I always felt like I was so much more than that, ya know?

One thing that helped was a project I did in the sixth grade.

Our teacher split the class into three groups.

We were gonna make ~movies~ (woahh) My friend Scott and I wrote our group's script about

a nerdy kid who wins a basketball game and finally gains the respect of his whole class.

You know, because obviously I knew how it felt to be liked by everyone, I just wanted

to show everyone else.

I played the main character, and since I was the only one who knew how to use the camera,

I also ended up filming and editing the whole thing.

I was a little upset that I did so much by myself, so I put my name in the credits like

a dozen times.

When everyone finished their movie, we threw a little red-carpet premiere so parents could

come and watch.

My mom couldn't get off work, so I was kinda on my own.

While the seats filled up, it hit me that this would be the first time anyone else had

seen mine and I got really nervous that people would hate it.

I worked so hard, but I had never done this before, and my name was all over it!

If it was bad, everyone would know that I was bad.

So I sat in the back of the room while everyone watched.

I couldn't really tell what they thought, but when it finished, they clapped.

They really seemed to like it, and the best part was when my crush said that my movie

was her favorite.

Hi Morgan!

I was still The Computer Kid, but now I was also kinda The Video Kid, when I wanted to

be.

It felt, cool.

In the eighth grade I met Jeremy, who introduced me to Rob.

They were into filmmaking too, and Jeremy had a camera!

So after school we'd make little sketches for Jeremy's channel.

He had almost 30 subscribers, which I remember thinking was a lot.

Also, his mom made us use fake names, and I guess I didn't pick mine fast enough because

suddenly, and without being consulted, I became...

Barry.

We never got a ton of views, but that didn't matter!

We were having fun.

I wasn't always the most confident in school, but I was The Video Kid, so I felt like I

could try things.

Even if they were cringey.

Like in one video, I had to run down a path but there was a bunch of branches in my way.

I ducked and dodged, but it's not totally clear what I'm doing, so it looks like I

just run weird.

But then I do a totally sick parkour roll, so I guess that makes up for it.

I was embarrassed by those videos for a long time, but now it's fun to look back and

see how far I've come.

Besides, I had nothing to be embarrassed about!

Making stuff is always cool.

Luckily Jeremy didn't delete his channel, but most of the vlogs and sketches and claymation

things I made when I was younger are gone forever because I didn't think they were

good enough.

Which is dumb, because everything I learned making stuff for fun got me a job working

for a YouTuber I really admire: Hank Green.

(He's the guy who started VidCon.)

I was so excited to move out of my mom's house, I made sure to take everything I owned

with me.

I got my dream job, and now I was a VidCon employee!

Everything clicked into place.

It was like the random projects and videos I had been making for fun had actually been

designed to make me the best life I could imagine, all along!

I felt really lucky to be there, even if I didn't fit in too well.

My coworkers were really nice, I was just way younger than them.

This was my first real job, and I was living on my own for the first time so I was figuring

out how to grocery shop, while they were having kids.

We were at different stages in life, but it was hard for me to see at the time.

Like, I'm the only one who doesn't have things figured out.

What's wrong with me?

And since I was new in town I didn't know anyone outside of work.

One time I went to a computer meetup thing to hopefully find some people my age.

But like, three old dudes showed up who already knew each other, and I guess they weren't

very good with computers after all because I never got the invite to the next one.

I was pretty lonely.

But this is my dream job!

This is as good as it gets!

I'll never find anything this good ever again!

I should be happy...

Why aren't I happy?

One day, on a whim, I asked my boss something like “If I quit, how much would that mess

things up for you?”

I think part of me was hoping he'd say “You can't quit!

We need you!” but he didn't.

We talked about everything I'd need to do to before leaving, we even decided what my

final day would be, and before I knew it, it was over.

After more than two years, I wasn't a VidCon employee any more.

I really did like working there.

And my coworkers really were so good.

I didn't even know what I was gonna do next, but I was quitting my dream job?

What was I thinking?

After my last work day, I remember sitting on the floor of my apartment with my mom.

She had come to help pack, and as the boxes filled up, it hit me that I had just thrown

away the best thing that would ever happen to me, and there really was no going back.

My mom let me stay with her until I figured out what was next, so we moved all of my stuff

back to her house.

One morning my mom came in and asked if I had been on the phone in the night, but when

I told her I fell asleep really quickly she said “Oh.

It sounded like you were saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'” I was straight up crying

in my sleep.

Leaving was supposed to make me feel better, but I didn't even know who I was any more.

So I told myself that quitting VidCon would be the biggest mistake of my life, until I

made something better happen.

Working there taught me enough about the inner workings of YouTube that I was pretty sure

I could be a YouTuber.

And I got to work.

I tried a few things but eventually decided that I like telling stories the most.

A few animated story channels were suddenly doing well too, so it seemed like a smart

move.

I spent a month planning things out, writing scripts, and sending audio clips to everyone

I knew to get their opinions.

I didn't know how to draw yet, but I did have a theory.

When it came to the type of videos I wanted to make, the visuals might just be the least

important part.

It doesn't matter how beautiful a video is, if the story is bad, nobody will want

to watch.

And I had listened to enough podcasts to know that stories could be incredibly entertaining

with just audio.

As everything shaped up I became convinced.

This would work.

I had never been The Art Kid before, but I wasn't gonna let that stop me.

So I did something recklessly optimistic, and spent very almost all of my savings on

a drawing tablet.

Now this had to work.

I'M GONNA TEACH YOU A THING ABOUT YOUTUBE!

When you first create a channel, the videos you upload aren't recommended.

YouTube doesn't know who will like them, or how much they'll watch, so starting fresh

can be hard.

Before you get in recommended, you first need to get enough organic views that THE ALGORITHM

can decide how good your videos are.

OK BACK TO THE STORY I uploaded my first animated story and tried

my best to promote it.

It got a couple hundred views, and people seemed to like it, but it didn't get any

recommended traffic.

I posted my second video, promoted it more, and people liked it too!

But no recommendations yet.

I thought they were genuinely entertaining, I just needed to get them in front of more

people.

There was a channel with over a million subscribers that would sometimes collab with people who

were just starting out, which seemed like a good bet.

I emailed him and asked if he would read lines for me.

I used to work for Hank Green, after all, so I kinda know what I'm doing.

But he said no, so I said...

please?

He agreed, but later I found out that it was just because he thought I could get him into

VidCon.

Like, I quit!

I couldn't even get myself into VidCon.

Jaiden told me that when she saw my first video she was like “Holy crap how did he

start good?” which was so nice!

Little did she know…

Anyway, I worked as hard as I could to make my third video AWESOME.

I stressed over every detail and even spent a whole day on the thumbnail so I didn't

waste the opportunity.

Then one morning I woke up in really bad pain.

I didn't have health insurance, and even though I didn't have too many expenses - thanks

mom - the reckless optimist in me had just gone all-in to buy equipment!

I couldn't afford to go to the hospital.

But the pain got worse, and that night my mom had to take me to the emergency room.

Turns out that everything was fine, I just needed to eat more fiber.

(It helps ya poop) What can I say, being super stressed out does weird things to you.

So I loaded up on Metamucil because suddenly I had a huge hospital bill to worry about.

This had to work, now.

In all honesty, I should have stopped.

I should have switched to plan B, get a job at the first place that hired me, go back

to college and stop wasting time.

But I had spent more than two years working for a YouTuber, I learned first hand what

it takes, and I couldn't let myself throw all that away for nothing.

There was a part of me that just wanted to give up.

I don't want to get too dark, but honestly?

There's been a lot of times that I really wanted to give up, and this was one of them.

I told my mom, and if there's one thing she was right about, it's that you never

know what tomorrow will bring.

She always says that.

Thanks mom.

So I finished the video.

There had been a few dozen collabs like this before me.

The most viewed one at the time had about a hundred thousand views, and the lucky ones

got an impressive five percent of people to subscribe.

So, it seemed like the best-case scenario was that I might get five thousand subscribers!

I tried not to get my hopes up though.

That first week, I gained almost six hundred subscribers from being in a collab playlist,

which was awesome!

I remember sitting at dinner with my mom and cheering when I hit seven hundred.

Then things started to slow down, but THE ALGORITHM must have finally gathered enough

data to decide how much to recommend my videos, and I guess it decided that EVERYBODY SHOULD

SEE THIS because suddenly all three of my videos were being recommended like crazy!

The next week, I rocketed to a million views out of nowhere, and a whopping ten percent

decided to subscribe.

Thanks for that, by the way.

Everyone has those moments where just when it looks like things can't get any worse,

they do.

Which is like, what the heck, life!?

But the opposite is true too!

After years of trying to figure out who I am, and sometimes having to fight really hard

to not give up entirely, the pieces eventually came together.

I'm still The Computer Kid, and The Video Kid.

I never would have guessed that I'd become The Art Kid, let alone The YouTube Kid, but

now I get to be all of those people, and more!

Sometimes I still want to give up, but by now I've learned not to.

Like my mom always says “You never know what tomorrow will bring.”

If you want to see the videos I made way back in the day with my friend Jeremy, click here

to check out A Brief History of TimTom by my other friend Ryder where he talks about

all the stuff that I did before making cartoons.

Most of what I made as a kid is long gone, but we were able to dig some of it up, and

he turned it into a video!

How cool is that?

Ok Bye!