this one happened in high school.

We had this teacher in High school

Whose kid went to our high school

his name was Mr.. McNamara,

and his son Jake McNAmara went to our high school

He was a sophomore

when I was a senior, so he was two years behind me

and Mr.. McNamara

was an asshole

and one weekend he and his wife decided to leave town

which you should never do if you're an asshole.

And Jake McNamara decided to throw a party at the teachers house

[hurray]

And everyone around town heard about it,

and we all got up individually and thought okay

let's go over there

and Destroy the Place.

I Walked into this party,

everyone I had ever met was there

and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world

People were drinking like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off

It was totally unsupervised.

We were like dogs without horses. We were running wild

I Walked down to the basemen, they had a pool table in the basement

one dude took a running start and threw his body

Onto the pool table and broke it in half

Another kid found out which room was Mr. McNamara's

and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer

So the party was going great

I'm standing in the basement, and I'm holding a red cup

you've seen movies,

and I'm standing there

And I'm holding a red cup and I'm starting to black out

and I guess someone said like

"something something 'police'"

And In a brilliant moment

of word association.

I yelled...

FUCK THE POLICE!!

fuck the police!

And everyone else joined in

A hundred drunk

White children

yelling

fuck

da

police

With the confidence of guys who have like already been to jail

and aren't afraid of it anymore

you know that like

"I've served my nickel you come and take me!" confidence

but white children

The reason someone had said

"something something 'police'"

was because the police were there

so Chicago police officer walked down the stairs

and got to the bottom in the basement and looked out

over a sea of

drunk Toddlers

yelling "fuck of the police"

in his face

That he was almost impressed

he was like "woow"

and then he leaned into his walkie-talkie and went

"get the paddy wagon!"

My friend John who is now a father, this man now has a baby

He grabbed a 40 smashed it on the ground and yelled

"SCATTER"

And everyone ran into different directions

We all ran in different directions

It was like that scene in ratatouille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways

we all ran

in different directions

I ran into the laundry room, and I jumped up on the washing machine

and I crawled out through a window into the backyard

and I'm running through the backyard, and there's this big Chain-link fence

And I thought "I've never climbed a fence that high before..!"

and then I woke up at home.

on Monday...

I went to school because that's what we did back then

And I'm walking into the school building

and who do I see but Jake McNamara.

And he says to me..

"Hey, were you at my party on Saturday?"

and I said "no"

you know like a liar

And he said "things got really out of hand"

"someone broke the pool table"

"someone took a shit of my dad's computer"

"But the worst thing" he says

"the worst thing is that someone stole these old antique photos of my grandmother."

"and my parents are freaking out about it"

And I had that thought

that only blackout drunks

and Steve urkel can have

Di-

Did I do that...?

I Figured no,

I wouldn't have done that.

but I was never sure

until two years later

Relax.

I'm playing video games with this kid named Alex

that we also went to high school with

two years later

We've graduated by then

we're playing video games for a couple hours, and then Alex says to me

"Hey c'mere"

"I want to show you something"

and he takes me into his bedroom

and then he takes me into a side room off of his

bedroom

never a good thing to have

He shows me

a tiny room

that is covered wall-To-wall

In stolen antique photos

from different people' parties over the years

and I said "Why"

......

"Why do you do this?"

And Alex said

"because it's the one thing you can't replace