#MyWeirdRoommate stories from you guys.

來自各位 #奇怪的室友。

This first one is from @hoseway.

第一則來自 @hoseway。

No, H-O-S-E.

是 HOSE。

Like a garden hose.

花園噴水管的 Hose。

He says, "My roommate would lay on the couch watching TV shirtless.

他說：「我室友會裸上半身，躺在沙發上看電視。

He would have ranch dressing on one side of his chest,

擠一些佐醬在胸膛一邊，

cheese dip on the other, and a mountain of chips resting on his stomach."

另一邊擠一些起士醬，肚子堆一座山的洋芋片。」

That's the hose way.

真是飢腸「路路」。

That's the hose way right there, man.

那裏飢腸「路路」。

This one's from @karamisu.

這則來自 @karamisu。

She says, "In college, my roommate came to me in a panic and

他說：「我大學室友驚慌地跑來找我，

told me her snake got out.

跟我說她的『小蛇』跑走了。

I had no idea she had a snake."

我都不知道她有一隻『小蛇』。」

There's a snake?

有蛇 ?

At 818.

在 818 號房。

This one's from @Jacobchiller.

這則來自 @Jacobchiller。

Scary!

嚇死寶寶 !

@Jacobchiller he says,

@Jacobchiller 他說：

"My roommate would come home drunk holding his shoes by the laces,

「我室友會喝醉酒拎著鞋帶回家，

swing them around like nunchucks, and

當作雙節棍亂甩，

attack me while I was trying to sleep, yelling, 'I'm Michelangelo!'"

當我要睡的時偷襲我，大喊：『我是米開朗基羅 !』」

"I'm Michelangelo!"

「我是米開朗基羅 !」

This next one is from @audrey87024230.

下一則來自 @audrey87024230。

She says, "If the vending machine didn't have cheddar sour cream chips,

她說：「如果販賣機沒有洋芋片佐巧達酸醬，

my roommate would lie on her bed in sadness and say,

我室友會傷心地癱在床上說：

'When the vending machine is empty, I am empty.'"

『當我要的販賣機沒了，我也沒了。』」

-I'm with the roommate. -Cheddar sour cream chips.

-我和這個室友同一國的。-洋芋片佐巧達酸醬。

I'm with the roommate.

-我和這個室友同一國的。

This one's from @LakeShowFanatic.

這則來自 @LakeShowFanatic

He says, "I had a roommate that would

他說：「我一個室友會

pour toilet bowl cleaner on his dirty dishes,

把馬桶清潔球和他的髒碗盤，

then leave them in the sink.

一起浸在流理槽。

He said, 'If it's good enough to clean toilets,

他表示：『馬桶洗得乾淨，

it's good enough to clean plates.'"

那碗盤也洗得乾淨囉。』」

What was on the plate?

碗盤上到底沾了蝦米碗糕 ?

Oh, he's doing chaw too.

剛剛他嘴裡的東西。

"Hey, if it's good enough for..."

「如果夠好用的話，...」

"Good enough to clean them plates."

「清潔溜溜拿來洗餐具。」

This one's from @jasonaland.

這則來自 @jasonaland。

He says, "My college roommate bought size 22 sneakers,

他說：「我大學室友買了雙 22 號的運動鞋，

put them in the middle of our living room,

放在客廳，

just so when people came over and saw them he could say,

為了是要讓大家看到時，他可以表示：

'Oh, my girlfriend's in the shower.'"

『喔，我女友在洗澡。』」

God, what's ? Where's the win?

老天，神邏輯 ?

What did he expect the reaction would be?

他到底在要幹嘛 ?

I guess you'd be like, "Wow. She's really tall."

我想你的反應是：「哇 ! 那她一定很高。」

That was a good bit. I kind of like it, man.

聽起來還不賴。我蠻喜歡的。

I give you props. I think it's funny.

我支持你，很有趣。

Yeah, you're going to do that one?

你也想要嗎 ?

I think that's a funny bit, man.

我覺得很有梗耶。

This last one here is from @diane-kinkade.

最後一則來自 @diane-kinkade。

She says, "My college roommate tried to kill a spider

她說：「我大學室友用榔頭，

that was on the window pane with a hammer.

要殺一隻在窗稜上的蜘蛛。

She missed the spider."

她沒殺到那隻蜘蛛。」

There you have it. Those are "Tonight Show" Hashtags.

歡迎收看「今夜秀」。

To check out more of our favorites,

更多我們的最愛，

go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

都在 tonightshow.com/hashtags。