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  • One of the great problems in the world is also one of the most invisible,

    世界上最大的問題之一也是最容易被忽視的問題,

  • because by its nature, it asks to be hidden and saps our ability to spot its symptoms.

    因為其本質的隱密性讓我們難以察覺其症狀。

  • But, to generalize grossly, few things so undermine human well-being as the sickness of shame.

    但簡單來說,沒有比羞恥感能摧毀人類的幸福的東西了。

  • The guilty feel bad for something specific they have done; the shamed feel wretched simply for being.

    人們會因為做了某件壞事而感到愧疚;而自我有羞恥感的人會因為存在而感到痛苦。

  • The affliction lacks borders.

    這種痛苦永無止盡。

  • As shamed people, we don't connect the myriad ways in which our behavior and feelings are driven by a base conviction of our own abhorrence.

    對自己感到羞恥的人不會把自我厭惡和其導致的行為和情感做連結。

  • We just take it as a given that we are disgusting. We lack the capacity to imagine that our shame has a history,

    我們自然而然地認為自己令人厭惡。我們無法判斷我們的羞愧感有其淵源,

  • and therefore, perhaps, a future that could be curtailed.

    因此,我們的未來可能深受影響。

  • A first step in untangling ourselves is to get enough distance to spot and name the problem.

    減輕羞愧感的第一步是能客觀地察覺並指出問題。

  • We might make use of a little questionnaire. Out of 10, rate how true the following statements feel:

    我們也可以用問卷調查的方式。總分10分,請為下列陳述評分:

  • I don't deserve to exist. I am defective. I am unworthy of being known and loved.

    我不配活著。我有缺陷。我不值得被了解和愛護。

  • I am a mistake. I deserve to be abandoned. I should not be.

    我的存在是個錯誤。我應該被拋棄。我不該存在。

  • Anything over an eight starts to indicate the problem, but if there were an option,

    如果有任何一項超過8分就表示有問題,但如果可以選擇的話,

  • most of us in the shamed camp would want to award ourselves a hundred or more.

    對自己感到羞恥的人會給自己打 100 分或以上。

  • This is the windswept barren land of shame, where many of us have been living all our lives,

    這是被大風襲擊的貧脊恥辱之地,很多人都生活在這樣的環境中,

  • often without enough mental well being to know that this is where we've been relegated.

    常因為心態不夠健康而無法了解自我貶低的起點。

  • We should probe at where our shame collects.

    我們應該探究我們的羞愧感如何形成。

  • Take the outline of a human figure. What are we ashamed of? Our mind?

    以人的輪廓圖為例。我們對什麼感到羞恥?我們的思維?

  • Facial appearance? Physique? Genitals? Anus? We were not born ashamed.

    外貌?身材?生殖器?肛門?羞恥感並非與生俱來。

  • We should summon up the voices that gave us our legacy and which we have then internalized and blended with our own:

    我們應該傳喚對我們產生深刻影響的聲音,那些我們已經內化、與自己的想法融合的聲音:

  • You'll never amount to anything. You're the family idiot. You disgust me.

    你毫無價值可言。你是家庭最沒用的人。你令人作嘔。

  • Others may wonder why people around us behave this way.

    很多人可能會好奇為什麼我們身邊的人如此對待我們。

  • The answer is clear enough to the shamed: because we deserved it.

    羞愧的人清楚地知道答案:因為這是我們應得的。

  • We wouldn't be truly shamed people if all it took was a few simple questions to shake us from our conviction of our detestable identity.

    如果幾個簡單的問題就能動搖我們對自我的厭惡,我們就不算是真正有自我羞恥感的人。

  • We were shamed because we were and are defective. Our caregivers weren't mean.

    我們感到羞恥是因為我們一直以來都有缺陷。我們的養育者並非無情之人。

  • They were, above anything else, perceptive, even brilliant. They could spot things that later, kinder people cannot.

    如果真的要說,他們更加敏銳,甚至更加聰明。他們能夠察覺善良的人沒發現的事情。

  • They had the true measure of us. Shamed children don't blame their guardians.

    他們才是真正的了解我們。有羞恥感的孩子不會責怪他們的監護人。

  • We protect them for a weird but logical reason: so as not to feel entirely alone.

    我們保護他們是基於一個奇怪卻有邏輯的理由:唯恐感到完全孤獨。

  • We prefer to think well of our caregivers than to take on board how badly we have been let down,

    我們寧願把監護人想得很好,而不願意承認他們有多讓我們失望,

  • with all the convulsive rage and sadness that would entail.

    以及可能伴隨而來的憤怒和悲傷。

  • The consequences of shame are written across our lives.

    羞恥感的後果充斥在我們生活中。

  • We don't allow other people to get too close to us.

    我們不願意跟他人親近。

  • They would only be appalled if they knew the true us. We're not so good on physical intimacy.

    如果他們發現了我們的真面目,一定會被嚇跑。我們並不習慣肢體接觸。

  • We get scared all the time. Bad things happen to bad people.

    我們很容易感到害怕。壞的事情會發生在壞人身上。

  • We don't like parties. Why would anyone be pleased to see us? We have a lot of secrets, for most of what we are is unacceptable to other eyes.

    我們不喜歡派對。誰會想看到我們?我們有很多秘密,因為我們有許多真實面是別人無法接受的。

  • We go in for addictive behavior to escape our self-hatred,

    我們為了逃避自我厭惡感而對某些行為上癮,

  • then feel even more ashamed of ourselves for the unholy things we've done. What is the way out of shame?

    然後又因為自己不正當的行為而感到更加地羞愧。如何才能擺脫羞恥感呢?

  • The same popular answer is to tell ourselves that we are beautiful and good. But that won't easily convince us.

    最常聽到的答案是要告訴自己「我們很美、很好」。但這種說法無法輕易說服我們。

  • There may be a better, more oblique strategy to bypass the defenses of the shamed.

    應該有更好、更婉轉的方法來攻破自我羞恥者的防衛。

  • We should stress not that we are wonderful, but that every human being, who has ever walked the planet

    我們不該強調自己很棒,而是強調這個世界上的人,

  • is, in their own way, radically imperfect and broken when observed from close up.

    如果仔細觀察,都過著不完美且支離破碎的生活。

  • We may be a bit wrong, but so, blessedly, is everyone else who is and has ever been.

    我們可能會犯錯,但值得慶幸的是,一直以來每個人都是如此。

  • We can be stupid, perverted and uncouth, but that is wholly normal.

    我們可能愚蠢、不正經、粗俗,但這些都很正常。

  • Rather than implicitly upholding an ideal of goodness by telling ourselves that we do, after all, measure up to it,

    與其告訴自己我們一定會達到我們堅持的理想,

  • far better to throw away ideals and all notions of achievable purity and goodness.

    不如拋棄理想和可實現的一切純潔和善良理念。

  • That's where the problem started.

    這就是問題的起點。

  • Better to accept that we are, as a group, entirely crazy and ill-tempered, wicked and odd,

    最好接受我們就整體而言,瘋狂、脾氣暴躁、邪惡且怪異,

  • but then to stress just how much this is a reason for mercy and kindness, rather than censure and condemnation.

    但強調正因如此,我們才更應該慈悲為懷,而不是指責和責備。

  • Let's stop judging ourselves and others by unreal standards, that's how we made ourselves ill.

    我們別再用不切實際的標準來評斷自己和他人,這是我們讓自己生病的原因。

  • Let's laugh and comfort each other for the absurdity and horror of existing in human form.

    面對人類的荒唐及恐懼,讓我們一笑置之並互相安慰。

  • The primary sin of those who made us feel ashamed was not so much that they spotted our flaws,

    那些讓我們感到羞愧的人,他們的主要罪過並非指出我們的缺點,

  • it's that they forgot their own awfulness, and then, had the gall to blame us for our own.

    而是他們忘記自己的缺陷,然後厚顏無恥地責怪我們的缺陷。

  • We should give up on fascistic perfectionism

    我們應該摒棄法西斯主義式的完美主義,

  • in order to make a generous home for our cracked reality in our own and in the collective imagination.

    以在支離破碎的現實和集體想像的世界中,打造互相包容的空間。

  • That'll be the start of our way out of the problem of shame.

    這將是我們解決羞恥感問題的開始。

  • At The School of Life, we believe that confidence is a skill we can all learn. Click now to learn more.

    在 The School of Life,我們相信自信心是可以習得的技能。點擊了解更多內容。

One of the great problems in the world is also one of the most invisible,

世界上最大的問題之一也是最容易被忽視的問題,

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