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  • (beep)

  • - Which crypt monster would you be most willing to 69?

  • - Do you count?

  • (rock music)

  • - Hello, Glam-Jammers!

  • Welcome back to my awesome YouTube show about me!

  • Did you guys click like yet?

  • Click that bell, too, right, subscribe.

  • And we're all good, and we're all clear?

  • You clicked all the buttons?

  • Okay, good.

  • Thank you so much, I love you.

  • By the way, what is love?

  • A good friend Shakespeare once said

  • something about it, I'm sure,

  • but I was pretty drunk (burps) that whole century.

  • (flames roaring)

  • Maybe I've never been in love,

  • but I do know some truly terrible ways

  • to show someone you love them.

  • Greeting cards.

  • Here you go, read what someone else wrote

  • and then I sign my name on it in a Walgreens parking lot.

  • A box of chocolates.

  • Really looking forward to biting into a dozen

  • garbage candies to find the two worth eating.

  • Balloons!

  • Yeah, it's just gonna slowly float around your living room,

  • get caught in a fan, deflate one day

  • and then choke your dog to death.

  • Constantly posting about it on social media.

  • Yeah, if you're constantly posting pictures of you

  • and your significant other, you guys are definitely

  • going to break up with six months

  • or you already resent each other.

  • You know, get a life, and have some privacy

  • for crying out loud.

  • (beep)

  • I have a very special guest today

  • who's going to teach me a little something about love.

  • (claps) To the bedroom!

  • (violin music)

  • Oh my god, now we're in my bedroom.

  • Can you (beep) believe it?

  • Please welcome my guest, Miss Vienna Lamp.

  • (claps)

  • - Not it, close, though.

  • - What was your name again?

  • - Leanna Vamp.

  • - So who turned ya?

  • - Nobody.

  • - You're just Leanna Vamp?

  • - Yeah, or, what did you call me?

  • - Vienna Lamp.

  • - Vienna Lamp, no, not that one.

  • - My intern must have gotten that wrong.

  • I created a lamp cosplay.

  • - She's a host of a lot of television shows.

  • We've got a couple big hosts sitting

  • on this very same bed right now.

  • - Mm hmm, me and you?

  • - Yeah.

  • Are you scared?

  • - Not really.

  • - You can do anything you want to me

  • with any of those things.

  • (whip cracks)

  • - Maybe later.

  • - You can throw a dildo at my face.

  • I dare you.

  • - I don't want to hurt you.

  • - I want you to hurt me, I like it.

  • - No, maybe later.

  • - Have you ever been in love?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Yeah?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well, now we're onto something.

  • How many times have you been in love?

  • - Once, with my husband?

  • - Oh my god, you're married?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well, that adds up.

  • - Yep.

  • - You look great.

  • - Thanks.

  • (claps)

  • (laughs)

  • - Now what about me?

  • - You look beautiful.

  • Am I clapping too? (claps)

  • - Stop it, stop it.

  • Come on, stop it, stop it.

  • (beep)

  • - Leeanna.

  • - Yes ma'am.

  • - Are you ready to play a nasty little game called Glamazon?

  • Where I go through your Amazon purchases?

  • - I think so?

  • - Yeah?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well, it doesn't matter if you are or not

  • because I'm about to start

  • and you already signed a deal with the devil.

  • (sultry music)

  • - Are you sure you're not a vampire?

  • - Maybe.

  • - She is, okay.

  • - (laughs)

  • - We have unfinished wood coffin makeup.

  • I was right.

  • - Coffin boxes.

  • - Coffin boxes?

  • - Yeah, they're like little boxes, you put things in them.

  • - What do you put in them?

  • - I put jewelry in them.

  • - Yeah, right.

  • You rip off people's fingernails and stick them in there.

  • - I put people's eyeballs in them.

  • - Yes, you heard it here!

  • She has little coffins full of eyeballs.

  • - Yep, yep.

  • - Wiccapedia, W-I-C-C-A pedia

  • as in, you're a witch too?

  • - Um, I dabble.

  • - You dabble?

  • Do a spell on me right now!

  • - It doesn't work that way.

  • - What!

  • Yes, I have met lots of witches.

  • - It's too much pressure right now.

  • - This is your moment.

  • Turn me into a duck or something.

  • - I think you're perfect the way that you are, though.

  • I don't want to mess with that.

  • - Oh my god, shut the (beep) up.

  • - (laughs)

  • - Alright, we have

  • another inflatable coffin, what do you put in that?

  • - When I swim.

  • - When you swim?

  • - I swim with the coffin.

  • - Oh my- intern! (snaps)

  • I need one of those.

  • That is very chic, I love inflatables.

  • - It's Amazon Prime, too, it'll get to you in two days.

  • - I don't do my own anything.

  • - Nylon gloves, to cover your tracks

  • when you sneak into people's bedrooms,

  • suck blood out of their necks,

  • and turn them into one of you.

  • - Yeah.

  • - One of your people.

  • - Don't want to leave any evidence behind.

  • - Please tell me who turned you.

  • - Nobody did.

  • - Are you

  • the baby from (beep) the Kristen Stewart one? (laughs)

  • - Oh, no!

  • Twilight?

  • - Yeah!

  • - You better hold on tight, spider monkey.

  • - No more panty lines?

  • - You know that.

  • Don't talk to me like you don't know that.

  • - I never wear underwear.

  • - Oh, okay, well then you don't know that.

  • - Well, what are they?

  • - They're underwear that have no lines.

  • - Where do you stick 'em?

  • - You stick it here, and then it-

  • - You have to show me.

  • So if I were to-

  • - You stick it here.

  • - Where?

  • - Right here.

  • Right here, probably right here.

  • That's a little high.

  • - If you stick it right here, what's that doing?

  • - You stick the front, goes up, down and around,

  • and you stick the back up there

  • - It's here?

  • - And you stick it to the back.

  • Yeah, just like that.

  • - Is that the asshole part?

  • The little circle?

  • - It's the- above

  • the buttcrack part.

  • - I do not understand this device.

  • Moving on!

  • - Yeah.

  • - Films, we got shoes, boring, boring, boring.

  • - Shoes are not boring.

  • Do you see these?

  • These are not boring.

  • (heavenly music)

  • - Okay, those are actually really good shoes.

  • Girl.

  • Where'd you get those?

  • - Jeffrey Campbell.

  • - I (beep) him once.

  • - Did you get some free shoes?

  • - No.

  • - That's unfortunate.

  • - A whoopie cushion!

  • (fart sound)

  • - I like to play pranks on people, too.

  • - You're so mischievous.

  • "The Highly Sensitive Person"

  • How to...

  • This is a book.

  • Are you sensitive?

  • - I am.

  • - Are you in therapy?

  • - No, are you?

  • - Yeah.

  • I have the same therapist as Lady Gaga.

  • - Do you really?

  • - She was.

  • - She's dead?

  • - Well, she told me something I didn't like about myself.

  • So, (slicing sound) she had to go.

  • - I like you very much.

  • I think you're great.

  • - Thank you.

  • - You're welcome.

  • And I'm not just saying that so you don't

  • (clicks tongue) me.

  • - I could never.

  • - Why?

  • - Because you're a (beep) vampire!

  • - Oh, that's true.

  • - I don't have any stakes in here.

  • - That's true.

  • (laser sounds)

  • (whispers) She wasn't prepared.

  • - We're done with this game.

  • - Okay, good.

  • - But we're not done with games in general, my friend.

  • So don't get it (beep) twisted.

  • Cuz we're about to play Truth or Scare.

  • - (nervously) Uhh...

  • - So you have to tell me the truth about something, or

  • (clicks tongue)

  • Nah, I'm just kidding.

  • - Oh.

  • - I'm just going to text somebody in your phone

  • something you don't want me to text.

  • (creepy music)

  • Are you ready for Truth or Scare?

  • - I am not ready, but I think-

  • - Tough shit.

  • - You're going to go anyway!

  • - If you could have a threesome with me

  • and one other person, who would it be?

  • - My husband.

  • - Really?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Okay.

  • Intern, pull up my iCal!

  • - We can make time for you like, next week.

  • - I usually don't like to be pushed aside,

  • but I understand, you know.

  • - I appreciate you being flexible.

  • - Thank you, and you're welcome.

  • Stop making me nervous.

  • I'm so nervous.

  • (teeth chattering)

  • - Which crypt monster would you be most willing to 69?

  • - Do you count?

  • (harp music)

  • - Yes?

  • - We have a thing now.

  • - We have a thing now?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Wait, do we really have a thing now?

  • - Maybe.

  • - For the...?

  • (both laugh)

  • - Next question!

  • - Oh my god, I've never been so nervous

  • and giggly on this show before.

  • - See, that was my whole thing.

  • I'm trying to make you nervous

  • because you were making me very nervous earlier.

  • - Oh my god, you're making me nervous.

  • - (laughs)

  • - I'm just so excited for next weekend.

  • If you could send one person to the underworld,

  • who is it?

  • Because I can make that happen.

  • - But I mean, wait, the underworld like your underworld

  • and it's party time awesome?

  • - No, to the (beep) underworld, like-

  • - Like forever and-

  • - They're going to be tortured.

  • - I don't really think I have anyone that dislike

  • that much that I would send them to the underworld.

  • - Well, then, if you don't send someone to the underworld

  • I'm going to send you to the underworld, how about that?

  • - That would be cool.

  • - Okay.

  • - (laughs)

  • - When's the last time you shit your pants?

  • - (laughs) I technically have never shit my pants.

  • - You never shit in anything?

  • - In the toilet.

  • (maniacal laughter)

  • Where the shit is supposed to go.

  • - (laughs) So I hear.

  • - Have you shit in anything not the toilet?

  • - Yeah, I shit in a bush like several times.

  • Anyway, have you ever cheated on a significant other?

  • - No.

  • - Okay, cool.

  • You are just a vampire with a heart of gold.

  • - I have a good heart, yeah.

  • I'm a kind vampire.

  • Not everybody's evil.

  • - Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing?

  • - You make me feel like you think everybody's evil.

  • - Well, you make me feel like a natural woman.

  • Damn, alright, well, I guess you win.

  • - Thanks, what do I win?

  • - You can pick anything from my altar.

  • Anything you wish.

  • - What's that thing?

  • - What?

  • Pick it up.

  • - Oh, no.

  • Here, I got that for you.

  • - Is that one of those things?

  • - I feel like there was something else that was supposed

  • to be connected, I don't think that's what it was for.

  • - (gags)

  • - Yeah, don't put your face in it.

  • - I actually don't know what this is.

  • - You know what it is.

  • You're just trying to get me to say what it is.

  • And I'm not going to say it!

  • (item crashes to floor)

  • You put something in there.

  • - What, a dick?

  • - Yeah, I think that's what it is.

  • - What else can you put a dick in?

  • (both laugh)

  • (beep)

  • Now we're gonna do a segment called Just the Tip!

  • But not here, you're not invited.

  • (tinkling chimes)

  • Here's Just the Tip: Love Edition.

  • They say if you do what you love

  • you'll never work a day in your life.

  • Which means that everyone

  • that's at work right now is totally miserable.

  • When you love someone, it's good to go out of your way

  • to show them that you care.

  • When I love someone, what I like to do is figure out

  • who their number one enemy is, and curse them eternally

  • without them even asking me to.

  • I don't even take credit for it.

  • Love is about giving without needing to receive.

  • But again, it's 2018, you gotta eat pussy, guys.

  • (kitten meows)

  • And that was just a little love tip.

  • (flute music)

  • Oh my god, we're in my living lair.

  • Magically.

  • I boiled us down into molecules and zapped us here.

  • We could have just walked, though.

  • - We could have walked, it's not very far.

  • - We're gonna play a game now called Sketch Me if You Can.

  • (opera music)

  • You ready?

  • - Oh, I don't know.

  • Um, yeah, let's do it.

  • - This is how you play.

  • You have things on your card

  • and I have things on my card that we're going to draw

  • that the other person is going to guess.

  • - Like Pictionary.

  • - Okay, well, it's a little bit different from Pictionary

  • Okay, everything on your card is scary

  • or spooky or disturbing or (beep) up.

  • - [Vienna] Okay. Got it.

  • - That's how we do it here.

  • You're gonna draw first.

  • - I'm first?

  • - Yes, alright, are you ready?

  • - (singing) Five, six, seven eight.

  • Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.

  • - You're making me nervous.

  • - Okay, he has a hat, he has a hat.

  • Wait.

  • - And it's all black.

  • - Okay, I can just know that it's all black

  • you don't have to fill it in.

  • - Okay, well, you're still guessing

  • so I'm trying to give you time.

  • - Okay!

  • - This is for you.

  • - Stop yelling at me!

  • (groans)

  • (buzzer sounds)

  • What was it?

  • - Babadook.

  • (screeching)

  • - Okay, well, point for me.

  • - So I lose.

  • (paper rustling)

  • - This is my lair.

  • Are you ready?

  • - Ready.

  • - Wanna count me in?

  • - Okay, three, two, one, go.

  • - Okay, alright.

  • - Blob, square, rock.

  • Scary rock.

  • Scary rock with sharp teeth.

  • - Oh my god.

  • Okay, what can a scary rock not do?

  • - It looks like a skull with a...

  • (scribbling)

  • (buzzer sounds)

  • - Oh, he can't see!

  • Look-See!

  • (ominous music)

  • Is that a point?

  • - No, the buzzer was right before you said that.

  • So the point...

  • - I got it, though.

  • You guys know I got it.

  • - Okay, you guys know that she lost.

  • - Ready?

  • - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

  • Alright, alright, alright.

  • Oo, okay.

  • Why do you...

  • - This is bad.

  • - That looks like a happy frog.

  • Are those eyes?

  • - Those are eyes.

  • I can't talk, yeah.

  • - He's on wheels?

  • - Uh huh.

  • - That looks like a toy frog on wheels.

  • I'm sorry, but that is a nice turtle.

  • - It's Jigsaw.

  • - Do you wanna play a game?

  • - Yours wasn't good either so, don't give me shit.

  • - Shut up.

  • - (laughs) Okay, your turn.

  • - Alright, you ready?

  • - Three, two, one, go.

  • (scribbling)

  • They all start off like potatoes.

  • (clock ticking)

  • Creature from the black lagoon.

  • Um, Pennywise.

  • - (screams) YES!

  • (horror music)

  • This is your final card.

  • - Yep, I'm ready.

  • - You're losing.

  • - Did you say I'm losing?

  • - Go!

  • - Alright.

  • - Um...

  • This is Freddy Kreuger.

  • - Oh, yeah!

  • - You are all my children now.

  • - I win, you lose.

  • - Yeah, I figured that much.

  • - But, because you've been so charming

  • and gorgeous, let's be honest,

  • do you want to plug something?

  • - If you want to check me out

  • you can just go to my website, it's LeeannaVamp.com.

  • And on Social I'm just @Vamp.

  • - What kind of stuff do you do on those websites?

  • - I do a kids' puppet show,

  • which you probably would find very interesting.

  • - I love kids' puppet shows!

  • - Yeah, it's called the the Fiends

  • so you can check it out on my website,

  • and, yeah.

  • - Can I trace you?

  • - Sure.

  • - [Narrator] Approximately 10 hours later.

  • (paper rustling)

  • - I'm an artist.

  • Stop questioning me.

  • - Ah, thank you.

  • Wait, it fits me.

  • Good?

  • - Well, I sure learned a lot about love today, didn't you?

  • - I did.

  • - Oh, cool.

  • - Go.

  • Wait, get back here.

  • - You told me to go.

  • - I mean, do it cooler,

  • like turn into a bat, evaporate.

  • - Oh, okay, you ready?

  • - Yeah.

  • (explosion)

  • - See you in a few weeks!

  • I love Leeanna Vamp.

  • And her husband, soon. (laughs)

  • Next, a segment called Glam or Guhhh.

  • (rock music)

  • Okay, the first one.

  • Westworld!

  • Guhhh.

  • Grown men wearing graphic tees.

  • Glam!

  • Wacky airport safety videos.

  • Guhhh.

  • Who cares.

  • We're already drunk at that point,

  • nobody's paying attention.

  • Hello Kitty.

  • Glam.

  • Ouija Boards.

  • Glam!

  • The NRA.

  • Guhhh, get out of here.

  • Adam Levine.

  • Who's that, guhhh.

  • Justin Timberlake doing comedy.

  • Guhhh.

  • Taco Bell, glam!

  • John Mayer, glam.

  • Hey hon, how you doin.

  • And that was Glam or Guhhh.

  • (beep)

  • What is love?

  • Baby, don't hurt me no more.

  • ("What is Love" by Haddaway)

  • I didn't really learn much about love, it turns out.

  • What Leeanna and I had was a little more carnal.

  • So I turned to some website called Reddit

  • to find out what love was really about.

  • Love is fake and anyone that ever says they love you

  • is a liar.

  • Love is just a thing that stupid people believe

  • so that they don't die alone.

  • Even if you do find love and spend

  • the rest of your life together, best case scenario,

  • one of you is watching the other one die slowly.

  • Love is blind, just like the Look-See.

  • See you next week.

  • Don't forget to like and subscribe

  • and I will be back with updates.

  • You know what I mean?

  • (clicks tongue)

  • Byeeee!

  • (creepy sounds)

(beep)

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