Like, I was thinking maybe we could meet up

with Amy and Brad, and, like, before that,

we could go to Angela's, and before that,

we could, like, just go--

Meegan.

I have something to say.

[exhales sharply]

I had to say it in person

because it's-- it's, like, super important.

Okay.

Um...

I know this is sudden, but, like,

I've been thinking about this for a while.

And I know this is something that needs to happen.

I'm breaking up with you.

Cool. Love it.

Totally fine with that.

- R-Really? - Yeah.

'Cause I thought--

I was really worried

that you were gonna be, like, mad.

Mad? Oh, my God.

Are you kidding me?

No, of course I'm not mad.

People grow apart. It happens.

It's, like, part of life.

No, I'm totally fine.

Like, love it, love it, love it.

Um... [clears throat]

So...

Uh, um...

we had a good run.

Yeah.

And, uh, don't be a stranger.

Can I just--

Can I ask why?

- Why? - Yeah, like, whatevs.

Like, I'm doing some work on myself

and, like, trying to grow as a person,

so I'd really, like, appreciate to know why.

Yeah, um...

Okay, yeah, that's, like--

You know, I think that you're kind of, like,

a controlling person who--

Thank you. Thank you for that.

That's nice. Thank you for that.

Cool. No problem.

So you know what your problem is, Andre?

What?

You keep tabs on people.

Every little thing somebody does,

you have to keep a tab of it.

Wait. I-I can't tell if you're angry or not.

I'm not.

Mm, totally not angry.

No, I'm excited. It's good.

It's just, like, you said your piece,

and I just think that I deserve the human decency

to say my piece.

Right, right.

Is that-- is that not okay?

No, no, no. It's--

Of course, of course.

You're a controlling, manipulative person.

Everyone says that.

I-I don't think that I am.

Yes, you are, Andre.

Yes, you motherfucking are.

Okay, now--now, you sound pretty angry.

I'm not angry!

I'm not angry. I'm fine.

I love it!

I love that you came to my house,

and you broke up with me in my space.

And I'm gonna think about that every time I'm here.

That's great. That is so perfect for me.

[crying] It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Where else was I supposed to do it?

'Cause you won't come to my house.

Oh, here he is. The puppet master is back.

But I'm not-- No, I'm not the puppet master.

Why are you doing this to me?

It's true. You won't come to my house.

You said my apartment looks like two rats

just shit in it every fucking day.

Oh, right, like, thank you for that.

I'm a bitch. Thank you.

I didn't call-- no, I didn't say "bitch."

- I didn't-- - Which is it?

Am I evil, or am I a bitch?

No, no, you're not evil, Meegan.

Well, then why are you punishing me?

I'm not punishing you. I'm not--

You broke up with me,

and I'm not supposed to feel punished.

- Who thinks like that? - [shouting]

I don't know! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, okay, Meegan?

I guess I didn't think it through.

Well, it's, like, too late now.

- I mean, we're done. - No, it's not too late.

Meegan, Meegan, seriously, I just--

I-I-I had a feeling that I thought was true,

and clearly-- clearly it wasn't true.

Like, I'm so confused.

Like, are you breaking up with me,

or are you not breaking up with me?

Meegan, I'm not breaking up with you!

Okay, cool. So what do you want to do tonight?

Like, I want to hang out with Amy and Brad,

but maybe before that, we can go to Angela's.

[dark music]

♪ ♪

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