And I've decided to present ten things about Germany, divided into two lists: a list of five things that I would miss if I had to leave Germany;

But we'll start with a list of five things I would not miss if I had to leave Germany.

There are strict laws in Germany about when you are allowed to make a noise, and at what times of day you must shut up.

I'm all in favour of basic consideration for your neighbours, but surely it doesn't all have to be regulated by law, does it?

Films and TV shows are dubbed into German.

Sometimes this works very well.

Very often, though, it ruins the whole thing.

Anyone working for a German government agency will treat you with contempt.

After all, it's not as if you can take your custom elsewhere, so why should they bother trying to make your life happier or less stressful?

I don't want to give the impression that I'm pining for the 1930s, but just take a look at the current crop of German politicians, and see if you can spot a single ounce of charisma.

They might come when you're expecting them, but then again they might not. They probably won't.

But when they do come — if they come — they will at least be wearing bib overalls, so you will never have to see their buttocks, which leads me on to the next list.

There may be countries that have better public transport systems, but Germany is most definitely up there in the top five.

Americans may disagree, but for a British person, German ice cream is absolutely fantastic.

It's creamy! It's flavourful!

And it's served in fresh wafers, not the stale plastic that I grew up with.

You can be out in town in the middle of the night, and nobody's going to come and threaten you; unlike in Britain, where there are drunkards on the street everywhere.

Related to that...

Okay, so binge drinking is becoming a bit of a problem in some quarters of German society at the moment, but it's nothing like what it is in Britain.

Generally speaking, you can say that the British drink in order to get as drunk as they possibly can;

Whereas Germans prefer to stop drinking when they're enjoying themselves, but before they lose the power of rational thought.

In Germany, cold calling is illegal.

What more needs to be said?