SAME PLACE, SAME ME. [APPLAUSE]

[APPLAUSE] GREG: WE ARE IN MIAMI HOME OF

GREG: WE ARE IN MIAMI HOME OF SANDY BEACHES TRIPTYCH WHETHER

SANDY BEACHES TRIPTYCH WHETHER IN PLASTIC SURGERY.

IN PLASTIC SURGERY. THIS IS HOW IT LOOKED BEFORE I

THIS IS HOW IT LOOKED BEFORE I GOT HERE.

GOT HERE. WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT.

WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT. THANK YOU MIAMI.

THANK YOU MIAMI. HERE WE ARE FOR THE BIG GAME.

HERE WE ARE FOR THE BIG GAME. I GUESS THAT MEANS IT’S TIME FOR

I GUESS THAT MEANS IT’S TIME FOR YES, SO WE HAVE GONE OVER THE

YES, SO WE HAVE GONE OVER THE ACCOMPLISHMENT OF DONALD TRUMP

ACCOMPLISHMENT OF DONALD TRUMP MANY TIMES ECONOMY DEAD

MANY TIMES ECONOMY DEAD TERRORISTS TRADE DEAL STOCK

TERRORISTS TRADE DEAL STOCK MARKET BUT NOW WE CAN ADD LIFE

MARKET BUT NOW WE CAN ADD LIFE EXPECTANCY.

EXPECTANCY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR YEARS

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR YEARS OF AMERICANS AVERAGE LIFESPAN

OF AMERICANS AVERAGE LIFESPAN INCREASED.

INCREASED. LIVE IS SO GREAT UNDER TRUMP

LIVE IS SO GREAT UNDER TRUMP PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO DIE.

PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO DIE. ANYWAY YOU PARTY HEARD THIS GOOD

ANYWAY YOU PARTY HEARD THIS GOOD IS A MILLION TIMES FOR ME AND TO

IS A MILLION TIMES FOR ME AND TO BE HONEST HE WAS RIGHT.

BE HONEST HE WAS RIGHT. >> WE ARE GOING TO WIN.

>> WE ARE GOING TO WIN. WE ARE GOING TO WIN.

WE ARE GOING TO WIN. WE ARE GOING TO WHEN I’M TRADE.

WE ARE GOING TO WHEN I’M TRADE. WE ARE GOING TO WIN AT THE

WE ARE GOING TO WIN AT THE BORDER.

BORDER. WE ARE GOING TO WIN SO MUCH YOU

WE ARE GOING TO WIN SO MUCH YOU ARE GOING TO GET SO SICK AND

ARE GOING TO GET SO SICK AND TIRED OF WINNING.

TIRED OF WINNING. >> IT’S TRUE.

>> IT’S TRUE. I AM KIND OF TIRED OF WINNING

I AM KIND OF TIRED OF WINNING BUT YOU KNOW WHO WASN’T?

BUT YOU KNOW WHO WASN’T? THE OAKLAND RAIDERS OF THE

THE OAKLAND RAIDERS OF THE 1970s.

1970s. FEROCIOUS, BRUTAL, SCARY.

FEROCIOUS, BRUTAL, SCARY. THE GREAT MONTE JOHNSON SCARY

THE GREAT MONTE JOHNSON SCARY MONSTERS AND SUPER FREAKS BUT

MONSTERS AND SUPER FREAKS BUT THEY WERE ALSO WINNERS MAINLY

THEY WERE ALSO WINNERS MAINLY BECAUSE OF THEIR BOSS AL DAVIS

BECAUSE OF THEIR BOSS AL DAVIS CONTROVERSIAL INTIMIDATING BUDDY

CONTROVERSIAL INTIMIDATING BUDDY LIVES BY THREE WORDS, JUST WIN

LIVES BY THREE WORDS, JUST WIN BABY AND BOY DID HE.

BABY AND BOY DID HE. FROM 67 TO 85 P1 13 DIVISION

FROM 67 TO 85 P1 13 DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIPS WON AFL

CHAMPIONSHIPS WON AFL CHAMPIONSHIP IN THREE SUPER

CHAMPIONSHIP IN THREE SUPER BOWLS THAT PEOPLE PUT UP WITH

BOWLS THAT PEOPLE PUT UP WITH HIS REBELLIOUS STREAK BECAUSE

HIS REBELLIOUS STREAK BECAUSE THE ONE.

THE ONE. SOUND FAMILIAR?

SOUND FAMILIAR? TRUMP’S THE AL DAVIS THE

TRUMP’S THE AL DAVIS THE PRESIDENT AND HIS ADMINISTRATION

PRESIDENT AND HIS ADMINISTRATION ARE THE RAIDERS OF OLD AND THEIR

ARE THE RAIDERS OF OLD AND THEIR MANTRA JUST WIN, BABY.

MANTRA JUST WIN, BABY. LIKE THE RAIDERS TRUMP IS NOT

LIKE THE RAIDERS TRUMP IS NOT ONLY GUIDED BY HIS FAITH BUT THE

ONLY GUIDED BY HIS FAITH BUT THE PEOPLE WHO HATE THEM IN THE HATE

PEOPLE WHO HATE THEM IN THE HATE FOR TRUMP’S STRONG ESPECIALLY IN

FOR TRUMP’S STRONG ESPECIALLY IN THE MEDIA.

THE MEDIA. >> BASICALLY AFTER THIS

>> BASICALLY AFTER THIS BOMBSHELL FROM JOHN BOLTON, WE

BOMBSHELL FROM JOHN BOLTON, WE DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, WE DO

DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, WE DO WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE DO WANT YOU

WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE DO WANT YOU TO HEAR IT OR KNOW IT.

TO HEAR IT OR KNOW IT. THAT SOUNDS LIKE THEIR PRODUCE A

THAT SOUNDS LIKE THEIR PRODUCE A PAINTING IN A COVER-UP.

PAINTING IN A COVER-UP. >> IT’S ACTUALLY MAYBE WORSE

>> IT’S ACTUALLY MAYBE WORSE WHAT LAMAR ALEXANDER IS DOING

WHAT LAMAR ALEXANDER IS DOING BECAUSE HE SAYING ESSENTIALLY.

BECAUSE HE SAYING ESSENTIALLY. >> HE BEAT HIS WIFE, SO?

>> HE BEAT HIS WIFE, SO? PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD ARE

PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD ARE WATCHING US GOING THIS IS WHAT

WATCHING US GOING THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT FOR THE REST OF THE

YOU WANT FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD?

WORLD? WHAT A SAD SAD MOMENT.

WHAT A SAD SAD MOMENT. >> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE GOING

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HAVE A COMPLETE VIEW OF JUST

TO HAVE A COMPLETE VIEW OF JUST HOW UGLY THIS DRUG DEAL WAS BY

HOW UGLY THIS DRUG DEAL WAS BY THE TIME NOVEMBER ROLLS AROUND

THE TIME NOVEMBER ROLLS AROUND AND JUST HOW GUILTY THE

AND JUST HOW GUILTY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WAS.

WAS. BRIEN: THANKS BEVIS OR IS IT BUT

BRIEN: THANKS BEVIS OR IS IT BUT HAD?

HAD? A NEVER SURE.

A NEVER SURE. THE HATE IS SO STRONG IT

THE HATE IS SO STRONG IT INCLUDES HIS SUPPORTERS.

INCLUDES HIS SUPPORTERS. >> DONALD TRUMP COULDN’T FIND

>> DONALD TRUMP COULDN’T FIND UKRAINE ON A MAP IF YOU HAD THE

UKRAINE ON A MAP IF YOU HAD THE LETTER U IN AND PICTURE BEEN

LETTER U IN AND PICTURE BEEN ACTUAL PHYSICAL CRANE NEXT TO

ACTUAL PHYSICAL CRANE NEXT TO HER.

HER. THIS IS ADMINISTRATION DEFINED

THIS IS ADMINISTRATION DEFINED BY IGNORANCE -- IGNORANCE OF THE

BY IGNORANCE -- IGNORANCE OF THE WORLD.

WORLD. THAT’S PARTLY HEMP HIM PLAYING

THAT’S PARTLY HEMP HIM PLAYING TO THEIR BASE PLAYING TO THEIR

TO THEIR BASE PLAYING TO THEIR AUDIENCE, THE CREDULOUS BOOMER

AUDIENCE, THE CREDULOUS BOOMER RUBE DEMO THAT ONCE TO THANK

RUBE DEMO THAT ONCE TO THANK DONALD TRUMP’S THE SMART ONE AND

DONALD TRUMP’S THE SMART ONE AND YOU ALL THE ELITISTS ARE DUMP.

YOU ALL THE ELITISTS ARE DUMP. GREG: AND I WAS A SLOT MACHINE

GREG: AND I WAS A SLOT MACHINE THAT WOULD COME UP THREE BAGS.

THAT WOULD COME UP THREE BAGS. THE REASON IS IT’S NOT TRUMP.

THE REASON IS IT’S NOT TRUMP. IT’S YOU, YOU DUMP RUBE FOR

IT’S YOU, YOU DUMP RUBE FOR SUPPORTING HIM.

SUPPORTING HIM. YOU HAVE HOLLYWOOD.

YOU HAVE HOLLYWOOD. YOU HAVE MOST ACADEMICS.

YOU HAVE MOST ACADEMICS. >> I HATE YOUR COUNTRY YOUR

>> I HATE YOUR COUNTRY YOUR PRESIDENT AND EVERYTHING ABOUT

PRESIDENT AND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR CULTURE.

YOUR CULTURE. YOU ARE THE THAT COMES OUT OF

YOU ARE THE THAT COMES OUT OF PIGS AFTER THEY EAT THEIR OWN

PIGS AFTER THEY EAT THEIR OWN FILTH.

FILTH. YOU ARE THE SCABS ON THE KNEES

YOU ARE THE SCABS ON THE KNEES OF LIZARDS WHO AT THE OF OBESE

OF LIZARDS WHO AT THE OF OBESE AND DISEASED RATS.

AND DISEASED RATS. EXCEPT FOR THAT GREG GUTFELD OR

EXCEPT FOR THAT GREG GUTFELD OR AS WE CALLED THEM IN IRAN THE

AS WE CALLED THEM IN IRAN THE SULTAN OF LATE NIGHT.

SULTAN OF LATE NIGHT. AS MUCH FUNNIER THAN JIMMY SON

AS MUCH FUNNIER THAN JIMMY SON OF KIM OPENED SECOND THOUGHT

OF KIM OPENED SECOND THOUGHT SINCE THE UNITED STATES THROWS

SINCE THE UNITED STATES THROWS IN A PAIR OF TICKETS TO THROW IN

IN A PAIR OF TICKETS TO THROW IN THE GREG GOT HELD SHOW MAYBE WE

THE GREG GOT HELD SHOW MAYBE WE HAVE A DEAL.

HAVE A DEAL. GREG: YES.

GREG: YES. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I’M

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I’M STARTING TO LIKE THAT GUY.

STARTING TO LIKE THAT GUY. NOT SURE ABOUT THE TRANSLATION.

NOT SURE ABOUT THE TRANSLATION. ANYHOW YOU ALWAYS KNOW SOMEONE

ANYHOW YOU ALWAYS KNOW SOMEONE IS DOING A GREAT JOB BY THEIR

IS DOING A GREAT JOB BY THEIR EVER SERIES LEVEL.

EVER SERIES LEVEL. IT REFLECTS THAT FRUSTRATION.

IT REFLECTS THAT FRUSTRATION. LET’S JUST THROW THE GAME.

LET’S JUST THROW THE GAME. HERE’S MY FINAL FOOTBALL ANALOGY

HERE’S MY FINAL FOOTBALL ANALOGY OF IMPEACHMENT IS LIKE THE SUPER

OF IMPEACHMENT IS LIKE THE SUPER BOWL FOR LOSERS.

BOWL FOR LOSERS. YOU’VE GOT TWO TEAMS.

YOU’VE GOT TWO TEAMS. ONE WANTS TO IMPEACH HIM ONE

ONE WANTS TO IMPEACH HIM ONE WANTS TO ACQUIT.

WANTS TO ACQUIT. ARE THEY THE SAME?

ARE THEY THE SAME? NO.

NO. ONE TEAM STARTED TRAINING FOR

ONE TEAM STARTED TRAINING FOR THIS GAME THE DAY TRUMP GOT

THIS GAME THE DAY TRUMP GOT ELECTED.

ELECTED. THEY TRAINED TO IMPEACH.

THEY TRAINED TO IMPEACH. THOSE ARE THE LOSERS.

THOSE ARE THE LOSERS. THE OTHER SIDE WERE JUST TRYING

THE OTHER SIDE WERE JUST TRYING TO DO THEIR OWN JOB AND SO FAR

TO DO THEIR OWN JOB AND SO FAR IT’S PRETTY GOOD WHICH MAY BE

IT’S PRETTY GOOD WHICH MAY BE WHY DON LEMON WAS LAUGHING SO

WHY DON LEMON WAS LAUGHING SO HARD, TO KEEP HIMSELF FROM

HARD, TO KEEP HIMSELF FROM CRYING.