

比如女性牛仔褲的口袋

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

What!

有沒有搞錯！

(Cheers) (Applause)

(歡呼加掌聲)

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I can't put a phone in there.

它甚至放不下一支手機

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Paper clip, maybe.

或許放得下迴紋針

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Or the sizing of women's clothing.

或是來談談女性服飾的尺寸

Do the numbers mean anything?

這些數字真的有任何意義嗎？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

What is a double zero?

雙零號尺寸到底是什麼？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And ladies, I doubt you've thought about this,

女士們，不知道你們想過這個沒

but do you know there is never a time in the life of a male

但你知道嗎？在一個男性的一生中

that he has to worry about whether or not

他從來不曾需要擔心衣服上的某配件

an article of his clothing is accidentally going to drop into the toilet?

有可能會不小心掉入馬桶

Not a long sweater, not a belt, nothing.

不會是一件長毛衣或是一條皮帶，全都不會

Never even a passing thought.

甚至連這種想法都沒有過

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Now, I get my hair cut about half as often as I used to,

現在，我理髮的次數是以前的一半

but it costs tens times as much.

但是卻貴上十倍

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So, I can go on vacation or I can get my hair cut.

所以我要嘛去度假，要嘛去理髮

I cannot do both.

兩者不可兼得

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I keep bumping into gender differences everywhere I go!

我不論走到哪，都會撞見性別差異！

Sometimes literally.

有時候是真的撞到

I'm walking down the hallway and I just bump into it.

我走在走廊上，然後就撞到了

There's nothing in the way, and I just bump into it.

路上根本沒東西，但我就是撞到了

I think, "What's that about?"

我心想，「怎麼一回事？」

And I know it's going to leave a bruise

我知道一定會留下淤青

because now that my skin is thinner I have bruises absolutely everywhere.

因為現在我的皮膚比較薄，淤青可以說是到處有

How I experience my sexuality is profoundly different.

我的性探索過程也相當不一樣

It's less visual and more holistic;

較少是有關視覺方面的，較多傾向於整體功能性

less of a body experience and more of a being experience.

較少身體上的體驗，比較多純粹存在的體驗

I cannot count the number of times I've said to Cathy, my former wife,

我已經數不清多少次我和我的前妻 Cathy 說：

"I am so, so sorry!"

「我真的真的很抱歉！」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I just didn't know what I didn't know.

我就是不知道我所不知道的

There is no way a well-educated white male can understand

一個受過良好教育的白人男性沒有可能理解

how much the culture is tilted in his favor.

文化是如何偏頗於他們

There's no way he can understand it because it's all he's ever known,

他不可能理解，因為他所知的以及即將知道的

and all he ever will know.

就是這些固有的

And conversely,

相對地

there's no way that a woman can understand the full import of that

一個女性也不可能能全然了解一切

because being a female is all she's ever known.

因為作為一個女性她所知的一切就是這些

She might have an inkling that she's working twice as hard for half as much,

她可能會有感覺，自己工作努力兩倍，薪資卻只有別人的一半

but she has no idea

但她不會知道

how much harder it is for her than it is for the guy in the Brooks Brothers jacket

比起走廊另一頭的辦公室裡、身著布克兄弟外套的小夥子

in the office across the hall.

她的處境要艱難了多少

I know! I was that guy!

我知道！因為我就是那個小夥子！

And I thought I was one of the good guys,

但我當時以為自己是屬於好男性的那一群

sensitive to women,

對女性心思細膩

egalitarian.

平等主義

Then came the first time I ever flew as a female.

然後是我第一次以女性身分搭機的經驗

Now, I've flown over 2.3 million miles with American Airlines.

事先聲明，我搭美國航空的累積里程數已經超過 370 萬公里了

I know my way around an airplane.

我清楚飛機上的流程

And American was great through my transition,

美國航空公司很包容我的性別改變

but that does not mean their passengers were.

但他們的乘客卻不見得

The first time I flew as Paula, I was going from Denver to Charlotte,

我第一次以 Paula 的身分搭機時，是要從 Denver 到 Charlotte

and I got on the plane and there was stuff in my seat.

我登機之後，發現我的座位上有東西

So, I picked it up to put my stuff down, and a guy said, "That's my stuff."

所以我就把那東西拿起來，把我自己的放下去，然後一個男的說，「那是我的。」

I said, "Okay, but it's in my seat.

So, I'll just hold it for you until you find your seat,

我說，「我知道了，但它在我的座位上

and then I'll give it to you."

我就只是先幫你拿著，直到你找到你的座位

He said, "Lady, that is my seat!"

他說，「小姐，這是我的座位！」

I said, "Actually, it's not. It's my seat."

我說「其實不是，這是我的座位。」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"1D, 1D.

「 1D ， 1D

But I'll be glad to hold your stuff until you find your seat."

但我很樂意先幫你拿著東西，直到你找到你的座位。」

He said, "What do I have to tell you? That is my seat!"

他說，「我還消跟你講更多嗎？這是我的座位！」

I said, "Yeah, it's not."

我說，「嗯，可是就不是呀。」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

At which point the guy behind me said,

突然我後面的一個男的說

"Lady, would you take your effing argument elsewhere

「小姐，能不能別在這裡嘰嘰歪歪

so I can get in the airplane?"

讓我坐到位子上好嗎？」

I was absolutely stunned!

我錯愕極了！

I had never been treated like that as a male.

作為一個男性時，我從來沒受過那種對待

I would have said, "I believe that's my seat,"

我只需要說，「我想這是我的座位。」

and the guy immediately would have looked at his boarding pass

別人就會再看一次他的登機牌

and said, "Oh, I'm sorry."

然後說，「噢，不好意思。」

I know that because it happened all the time!

我之所以知道，是因為很常發生！

The flight attendant took our boarding passes.

最後空服員拿了我們的登機牌

She said to the guy, "Sir, you're in 1C. She's in 1D."

她跟那男的說，「先生，你的座位在 1C 。她的在 1D 。」

I put his stuff down in 1C, he said not one single word,

我把他的東西放到 1C ，他一聲不吭

and of course you know who was next to me in 1F.

而你知道的，坐我旁邊 1F 的人則是...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Mister "would you take your effing argument elsewhere."

那個叫我別再嘰嘰歪歪的先生

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So, my friend Karen, who works for American,

接著，我那個在美國航空工作的朋友 Karen

came on the plane to give the pilot his paperwork.

上了飛機，拿紙本作業給機長

She left and waved goodbye.

她離開時和我揮手再見

When I got to Charlotte, she called me.

我抵達 Charlotte 時，她打給我

She said, "Paula, what happened?

她說，「 Paula ，怎麼回事？

You were as white as a sheet!"

妳的臉蒼白得跟鬼一樣！」

I told her and she said, "Yeah.

我告訴她事發經過，然後她說，「是呀

Welcome to the world of women!"

歡迎來到女人的世界！」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Now, the truth is I will not live long enough to lose my male privilege.

老實說，我永遠不會習慣失去我的男性特權

I brought it with me when I transitioned.

就算我變性了還是一樣

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

A lot of decades of being a man.

那可是做為一個男性生活了幾十年

But that doesn't mean I don't see my power diminishing.

但那不代表我感覺不到我的權力在衰減

Let me tell you another thing I've observed.

讓我告訴你們我的另一個觀察

Apparently, since I became a female, I have become stupid.

很顯然，自從我成為一名女性，我就變笨了

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Yeah, I guess it's the loss of testosterone and the arrival of estrogen

對啦，我猜那大概是因為少了睪激素、多了雌激素

that has caused me to lose the brain cells

讓我的腦細胞減少

necessary to be a fully functioning adult human.

使得我不再是一個健全的成人

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Either that or I'm as smart as I ever was,

若不是那樣，不然就是我其實沒有變笨

it's just now I'm constantly being subjected to mansplaining.

只是我就是常常被男人居高臨下說教

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

So, I was in my local Denver bike shop and a young summer employee said,

我那時是在 Denver 的一間當地腳踏車行，一個年輕的暑期員工跟我說

"Can I help?"

「需要幫忙嗎？」

And I said, "Yeah.

我說，「是的

Can the frame of an older Gary Fisher mountain bike

Gary Fisher 牌的山用腳踏車的車架是不是有可能

start to flex and bend enough that it causes the rear break to rub?"

彎曲到損傷後輪的剎車？」

He said, "Well, disk breaks need regular adjustments."

他說，「這樣說吧，盤形煞車本就需要定期微調。」

I said, "I know that,

我說，「我知道呀

and in fact I do my reg break adjustments."

而且事實上我都有定期調整我的剎車。」

He said, "Oh, well, then your rotor's bent."

他說「喔，那你的轉子彎了。」

I said, "Yeah, my rotor is not bent. I know a bent rotor."

我說，「不，我的轉子沒有彎。我知道彎掉的轉子長怎樣。」

With condescension, he said, "Well, what do you want me to do?"

然後他用覺得我不懂領情的語氣說，「那妳到底還想要我怎樣？」

I said, "You could answer my question."

我說，「你可以回答我的問題。」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

At which point Kyle, the manager of the shop, stepped in.

就在某時刻，店經理 Kyle 插進來說話

He's such a sweetheart.

他真是一個甜心

He said, "I think you're probably right.

他說，「我想妳是對的

Let me ask you a question:

問妳個問題：

Do you only get a chirp coming from that rear break

是不是只有在爬坡時，

when you're pulling hard uphill?"

妳的後輪剎車才會發出怪聲？」

I said, "Yes, exactly!"

我說，「沒錯，就是那樣！」

He said, "Yeah, that's frame fatigue."

他說，「那就是了，那是車架問題。」

I wanted to fall at the feet of Kyle and call him blessed!

我真想跪下來給 Kyle 磕頭祝福！

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Someone was taking me seriously!

終於有人認真看待我了！

This happens all the time now.

這種事總在發生

I have to go three or four rounds with someone

我必須跟人家應答個三四回

before I get a direct answer!

才能得到一個明確的答案！

And there's a deeper issue:

以下是深度探討：

the more you're treated as if you don't know what you're talking about,

你越常被質疑是不是真的懂自己在說什麼

the more you begin to question

你越有可能懷疑

whether or not you do in fact know what you're talking about, right?

自己事實上到底懂不懂自己在說什麼，對吧？

(Applause)

(掌聲)

I understand the woman's tendency to doubt herself.

我了解女性傾向於質疑自己

Do you ever notice if a woman is in a meeting with a group of men,

你發現過嗎？當一個女性在和一群男性開會時

and she knows she's right,

她知道自己是正確的

she apologizes for it?

卻為此道歉

She says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think those numbers add up."

她說，「抱歉，但我不認為這些數字兜得上。」

You know, you don't have to apologize for being right.

知道嗎？妳不需要因為自己對了而道歉

(Cheers) (Applause)

(歡呼加掌聲)

Since I'm new to this gender, I asked my good friend Jen.

因為我對這個性別還不熟悉，我就問我的好朋友 Jen

I said, "What are women looking for in men?"

我問，「女人在尋求怎樣的男人？」

She said, "Women are looking for men who will honor our uniqueness,

她說，「女人在找的，是那種會尊重我們獨特性的男人

who will realize our gifting is not lesser, it's not weaker,

那種男人了解，我們的才能並不遜色，並非較弱

it's just different,

只是不同

it is in fact more comprehensive and it's essential."

事實上就是要有包容心，那很重要。」

Now, of course there are men who do honor women, lots of them,

事實上，現在有很多會尊重女性的男性

like my good friend and fellow pastor, Mark,

比如我的好朋友兼牧師夥伴 Mark

who always draws out the best in me

他總是能引出最棒的我

and then seems to take pleasure in watching me lead.

並且看來樂於讓我領導

We need more men like Mark,

我們需要更多像 Mark 的男性

who are willing to honor and empower women.

願意尊敬並且給予女性權力

I know I'm going to keep bumping into additional differences on this journey,

我知道，在接下來的旅程中我還將繼續遇到更多差異性

but let me leave you with this.

但容我和你們說

To the women, I offer my heartfelt thanks.

對於女性，我獻上誠摯的感謝

I often feel like an interloper,

我經常感覺像是個半路插腳的人

a late arrival to the serious work of womanhood,

一個遲來到女性複雜心理的人

but you show me grace and great mercy.

但妳們給予我慈悲與極多的仁慈

I want you to know you are far more capable than you realize,

我希望妳們知道，妳比妳所知道的還有能力

you are more powerful than you know

妳比妳所想的還要強大

and you reflect the best parts of what it means to be fully human.

並且，妳反映出身人性最棒的一面

And to you guys

對你們男性

who are probably feeling more than a little bit uncomfortable right now -

你們現在大概覺得有一些些尷尬

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I do understand.

我懂

I never thought I had privilege,

我從沒想我有特權

but I did.

但我的確有

And so do you.

你們也是

What can you do?

那你們能做什麼呢？

You can believe us

你們可以相信我們

when we tell you that we might, we might have equality,

當我說我們或許有平等

but we do not have equity.

但並沒有公平

It is not a level playing field, it never has been.

這從來不是一個公平的場域，從來不是

You can be a part of the solution by elevating us to equal footing.

你可以透過提升我們的立足點來成為解決問題的一環

You uniquely have that power.

你們特別有這個權力

And to all of us,

而對你們所有人說

do you know who I think about a lot?

你們知道我在想什麼嗎？

I think about my brown-skinned daughter,

我在想我棕皮膚的女兒

and my brown-skinned daughter-in-law.

和我棕皮膚的媳婦

What do they know that I'm clueless about?

她們知道我困惑的是什麼嗎？

What do any of us really know about the shoes in which we have never walked?