It is good to see you.

It has been far too long since we have gathered our banners together in war.

Hear, hear!

I'd like to call this council of motherhood to order.

We must band together to vanquish our foe.

Like the great battle of potty training.

I could not have conquered the porcelain throne without your Elmo sticker chart.

But now far greater evil has come upon us.

Is it summiting Mount Laundry?

No.

Is it toddler sleep negotiations?

No. These evils will always exist in our world.

Well then, what is it?

Surely together...

The grocery trip with small children.

Devil incarnate!

It is right that you called us.

An attack falls upon me weekly, Your Grace.

But this is different.

This the semi-annual Costco stock up.

This is my first battle going to Costco with three children.

Oh, two children is a battle.

Three children is war.

What can be done?

Your defeat is inevitable.

My scouts tell me this is the current layout of Costco.

And be wary, I will need two carts.

One cart is a battle.

Two carts is war.

Okay, Helena, we get it.

Do you?

Yes.

Why not just send your husband to the front lines?

You coward!

He always falls prey to the sweet sounds of the Vitamix demonstration.

Perhaps if...

I ask for diapers, he comes back with four dozen muffins!

You have your list?

Obviously.

Your best chance is to take it one section at a time.

Produce first...

Are you mad?

With children in the cart, the bananas will be carnage by the end!

True. Produce is a vulnerable area.

What weapons do you have?

Fruit snacks and Goldfish.

But for this conflict, I shall wield the holy grail.

The iPad.

And risk a crack?

That's a risk I'm willing to take.

I mean, if you feel comfortable with that amount of screen time.

Save the mom guilt for the battlefield, Cornelia!

This is foolish!

Three children sharing one iPad, you'll be on borders of meltdown territory.

Well, then retreat back to food court fortress! They will obey for a churro!

Sugar and screens cannot be the way!

What other...

Enough arguing!

If we cannot agree, we must call on ancient wisdom.

Hello, mighty grandmother.

How many children?

Three, m'lady.

In my day, I had eight.

You left them in the car.

I cracked a window. Nobody cared back then.

- But what should I do now, oh wise one? - Yes.

Consider the belt buckle, yes.

You only have to use it once...

Okay, I think we're good.

You won't hear my words of wisdoms?

If you would only...

Know that the water is giving the children chicken pox.

- Yeah. - Oh, okay.

The time has come.

I must away.

Remember, stick to your list.

Resist the impulse buy.

Even if it's dark chocolate covered almonds?

- Ooh! - Yes! Be strong.

Thank you, wise leaders. I feel ready.

Go with speed, friend.

May fortune smile upon you.

To battle.

Kids, get your shoes on!

Yes!

I shall bring you the Costco receipt on a spike!

Oh, I forgot! Costco lets you order online, and they'll just deliver it to your car.

Eh, next time.

Mothers, subscribe!

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Yes.

When was a time that your mother left you in the car?

What?

Did your mom do that?

She did.

13 times.