I'm a huge fan.

And I'm a huge fan of yours.

I think you're so funny, for years and years, and sweet, and sexy, and funny.

Oh, well.

I'm wearing your glasses you sent me.

Don't you just love them?

I love them.

You said that you love Nicki Minaj, right?

Yeah.

Do you want to meet her?

Yes!

Come on out, Nicki.

I'm a second Nicki Minaj!

Am I, am I still intact?

Yup.

I didn't change into a prince?

No, not yet.

No.

I don't think I'm the one to do that for you.

Oh well.

Aaahh!

I don't know if you know this, but I was aiming to break your record of retweets.

And I apologize for doing it, but I broke your retweet record.

I heard about that.

I thought it was a pretty cheap stunt, myself.

Yeah, right.

That's a good stretch, yep.

This is a traffic report.

But you're going to read it as a woman in labor.

Oh, well, let's take a look at your Tuesday drive.

Got a jackknife, big rig in the two-lane.

101, westbound at Balboa.

Oh!

Oh!

What's your favorite swear word?

[BLEEP]

If they made a movie about your life, what would it be called?

Oh (bleep).

Wait, am I seeing wheatgrass there?

-Wait, am I seeing wheatgrass anywhere?

No, yeah, wheatgrass...

Oh.

Take out some scissors from your purse.

I would like... and just start chopping some.

Can I chop some off?

Thank you.

All right, put it in your mouth.

Put it in your mouth and chew on it.

This is so good.

This is so good.

That is really good, actually.

Boy.

What color do you want?

Green.

The donkey bucked my mom.

What?

The donkey did what to your mom?

The donkey...

Uh-huh.

...bucked my...

No.

Your donkey did not do that.

Melons.

Melons.

Here, hold one.

Hold on.

Hold it.

Hold it.

Come on, come on.

And hold the other one.

Yeah.

Hold on while I get a picture.

OK.

Hold on.

I'm sorry.

I'm kind of distracted right now.

I just... I just...

Hey, Ellen.

Hi, Brad, what are you doing?

Don't mind me.

I just came to see the show.

Great show, by the way, so far.

You're killing it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome that... you want to come sit down here?

No, I'm good.

And you continuously find these moments to make everybody feel that much better.

I'm amazing.

I'm amazing.

I'm amazing.

You're my happy place.

Thank you.

This is my happy place.

Ellen! Ellen! Ellen! Ellen!

Me! Me! Me! Me!