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  • - I pick orange.

  • - All right, basketball's my jam, yo. (laughs)

  • - Oh man, I'm gonna get picked last again, I just know it.

  • - If I were picking teams,

  • I'd pick you first Mr. Apple (laughs).

  • - Yeah and your team would lose.

  • - Whoa, whoa, whoa, who's the new guy?

  • I pick him.

  • - Move pipsqueak.

  • - (laughs) I have a feeling I'm gonna like this new guy.

  • - Great, now shut up and pass the rock.

  • - Rock?

  • Stupid apple, you don't play basketball with a rock.

  • - Boy don't I know it.

  • - Oh yeah, then riddle me this.

  • How you gonna play basketball without a basketball? (laughs)

  • ♪ On the road again ♪

  • ♪ I can't wait to get on the road again ♪

  • (lemon screams)

  • It's the shower crowds.

  • (car explodes)

  • (dramatic rock guitar music)

  • - Well I heard he got kicked out of his last school

  • for giving a bunch a bananas a bruising.

  • - I heard his parents kicked him outta the tree.

  • - Shh, hear he comes.

  • - All right bruisers, everybody hand over your lunch money.

  • - How, we don't have hands? (laughs)

  • - A wise guy, eh, you won't be laughing

  • after I tie your shoelaces together.

  • - How, he doesn't have feet?

  • (Apple, Pear, and Orange laugh)

  • (Bad Apple growls)

  • - It's really tough being a bully when nobody has any limbs.

  • I got it, I'll give you a swirly.

  • - A swirly, I love ice cream

  • Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. (laughs)

  • - No, it's when I put your head in the toilet and flush.

  • Come on everybody knows that.

  • - True, I know from experience.

  • (pear shudders)

  • - For reals?

  • - Yeah apparently I was sitting on Bad Apple's swing.

  • - Which swing is Bad Apple's Swing?

  • - Which ever swing Bad Apple wants it to be, pipsqueak.

  • (Bad Apple laughs)

  • - Okay guys, we need to do something about the new kid.

  • - I say we try and be nice to him.

  • - Worth a shot.

  • Do your work Marshmallow. - Yay!

  • Excuse me Bad Apple, it looks like you need a friend

  • to play on the teeter-totter.

  • - Yeah, actually that would be nice.

  • - Hooray!

  • See not so Bad Apple, isn't it nice to be...

  • (Marshmallow screams)

  • - Happy landing shrimpy.

  • - What the?

  • Marshmallow can fly.

  • Why am I always the last to know things?

  • - Hey Pear, you're standing on my grass.

  • - What? - That's my grass, move!

  • - This isn't your grass, this is the school's grass.

  • Anyone can stand here. - Get off my grass.

  • - It's not your grass!.

  • - That's it, eat grass.

  • Eat it, you love it. - What?

  • - Eat your grass Pear.

  • - Orange, little help here please.

  • - Hey, hey Bad Apple, hey!

  • - Looks like loud mouth wants to lick some grass too.

  • - Nah, I prefer my eye balls.

  • - That's it, lick the grass geek, lick it.

  • You love it. - This tastes delicious.

  • - No it doesn't, I tastes like grass.

  • - Nuh uh, it tastes like candy.

  • - No it doesn't it.

  • Does it?

  • - Hey look, Orange is makin' Bad Apple lick the grass.

  • (Pear laughs)

  • - What?

  • - No, I-- - Wee!

  • I love candy grass.

  • (Bad Apple growls) (Orange laughs)

  • - You're lookin' a little red there Apple. (laughs)

  • - You guys are mean.

  • I'm gonna tell on you.

  • - Who are you gonna tell? - Teacher?

  • - Yeah, I am gonna tell the teacher.

  • - No, teacher.

  • - Huh?

  • (Bad Apple screams)

  • Don't eat me!

  • - Whoa, this new kid's really getting chewed out. (laughs)

  • I'm sorry, too soon.

  • (Orange beatboxing)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Ouch, watch it bub!

  • - Whoa, hey, what are you?

  • - I'm an apple.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Oh that's good. (laughs)

  • - What's so funny?

  • - Oh so seriously, what are you?

  • - Like I said, I'm an apple.

  • - Yeah, and I'm a hippopotamus. (laughs)

  • - Hey, I'm an apple.

  • Why is that so hard to believe?

  • - Apples are red not green.

  • - No apples can be green too. - What, you're pulling my leg?

  • - No I'm not. - I know you're not,

  • I don't have any legs. (laughs)

  • (green apple growls)

  • Hey maybe you're green because you fell in some toxic waste.

  • - What? No!

  • - That's it you're a mutant,

  • a teenage mutant ninja apple. - No.

  • ♪ Teenage mutant ninja apple ♪

  • ♪ Weirdo with a green peel ♪

  • ♪ Apple power ♪

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Would you please stop it?

  • - Hey, hey mutant ninja apple?

  • - I'm just an apple.

  • - Hey a mutant ninja apple, hey?

  • - I'm not a mutant ninja.

  • Look there are all kind of apples out there.

  • - Yeah mutant apples.

  • - No, no look!

  • There's apples like Red Delicious.

  • - Ooh, ooh. - Easy ladies.

  • There's plenty of delicious me to go around. (laughs)

  • - And there's apples likes red's cousin, Golden Delicious.

  • (oranges cooing) - Easy ladies.

  • There's plenty of delicious me to go around. (laughs)

  • - Heck there's other green apples.

  • Check out Granny Smith.

  • - Come here and give me a kiss.

  • I've got a dollar.

  • - You see what I'm talkin' about Orange.

  • - Whoa, you guys aren't mutants at all.

  • - Thank you.

  • - You're mighty morphing power apples.

  • - Ah crap.

  • - Make a giant robot.

  • Make a giant robot. - That's it, I give up.

  • - Hey, hey might morphing mutant ninja?

  • - What? - Can you beatbox?

  • - Beat what? - Beatbox, like this.

  • (Orange beatboxing)

  • - Oh God, stop it.

  • (Orange beatboxing)

  • Hey! Knock it off.

  • (Orange beatboxing)

  • Stop, stop it, stop it stop it!

  • (Orange laughs)

  • You give me a headache with all that noise.

  • Can you please just be quiet, just for a minute, please?

  • - Okay, man. - Thank you, jeez.

  • (Orange beatboxing) (Green Apple growls)

  • Would you please knock it off?

  • I've had enough.

  • No more beatboxing.

  • - Why it's cool?

  • - No it's not cool.

  • It's stupid and annoying just like you.

  • Tell me something, where you dropped on your head

  • one too many times?

  • - Hey, hey mutant ninja apple!

  • - What? - Shredder.

  • (Green Apple screams)

  • - Oh no, Green's down, we've got to stop it.

  • - And we can, but only if we use our combined powers,

  • right Granny? - Where's my hug?

  • (apples scream)

  • - Ow, there's no knife in teamwork. (laughs)

  • Ooh, ouch.

  • (dramatic music)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • Hey, hey teenage mutant ninja apples,

  • you mutated into a pie. (laughs)

  • ♪ Teenage mutant ninja apples ♪

  • ♪ Heroes in pie shell ♪

  • ♪ Pastry power ♪

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Who want's some prune juice.

  • - Mirror, mirror on the wall,

  • do you wanna hear my bird call?

  • (Orange bird calling)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Ugh, leave my be.

  • I'm busy, can't you see?

  • - Yeah, busy reflecting. (laughs)

  • - No silly fruit, I'm working for the queen

  • trying to find-- - A unicorn spleen?

  • - What? - A fish wearing jeans?

  • - No. - Ooh I know, a farting bean.

  • - Silence!

  • - What? I'm just trying to help.

  • - My rhymes don't need an assist.

  • Besides, those things don't even exist.

  • - Tell that to those guys.

  • - Don't exist, eh?

  • This comin' from a talking mirror.

  • - You tell 'em Greg.

  • (creatures laugh)

  • - That guy's a real pain in the gas. (laughs)

  • - Ugh such frustration.

  • You're not helping my situation.

  • - Oh I know what's wrong.

  • You don't have any phat beats to go with your rhymes.

  • - What? No!

  • (Orange beatboxing)

  • Stop! - Come on you're not rhyming.

  • - No.

  • (Orange beatboxing)

  • - Stop it! (Orange laughs)

  • - Jeez, someone's being a real pain in the glass. (laughs)

  • You just used that joke, pulp for brains.

  • - Whatever McChubby. - That's MC Chubby.

  • - Uh, listen.

  • What the queen asked requires the greatest wisdom.

  • I must find the most poisonous apple in the kingdom.

  • - Wait, who's in the what now?

  • - I have to get a poisonous apple for Snow White to eat.

  • I can't find one, okay.

  • Do you get it now?

  • - Oh, well why didn't you say so?

  • There's one right there.

  • - What, really?

  • - Holy moly is it hot in here?

  • - What, what is this?

  • - It's what you wanted.

  • A moistened apple.

  • - Seriously guys it's so hot

  • that squirrels are pouring ice water on their nuts.

  • (record scratching)

  • - What is there a problem?

  • We like cold acorns.

  • - I don't mean to be cruel,

  • but I said a poison apple you fool.

  • - Oh I get it, well how about that one.

  • - Ugh, don't get to close to me, I don't feel very good.

  • (apple sneezes)

  • - This is most outrageous.

  • That midget apple isn't poisonous,

  • he's merely contagious.

  • - That's what (apple sneezes).

  • - Gesund midget. (laughs)

  • - The time draws near.

  • I will never find a poison apple I fear.

  • - Steer clear of the deer

  • that poked you in the ear. (laughs)

  • - Please stop before I blow my top.

  • - Ooh, wanna flop and shop for a mop at truck stop? (laughs)

  • - Would you be quiet?

  • - Please eat a balanced diet. (laughs)

  • (mirror screams)

  • - Hey guys, I don't mean to interrupt,

  • but seriously could we turn on a fan or something.

  • - Quiet you wet fruit.

  • Since I have failed, I will certainly get the boot.

  • - Yeah, and besides Snow is coming anyways.

  • - Really, that sounds wonderful.

  • - No, not snow, Snow. - Wait, what?

  • - Snow White. - Oh a delicious apple.

  • (apple screams)

  • - Oh. - Oh I don't feel so good.

  • - Oh, looks Snow White is a real flake. (laughs)

  • - Oh my I was wrong,

  • that apple was poisonous all along. (laughs)

  • - Well he was an apple.

  • - The queen will be thrilled.

  • Her wish had been fulfilled.

  • - Because Snow White has been chilled. (laughs)

  • (Mirror groans)

  • - Hippity, hoppity, wha, wha, woo.

  • Midget apple. - Achoo.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Break it down.

  • (Mirror screams) (glass breaks)

  • (dramatic explosion)

  • (dramatic music)

  • - [Pear] Whoa guys you gotta check out this meteor.

  • - Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored,

  • bored, bored, bored, bored.

  • Anyone else bored?

  • - Yes but mostly just annoyed.

  • - Whew, at least I'm not the only one. (laughs)

  • (Pear groans)

  • - Does he have an off button?

  • (Orange screams) (fruit screams)

  • (Marshmallow screams)

  • - Orange, orange can you hear me?

  • - Orange?

  • (fire explodes)

  • - Whoa! - Whoa!

  • - Oh pretty.

  • - Smores anyone? (laughs)

  • Behold I am the Mandarin Orange.

  • Bow down before me or perish.

  • - Oh great, it's another magical meteor

  • that turns people into evil versions of themselves.

  • - Thanks very much captain plot point.

  • - Orange don't freak out, we'll get you some help.

  • (Pear and Marshmallow scream)

  • - Yes Midget Apple, well tell me,

  • who's gonna help you?

  • - Oh I told you, it's not Midget Apple,

  • it's Iron Apple.

  • (dramatic music)

  • - And now time to really cut you short.

  • (laser fires) (Orange laughs)

  • - There. (laser fires)

  • (Orange screams)

  • (lasers fire)

  • - [Iron Apple] Time to think Mandarin.

  • (lasers fire)

  • (Orange screams)

  • (lasers fire)

  • (Iron Apple groans)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Heroes, there's no such thing.

  • - What a jerk.

  • - Tell me Iron Apple, any last words?

  • - Yeah, Aveggies up and lock.

  • - Aveggies, what's that?

  • (Iron Apple mumbles)

  • You think this ragtag team of tin cans can stop me?

  • I'm the Mandarin.

  • - I'm a rocket launcher.

  • Whoa, I have a real rocket launcher.

  • Call me Snore Machine.

  • (lasers fire)

  • (Orange yells)

  • - Ow, I landed on my keys. (laughs)

  • I mean you will pay for that.

  • - Oh yeah, Mandarin is toast.

  • - Is that the best you've got?

  • - That's my cue.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - And to think, I was almost frightened.

  • (Marshmallow yells)

  • (laser fires)

  • - Whoa, that was insane.

  • - Totally and yet kinda sad.

  • - Heck yeah I'm okay with it,

  • especially if we get to keep the suits.

  • - Yeah it must be hard to find anything in 48 extra fat.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Orange! - You're still alive.

  • And you're not evil anymore.

  • - Yeah and what about the meteor?

  • - Don't ask me, I'm a vegetarian? (laughs)

  • - Yay, it's still pretty.

  • (Marshmallow screams)

  • - Marshmallow splat.

  • - Oh no, here we go again.

  • - Hey, hey Apple, hey Apple, hey?

  • - What Orange, what is it?

  • - Can do you do this?

  • (Orange mumbles)

  • - Nope but I can do this.

  • (Apple mumbles)

  • - That's easy.

  • (Orange mumbles)

  • - What? Copy cat goes meow.

  • - Oh yeah, knack knack goes.

  • (Orange mumble)

  • - Oh yeah, well Thunder Cat goes (yells).

  • (Orange laughs) (Apple laughs)

  • - Oh God, shut up.

  • You've been at it for hours.

  • - Duh, that's 'cause Apple's the best.

  • - No Orange you're the best.

  • - No Apple, I'm the zest. (laughs)

  • Hand. - Hey watch it juggle head.

  • - Ah, that figures.

  • Finally meet an apple that's not a total apple.

  • (Orange sighs) - Sorry dude.

  • - Huh? - I can't hear anything,

  • up here on Fort Awesome.

  • Woo! - I think you mean

  • Fort Death Trap, but don't let me stop you.

  • (Apple screams)

  • (Orange yells)

  • (Apple screams)

  • - This really tingles.

  • - Oh man that is so wrong.

  • - Hang with it buddy, you gotta peel with it.

  • - OMG, I'm naked,

  • - Dude you're nude.

  • - You can't see my seeds can you?

  • Can you?

  • - No dude. - Dude, that's rude. (laughs)

  • Just foolin'.

  • I love chillin' in my birthday suit.

  • - Nude dude. - Nude dude.

  • - Nude dude. - Dude is nude, dude.

  • - You guys are killing me.

  • - Hey, hey El Nudarino?

  • - Sorry nobody here but his Royal Nudeness.

  • - Knock knock. - Who's there?

  • - Apple. - Apple who?

  • - Apple corer. (record scratching)

  • (Apple yells) (Orange screams)

  • (Potato yells)

  • - Nude dude, what's wrong?

  • You look subdued. (laughs)

  • Ooh, nude dude.

  • - Psych. (laughs)

  • Nude dude totally got you dude. (laughs)

  • - (laughs) Looks like I'm a rube dude.

  • - Ah, it's never gonna end.

  • - You shoulda seen your face.

  • You were all boo hoo nude dude.

  • Boo hoo. (laughs)

  • - No way!

  • I was all like, hey nude dude, hey.

  • - Huh? - Hey nude dude?

  • - I don't get it. - Knife!

  • - Huh? I don't get it.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Nude dude is such a noob. (laughs)

  • - Now I get it.

  • (Apple screams)

  • - Whew, yes it's over.

  • (Apple screams)

  • - Ah, poor nude dude.

  • - Whew, (laughs), for a minute there I was really worried.

  • - Knife! (Potato screams)

  • Hey Apple?

  • Apple, hey?

  • Hey Apple?

  • Hey, Apple?

  • Hey Apple?

  • Hey Apple?

  • Apple, hey?

  • Hey Apple? - What? What?

  • What is it?

  • - Orange you glad I didn't say Apple again. (laughs)

  • - Yeah, yeah that joke was funny

  • the first four hundred you said.

  • - Hey Apple? - What?

  • - You look fruity. (laughs)

  • - Yeah, that was hilarious.

  • - Hey, hey Apple? - What?

  • - Can you do 10 pushups in 10 seconds?

  • - What kinda question is that?

  • I don't even have arms.

  • How am I gonna do one pushup?

  • - Hey? - What?

  • - Hey Apple? - What?

  • - Can you do this?

  • (Orange mumbles)

  • - No. (Orange mumbles)

  • - Try it. - No stop it.

  • (Orange mumbles)

  • Okay, you've made your point.

  • Stop it.

  • (Orange mumbles)

  • Would you please be quiet?

  • For crying out loud, would you stop yammering

  • for longer than three seconds?

  • I can't even hear myself think.

  • (Apple sighs loudly)

  • (Apple breathes loudly)

  • - Hey Apple? - What?

  • - Knife. - Huh?

  • - Ooh, oh, I warned you. (Apple screams)

  • Ow, well that looks like it hurts.

  • (Apple screams)

  • Tried to warn him.

  • (Orange sighs)

  • - Hey pear? - Oh God.

  • - [Announcer] It's time for fun in slow motion.

  • Get ready for Foodsplosion.

  • - What up tootie fruties, I'm Agent O,

  • and this Foodsplosion,

  • the game show where I got all the fruits

  • posin' to be chosen. (laughs) (audience laughs)

  • Announcer dude guy, who's our contestant?

  • - [Announcer] He's an apple,

  • but don't hold that against him.

  • Coming all the way up from the orchard,

  • give it up for Andy. (audience cheers and applauds)

  • - Hello Andy.

  • Tell me, are you feelin' randy.

  • (Orange laughs) (audience laughs)

  • - Dude I can't believe it.

  • I just came to the city and now I'm on TV.

  • - Even better you're on a low budget web video.

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Uh, who's that laughing?

  • There's no one else here?

  • - Just go with it Andy.

  • (audience laughs)

  • All right Andy, if you get this question right, you win!

  • Get it wrong and you still win!

  • - Sweet let's do this. (audience cheers and applauds)

  • - Okay Andy, here's the question.

  • - Is Marshmallow a boy or a girl?

  • - Oh well you see that's a trick question.

  • Everyone knows marshmallows reproduce asexually

  • in a process commonly known as yay.

  • Pretty easy stuff.

  • (Orange imitates buzzer)

  • - Wrong. - And that means,

  • we've got a winner. - Woo hoo!

  • (audience cheers and applauds) - Yeah man, I love this show.

  • - Now let's see what you've won.

  • - [Announcer] It's a sledge hammer.

  • - Uh, that's cool,

  • but what I'm gonna do with a sledge hammer.

  • - Well, I've got a few ideas.

  • How about we start with Foodsplosion?

  • - What's that? (screams)

  • - Ugh.

  • What's a Foodsplosion?

  • - Grab your parachute pants, 'cause it's hammer time.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • (Andy screams) (Orange laughs)

  • Now let's see that in slo-mo.

  • (Andy screams)

  • Now let's see it in rewind.

  • (audience cheers and applauds)

  • (Andy screams)

  • - Let's not do that again, okay?

  • - You mean, Foodsplosion?

  • (Andy yells)

  • Oh, poor Andy.

  • He was no nice, we had to crush him twice.

  • (audience cheers and applauds) (Orange laughs)

  • All right guys, see you back her next time

  • for another dose of Foodsplosion.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - [Announcer] And this episode brought to you by

  • the Daneco Family of products.

  • Are you a bad mama jamma in need of a sledge hammer?

  • Then call Daneco.

  • Operators are standing by.

  • - Step forward, state your name.

  • Read the line on the card.

  • - Yo, you my name's Big Apple.

  • Put your non-existent hands up and give me the purse.

  • - Is that the apple that bruised you?

  • - No.

  • He was shorter. - number two.

  • - I'm Apple.

  • Put your non-existent hands up and give me the purse.

  • - Not him, still too big.

  • - Well I think you're gonna like what you see next.

  • - [Police] Number three.

  • - Put your non-existent hands up and give me the purse.

  • - Well?

  • - Not him.

  • The apple that attacked me was smaller than that.

  • - Smaller than that. (laughs)

  • - I can hear you, you know.

  • - My attacker was even smaller.

  • - I'm stumped.

  • I've never seen an apple smaller than a midget apple.

  • - Hey, am I in the right place or what?

  • Name's Microscopic Apple.

  • I'm here for the police lineup.

  • - It's, it's him.

  • (dramatic music)

  • - Where were you Wednesday night?

  • - I ain't sayin' nothin'.

  • Go suck an egg copper.

  • - What you have against eggs?

  • - They suck, that's what.

  • (Officer Egg growls)

  • - I gotta tell you something,

  • this guy's teeny, but he's duff.

  • He's not givin' us anything.

  • - I can get him to confess. - You?

  • Take it easy there short stuff.

  • Our guy'll crack him.

  • - I am sayin' nuttin' and you're mom's rotten.

  • (Officer Egg yells)

  • - Okay, maybe not.

  • - I know how to work this guy.

  • Give me three minutes.

  • - Officer Egg is a pro.

  • He's trained for this kinda thing.

  • He'll pull it together.

  • - What's the matter, shell shocked? (laughs)

  • (Officer Egg yells) (Orange laughs)

  • - Shell shocked.

  • I gotta remember that one, oh goodness.

  • - I can't believe I'm actually saying this,

  • but get in there kid.

  • - You won't regret this.

  • (door slams)

  • - Who are you?

  • - I'm the guy who's been waitin'

  • his whole life for this moment.

  • Tell me small fry, how tall are you?

  • - Six inches. - Sure.

  • - I am!

  • - Please, you're so short

  • you gotta reach up to tie your shoes.

  • - Hey. - So let's try this again.

  • How tall are you really?

  • - Okay, okay, five inches.

  • - Buddy, you're embarrassing yourself.

  • There's no way you're five inches tall.

  • I mean you're so short your best friend is an ant.

  • You're so short you went hang gliding on a Dorito.

  • You're so short you-- - All right, all right.

  • I'm one quarter inch tall.

  • - Oh I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

  • - I'm a quarter inch tall, okay?

  • - What are you gonna do with all that purse money stole,

  • huh, Martin Short, buy yourself some stilts?

  • (Microscopic Apple groans) (Orange laughs)

  • - Stilts.

  • - He's really doin' it.

  • He's gettin' under Microscopic Apple's skin.

  • - Well yeah, he's been stockpiling these insults

  • for his entire life.

  • - Huh, you're one to talk.

  • You're not exactly tall yourself.

  • - My retort to that is in the blue folder.

  • Could you grab it for me?

  • No, can't reach it?

  • Well let me do it for you.

  • (Microscopic Apple groans)

  • Been waitin' a long time to use this folder pal.

  • So last chance.

  • Confess to stealing the purse.

  • - Ain't sayin' nuttin' copper.

  • - Well I was kinda hopin' you'd say that.

  • Microscopic Apple, you're so short

  • your Mini Me's mini me.

  • You're so short, you don't roll the dice, you push 'em.

  • You're so short, you don't have to open the front door

  • to get in your house.

  • (Microscopic Apple groans) (Orange laughs)

  • You're so short, when it rains, you're the last one to know.

  • You're so short, you sit on a dime to eat off a nickel.

  • - Okay, that's enough.

  • - You're so short you're the teller at a piggy bank.

  • You're so short you gotta look up to look down.

  • - I said stop it!

  • - You're so short, you gotta slam dunk your bus fair.

  • Heh, and you're so short you went surfing on a popsicle.

  • - You're so short that you-- - All right I did it, okay.

  • I took the purse.

  • Lock me away.

  • Do whatever you gotta do, just get this guy away from me!

  • - Microscopic Apple you're under arrest.

  • - But considering how short you are,

  • there's probably nothing you're not under. (laughs)

  • (Microscopic Apple yells)

  • - Thank you so much.

  • (Tomato kisses Apple)

  • - I knew all those insults I'd been writing

  • down in my diary would come in handy one day.

  • - Whoa, this is your diary?

  • - Hey give that back!

  • - Here you go. - You're holding it too high.

  • - Am I? I don't know.

  • It feels like a pretty reasonable height to me. (laughs)

  • - Really, even after bring a dangerous criminal to justice,

  • I can't get no respect?

  • - No, not even a little. (laughs)

  • - Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga,

  • chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo choo!

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Boy, when Little Apple said, "let's buy a train",

  • I thought he was nuts.

  • - Yeah, like totally loco. (laughs)

  • - But now I'm startin' to see the appeal.

  • - For sure.

  • With this sweet set a wheels,

  • we're gonna have the best adventures ever!

  • (air horn blows)

  • - All aboard.

  • - So where do the tracks lead?

  • - Beats me, I'm just the conductor.

  • - Yeah, I'm just an orange.

  • - And I'm the caboose!

  • - Yeah, and that's a creepy deserted tunnel.

  • (record scratching) (train chugging)

  • - Did you just dessert?

  • Yay! (suspenseful music)

  • Ah, what a rip off, I didn't see any cupcakes.

  • - Where the heck are we?

  • It looks like--

  • - The Land Beyond the Kitchen.

  • - You mean the bathroom?

  • - No way, everybody knows that's just a legend.

  • - Nuh uh, I've been to the bathroom plenty a times.

  • - Ha, still think it's just a legend?

  • - I know, I know, I know,

  • best adventure-- - Ever!

  • Now prepare yourself for sights you've never seen before.

  • - What you mean like those guys?

  • Hey, hey, apples, you're in the way, the railway. (laughs)

  • - Welcome off-worlders and thank you for visiting.

  • - [Group Of Apples] Land Beyond The Kitchen.

  • - Which is, temporarily closed for repairs.

  • Come back soon, thanks a lot.

  • Bye, bye now.

  • - Ah, the bathroom's closed already?

  • Man, talk about a potty break. (laughs)

  • - Ugh, I can't believe we came all the way to--

  • - The Land Beyond the Kitchen.

  • - And now we have to turn around.

  • - Yeah, and I didn't even get a stupid t-shirt.

  • - I know, I know, it is kind of a bummer,

  • but there is something you need to know about--

  • - The Land Beyond The Kitchen.

  • - Yeah, you see.

  • We've gotta little issue with our dragon fruit.

  • - Yeah, we've gotta little apple with our train.

  • Wanna swap? (laughs)

  • (Dragon roar)

  • - Uh oh, was that my tummy?

  • - Watch out, he's gettin' closer.

  • - Oh man, we're all gonna die.

  • (apple yells)

  • - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

  • why are you apples so scared of this dragon fruit?

  • - Oh no reason, you know besides the fact

  • that he's a fire breathing monster

  • that destroys pretty much village in--

  • - The Land Beyond The Kitchen.

  • - And he's recently gone totally insane.

  • So you know, that's a bonus.

  • - You mean loco? (air horn blares)

  • (Orange laughs) - It's so funny.

  • (dragon roars)

  • - Well thanks for havin' us,

  • but we should probably get back to the kitchen.

  • - Hey, how about a lift yeah?

  • - We've got gas money too.

  • - Guys we can't just leave, that's desertion.

  • - Eh, that's the problem with apples,

  • you get a lotta turn over. (laughs)

  • - Well okay, you call it whatever you want,

  • but we're not going down in flames.

  • (apple groans)

  • - Fear not lovely lady apple,

  • for we shall slay the dragon fruit

  • and restore peace and prosperity to--

  • - The bathroom.

  • - That's really very sweet of you, but--

  • - Sweet, pah, not nearly as sweet as you fair maiden.

  • - Oh, (laughs) stop it.

  • (dragon roars) (fruit scream)

  • - Yay, it's just like a trampoline.

  • (dramatic music)

  • (dragon fruit roars)

  • - Holy shnikes! - It's gourdzilla. (laughs)

  • (Pear screams)

  • - Put it in reverse, put it in reverse.

  • - It's a train, not a Mitsubishi!

  • (apples scream)

  • - Say uncle, say uncle, say uncle.

  • - Jeesh, talk about a hot head. (laughs)

  • - That's it, it's the knife.

  • Dragon Fruit's not crazy, he's in pain.

  • (Pear cries)

  • - I wanna go home, I wanna go home.

  • - Pear, stop!

  • (metal clanking)

  • Oh no, now you've done it.

  • - Say uncle, say, whoa.

  • - I feel much better.

  • - Whoa, Dragon Fruit can talk?

  • - And who might you be?

  • - Me, I'm not a bee, I'm an orange.

  • - What my friend means is, we are seekers of adventure.

  • - I like adventure, I love adventure.

  • - Did you see the look on that dragon fruit,

  • when Bob jumped on his tail?

  • - Awesome, Bob's all like, yah,

  • and Dragon Fruit he's all like, "oh no, roar."

  • - Roar. - Roar.

  • - Roar. (Dragon Fruit roars)

  • (knives scream)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - It's like they say, alls weld that ends weld.

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Seriously guys, this has gotta be...

  • - [Group] The best adventure ever!

  • (Dragon Fruit roars)

  • - Hey, hey Apple?

  • (Apple sighs)

  • - Here we go again.

  • - Hey Apple, hey Apple, hey?

  • - What. - Hey Apple?

  • - What? - I want Hay Apple. (laughs)

  • - You want Hay Apple.

  • - Yeah, hey Apple, I want Hay Apple.

  • - That doesn't even make sense.

  • - Makes sense to me.

  • Hey there, I'm Hay Apple.

  • - Wait, what? - I'm Hay Apple.

  • You know, an apple made outta hay.

  • - Like that's a thing?

  • - I'm a scarecrow.

  • Hey Orange.

  • - Hey, Hay Apple. (laughs)

  • - Okay, well I guess that clears up

  • some of the questions I have.

  • - Hay Apple. - Yes.

  • - No other Apple. - Ugh what do you want Orange?

  • - Can you tell Hay Apple hey for me? (laughs)

  • - Ugh, why can't you just tell him yourself exactly?

  • - 'Cause I'd hate to bother him on a job. (laughs)

  • (Hay Apple laughs)

  • - Good one Orange.

  • - You can hay that again. (laughs)

  • - What is happening and why do we need a scarecrow anyway,

  • we're in a kitchen?

  • - Great question.

  • My job is to shoo crows away from the nacho cheese

  • ever since he lost his lid.

  • - What can I say, birds love dairy much. (laughs)

  • (Orange laughs)

  • - Oh that is gold right there.

  • - Ugh, I'm so confused.

  • Let me get this straight.

  • So we have an apple scarecrow?

  • - Hay Apple. - Apologies, Hay Apple.

  • - Well I wasn't correcting to you.

  • I was just saying hey.

  • - Ugh, and Hay Apple's job is to protect--

  • - Nacho cheese!

  • - Yes, I know his name, Orange.

  • - No, get away crow, that's not yo cheese.

  • - Huh, ah, get him away, get him away.

  • - Get him, shoo, shoo.

  • - Whew, thanks for the heads up Orange.

  • You got it Nacho Cheese.

  • - Ugh, is he back?

  • - No, I was just saying your name that time.

  • - Whew, see I thought Orange was saying not yo cheese

  • 'cause there was another crow coming over to eat me.

  • (laughs) Guess it was just a verbal misunderstanding.

  • - Yeah, seems to be a few of those today.

  • - Hey, hey Nacho Cheese? - Yeah?

  • When they take your photo, do you just say me? (laughs)

  • - Ha, ha, never heard that one before.

  • - Oh oh, Nacho Cheese? - Yes?

  • - Is your favorite celebrity Brie Larson? (laughs)

  • - Ha, ha, another killer joke my dude.

  • - Oh, Nacho Cheese?

  • - Hit me with another cheese joke, I'm ready.

  • - Oh yeah, I wasn't saying your name that time.

  • (Nacho Cheese screams) - Shoo, shoo.

  • - Get away you mean old crow.

  • Not your cheese, shoo! - Shoo!

  • - Can't thank you enough Hay Apple,

  • you're the only thing keepin' me safe until I'm able to--

  • - Put a lid on it.

  • - Are you actually talking about a lid

  • or are you telling me to shut up?

  • - Yes. - Ugh, okay, that is it.

  • - There's so many misunderstandings flying about

  • we can't even hold a conversation.

  • - Hey Apple. - No, no more hey got it.

  • If you wanna talk to me, say excuse me Apple,

  • I'd like to speak with you.

  • If you wanna address the scarecrows, call him Straw Apple.

  • - Well that technically is more correct.

  • - This is why we have language people.

  • It's why the dictionary's three inches thick.

  • Use your words and for cryin' out loud,

  • if something is coming for Nacho Cheese,

  • just say what it is.

  • If it's a crow, say crow.

  • Don't just yell Nacho Cheese or Hay Apple or--

  • - Shoe!

  • - Whew, I was worried for a second there.

  • I was afraid a bird was comin' back.

  • - Nope I'm using my words now remember.

  • I'm saying what the thing is.

  • - Oh well, that's a relief.

  • - Wait a minute.

  • (food screams)

  • (upbeat music)

- I pick orange.

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