(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Come on, Fester, get that power going.

I want this crash to be a real whopper.

I'm too excited to play trains, Gomez.

I should go up to my room and pack some things for the outing.

But that's tomorrow.

It's going to be real neat.

Exploring a brand-new cave.

And I'm gonna light the way for everybody.

(BUZZING)

Bright as Broadway.

(BUZZING)

Now, what'll it be today, Pugsley?

A nice head-on collision?

Couldn't we have a derailment for a change?

Derailment it is.

Let that current go, Fester.

I wanna see 'em fly off the tracks.

Gomez, don't you think I ought to save myself till tomorrow?

Tomorrow is another day.

Why didn't I think of that?

Okay.

Now watch this, Pugsley boy.

A wild pile-up on the next turn.

(BUZZING)

(TRAINS CHUGGING SLOWLY)

Suddenly I went dead.

You need recharging.

No, I just had that done this morning.

I didn't feel good all day, but I never thought it'd come to this.

What do we do, Father?

The only thing we can do. Call an electrician.

I think I have an emotional watt seepage.

Oh, watt a way to go.

Oh, don't make fun of me, Gomez.

I'm sorry, really.

Hello? Home Electrical?

I'd like to ask a bit of advice.

Our Uncle Fester seems to have got himself de-volted.

Hello?

You're still there? Good.

Yes, de-volted.

Well, you see, he was running an electric train

and suddenly his power went off.

(METALLIC CLINKING)

What did he say?

I can't tell you in front of the boy.

(SIGHS) I guess we'll have to talk to Morticia.

Gee, I hate to worry her about me.

Well, it's not the worry. She was going to bake a cake this afternoon

and she wanted you to run her cake mixer.

Failure upon failure.

I feel like going out and drowning myself in the smog.

Breathe deeply.

It does wonders for your sinuses.

Gomez!

Well, it does.

(PLAYING HARPSICHORD)

(GROANING)

Again.

Thank you, Thing.

But remember, nobody likes a smart thing.

Wednesday dear, that was lovely.

You're really improving.

I think you're almost ready to start

on the new piece I bought you.

Dance of the Hyenas.

Ooh, that sounds pretty.

Thank you, Lurch, that will be all.

Mother.

MORTICIA: Hmm.

Uncle Fester's sick.

Are you sure?

When I saw him at breakfast this morning,

his face fairly glowed with that lovely jaundiced color.

Maybe he blew a fuse.

Oh, darling, I'm sure he's funning you.

He probably wants you to put a penny behind his ear to make him go again.

I doubt that.

No, his malady is a bit of a mystery.

Children, why don't you go into the kitchen

and help Grandmama sort the toadstools from the mushrooms.

She's going to make a lovely toadstool souffle.

Yummy!

WEDNESDAY: Yummy!

That reminds me, darling. If you're going to bake that cake

I'll have to run out and get you a hand mixer.

Then Uncle Fester's really ill.

Not a watt.

Oh, darling.

I'm afraid this will cancel our outing for tomorrow.

We could take flashlights.

Oh, but the light would be too harsh.

And too bright to explore new and unknown caves.

Besides, when Uncle Fester

switches to neon, the effect is truly spectacular.

The children will be so disappointed.

Little Wednesday was looking forward

to collecting some new spiders.

You know how she adores her pets.

I know how you were looking forward

to some hemlock seedlings for your garden.

Darling, we're being very selfish.

We're thinking of ourselves, and we shouldn't.

We should only think of how to help Uncle Fester.

How like you to think of it that way, querida mia.

You are a gem.

Tasty one, too.

Darling, do you remember our second honeymoon at Niagara Falls?

In Niagara Falls.

It was a divine cave.

Free showers, anytime of the day or night.

(SIGHS) That was living, mon ami.

(EXCLAIMING)

Tish. When you speak French you drive me wild.

Speak some more French, Tish. Anything.

Tout à l'heure.

La plume de ma tante.

Mademoiselle from Armentieres. Anything.

You are a devil.

Yes.

I'm just gonna pack my bags and leave.

Uncle Fester, what seems to be the trouble?

Mama called me an outing pooper.

Oh, I'm sure she meant it kindly.

Of course.

From Mama that's flattery.

And that's not all.

Thing refused to Indian wrestle with me.

And the piranha fish wouldn't even take a bite out of my hand.

Oh, that is unfriendly.

(SCOFFS) It's worse than that.

I asked Lurch to bring up my bed of nails

so I could get some relaxation

and he absolutely ignored me.

We'll see about that.

(GONG RESOUNDING)

You rang?

Lurch, I'm afraid you're going to have to apologize to Uncle Fester.

(GROANING)

That's better.

Dear Lurch, he expresses himself so well.

I don't blame anyone for rejecting me,

the way I've ruined the family's outing.

Uncle Fester, Gomez and I aren't rejecting you.

We want to help you.

But the question is how?

I believe it has something to do with your diet.

Impossible. I always eat a very simple, wholesome meal.

Now, for breakfast this morning

I had walnut shells and sour milk.

Oh, you should have had green persimmons first.

Naturally.

Gosh. If there is something wrong with me,

I hope it's one of those rare tropical diseases.

You know, Morticia.

Something, uh, glamorous.

I hope so too, dear.

But in the meantime, we must get you well before tomorrow.

Oh, you better go along without me.

I'll probably be an outing pooper.

Well, back to the smog.

Poor Uncle Fester. He sounds suicidal.

At least he'll go with a clear sinus.

Uncle Fester!

Don't try to discourage me, Morticia.

Uncle Fester, I've been thinking.

Have you been getting enough moonshine?

Morticia, you know I don't drink.

Morticia's referring to moonbathing.

The moon has marvelous restorative powers for us Addamses.

Provided you don't take too much of it.

There's a full moon out tonight.

If I get too much I get freckles.

Nonsense. A good moonbath is just the tonic you need.

Well, I don't know about Uncle Fester,

but you've talked me into one.

Catch.

You little minx.

Isn't this fun, Fester?

Oh, yes. But I'm not out here for fun.

I'm out here to get my health back.

I'd watch myself with that reflector the first time around.

You should work up gradually to a nice coat of grey.

Very wise, darling.

Uncle Fester, would you like some of Mama's goose grease?

Well, I had some.

It was delicious.

Uncle Fester, you're not supposed to eat it.

You're supposed to rub it on you.

Oh?

Maybe that's why I don't feel any better.

Oh, now on top of everything I've got myself a severe moonburn.

Shucks.

Oh, Gomez, you were a handsome little boy.

Darling, that's our son Pugsley.

Oh?

You're right, I thought he looked familiar.

Hello, Uncle Fester. You still alive?

Well, don't I look it?

Of course, darling.

That moonbath did wonders for you.

Don't let this outdoorsy, athletic exterior fool you.

I feel rotten.

Thing doesn't look so hot, either.

He couldn't get past threesies four times in a row.

I think there is something wrong with him.

Thing, are you all right?

Gomez, this is becoming serious.

I think there maybe something contagious going around.

You may be right. We'd better check Zelda.

Zelda, dear, are you all right?

(SQUAWKING)

She sounds fine.

Gomez, isn't that sweet? She's molting.

Beautiful.

Zelda, darling, you're not eating your lunch.

(SQUAWKING)

Dear, there is something wrong.

She's not eating, and that's her favorite dish. Dry bones.

Wouldn't eat her dried bones.

This is serious.

There's only one solution. We've got to call a doctor.

A doctor? Which one?

The only one. Our family witch doctor, Dr. Mbogo.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Who did you want again?

Oh, Dr. Mbogo.

Wait a minute. I'll see if I can get a hold of him.

Hold on.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Tish, remind me to get myself a hollow log.

Save a lot of time by dialing direct.

They are taking a long time getting through, aren't they?

Yes. Well, he's probably got a hut full of patients.

Give old Doc a good tsetse fly bite case

and he can't tear himself away.

Hello? Doctor?

Gomez Addams here.

(LAUGHING)

Jambo to you too, Doctor.

Uh, Doctor, uh, we're having a spot of trouble with Uncle Fester,

and we'd appreciate it if you...

Really?

Business is that good, eh?

Well, if that's the way it is.

Goodbye.

What's the matter, dear?

Dr. Mbogo isn't making any more house calls.

Well, we're right back where we started from.

Well, now what in the world are we going to do?

I should've engaged that Pygmy witch doctor

when I had the chance.

He was reliable.

Besides, he could travel for half fare.

This really cancels our outing, doesn't it, Gomez?

Well...

You mean I won't get to catch any spiders?

I need some new ones.

I know, darling. But we will go someday.

MORTICIA: After all, Uncle Fester isn't feeling well.

I'm an outing pooper.

There's only one thing left for us to do.

Tish, remember, please. Nothing rash.

But I'm afraid the situation calls for it, dear.

We'll have to call a regular doctor.

Why, thank you, Thing.

You're still very efficient.

Darling, would you mind handing me the phone, please?

Certainly, my dear.