NEW YORK, "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH

TREVOR NOAH PRESENTS

VOTEGASM2020, WORST HOLIDAY

SPECIAL EVER!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

♪♪

)7&Trevor: OH, YEAH!

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW,"

EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TUNING IN

AND THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT!

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT!

TAKE A SEAT!

TAKE Açó SEAT!

LET'S DO THIS!

I'M TREVOR NOAH!

THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL

DEBATE ENDED JUST MOMENTS AGO

AND WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE,

PEOPLE!

LIVE!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THAT'S RIGHT!

100% LIVE, AND I'LL PROVE IT.

I MADE THIS GUACAMOLE WHEN THE

DEBATE STARTED AND, LOOK, NOW

IT'S TOTALLY BROWN.

( LAUGHTER )

NOW, BETWEEN THE DEBATE AND THE

IMPEACHMENT OF THE PRESIDENT, IT

HAS BEEN A;oR WILD COUPLE OF DAS

IN AMERICAN POLITICS, AND WE'RE

GOING TO COVER BOTH TONIGHT, BUT

LET'S START WITH THE FINAL

DEBATE OF 2019, WHICH WAS HOSTED

BY PBS AND POLITICO AND TAPED IN

FRONT OF A MOVING BACKGROUND

THAT LOOKED LIKE A BORING PART

OF THE MATRIX.

( LAUGHTER )

TONIGHT'S DEBATE WAS THE

SMALLEST WITH ONLY SEVEN

CANDIDATES ON STAGE AND TLS

WHITEST, NO JULIAAÁN CASTRO, NO

KAMALA HARRIS, NO CORY BOOKER.

BASICALLY DEMOCRATIC DEBATES ARE

LIKE HORROR MOVIES, START OUT

WITH A DIVERSE CAST OF

CHARACTERS AND THEN ALL THE

BLACK PEOPLE ARE QUIETLY AND

QUICKLY KILLED OFF.

( LAUGHTER )

THAT WAS A TOPIC OF TONIGHT'S

DEBASE, WHY IS THE DEMOCRATICTH

FIELD NOT MORE REPRESENTATIVE OF

ITS BASE.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID THIS

WEEK WHEN ASKED WHO SHOULD BE

RUNNING COUNTRIES, IF WOMEN WERE

IN CHARGE YOU WOULD SEE A

SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT ON JUST

ABOUT EVERYTHING.

HE ALSO SAID IF YOU LOOK AT THE

WORLD AND THE PROBLEMS, IT'S

USUALLY OLD PEOPLE, USUALLY OLD

MEN NOT GETTING OUT OF THE WAY.

SENATOR SANDERS, YOU ARE THE

OLDEST CANDIDATE ON STAGE THIS

EVENING.

>> AND I'M WHITE AS WELL.

WHOA!

( LAUGHTER )

>> Trevor: DID BERNIE JUST

YELL, AND I'M WHITE!

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, BERNIE,

THAT'S TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN SLOWING

BEEN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THAT CAME OFF WEIRD BEING ASKED

ABOUT BEING OLD AND THEN SAY I'M

WHITE AS WELL.

IT'S LIKE YOUR WIFE IS SHITTING

ON YOU FOR CHEATING AND YOU CUT

IN, AND IT WAS WITH YOUR SISTER!

I LOVE HOW OBAMA MADE AN OFF THE

CUFF COMMENT AT AN EVENT AND

IT'S BECOME A REAL THING AFTER

THE DEBATES.

HE SAYS HE THINKS WOMEN WOULD

MAKE BETTER LEADERS AND SHOULD

BE PRESIDENT AND THE CANDIDATES

HAVE TO DEAL WITH TALL SHIT HE

THREW IN.

OBAMA SHOULD BE MESSING WITH THE

CAMPAIGN, TOMORROW, THE BEST

PRESIDENT WOULD BE SOMEBODY

WITHOUT A NOSE.

AAAHHH!

( LAUGHTER )

THE STAGE WASN'T COMPLETELY

WHITE THANKS TO ANDREW YANG

BEING THERE.

BASICALLY A BUNCH OF WHITE

PEOPLE AND AN ASIAN GUY LIKE AN

ADULT REBOOT OF THE GOONIES.

ANDREW YANG HAD AN INSIGHTFUL

TAKE ON WHY THERE WEREN'T MORE

PEOPLE OF COLOR ON THE STAGE.

>> THE AVERAGE NET WORTH OF A

BLACK HOUSEHOLD IS 10% OF A

WHITE HOUSE HOLIDAY, FOR

LATINOS, 12%.çó

THE QUESTION IS WHY HAVE AM I

THE LONE CANDIDATE OF COLOR,

FEWER THAN 5% OF AMERICANS

DONATE TO POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO

DONATE TO POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS?

DISPOSABLE INCOME.

( APPLAUSE )

>> Trevor: ANDREW YANG MAKES A

REALLY GREAT POINT.

THINK ABOUT IT, TO MAKE IT ON

TONIGHT'S DEBATE STAGE

CANDIDATES WERE REQUIRED TO HAVE

200,000 DONORS, BUT IF A

CANDIDATE HAS SUPPORTERS WHO

CAN'T AFARD DONATIONS, THE

CANDIDATE CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE

STAGE, BECAUSE MONEY TALKS IN

AMERICA, SO IF YOU DON'T HAVE

MONEY, YOU CAN'T TALK.

THINK ABOUT IT, THE WHOLE ISSUE

AROUND POLITICAL DONATION IN

AMERICA IS BACKWARDS.

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY AND I'LL MAKE

YOUR LIFE BETTER.

YO, MAN, IF I HAD MONEY, I

WOULDN'T NEED YOU TO MAKE MY

LIFE BETTER.

( LAUGHTER )

ONE OF THE BIG ADVANTAGES TRUMP

HAS IS THE ECONOMY IS DOING

EXTREMELY WELL.

FOR TONIGHT'S CANDIDATES, THE

CHALLENGE WAS EXPLAINING TO

VOTERS WHY ALL THAT GLITTERS IS

NOT GOLD.

>> THIS ECONOMY IS NOT WORKING

FOR MOST OF US, FOR THE MIDDLE

CLASS, AND I KNOW YOU'RE ONLY

EVER SUPPOSED TO SAY MIDDLE

CLASS AND NOT POOR IN POLITICS,

BUT WE'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT

POVERTY IN THIS COUNTRY.

>> AMERICA'S MIDDLE CLASS IS

BEING HOLLOWED OUT AND WORKING

FAMILIES AND POOR PEOPLE ARE

BEING LEFT BEHIND.

>> TRUMP GOES AROUND SAYING THE

ECONOMY IS DOING GREAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

REAL INFLATION ACCOUNTED FOR

WAGES WENT UP LAST YEAR 1.1%!

THAT AIN'T GREAT!

>> Trevor: DAMN, BERNIE REALLY

HATES 1%.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE 1%

IS, HE JUST HATES 1%.ú

WAGE INCREASES, TOP EARNERS,

MILK, DOESN'T MATTER.

GET OUT OF THERE WITH THE NO

FAT.

I NEED MILK STRAIGHT OUT OF THE

COW.

HE MAKES A GOOD POINT.

THE ECONOMY CAN BE DOING WELL

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN EVERY DAY

THE AMERICANS WILL BE SEEING THE

BENEFITS.

TRUTH IS THE BIG BEEF WASN'T

BETWEEN THE DEMOCRATS AND TRUMP.

IT WAS BETWEEN DEMOCRATS AND

PETE BUTTIGIEG.

SOUTH BEND MAYOR AND JUNG SHE

WOULDN'T.

YOU CAN TELL HE'S THE ONE TO

BEAT BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS

GUNNING FOR HIM.

>> WHEN WE WERE IN THE LAST

DEBATE, MAYOR, YOU BASICALLY

MOCKED THE 100 YEARS' EXPERIENCE

ON THE STAGE.

I THINK THIS EXPERIENCE WORKS

AND I HAVE NOT DENIGRATED YOUR

EXPERIENCE AS A LOCAL OFFICIAL.

>> YOU ACTUALLY DID DEN GRATE MY

EXPERIENCE, SENATOR, AND I WAS

GOING TO LET IT GO BECAUSE WE

HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY HERE

BUT --

>> I DON'T THINK WE HAVE BIGGER

FISH TO FRY THAN PICKING THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WE SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE HEADING

UP THE TICKET THAT'S ACTUALLY

WON.

>> DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE

CAPACITY TO WIN?

TRY PUTTING TOGETHER A COALITION

TO BRING YOU BACK TO OFFICE WITH

80% OF THE VOTE AS A GAY DUDE IN

MIKE PENCE'Sñr INDIANA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Trevor: WHOA, THAT WAS A

MIC DROP, HUH?

A GAY DUDE?

INDIANA.

I FEEL LIKE WHEREVER MIKE PENCE

IS NOW HIS SPIDER SENSE LIT UP.

THERE'S A GAY MAN IN INDIANA?

I MUST GO.

MOTHER, HAND ME m 8RaLE!ST[5/Y

( LAUGHTER )

NOW, KLOBUCHAR GOING AFTER

BUTTIGIEG WAS THE UNDERCUT FIGHT

BECAUSE THE MAIN EVENT WAS

BETWEEN BUTTIGIEG AND ELIZABETH

WARREN ON THE TOPIC OF CAN PAIN

DONATIONINGS.

>> I'VE SAID TO ANYONE WHO WANTS

TO DONATE, IF YOU WANT TO THAT'S

FINE, BUT DON'T BE EXPECTING TO

BE NAMED AMBASSADOR.

THE MAYOR JUST RECENTLY HAD A

FUNDRAISER HELD IN A WINE CAVE

FULL OF CRYSTALS AND SERVED

$900 A BOTTLE WINE.

THINK ABOUT WHO COMES TO THAT.

BILLIONAIRES AND WINE CAVES

SHOULD NOT PICK THE NEXT

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

>> MR. MAYOR --

>> Trevor: ELIZABETH WARREN

HAS A GREAT POINT.

BUTTIGIEG SHOULDN'T BE HOLDING

HUNDRED DOLLARS RAISERS IN WIND

CAVES.

HE'S NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO

DRINK.

( LAUGHTER )

ALSO, WHAT THE HELL IS A WINE

CAVE?

I DON'T WANT A PRESIDENT PICKED

THAT WAY.

I WANT A PRESIDENT PICKED BY

SOMEONE IN A TEQUILA CAVE.

MORE FUN.

A WINE CAVE IS WHERE BATMAN GOES

TO RELAX.

IT WAS A LONG DAY, ALFRED, OPEN

A BOTTLE OF ROSEEÉ.

WARREN HIT ON THE WEALTHY BUT

BUTTIGIEG THREW PUNCHES OF HIS

OWN.

>> SENATOR, YOUR PRESIDENTIAL

CAMPAIGN RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK

IS FUNDED IN PART BY MONEY YOU

TRANSFERRED, HAVING RAISED IT AT

THOSE EXACT SAME BIG TICKET

FUNDRAISERS YOU NOW DENOUNCE.

THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH ISSUING

PURITY TESTS YOU CANNOT YOURSELF

PASS.

( AUDIENCE REACTS )

IF I PLEDGE NEVER TO BE IN THE

COMPANY OF A PROGRESSIVE

DEMOCRATIC DONOR, I COULDN'T BE

UP HERE.

SENi7R, YOUR NET WORTH IS 100

TIMES MINE.

NOW, SUPPOSING YOU WENT HOME

FEELING THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT AND

DECIDED TO GO ON TO PETE FOR

AMERICA.com AND GIVE THE

MAXIMUM ALLOWABLE BY LAW,

$2,800, WOULD THAT POLLUTE MY

CAMPAIGN BECAUSE IT CAME FROM A

WEALTHY PERSON?

>> Trevor: WHOO!

PETE BUTTIGIEG JUST CALLED

ELIZABETH WARREN A WEALTHY

PERSON.

( LAUGHTER )

YOU REALIZE FOR PROGRESSIVE

WHITE PEOPLE THAT'S LIKE BEING

CALLED THE N-WORD.

THEY'RE, LIKE, HOW DARE YOU CALL

ME WEALTHY, I'M LIVING

COMFORTABLY, OKAY?nhp3

( LAUGHTER )

AND YOU CAN SEE ELIZABETH WARREN

WASN'T LIKING THAT BECAUSE SHE

DID THE THING WHITE WOMEN DO,