These things happen.

I know a guy, he's great with bleach, he's gonna

make this whole thing disappear just like that okay?

Hold on I'm getting another call.

Yes?

[Assistant] Mr Richards, there's

a Mr Netflix here to see you.

(laughing)

Oh this oughta be good.

Okay yeah send him in.

Bob Netflix!

You old so and so.

Take a seat, how are ya?

Well Dick, gonna be honest.

I'm a little confused.

Are you mad at me?

Mad at you?

Bobby, Booby why would you say something like that?

Well it just seems like we used

to have a really good thing going.

Bobby hold that thought.

Peter Pan!

You doing anything?

No, not really sir.

Well here's 50 mil.

Now you got a Disney+ show.

Thank you Mr Richards!

I'm gonna make the best Peter Pan show ever.

Quality is irrelevant to me.

Anywho what were you saying Bob?

Just that we used have a really good thing going.

A lucrative licensing agreement,

we made all those Marvel shows together.

We even brought back The Clone Wars for a final season.

I think you're mistaken there Bob.

We're bringing it back for a final season.

Our trailer clearly stated that

the war was unfinished until now.

Look, we're just trying to wrap it up and give the fans

a satisfying conclusion that they deserve.

You know, #clonewarssaved.

But we already did that.

Back in 2014.

It even ended in a epic three part finale

where Yoda realized the Clone Wars

were just a huge distraction they were never gonna win

and that another Skywalker was their

only chance at victory in the long run.

Bringing the themes of duty and sacrifice full circle

and creating a perfect emotional

segue into Revenge of the Sith.

Yeah but we got #clonewarssaved trending so...

This is what I'm talking about.

We used to have such a good thing going but then,

you just ghosted me, wouldn't return any of my calls,

canceled all the Marvel Netflix shows.

Thanks for taking the blame for that by the way.

And now you're starting your own streaming service

that kinda seems like a direct competitor to Netflix so,

I just gotta know,

is there something I did?

What happened between us?

Bobby.

Trust me it's not you.

I truly cherish the time we had together.

Our partnership was a wonderful proof of concept.

Seriously, if we hadn't worked together all those years,

we never would've gained the knowledge needed

to launch our own streaming service to systematically

dismantle your hold on the market

and ultimately leave your company in total financial ruin.

Wait, what?

Oh yeah we're planning on crushing you.

Nothing personal.

It sure feels personal.

Trust me it isn't.

I literally don't see people.

I just see potential revenue streams.

It's kind of like the matrix but with dollar signs.

What, how do you even--

Oh speak of the devil.

Kim Possible, think fast.

You owe me 13 episodes by next spring.

Thank you.

Literally all I saw was a dollar sign in a crop top.

Dick, Doesn't Disney have enough at this point?

You're universally beloved, you have all the most popular

IPs, you're clearly the king of the box office.

I mean you're basically printing

your own money at this point.

Can't you just like, let us have this one?

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

It's so adorable that you think

money is the only thing at play here.

Sure we keep breaking records at

the box office year after year.

But these are just short term gains.

We're still at the whims of the movie theaters

because we can't legally own them and who'd want to?

I mean, they only have 10 years left tops.

Same thing with television.

We may own a bunch of television channels

but we still have to work with the wretched

cable companies to get them to our viewers

and even they're on the way out.

That's why Disney+ is so important.

In the digital world, we will have something

that no other medium can provide, total control.

From inception to release, we will control everything.

We won't have to share the distribution, rights and,

most importantly, profits with anybody but ourselves.

And, since we already own or have shown

no problem in acquiring all of the IPs people care about,

creating a one stop shop that can be accessed

from any device was the final piece we needed

to set our plans for total domination

of the entertainment world into motion.

Hey Batman.

Catch.

Ah thanks Dick.

(laughing)

Nice.

But you don't own Batman.

Not yet.

No.

No it's far from over Dick.

You're acting like the battle's already won

but we have over 150 million subscribers worldwide.

It'll take you years to catch up with us.

Oh it may take decades.

That's not a problem.

What?

We're Disney Bob.

We have the money and we have the patience.

I'll run this company at a loss

for years just to take you out.

All we need to do is outspend you

until you're out of content.

I mean eventually those Stranger Things kids

will grow up no matter how much coffee and cigarettes

you feed them to stunt their growth.

And then what will you have?

More comedy specials from D list comedians?

Please.

In the end, we will win.

We are

inevitable.

Oh yeah?

You think you can take everything from us huh?

Well how would you feel if Netflix took something from you?

That's right.

We signed Benioff and Weiss,

the creators of Game of Thrones.

So stick that in your Juul and vape it.

Got him.

You mean those hacks we fired from Star Wars?

Fired?

They said they were too busy.

(laughing)

Too busy for Star Wars?

There's only one person on Earth too busy for Star Wars,

Kevin Feige, and even that (bleep) making a Star Wars!

(laughing)

No.

See, your little ace in the hole

was actually just a Trojan horse.

Our Trojan horse.

By allowing the world to think they were getting

their own Star Wars trilogy, we tricked you

into spending a quarter of a billion dollars

to poach a pair of creatively bankrupt lemons.

I can't believe you fell for that.

No.

That's insane.

You wouldn't.

Wouldn't I?

I mean at this point even I don't know

what the (bleep) I'm capable of anymore.

Regardless, the end result is the same.

Jesus Christ.

You're ruthless.

You're God damn right I'm ruthless.

I have to be.

See Bob, what you fail to grasp is that this fight

is about more than just the future of streaming.

It's about the future of everything.

We're not just trying to control the media,

we're trying to control how the people consume media.

We're grooming the next generation of consumers

to get all of their entertainment from us.

We will fulfill their every emotional need.

Every laugh they bellow, every tear

they cry will come from us.

And once we've achieved a brand dependency

of that magnitude, they will buy whatever

we sell them for the rest of their

insignificant lives and that is worth everything.

So go on and run back to Silicon Valley

and enjoy yourself while you can Bob.

It's only a matter of time before you

run out of ideas and your war chest dries up

and finally, when Netflix is little more

than a sad saggy scrotum of a shadow of its former self,

we will acquire it.

And then we will do the same to Amazon,

Warner Bros, NBC, hell even YouTube

and on and on we will go until there is nothing left.

Nothing, but Disney.

(ominous music)

Boo.

(screaming)

(laughing)

You think this is a joke don't you?

That's nice.

Just out there laughing it up.

Having a grand old time.

Well, I hope you think back on this moment when you're

watching your DisneyTube on your MickeyPad Pro Six.

Think fondly of the time when you had the

illusion of choice.

(clapping)

(upbeat music) Hey everyone.

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Bye.