why I don't date White guys.

See, in the past it was a long string of Latinos

and a Korean and that didn't work out

and I'm missing out on a whole dating pool.

So I was like, "I'mma open it up on ok cupid.

"Let's date a White guy."

But I didn't figure out my limits with White guys

until my third date with this guy, Jim.

His real name wasn't Jim,

but it was basically Jim.

- My parents were totally right.

The piano lessons really did pay off.

- We're not gonna tell them that though, right?

- No (laughing)

but I mean, me being a professional musician

might tip them off.

- (laughing) Yeah, totally.

During the walk, I could feel him

making a move,

but I wasn't ready.

So as he was leaning in,

I blocked him, no!

Hey, these plants aren't native to California, right?

- Hey, let's stop by my house.

It's on the way to lunch.

Let me show you those jazz records.

- In his defense,

we were actually talking about his jazz records.

Jim makes a beeline to his bedroom.

As I follow him, I see something

out of the corner of my eye.

(menacing music)

A set of decorative Samurai swords.

And in that moment, a rush of memories snap in.

He did tell me on our first date

that he taught English in Japan.

And oh right, he did tell me on our second date

that he took Mandarin Chinese classes.

What was I thinking?

He wants to add me to his collection

of decorative Oriental objects.

You know, maybe it's just the one thing.

What is it they say?

Once is an accident.

Twice is a coincidence.

But three times?

(menacing music)

Is an enemy action.

I mean, even my extra Chinese immigrant parent's house

had three fewer calligraphy scrolls than this guy.

And in that moment of panic,

I imagined that all Jim wanted was

someone in that bedroom

wearing a silky kimono robe,

chopsticks in her hair

and ribbon dancing for him.

Because let's be honest,

the only two sub-populations of people

that I could possibly date

who would have that many

Chinese calligraphy scrolls on their walls

would be number one,

real Asian gangster AZN pride gangster dudes

who have these scrolls, unironically,

because that shit's beautiful.

And the second group?

Owners of Chinatown curio gift shops

who lack storage.

I knew the day was over,

but I still wanted that Vietnamese food

that Jim said was so good.

I'm at the front door

and as I'm putting on my shoes

because, of course--

Hey, what's that?

- [Jim] Oh that's just the culmination

of my entire music career.

- In the middle of this plaque

was a photo of him

shaking the hand of an old important White guy

and Jim is wearing

a blue silk China man jacket.

For the biggest moment of Jim's entire career,

he wanted to look like Jackie Chan.

That was it.

I was like, I'm done with White land.

I could see the bridge to White land

and it looks really great on the other side

with their high cheek bones,

J. Crew outfits and potato salad,

but I was done.

First I thought, "You know what?

"I'mma bomb this bridge to White land.

"No Jenny shall pass."

And then I realized,

it's not that I shouldn't date any White guys,

it's that I should not date a White guy

who's more Asian than me.

(lively music)