I can continue being my nice self

or I can be an asshole, what are you into?

(upbeat piano music)

- Wow, you are beautiful. Are you crazy?

- What are you planning on eating tonight?

Is it gonna be expensive? I don't have a much money.

- So what have you heard about me?

- So drugs? Totally disgusting, I shouldn't bring them up?

Or they're really fun and you want to hear stories?

- So how many dates until we have sex?

And then how often?

- Yeah, okay, so do you know anything about wine?

'Cause I'm about to make some shit up.

- When do I actually get to meet the real you?

- I gotta be honest, I don't know where you want me to look.

That shirt really shows off your boobs

and I appreciate that.

- If I order a salad are you gonna judge me?

- Where do you want me to look that says

I appreciate your body, but still respect you.

- So this whole nice thing, does that last?

- God, you're really great, how terrifying is your dad?

- I'm getting drunk, where are you at?

Catch up, girl! (laughing)

- Do you actually like me or did you just

want to check out this restaurant?

- You mentioned it didn't work out with your ex, why?

- Okay, on a scale of one to kill me,

how possessive would you say you are?

- On a scale of one to Fifty Shades of Grey,

how freaky are you?

- Who are you texting? - Is this narrative

of my trip to Thailand doing anything for you?

- Do you think you're mom material, you like kids, right?

- Out of everything that I've said here tonight,

what is gonna help me the most on this date?

- How many kids is too many for you?

- Straight up, are you crazy?

- Wow, this is going really well,

how many other people are in love with you right now?

- Are we having sex tonight?

(upbeat music)