-Wait, when did we start calling...

-Isn't it amazing the difference in our sizes?

-Well, I am a few months ahead of you.

-I'm having a child with my husband, the senator.

And Pam is having a child with Jim.

The great salesman.

Those aren't chips and dip

-No, I made brownies.

-[ Scoffs ]

-What?

-I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things

-I made brownies.

-And I made cookies -- same category.

-I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood

who gives the trick-or-treater some toothbrushes...

pennies...

walnuts.

-Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy

because today is the day that Jim and Pam become one.

-It's not a surprise to me

Pam is the office mattress

-Are you sure you don't want to play?

-I'm sure.

-Come on, Angela. Don't you have a game?

-I have one, yes.

-Well, let's play. What is it?

-I call it Pam-Pong.

I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk

and goes to reception to talk to you.

-We're friends. -Apparently.

-Very nicely done. Okay, so, I think that's H-O-R for Stanley

-Well, this is intimate.

-We just had to add a few more tables.

We weren't expecting this many people.

-You don't know them all?

-Nope, and we're gonna need

a "loaves and fishes" kind of miracle to feed them all.

-Jesus is not your caterer

But he should be your caterer, 'cause you're a little angel

Why didn't your parents get you a caterer?

They don't think.

What is that?

"The Committee to Plan Parties

invites you to a margarita karaoke Christmas."

There's no such thing as the Committee to Plan Parties.

-There is now. We just started it.

-Well, you can't just start a committee.

You have to have funding.

-What's your funding?

-$200.

-What's ours again? -Um, $201.

-Right.

-Hey, a margarita karaoke Christmas party.

That sounds like fun. -No, that is not a party.

There's only one party,

and it's hosted by the Party Planning Committee

and it starts at 3:00.

-Then why are there two flyers

-Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone.

Let me explain.

There's a party that starts at 3:00.

-Right.

-And then there's a way more fun party that starts at 2:45.

-Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party,

all the info can be found here

on our more brightly colored flyer.

[ Laughs ]

-I didn't see where it was

-When should we bring out the cake, 1:00 or 1:30?

-1:00's good. -1:30.

I'm sorry. Are we boring you?

-Um, what should we talk about

-Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having.

-Oh, yeah, sure. Um, I hope I can help.

-A co-worker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant.

And I don't know if I should call social services about it.

-Angela, that's pretty transparently me.

-Maybe.

-You know, it's just herbal tea.

-In mugs with trace amount of coffee.

-Yeah, I think you should call social services.

-I already did.

-You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies

and not pretend like we're in this together.

-Fine. -Fine.

-Ooh, I got the save the date. -Yeah?

-Yeah, pretty stationery. -Oh, thanks.

-I didn't get mine yet.

-Um...

There are a few people I decided not to invite.

And that might make things kind of awkward, but...

it's my wedding.

And I don't want anyone ther who has called me a hussy.

Hey, Angela.

I didn't have your zip code.

-Oh, thanks.

It was hand-delivered, but I did get a save the date after all.

It's not my taste.

Then he got down on one knee and he said,

"Will you be a senator's wife?

-Oh. He talked about himself in the third person?

-Yes, Pam. Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim

"Oh, hey, Pam, dude. Whatever. Want to marry me?"

[ Laughter ]

-That's not accurate.

Okay, all of these things are important to remember,

but the most important thing is that no one say anything

about my pregnancy at the wedding.

-Absolutely, because not everyone knows,

and some people might be offended.

-Decent people everywhere will get offended.

-Well, we're thinking of my grandmother,

who we haven't told and who is very old-fashioned.

-Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother.

Some of us have to be our own grandmother.

-You know, Angela, um, you don't have to come to the wedding.

-Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding?

Do you still have the plan

for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford?

-That was our dream wedding.

-[ Clicks tongue ] Niagara Falls?

Pregnant? That was your dream?

Pork medallions?

-I hope you have a very beautiful wedding, Angela.

-[ Chuckles ]

-Well, um, for decorations maybe we could --

Stupid. Forget it. -What?

-I was just gonna say maybe we could have streamers.

But that's dumb. Everybody has streamers.

Never mind. -No.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

What color do you guys think

-Well, there's green.

Uh, blue.

Yellow.

Red. -How about green?

-I think green is kind of whorish.

-This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin

But Angela said she doesn't like to gamble

Of course, by saying that,

she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

-This is an amazing prize.

I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment

'cause she's so blech.

But she did a good job. I really want that coupon book

-Hey, Angela, you want to see a picture of Philip

wearing those little booties you got us?

-So cute.

-Hey, you guys want to see a picture

of Gerald wearing galoshes

He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these.

Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do.

-Oscar thinks having a dog is just like having a baby

-News flash -- If you didn't carry it around in your bell

for nine months, it isn't your kid.

-Exactly.

Unless you adopted, of course.

-That is where we disagree

-Hey, are your little dude crawling yet?

-No. 3-month-old humans don't do that.

-My Philip is crawling.

-Angela is such a liar! -It's maddening.

Exactly. That's just like crate training.

All night long, all night long

-Well, count yourself lucky. Wait until you have two.

That's two sleep schedules two naps that don't coincide

I mean, you'll never sleep again.

-No one said you must have two

-Like her genes are so important.

The world just needs more Pam-Jim DNA.

Thank you, no. -No, thank you.

-[ Laughing ]

Check this out.

My brother just got a new sailboat.

He has no idea what he just got himself into.

There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat

Am I right?

-Unbelievable! -Unbelievable!

-Unbelievable!