EDDIE HUANG: That's fresh.

They've got some shallots in there.

EDDIE HUANG: Oh, he's crazy.

Oh, this is the food?

-[SPEAKING CHINESE]

-Sorry.

EDDIE HUANG: Yo, Otto just gets really upset anytime you

touch anything on the school bus.

So we're not going to touch anything else on Otto's school

bus over here.

Finesse, finesse.

OTTO: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

EDDIE HUANG: Oh, he's finessing.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

EDDIE HUANG: So you see this short, fat Chinaman?

Clearly, I don't like to eat breakfast and get my

metabolism going in the morning.

But my man's here, Huckleberry Finn up in this bitch, was

like you've got to have breakfast in Taiwan, right?

It's not all some IHOP shit, not some Waffle House shit.

We about to go to the best soy milk joint.

Fresh, hot soy milk for that ass, right now.

No photos, no photos, the God is here.

The name of this place is World's Greatest Soy Milk.

But, it's so good, and this neighborhood is Yung Ho, that

it is now known as Yung Ho Doujiang.

It's the most official, the best, it's like Cali Kush--

Yung Ho Doujiang.

These are staple items at a Taiwanese breakfast.

So we got the whole spread so you guys can see

what's really good.

This is what we came for--

hot, sweet soy milk.

You got to see my eyes eating, this is mean.

This soy milk is fucking mean.

They're the only people that roast their soy beans before

making the soy milk.

They roast their soybeans like coffee.

This is amazing.

This is a beef in a sobe, which is like a pancake.

Well, I'm going to open this up for you so you can see.

Look at those pickled mustard greens with a

little chili in there.

And then this is beef shank lu goda.

And when we say "lu" it means braised, and specifically

braised with five-spice.

This is the egg pancake.

It is a fried dough bottom, so it's like a Sicilian pizza.

Then topped with a egg-- like, this is just straight murder

on a plate.

It is so good, this is retarded.

I wake up, eat this, drink this, I run 20 miles in soft

sand and have a career longer than cannabis.

This is mi jung, and this is peanut and sticky rice

breakfast soup.

This is shaobing youtiao.

You have the fried cruller on the inside, it's

the Taiwanese churro.

I'm going to dip this in here.

This really compliments the flavor of

this shaobing youtiao.

It's a churro on the inside, a pancake on the outside, and it

tastes like peanut butter and jelly.

Like, un-motherfucking defeated.

Uh, so good!

It's so good.

Peanut butter jelly time.

Oh, pretty Indian!

Pretty Indian!

DAVID: This is hella good, man.

-[SPEAKING CHINESE]

EDDIE HUANG: [SPEAKING CHINESE]

Yo, why am I speaking Chinese to you?

I always speak Chinese to this dude.

Number one soy milk champion.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

EDDIE HUANG: We are at sunny Normal University and I'm your

abnormal guy.

I'm very, very curious to find out who goes to Normal

University.

I have no idea what cosplay is, but looking at the

turnout, either fucking Justin Bieber is here or Jeremy Lin's

about to jump off the roof.

I hope one of those things happens.

What up, Biebs?

I fucking love you!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

EDDIE HUANG: This kind of looks like the AVN Awards,

except everyone looks like Asa Akira.

Yo, peep game.

EDDIE HUANG: Oh!

Don't shoot up the skirt?

-Yeah.

EDDIE HUANG: Oh!

Yo, let's get some upskirt here.

Do some upskirt here.

Oh, more upskirt.

Go upskirt.

I don't know if I want to be Taiwanese anymore.

So a lot of your favorite

fashionistas didn't get invited.

Anna Wintour, we're sorry, boo.

Invitations get lost in the mail.

Today is a single man cosplay fashion show for your boy.

We gonna see what the game's been missing.

This one is rocking the fall 2012 chainsaw--

we like that a lot.

Oh, oh, oh, the movement!

Killing the game!

Next we have a musical number that just might be the

must-have item of winter 2012--

the steel lotus groin.

Oh, Taiwan girl-next-door, maybe?

I think Forell might like this shorty--

it's kind of his thing.

Oh, model minority--

very studious.

Two is better than one.

One's got the Laotian sword, execution-style.

This one got a little gut-- you know the kid likes that.

Two girls, one gun.

All right, hang on, hang on.

Oh, she is finessing that chainsaw, B!

Oh, these shorties are mad jealous.

They're like peeping the chainsaw game here.

And they're literally just like, look at this bitch, she

thinks she's really some shit with that chainsaw.

Let's show you how it's really done.

Two for one, ah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

EDDIE HUANG: So your boy just received the ill King Jaffe

Joffer treatment--

one man cosplay fashion show.

And what could be better?

We're going to go eat out of some toilets.

Lot of people have shot at this

restaurant, Modern Toilet.

I really wanted to see it for myself.

We're going to sit on this shorty's face.

She seems real nice.

Hey, [INAUDIBLE], look at this dude's ill collar pop.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

My neckroll ma.

-Neckroll?

EDDIE HUANG: No.

Oh.

[SPEAKING CHINESE]

All the ladies back home, if you're lucky enough, I could

bring you here.

Did you ever think that this could happen to you?

Oh, most official.

This is like a day in the life of a toilet in your mizow.

That's disgusting.

From what I can gather as an outsider in this country, I

think this is like Red Lobster in Taiwan.

Because this is where you take people for

Valentine's Day or prom.

Um, send the chef my compliments.

Oh, that's not cool.

Should we send this back, dude?

I thought German sausage, it's like a giant footlong sausage.

This is kind of like shorty took the pants down and dude

came with sliced sausage meat.

It's like, oh yeah, you're gonna fuck me up tonight.

Mm, let me see that shit.

Asian homies out there, don't let your shrubbery look bigger

than your weaponry, all right?

Even if this is what you're trying to fucking lay

the game down with.

You can make it look better without your fucking giant

whack-a-mole bush.

Remove it and it's like oh, I'm still really not going to

have very much fun but he's a nice guy.

See that Asian sausage--

it's not big, but it's pretty flavorful.

This is now my favorite Taiwanese restaurant.

You know why?

It is a satire and a parody of all cuisines not

Taiwanese or Chinese.

What are they putting in the toilets?

Japanese, Indian curry, Italian food, German food.

And they're like, yo, your food is such hot trash,

non-Taiwanese, Chinese countries.

We're going to help you out.

We're going to put it in its proper home so it's

appreciated the way it should be-- in a fucking toilet.

Modern Toilet, to the gods.

Out of here, number one.

Mad subliminal.

Extra subliminal.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

EDDIE HUANG: This was like the Jekyll and Hyde day, because

breakfast was the most official Taiwanese breakfast

I've ever had.

Like, everything there was on smash.

And I even liked when the chef punched our cameraman in the

face because he was protecting his recipe.

He didn't want people to see.

Cosplay--

yeah, cosplay was a lot of fun.

It's like going to Comic-Con.

You look at it and you think people are cornballs.

Sometimes you got to be like not so fucking cool and just

have a good time, and I had a great time.

And that toilet restaurant, same thing.

It's not always about what's in the

toilet, it's the toilet.

The whole experience of eating out of toilets is some wild,

funny shit, you know?

This episode I think really shows people don't judge a

toilet by its cover.

"Fresh Off the Boat," Taiwan.

Eddie Huang, we out.

On the next episode of "Fresh Off the Boat."

[SPEAKING CHINESE]