IN HERE, OVER THERE.

OUT THERE.

ONE AND ALL.

WELCOME, EVERYBODY.

WELCOME TO THE "LATE SHOW."

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT, AND WE RIGHT NOW--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE ARE LIVE AFTER NIGHT TWO OF

THE SECOND ROUND OF DEMOCRATIC DEBATES THAT WE'RE CALLING:

"DEMOCRATIC DEBATE NIGHT: 2 MANY CANDIDATES 2 REMEMBER: FORGET

HARDER!

"THIS TIME IT'S NOT ALL WHITE PEOPLE"

ONCE AGAIN-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

ONCE AGAIN, THE DEBATE WAS MODERATED BY JAKE TAPPER, DANA

BASH AND DON LEMON-- OR, AS THEY'RE KNOWN THROUGHOUT

AMERICA, "WHERE'S ANDERSON COOPER?"

LAST NIGHT, LAST NIGHT, WE SAW BERNIE SANDERS AND ELIZABETH

WARREN, THE TWO LEADING PROGRESSIVES.

TONIGHT IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE MODERATES, BABY!

IT WAS THE TEMPEST OF THE CENTRISTS!

IT WAS THE RAGE FOR INCREMENTAL CHANGE!

THOUGH IT DID GET CONTENTIOUS AT TIMES TONIGHT.

AM I RIGHT ABOUT THIS?

WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE OF JOE BIDEN IN A SPIRITED DISAGREEMENT

WITH SENATORS GILLIBRAND AND HARRIS.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS )

>> Stephen: THAT WAS, OF COURSE, AFTER JOE BIDEN BROKE THE ICE

WITH HARRIS RIGHT AT THE TOP.

>> GO EASY ON ME, KID.

>> Stephen: TO WHICH HARRIS RESPONDED, "I HOPE YOU'RE

WEARING A CUP."

( LAUGHTER ) WHO ELSE?

TULSI GABBARD WAS THERE, TOO, APPARENTLY TO WELCOME EVERYONE

TO HEAVEN.

( LAUGHTER )R THE OPENING STATEMENTS OPENED

WITH BILL DEBLASIO.

>> WE CAN MAKE CHANGE IN THIS COUNTRY.

I KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE IT CAN BE DONE WHEN I BECAME THE

MAYOR OF THE NATION'S LARGEST CITY.

>> Stephen: "THE SUBWAY USED TO WORK, AND NOW THAT'S CHANGED."

THEN, MICHAEL BENNETT SPOKE, THEN, MICHAEL BENNETT SPOKE,

FOLLOWED BY JAY INSLEE.

OR VICE VERSA.

IT'S REALLY A COIN TOSS.

THEN, SENATOR KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND SHARED A LOFTY VISION FOR THE

PRESIDENCY.

>> WE NEED A NOMINEE THAT DOESN'T KNOW THE MEANING

OF "IMPOSSIBLE."

>> Stephen: TRUMP'S GOT YOU BEAT THERE.

HE DOESN'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THOUSANDS OF WORDS.

YOU'RE NOT BEHIND ON THAT ONE.

JULIAN CASTRO SAYS HE KNOWS WHAT THE LIVES OF EVERYDAY AMERICANS

ARE LIKE.

>> TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE STRUGGLING, AND I KNOW WHAT

THAT'S LIKE, TOO.

I GREW UP WITH A SINGLE MOM IN A POOR NEIGHBORHOOD.

>> Stephen: "GROWING UP, WE WERE SO POOR, MY BROTHER AND I HAD TO

SHARE A FACE."

( LAUGHTER ) SAD.

HE'S A TWIN.

HE'S A TWIN IS THE IDEA.

JULIAN CASTRO HAD HIS OWN ANSWER TO TRUMP'S SLOGAN.

>> WE'RE GOING TO MAKE AMERICA BETTER THAN IT'S EVER BEEN IN

THE YEARS TO COME.

>> Stephen: YEAH, FORGET "MAGA."

JULIAN CASTRO'S GOING WITH "MABTIEBITYTC"!

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, ANDREW YANG UNVEILED ONE OF

HIS CAMPAIGN-TESTED ZINGERS.

>> THE OPPOSITE OF DONALD TRUMP IS AN ASIAN MAN WHO LIKES MATH.

( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OPPOSITE OF DONALD

TRUMP, OPPOSITE OF DONALD TRUMP IS AN ASIAN MAN WHO KNOWS MATH.

JUDGES?

( BUZZ ) OH, I'M SO SORRY.

THE OPPOSITE OF DONALD TRUMP IS A BLACK WOMAN WHO HAS

SPELLCHECK.

SO CLOSE, VERY CLOSE.

YOU'RE GETTING OUR HOME GAME.

THEN, BIDEN GOT HIS TURN.

>> JUST LOOK AT THIS STAGE, MADE UP OF VERY DIVERSE PEOPLE FROM

DIVERSE BACKGROUNDS, WENT ON TO BE MAYORS, SENATORS, GOVERNORS,

CONGRESSWOMEN, MEMBERS OF THE CABINET, AND, YES, EVEN A

VICE PRESIDENT.

>> Stephen: (AS BIDEN) "I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THE

DIVERSITY ON THIS STAGE.

HOW THIS HAPPENED.

IT'S LIKE THEY WERE ALL BUSSED INTO THIS DEBATE."

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOING TO BE-- IT'S GOING TO

BE A LONG NIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THEN-- WEAR A CUP!

THEN, TULSI GABBARD TOOK ON OUR BROKEN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM.DI

>> THE REALITY IS, RIGHT NOW, WE DON'T HAVE A HEALTHCARE SYSTEM.

WE HAVE A SICKCARE SYSTEM.

>> Stephen: "AND I SHOULD KNOW.

I AM THE ONLY ONE UP HERET DRESSED LIKE A DOCTOR."

ANDREW YANG MADE AN INTERESTING REVELATION.

>> WHEN I TOLD MY WIFE I WAS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, DO YOU

KNOW THE FIRST QUESTION SHE ASKED ME?

>> Stephen: "WHO ARE YOU?" ( LAUGHTER )RE

"WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?"

( APPLAUSE ) WHEN BIDEN SAID HARRIS'S NUMBERS

ON HEALTHCARE DID NOT ADD UP, SHE SHOT BACK.

>> LET'S TALK ABOUT MATH.

>> Stephen: TO WHICH ANDREW YANG RESPONDED, "HEY, THAT'S MY ONLY

THING!" "GET YOUR OWN THING!

YOU'VE GOT THE BUSING THING!" THEN, BIDEN BEGAN TO EXPLAIN HIS

HEALTHCARE PLAN BEFORE HE KIND OF RAN OUT OF STEAM.

>> WE IMMEDIATELY ARE ABLE TO COVER EVERYBODY WHO WANTS TO GET

OFF OF THEIR INSURANCE PLAN THEY

DON'T LIKE, NO MATTER WHAT ONE IT IS, AND BUY INTO A MEDICARE

OPTION.

AND THEY CAN BUY THE GOLD PLAN, AND THEY'RE NOT GOING TO

HAVE TO PAY... ANYWAY.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOWON

WHAT-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

>> Jon: HE DIDN'T FINISH.

>> Stephen: BIDEN JUST JOINED THE RANKS OF HISTORY'S GREAT

ORATORS.

WHO CAN FORGET LINCOLN'S GREAT SPEECH, "FOUR SCORE AND ... YOU

GET THE IDEA."ID WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

WE'RE NOW-- WHATEVER.

YOU KIDS. F ( APPLAUSE )

EVEN THOUGH-- EVEN THOUGH BIDEN AND CASTRO WERE BOTH IN THE

OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, ONLY BIDEN WANTED TO KEEP THE SAME BORDER

POLICY, AND CASTRO SWIPED BACK.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE ONE OF US HAS LEARNED THE LESSONS OF

THE PAST, AND ONE OF US HASN'T.

"HEY, BUSTER I'VE LEARNED THE LESSONS OF THE PAST!

I WAS 'THERE' FOR MOST OF IT!

HELL, CHARLES LINDBERGH STILL OWES ME 20 BUCKS!" U

LATER ON, COREY BOOKER DEMANDED CHANGES TO OUR DRUG LAWS.

>> WE HAVE GOT TO HAVE FAR MORE BOLD ACTION ON CRIMINAL JUSTICE

REFORM LIKE HAVING TRUE MARIJUANA JUSTICE.

>> Stephen: YES, COMING TO CBS THIS FALL, "MARIJUANA JUSTICE!"

HIGH CRIMES JUST GOT HELLA BLAZED, BRO!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'D WATCH THAT.

I WOULD WATCH THAT.