ANONYMOUS AUTHOR OF THE INFAMOUS OP-ED.

UNFORTUNATELY, HE COULD ONLY PRONOUNCE SEVERAL OF THEM.

>> THE LATEST ACTIVE RESISTANCE IS THE OP-ED PUBLISHED IN THE

FAILING "NEW YORK TIMES" BY-- AN ANOMINOUS-- REALLY AN

ANOMINOUS-- GUTLESS COWARD.

>> STEPHEN: "I DEMAND THIS "ANOMUSH," I MEAN, "ANOMUSH,"

"ORB-LEB WRIBE-LER" "CONFERSH" TO ME, THE PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED "STIRSH!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

( PIANO RIFF ) BUT DURING THAT RALLY, TRUMP WAS

UPSTAGED BY AN AUDIENCE MEMBER.

KEEP AN EYE ON THE KID IN THE PLAID SHIRT BEHIND THE

PRESIDENT.

>> THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE IS HARD.

FRANKLY, IF WE DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, MAYBE WE ARE STARTING TO

FIND THINGS OUT THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW.

IT IS HARD.

IT IS HARDER TO WIN THAN POPULAR VOTE.

POPULAR VOTE, YOU GO TO THREE, FOUR STATES AND BOOM-BOOM-BOOM,

YOU WIN THE PO-- IT IS LIKE THE 100-YARD DASH VERSUS RUNNING THE

MILE.

YOU PRACTICE DIFFERENTLY.

SHE FORGOT THAT.

SHE FORGOT TO GO TO A COUPLE VERY IMPORTANT STATES.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BEAUTIFUL.

JUST BEAUTIFUL.

I LOVE YOUNG PEOPLE.

NOW, THIS IS TRUE -- THEY KICKED HIM BECAUSE THAT KID

DID SOMETHING YOU SHOULD NEVER DO AT A TRUMP

RALLY: HE LISTENED.

( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )

BUT TRUMP WASN'T THE ONLY PRESIDENT WHO HAD A RALLY THIS

WEEKEND.

( CHEERING ) >> HI!

HELLO, ILLINOIS!

( CHEERING ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING OUT FOR CIGARETTES!

( LAUGHTER ) THE GUY YOU LEFT US WITH MADE US

PICTURE HIM GETTING SPANKED!

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

I THINK YOU'RE APPLAUDING MY ABILITY TO STAND BACK UP AGAIN.

I'M SURPRISED, TOO.

I'M SURPRISED, TOO.

THAT'S RIGHT, AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF OF QUIET, OBAMA FINALLY

CAME OUT STRONG AGAINST TRUMP, AND DROPPED A SICK BURN ON THE

GRAND OLD PARTY.

>> WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?

HOW HARD CAN THAT BE?

SAYING THAT NAZIS ARE BAD?

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WAIT!

HOLD ON!

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

HE CAN'T EVEN SAY ANONYMOUS!

(AS TRUMP) "NARZIS ARE BLAD.

I MEAN, NACHOS ARE BLIRSH."

( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS SO NICE TO HEAR OBAMA

SPEAK AGAIN, BUT -- YOU KNOW?

( CHEERING ) >> Jon: SMOOTH, COHERENT.

>> Stephen: HE'S GOING TO RALLY AND GET PEOPLE TO VOTE AND

STUFF LIKE THAT, BUT I HAVE TO SAY, DAMN!

DOES THAT GUY LOVE HIS DRAMATIC PAUSES.

>> WE HAVE LURCHED FROM ARROWS OF GREAT PROGRESSIVE CHANGE TO

PERIODS OF RETRENCHMENT.

( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S THE STORY OF AMERICA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT GUY!

>> Jon: I LOVE THAT!

>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT GUY!

MAYBE OBAMA NEVER LEFT.

MAYBE THE LAST TWO YEARS HAVE JUST BEEN ONE LONG PAUSE BETWEEN

SENTENCES.

( LAUGHTER ) ONE PERSON WAS NOT SOOTHED BY

OBAMA'S LILTING CADENCE-- DONALD TRUMP, WHO ADDRESSED HIS

PREDECESSOR'S PERFORMANCE AT ANOTHER ONE OF HIS RALLIES.

>> I WATCHED IT, BUT I FELL ASLEEP.

( LAUGHTER ) I FOUND HE IS VERY GOOD, VERY

GOOD FOR SLEEPING.

>> STEPHEN: HE'S RIGHT, WHEN OBAMA WAS PRESIDENT, I COULD

ACTUALLY SLEEP AT NIGHT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

BOB WOODWARD IS HERE.

RIGHT NOW. STICK AROUND!