HERE'S YOUR BILL AND

YOUR FORTUNE COOKIES.

>>THANK YOU.

>>GUYS, THANK YOU

SO MUCH FOR DINNER.

>>YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME, MAN.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

"YOU WILL COMMIT A CRIME

IN THREE MINUTES."

HUH.

>>THAT'S PRETTY DIRECT.

>>RIGHT?

>>YEAH, MINE ARE

NEVER THAT SPECIFIC.

>>WHAT DOES YOURS SAY?

>>UH, MINE SAYS,

"YOU WILL WITNESS A

CRIME IN THREE MINUTES."

>>JEREMY, WHAT DOES YOURS...

>>"YOU WILL DIE

IN THREE MINUTES."

>>MATT, I THINK YOU'RE

GOING TO KILL JEREMY.

>>NO, I'M NOT.

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

>>I DON'T KNOW.

JEALOUSY.

>>WHAT?

JEREMY, I'M NOT JEALOUS OF YOU.

>>I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

>>ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THIS IS JUST A

WEIRD COINCIDENCE.

LOOK, WE'LL GET NEW

FORTUNES AND IT'LL BE FINE.

SORRY, I NEED TO USE

THESE FOR SCIENCE.

"YOU WILL SOON ACQUIRE

FIFTY DOLLARS."

SEE?

>>THAT'S THE EXACT AMOUNT OF

MONEY I HAVE IN MY WALLET.

>>JEREMY, I-

>>YOU'RE GOING TO

KILL ME AND ROB ME?

>>MATT!

>>NO, I WOULDN'T KILL

YOU FOR FIFTY DOLLARS!

>>OH, SO YOU WOULD KILL HIM

FOR MORE THAN FIFTY DOLLARS!

>>NO, I'M NOT KILLING ANYONE,

LEAST OF ALL MY FRIENDS.

>>I HAVE A CHILD, MATT.

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

TO HIM WHEN HIS FATHER

IS MURDERED AND ROBBED?

IF I WERE A BILLIONAIRE,

HE'D BECOME BATMAN.

BUT I'M NOT A BILLIONAIRE.

I'M MIDDLE-CLASS!

MIDDLE-CLASS, MATT!

MY SON WILL NEVER BE BATMAN!

>>JEREMY, YOUR SON

WILL NOT BE ORPHANED.

>>OH, TELL THAT

TO MY NEW FORTUNE.

"YOUR SON WILL BE AN ORPHAN,

AND THEN GROW UP TO BE ROBIN"!

ROBIN, MATT?

YOU'VE CURSED MY SON TO WEAR

TIGHTS THE REST OF HIS DAYS.

>>JEREMY, I'M NOT

GOING TO KILL YOU.

STACEY, BACK ME UP.

>>UH, MY NEW FORTUNE SAYS,

"YOU WILL FIND TRUE LOVE."

>>SEE?

WE KNOW THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.

>>HEY.

>>I JUST CALL IT LIKE I SEE IT.

>>WAIT.

JEREMY, IT'S ALMOST TIME.

YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

>>WHAT?

WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?

>>I STARTED IT THE SECOND

YOU READ YOUR FORTUNE.

>>THIS IS WHY YOU'RE SINGLE.

>>WHAT?

>>JUST TAKE MY WALLET.

JUST PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, OKAY.

>>JEREMY, I'M NOT GOING TO KILL-

[STOPWATCH BEEPS]

SEE?

NO CRIME COMMITTED.

>>UM, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

YOU'RE PARKED IN FRONT

OF A FIRE HYDRANT,

AND AROUND HERE THAT'S A CRIME.

>>OH, NO.

>>OH...

[CHUCKLES]

>>OH, SORRY.

HI.

>>HI.

>>NICE STOPWATCH.

>>OH...

>>NO, NO, JEREMY, NO!

BREATHE!

BREATHE!

HE'S OKAY.

THE FORTUNE WAS WRONG.

[MUFFLED GUNSHOT]

>>I WILL LOOK AFTER YOUR SON.

>>IF YOU SUBSCRIBE,

YOU WILL RECEIVE GREAT FORTUNE.

>>IF YOU COMMENT BELOW,

YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE

GREAT FORTUNE.

>>"SOMETIMES IT'S

BETTER TO BE ALONE."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>>WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

>>I WANT A NEW FORTUNE.

"RACHEL"!

THAT'S NOT EVEN A FORTUNE.

>>IT'S WEIRD THAT IT SAID THAT.