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  • All right, I want to talk about time.

  • Because most of us feel like time is moving too fast.

  • For instance today is Wednesday.

  • I woke up this morning convinced that it was Tuesday,

  • but no, it's Wednesday.

  • There are markers that make us feel

  • like where has the time gone, and take a look at this.

  • So tell us your fantastic story.

  • This is incredible.

  • And you're 18, and you're so popular,

  • and tell everybody how this all happened.

  • I started singing when I was a baby,

  • but I decided that this was it when I was like 10.

  • Right.

  • So that was the first time that Taylor Swift was on my show.

  • She was 18 years old.

  • I remember it like it was yesterday.

  • More-- better than, because I don't know what

  • I did yesterday, but I do remember that.

  • That 18-year-old is turning 30 this year.

  • Can you believe that?

  • She's legally driving and drinking and kissing boys.

  • Not at the same time.

  • But Taylor-- or Tay-Tay, I call her Tay-Tay--

  • is on the cover of Elle Magazine this month.

  • There she is.

  • And in this article she lists 30 things

  • that she learned before turning 30.

  • She hadn't turned 30 until December,

  • so she's not planning on learning anything else.

  • Here are a few things that she listed.

  • She learned to stop hating her body.

  • She learned that saying I'm sorry when you hurt someone

  • is really, really important.

  • She learned how to make some easy cocktails, like pimps cups

  • and mojitos.

  • Amen, sister.

  • And I was inspired by Tay-Tay.

  • I turned 60 last year, so I want to share some--

  • yeah.

  • [CHEERING]

  • So I want to share some things that I've

  • learned with all of you.

  • First, I've learned to stop hating Taylor Swift's body.

  • It's weird-- that was both of our lists it was on.

  • Another thing I learned is that it's easy to scare celebrities.

  • All you have to do is get yourself a talk show,

  • and get a celebrity and a staff member

  • stuffed into a little box, and zim, zam, zoom,

  • and you scare them.

  • [SCREAMING]

  • Oh my god.

  • Zim, zam, zoom.

  • Yeah.

  • Also like Taylor, I've learned to make some easy cocktails.

  • Here's what I do.

  • I find a delicious tequila, for instance maybe a Casa Dragones

  • and I open the bottle, and I slowly pour it directly

  • into my mouth.

  • Because easy cleanup.

  • There's no mess.

  • You just--

  • Because you know if you don't have a glass,

  • some people don't have glasses.

  • You just have a bottle, and that's all you need.

  • I've learned to always do your best, never be unkind.

  • Sometimes make mistakes, choose love over hate,

  • follow your dreams, be true to yourself.

  • Shake it off, nothing lasts forever,

  • Strawberry Fields forever, roar, work bitch.

  • I'm sorry, now I'm listing songs.

All right, I want to talk about time.

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