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  • ...ALL THE WAY FROM HOME, GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR HOST,

  • THE ONE, THE ONLY MR. HARRY STYLES!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

  • >> Harry: THANK YOU!

  • THANK YOU!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.

  • >> STYLES: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE

  • SHOW.

  • WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

  • NO, YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE YOU, I AM NOT JAMES CORDEN, I

  • AM, IN FACT, HARRY STYLES.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY I'M

  • HOSTING TONIGHT, AND, YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, DONALD TRUMP

  • FINALLY GOT TIRED OF ALL OF JAMES' JOKES AND DEPORTED HIM

  • BACK TO ENGLAND.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'M KIDDING.

  • I ACTUALLY HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS.

  • THIS IS EXCITING.

  • LITERALLY, JUST A HALF AN HOUR AGO, JAMES AND HIS WIFE JULES

  • HAD A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN FACT, I WAS JUST AT THE

  • HOSPITAL BEFORE I CAME TO FILL IN, AND SHE LOOKS A LOT LIKE

  • JAMES.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MOSTLY BECAUSE JAMES ALREADY

  • LOOKS LIKE A GIANT BABY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I

  • REALIZE THIS IS JAMES' SHOW, AND THIS IS A ONE-TIME DEAL.

  • ONE TIME THING.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ONE TIME.

  • UNLESS, UH -- UNLESS CBS LIKES WHAT THEY SEE.

  • ( CHEERING ) BUT I AM HERE TO FILL IN FOR

  • JAMES, SO WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE NEWS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, IF YOU'RE ANYTHING LIKE ME,

  • THE ONLY THING THAT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE TALKING ABOUT IS THE

  • ALABAMA SENATE RACE, AND TODAY WAS THE BIG ELECTION BETWEEN

  • DOUG JONES AND CONTROVERSIAL REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE ROY MOORE.

  • ROY MOORE WENT TO THE POLLS THIS MORNING TO VOTE FOR HIMSELF, AND

  • HE TOOK A VERY UNUSUAL MODE OF

  • TRANSPORTATION.

  • THIS IS REAL.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> ROY MOORE ROAD ON HORSE BACK WITH HIS WIFE KAYLA MOORE, WE

  • HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY THE CAMPAIGN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Harry: OKAY.

  • I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT MY HOOFED ANIMALS, BUT I'M PRETTY

  • THAT'S AN ASS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.

  • THANK YOU.

  • I MADE THAT ONE UP MYSELF.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MOVING ON, YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT

  • TRUMP ANNOUNCED THAT HE WANTS TO SEND ASTRONAUTS BACK TO THE MOON

  • FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 45 YEARS.

  • AND THEN THE PRESIDENT WAS STARTLED WHEN MELANIA YELLED,

  • "I'LL GO!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • AND HERE'S AN OUTRAGEOUS STORY WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS MORNING

  • IN THE BREAK ROOM OVER A CUP OF JOE.

  • IN THE PAST THREE MONTHS, AIRLINES EARNED A RECORD

  • $1.2 BILLION JUST IN BAGGAGE FEES!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT, I SHOULD SAY, THEY ONLY

  • RECEIVED HALF OF THE MONEY.

  • THE AIRLINES LOST THE OTHER HALF.

  • THEY THINK IT MIGHT BE IN CLEVELAND OR OMAHA, THEY'RE NOT

  • QUITE SURE YET.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • THEY'LL GET BACK TO YOU IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS.

  • IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT!

  • I'M GOING TO BE HERE HOSTING THE ENTIRE SHOW.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.

  • ONCE AGAIN, CONGRATULATIONS TO JAMES AND JULES.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, I

  • WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS ONE THING.

  • OVER THE PAST 24 HOURS, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT

  • THAT KISS JAMES AND I SHARED DURING LAST NIGHT'S "CHRISTMAS

  • CARPOOL KARAOKE."

  • SO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO FORMALLY

  • ANNOUNCE...

  • JAMES AND I WILL ALSO BE HAVING A BABY!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU!

  • REGGIE, ARE YOU READY?

  • HE'S REGGIE WATTS, I'M HARRY STYLES, AND THIS, THIS IS THE

  • "LATE LATE SHOW."

  • ROLL THE TITLES.

  • I HAVE TO BE VERY HONEST.

  • IT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW I SAW MY DAY PANNING OUT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WAS AT HOME LITERALLY TWO

  • HOURS AGO, IN THIS SUIT, OBVIOUSLY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I GOT THE CALL THAT JULES WAS

  • GOING INTO LABOR.

  • SO JAMES NATURALLY CALLED THE FUNNIEST GUY HE KNEW --

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • -- AND HE WASN'T AROUND, SO I'M FILLING IN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'M ACTUALLY INCREDIBLY EXCITED

  • TO BE HERE BECAUSE, TODAY, WE ARE DOING A BREATHTAKING PIECE

  • OF ORIGINAL COMEDY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ITS TIME FOR "DOGS IN

  • SUNGLASSES."

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: OKAY.

  • I'D LIKE TO TAKE A SECOND TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THIS GUY TAKES THE OFFICE SECRET

  • SANTA EXCHANGE SO SERIOUSLY, HE'S KILLED SIX PEOPLE TO

  • PROTECT HIS IDENTITY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THIS GUY LOVES THE HOLIDAYS,

  • EXCEPT FOR CHRISTMAS MORNING WHEN, EVERY YEAR, NO MISTAKE,

  • THE KIDS MISTAKE HIM FOR A TOY AND TRY TO SHOVE AA BATTERIES UP

  • HIS (BLEEP).

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LET ME TAKE A SECOND TO TALK TO

  • YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THIS GUY ISN'T DOING THE 12 DAYS

  • OF CHRISTMAS.

  • THIS GUY'S DOING THE 12 STEPS OF CHRISTMAS.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) YOU GUYS IN A HURRY?

  • YOU GOING ANYWHERE?

  • YOU HAVE A SECOND TO STAY?

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL ONLY TAKE A COUPLE OF

  • SECONDS TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • THIS GUY HAS TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT LAST YEAR DURING A

  • BLACK FRIDAY DOOR-BUSTER SALE HE TRAMPLED A BEST BUY CASHIER TO

  • DEATH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE

  • ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • THIS GUY'S DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS, NOT BECAUSE HE LOVES

  • SNOW BUT BECAUSE HE'S SUPER RACIST.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T WRITE THEM.

  • I'M JUST FILLING IN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LET ME TAKE A SECOND AND TALK TO

  • YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THIS GUY WAS PLAYING SANTA AT

  • THE MALL FOR THREE DAYS BEFORE THEY REALIZED THEY DIDN'T HERE

  • ANYBODY TO PLAY SANTA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS GUY IS GOING TO TRY HIS

  • BEST NOT TO THINK OF SUSAN AND THE KIDS THIS CHRISTMAS.

  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) GOOD FOR TIME.

  • I JUST WANT TO TAKE A SECOND TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THIS GUY TOOK THIS PHOTO IN

  • JUNE.

  • AND THIS GUY LEFT A LITTLE SOMETHING UNDER THE TREE FOR HIS

  • WIFE.

  • DIVORCE PAPERS.

  • OH AND (BLEEP).

  • ( APPLAUSE ) STILL WITH ME?

  • I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS GUY.

  • YOU ONLY LIGHT THE MENORAH FOR EIGHT DAYS, THIS GUY GETS LIT

  • FOR TEN.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) THERE IS ANOTHER THING ABOUT

  • THIS GUY.

  • THIS GUY DOESN'T CARE WHAT MEL GIBSON SAID, HE'S STILL GOING TO

  • SEE "DADDY'S HOME TWO."

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STYLES: THAT WAS "DOGS I N

  • SUNGLASSES."

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOEL EDGERTON, JANE KRAKOWSKI, AND

  • OWEN WILSON!

...ALL THE WAY FROM HOME, GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR HOST,

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