Okay

I was building this thing and I'm placing a stairs and I see this guy

Who is that? What the frick are you?

Go away! Hello?

Get off my property, I have a gun. Maybe he's a friend. I don't want to be racist

Hello? He killed a fish!

Hello? Hello, I'm talking to you. Oh jeez you're creepy. Oh God.

(9 year olds): "Minecraft isn't scary, Felix". (*Clears Throat*) Okay.

Dude, we can be friends. Hey you want melon?

Do you like this?

Oh, look at this he like it. What are you doing with that block? Hey, hey put that block down! Put that block that do-

Goddammit! Put it down. Put it down. Put it down! Put it down!

Where are you going?

My god, there's endermens everywhere. I have to kill them. All right, do I kill endermen?

He just farted!

(Screams of terror)

I'M SORRY

The melon! Hey, melon, take it!

Aah! Jesus!

What the frick dude, that was so scary!

You better not steal my stuff dude.

We're cool.

It's all good. Just like nothing happened. All right, you just all right. I'll stick to what I'm doing

You stick to what you're doing and no more melon from now on

The audacity of some people. Okay. So basically I built this indoor pool.

It's pretty sweet. It lit (lights) up at dark

And uh, I'm like building the house. Just making it nice

Making it cool. It's gonna like, you know, be a thing. It's gonna I'm gonna live here

actually, there's one thing I been wanting to do cuz when when I started playing Minecraft

The the bed was automatically red. That's how I remember Minecraft, but now they have dye and stuff

so I think if I do this

and this

WOW

It's a red bed! Now I feel at home. Now I can sleep at night. There it is. That's what I remember

Oh, that takes me back. You wake up to burning zombies. That's what I like

That's what I like to see. I haven't finished this because I want to fish

So we I want to have I want to have actual fishes in my house

I want like the stars and this night and everything to be epic.

No! I only have one string god damnit what drops strings? Do spiders drop strings?

I'm sorry. Mr. Spider you have to die

Yes! ha ha

Oh also, by the way- oh, yeah don't jump on the crops. Everyone lost their mind last episode.

I am learning as I'm going, okay?

No, I'm not a Minecraft veteran,

YET

We're going for the ender dragon snaggin

uh, what was I doing? I already forgot.

Yes, a fishing rod. That's what we're doing

I know how to make it in by hand

But just so you guys learn I'm making a fishing rod. Then of course, we need a boat, right? a boat.

Boat time!

Boat time!!

Sorry Jörgen, You can't come with me. Why's the grass not growing?

All right, doesn't matter. It's boat time

oOOhh HOH HOH

OOOooOOOHOHO

Damn, I'm fast!

Oh Yeah!! OOOh, yeah!!

That's what I'm talki- dude, that's a fish right there. That's a fish RIGHT there.

Here we go. Bros. Here we go

ooo Come on, come on, grab it. Come on grab it

Come on you want it. Do I need a bait on the fish?

Don't laugh at me, Jörgen. I'm trying here.

Do I need a bait for it? I probably need a bait for it. Could I actually just capture him with my bucket?

This is how we fish in Sweden, with buckets

Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here

Come here, come here

come here come here come here come here-

oOOh OOOOh I GOT A BUCKET OF FISH IT WO- (laughs)

Tactical fishing!!! haters said it wasn't possible

But I got a bucket of fish. now you go in there. oh my god, I got a bucket of fi-

(gibberish) we gotta get him a friend, we gotta get him a friend, bros

Technically you're supposed to row a boat backwards

So this game isn't that historically accurate after all? Okay. All right, we're going scuba diving

Can you make scuba diving equipment in this- what the hell just happened?

gottem

gottem

God it's scary down there. No, I'm not scared of everything in Minecraft, okay?

You know what? Let's just make a bunch of buckets. I don't have time for this

It's bucket making time. smash like if you're excited for bucket making time. That's what I thought, that's what I thought

All right, we're making bu-

That's what I thought, that's what I thought. All right, we're making buckets.

♫ I got a bucket full of bucket full of sunshine ♫

Jesus christ, what is happening?

Oh, you can drown in Minecraft?

That's so unrealistic

Come h- goddamn. Why can the fishes breathe underwater then, huh?

Explain that, liberals. Let's try and find more exotic fishes

You are- Oh God!! Everything is scary in this game. Come back here

God damn, they're too fast. squi(d)zies

Come on

(sounds of disgust) All right, you're too ugly you have to die, I'm sorry

Those are the Minecraft rules. Don't look at me, I don't make it up. you ugly, you die

TURTLE!?!

You're coming with me. In the bucket, right now. I don't- come in the buck- all right in the boat then, fine

No, I want my turtle in my house

Can we drown the people?

Oh, kitty, you're going in the bucket. get it? You're going in the bucket.

You have no saying kitty, yoU'RE GOING IN THE BUCKET

YOU'RE GOING IN THE BUCKET. Come here, you snake

Goddammit

So disrespectful. what's happening? Hello

What is he doing?

Dude, you got so much bread, bro. You got so- you don't mind, do you?

Cool, I'll sleep in his house

Have you been looking at me the whole night?

Well, sorry I thought it was my house

What? I can make dyed pants?! what? leather. Okay, six leather. I'll be right back

cartography table?!

what??

All right, well this pool idea is very underwhelming

Why are they all there?

Is it the draft in the water? All right, it's cow murdering time. PETA, I have to do it. I have to get emerald

I have to get dyed pants. All right, you're gonna die

You didn't even drop leather, you're useless! They're escaping!! They're escaping!

They're escaping the camp

No, they're all escaping! What the f- goddammit! ugh y-you're dead. You're dead. You're just dead

That's what happened. No one escapes my camp

All right one gets to live because he's good. You escape, you die. That's the rules

WHERE ARE ALL MY FISH?!

You're all there! you suck, dude

alright, well now we can get epic pants, at least. Now we can get the Gucci pants

Hey, come on, did I tell you to stop?

You the Gucci pants guy. There you are. six?! I need six? Are you crazy?

Oh my god, dude. let's- let's bounce, Jörgen. These people are trying to swindle us

Alright, well this works out because I actually wanted to just ride out and murder people

I haven't really explored the area althou- oh wait, actually, I forgot. I want to make a compass. Can you make a compass?

I remember making a compass, even back in my day, cause I don't want to get lost. I don't want to lose my epic house

Boom boom boom and then in the middle. There's my compass. Alright, we're going out on an adventure

Oh it tells you where the house is

Aw that's so nice. Sto- Stop resisting

Stop resisting

We got six. Okay, no more killing. We only reap what we sow. That is not how that expression works

Okay well, I feel a lot more confident just riding off seeing what we're gonna find

You know what I'm saying? like who knows what we're gonna find

Like a little hole, that's pretty cool- actually I do need coal. Hold up, Hold up once sec

Jörgen?

Jörgen?

Jörgen

Where's Jörgen?

Where's Jörgen?

Jörgen?!

It's getting dark, Jörgen! wh-

Jörgen!

He must be here somewhere

Oh god

Hello, have you seen Jörgen? Oh God, they won't help me

I looked away one second, and then he was gone

Have you seen Jörgen? Oh my god. He must have fallen down a hole or something. He must be so scared

Oh god, ooh no. I was hoping he maybe he ran back home

(gaSP) OHHHH

WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!

YOU GOT ME SO SCARED, JÖRGEN

OOOooh I'm so happy! oh I'll never leave you again, Jörgen

Woah jesus!

almost fell down there

My god

It's dangerous, this game. Whoa, what a mountain

Woah, what is that

is that a shipwreck?

What is that? All right, Jörgen, stay here

Gonna make sure it's safe

What kind of wood is this

uhhhhh

Is that a treasure chest (gasp) whAT?!

IT'S GLOWING!!

oh my god!

Minecraft- ahHH

Oh my craft- paper?!

Hey, Jörgen

Goddammit. Why does he keep- like, stay

Oh god, not this again. I left him here

Oh- I hear him. You snake, where are you. Is there a way to get a whistle to get your horse to- Jörgen

Oh my god, I look so pimp. I have less armor, but I look cool, so it's okay

Why do I hear him but not see him

(pillager noise)

What?

(pillager noise)

What the hell is this?

Have you kidnapped Jörgen?

Hey!

What the hell are you? You tried to kill me, I kill you

Is that a crossbow? you shoot way too slow, bro

Cool, it's getting dark again and Jörgen is nowhere to be found- Hey look more anime flowers. I love them

I hear them here, they are not here. Explain that

Oh my god!

What the hell are you wearing?

What is this?

They must have captured Jörgen. Give him back to me

Jörgen, are you in here?

Jörgen- I hear you

I hear you! he's in the trees or some shit

Oh my- you fu-

Why do I feel like I'm going crazy

where -

- is Jörgen?

The thing is I hear you

The ghost of Jörgen is haunting me, I swear to god

he was my only friend

Now I can't find him

I looked away two seconds

And then he was just gone,

Just like that

(gasp)

awh

Where? oh my god, where were y- you keEP DISAPPEARING!!

Ooh alright, we have him back. I looked all night, literally all night

I don't know what you were doing and I'm not even gonna ask

We're going back home, Jörgen

What the hell is that? Is that a donkey? you wanna come with me, donkey?

You want some wheat?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

JÖRGEN!!!!!