Attheageoffive, I wasmolestedatthechurchmyfamilyhasbeenmembersofforover 50 years.
Hetoldmetonevertellanyoneand I'd besinningif I did.
Whatisyourbiggestsecret?
Duringmyteenageyearsofdepression, I gotinvolvedwiththepsychoticandobsessiveguythatabused, threatened, andblackmailedme.
I sworeif I hadthemoney, I wouldhavehiredsomeonetokillhimtorelievemeofthenightmare I livedin.
Myfatherdied 14 yearsago, but I stilladdhisnumbertomycontactslisteverytime I get a newphone.
I'm addictedtoporn.
I amChristian, butsometimes I getterrifiedthatthisisallthatthereis.
I'm notreligiousoraffiliatedwithanyreligion...
Butweallhavethatsimilarfeeling, and I havethatsamefeelingthatyou, youreyesopenallof a sudden, Thisiswhereyouareandthisisallthatyouhave...
Andthat's scary.
I don't thinkmuchaboutleaving, but I dofantasizeaboutwhatmylifewouldbelikeif I didn't getmarriedat 21, havetwochildrenbefore 25, orquitteachingbecausemoremoneyneededtocomein.
Whenmomtoldmeyouhadkilledyourself, I wassorelieved I wouldneverhavetotellyou I'm gay.
Umm..
Firstofallas a personwhoisgay, when I wasinhighschool, I workedon a suicidehotlineforthreeyears.
I don't wantanybodytoeverfeelrelievedat.
I mean, what I gatheredfromthis, isthat a parenttooktheirownlifeliketoberelieved.
That's a lotofturmoil.
I feelforthem.
I lovemydad, butwishhewouldget a DUIjustonce.
Yeah, I thinkthat's alwaysreallyhardwhenyouhave a parentandyoufeellikethatparentisn't asresponsibleyoumightlikethemtobe.
I thinkyoucanstilllovesomeonebutwishthemtostepup.
I thinkthat's like a perfectlyplausiblethingtoask.
Mybestfrienddiedbecauseofme.
I'm 19 and I metherin a children's depressionhospitalafteranattemptedsuicide.
A dayaftershecontactedmeandforsomereason, I didn't reply.
I wasscrollingthroughmyInstagramfeed.
I clickedtheiriconandreadthecomments, “RIP, missyousomuch”.
Itwas.. , then I knew I hadkilledsomeone I love.
Thissituationhitsme.
Ithitsmesodeeplyandalmostinstantly.
It's a subtlereminderthattheinfluencethatyouleaveonsomebodycouldbeeternal.