destroyed the X-Men franchise with "The Last Stand," comes the film

that destroyed your favorite X- Man...

VOICE (CONT'D) Wolverine

VOICE (CONT'D) Journey to 1970's Canada, where

everyone dresses like it's 2009.

VOICE (CONT'D) And no one has a Canadian accent.

VOICE (CONT'D) Witness Marvel's most hardcore

character get completely neutered in his own extremely, boring movie

VOICE (CONT'D) Watch as Wolverine's centuries of

war are glossed over in one montage to instead make time for

things no one wants to see Wolverine do:

VOICE (CONT'D) Go on dates!

VOICE (CONT'D) Chop wood!

VOICE (CONT'D) Get stuck in traffic!

VOICE (CONT'D) And fumble around in the bathroom!

VOICE (CONT'D) And if you thought they could only

ruin Wolverine - wait until you see what they did with Deadpool...

VOICE (CONT'D) The "merc with the mouth" - gets

his mouth removed, and trades his cool costume for eight-minute abs

and magic eye shadow - Oh and he also gets a grab-bag of random

mutant powers that Deadpool never had.

VOICE (CONT'D) Are we sure that Brett Ratner

didn't direct this?

VOICE (CONT'D) Get excited when they introduce fan-

favorite Gambit!

VOICE (CONT'D) Then get immediately disappointed

when you realize that he's only in the movie for 5 minutes.

VOICE (CONT'D) Instead spend time with some of the

lamest mutants you've never heard of...

VOICE (CONT'D) Wraith

VOICE (CONT'D) Agent Zero

VOICE (CONT'D) Bolt

VOICE (CONT'D) And Silverfox?

VOICE (CONT'D) Wow Marvel, really scraping the

bottom of the barrel huh.

VOICE (CONT'D) Prepare to learn the origin of

boring Wolverine facts like...

VOICE (CONT'D) Where he got his jacket.

VOICE (CONT'D) And the super boring story behind

his nickname.

VOICE (CONT'D) Blah blah blah blah blah.

VOICE (CONT'D) Ugh. Really?

Strap in for an action movie with

effects so bad...it barely looks

better than the leaked rough cut

everyone pirated online.

Featuring...

VOICE (CONT'D) This horrible CGI camera trick

VOICE (CONT'D) This weird CGI ladder.

VOICE (CONT'D) This awful CGI facelift.

VOICE (CONT'D) And unforgivably terrible CGI claws

VOICE (CONT'D) That somehow look worse than the

first three X-men movies.

VOICE (CONT'D) So get ready to crank up the volume

in one of the shout-iest. Films. Ever.

VOICE (CONT'D) RAAARAAAARGH this movie sucks.

VOICE (CONT'D) Starring...

VOICE (CONT'D) X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

VOICE (CONT'D) Why can't you movie studios just get along? America needs to see Wolverine fight the Hulk...right?

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