with one of the worst hurricanes ever recorded.

And with it being reported that 13,000 homes

may have been destroyed,

this island nation is gonna need as much help as they can get. 00:00:12.611 --> 00:00:14.881 line:0% So please donate if you can. 00:00:14.914 --> 00:00:16.482 line:0% Everybody's gonna need it. 00:00:16.515 --> 00:00:18.251 line:0% And, you know, whenever I see this, 00:00:18.284 --> 00:00:20.053 line:0% I always ask myself, I go, like, 00:00:20.086 --> 00:00:21.721 line:0% "Why do hurricanes always destroy 00:00:21.754 --> 00:00:23.723 line:0% the most beautiful places on Earth?"

Like, I wish hurricanes hit places

we actually wanted to rebuild, you know?

Like, why doesn't a hurricane hit LaGuardia Airport? Huh?

Yeah. That would be great.

Then we could start over from scratch and fix that shithole.

-(laughter) -Anyway, the chances are

the hurricane will be like, "LaGuardia? (bleep) that. No.

"They don't even have a place to charge your phone.

I'm not going there."

So Hurricane Dorian has slammed into the Bahamas,

and now it is headed towards the U.S.

The good news is, President Trump has a lot of experience

handling hurricanes of this magnitude.

The bad news is, he doesn't remember any of his experience. 00:00:58.090 --> 00:00:59.692 line:0% NEWSWOMAN: The president appeared baffled 00:00:59.725 --> 00:01:01.394 line:0% by the storm's intensity... 00:01:01.427 --> 00:01:04.163 line:0% I'm not sure that I've ever even heard of a Category 5. 00:01:04.196 --> 00:01:05.364 line:0% I knew it existed. 00:01:05.397 --> 00:01:06.966 line:0% NEWSWOMAN: ...even though there have been 00:01:06.999 --> 00:01:10.770 line:0% four Category 5 hurricanes since he's been in office. 00:01:10.803 --> 00:01:13.272 line:0% It's not the first time he's claimed surprise 00:01:13.305 --> 00:01:15.141 line:0% about the common term. 00:01:15.174 --> 00:01:17.410 line:0% Category 5. 00:01:17.443 --> 00:01:19.812 line:0% Never heard about Category 5's before. 00:01:19.845 --> 00:01:21.981 line:0% Category 5 is big stuff. 00:01:22.014 --> 00:01:25.485 line:0% Category 5. Nobody's ever heard of a 5 hitting land. 00:01:25.518 --> 00:01:27.920 line:0% It actually touched down as a Category 5. 00:01:27.953 --> 00:01:30.523 line:0% People have never... seen anything like that. 00:01:30.556 --> 00:01:33.226 line:0% I never even knew a Category 5 existed.

Okay, this... this is just weird, man.

Every time a Category 5 storm comes,

Trump acts like it's never happened before?

It must be so strange working for Donald Trump.

Can you imagine what it's like, people just coming in,

"Mr. President, the hurricane is a Category 5."

(like Trump): "Wow, Category 5.

That's never happened before."

"No, sir, they happen all the time."

"What does?" "The Category 5."

"Wow! That's never happened before!"

(laughter)

And I don't know if Trump was having a slow weekend,

or if the barometric pressure from the storm

did something to his brain, because not only did he forget

how big the storm was, but he forgot where it was going. 00:02:13.532 --> 00:02:15.101 line:0% NEWSMAN: The president also misstated 00:02:15.134 --> 00:02:16.903 line:0% the storm's possible trajectory. 00:02:16.936 --> 00:02:19.238 line:0% Alabama could even be in for... 00:02:19.271 --> 00:02:22.642 line:0% at least some very strong winds, and something more than that. 00:02:22.675 --> 00:02:26.846 line:0% It could be. So for Alabama, just please be careful, also. 00:02:26.879 --> 00:02:29.415 line:0% NEWSMAN: Not long after that, the National Weather Service 00:02:29.448 --> 00:02:32.818 line:0% corrected the president, saying Alabama will not see 00:02:32.851 --> 00:02:34.987 line:0% any impacts from Dorian.

Yeah.

Trump had to be corrected by the National Weather Service.

And I know we're used to it by now,

but it still amazes me how often the government

has to tell you not to pay attention to the president.

Yeah, Trump is like your friend who you're driving home

from a wisdom tooth surgery, he's all drugged up,

yelling crazy shit out the window, like,

"There's a dragon in the next car!"

It's like, "No, Donald, that's just a hipster with a vape.

-Calm down!" -(laughter)

And I-I feel bad for anyone in Alabama.

'Cause can you imagine if people in Alabama heard Trump

and they took it seriously?

People were probably saying things

that they wouldn't normally say

'cause they think a hurricane is coming for them.

You can't take that shit back. Huh?

There's probably one family who was loading up the car,

like, "Quick, kids, get the Xbox, let's go."

It's like, "What about Grandma?" "Grandma doesn't play Fortnite!

"Get her out of here! She's dead weight!

What? No hurricane? All right, Grandma, I'm sorry about that."

So wherever it's headed, this hurricane is serious business.

But, unfortunately,

serious business is not Donald Trump's specialty. 00:03:34.146 --> 00:03:36.616 line:0% While Hurricane Dorian was hitting the Bahamas, 00:03:36.649 --> 00:03:38.951 line:0% President Trump was hitting the links. 00:03:38.984 --> 00:03:40.686 line:0% On Monday, the president played golf 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:43.256 line:0% at his Trump National Golf Club in Virginia. 00:03:43.289 --> 00:03:47.393 line:0% Aides say he did receive hourly briefings on the storm. 00:03:47.426 --> 00:03:49.528 line:0% We should remind you President Trump had canceled 00:03:49.561 --> 00:03:52.531 line:0% a diplomatic trip to Poland set to mark the 80th anniversary 00:03:52.564 --> 00:03:54.800 line:0% of the beginning of World War II, 00:03:54.833 --> 00:03:57.870 line:0% in order, his aides said, to better monitor the storm.

Yep.

Many people were outraged when they found out

the president went golfing as a hurricane barreled down

on the east coast of the United States.

But, in Trump's defense,

golf is a great way to monitor a hurricane.

Yeah. You're just like, "Uh, I think it's coming.

I think it's coming. Is it?"

You're just like, "Let me see. (makes whooshing sound)

"Oh, that went way off.

"Yeah, that's the hurricane. that's not me.

The hurricane's close."

So when it comes to hurricanes,

President Trump doesn't remember the category,

he doesn't know where they're going,

and he's not even really paying attention.

Luckily, he does have a way to stop them. 00:04:29.001 --> 00:04:30.703 line:0% TV REPORTER: As Dorian churns, so are ideas 00:04:30.736 --> 00:04:33.472 line:0% about how to stop hurricanes in their tracks. 00:04:33.505 --> 00:04:36.309 line:0% Why? This report in Axios, 00:04:36.342 --> 00:04:38.311 line:0% that President Trump suggested on multiple occasions 00:04:38.344 --> 00:04:40.179 line:0% that national security officials 00:04:40.212 --> 00:04:42.148 line:0% explore disrupting the storms 00:04:42.181 --> 00:04:45.184 line:0% by dropping a nuke right into the middle of them. 00:04:45.217 --> 00:04:46.886 line:0% Now, during a recent White House briefing, 00:04:46.919 --> 00:04:48.921 line:0% Axios quotes the president saying, 00:04:48.954 --> 00:04:51.424 line:0% "I got it, I got it, why don't we nuke them? 00:04:51.457 --> 00:04:53.726 line:0% "They start forming off the coast of Africa, 00:04:53.759 --> 00:04:55.661 line:0% "as they're moving across the Atlantic, 00:04:55.694 --> 00:04:58.197 line:0% "we drop a bomb inside the eye of the hurricane 00:04:58.230 --> 00:04:59.865 line:0% "and it disrupts it. 00:04:59.898 --> 00:05:01.600 line:0% Why can't we do that?" 00:05:01.633 --> 00:05:04.637 line:0% Well, the briefer reportedly replied, "We'll look into it."

(laughter)

Something tells me Trump hears the phrase,

"We'll look into it" about 50 times a day.

He just says random shit like,

(mimics Trump): "What if Oreos had the cream on the outside

and the cookie on the inside?"

(normal voice): "Uh, we'll look into it, sir."

(laughter)

Now, as president, you should know

that nuking a hurricane is a terrible idea, all right.

Not only will it not stop the hurricane,

but now you have nuclear fallout being spread

by 200-mile an hour winds.

The stuff's gonna go everywhere.

It's like taking a dump into an open Vitamix.

It's not a good idea.

Not to mention the effects on the ocean.

You've got nuclear waste going--

I mean, Osama bin Laden is in the ocean.

You drop a nuke, next thing you know,

you're 20 dealing with Godzilla bin Laden.

You don't know what that shit will do.

(laughter)

So, look. I know people get mad

when they see Trump playing golf as a hurricane is closing in,

but after everything we've heard,

I think the less involved Trump is

with this hurricane, the better it is.

Think about it. He doesn't know how big it is.

He doesn't know where it's going,

and he's got some batshit ideas for stopping it.

So I say let the man play his golf,

because if we don't there's a good chance

Trump ends up nuking Alabama.