THE DEMOCRATS HELD ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE TONIGHT,

THIS TIME IN DES MOINES, IOWA.

IT'S A BIG DEAL BECAUSE THIS WAS THE FINAL DEBATE BEFORE IOWA

CHOOSES A CANDIDATE IN THEIR STATEWIDE CAUCUSES.

THIS IS THE BIGGEST THING TO HAPPEN IN IOWA SINCE... THE LAST

TIME THIS HAPPENED IN IOWA.

( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS THE CANDIDATES' FINAL

CHANCE TO APPEAL TO IOWA VOTERS, WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THEY ALL

APPEARED ON STAGE CHEWING A SINGLE STRAND OF WHEAT.

( LAUGHTER ) "LOOKS LIKE THERE'S RAIN

A-COMIN'!" TONIGHT'S LINEUP FINALLY

NARROWED THE FIELD DOWN TO FIVE CANDIDATES WHO HAVE A REAL SHOT

OF WINNING THE NOMINATION.

AND ALSO, APPARENTLY A GUY CALLED TOM STEYER.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO TOM STEYER IS, HERE'S A PICTURE OF HIM

HERE.

YEAH, NOW YOU RECOGNIZE HIM.

THAT'S NOT HIM.

( LAUGHTER ) WE JUST GOOGLED "RICH WHITE GUY"

AND THAT'S WHAT CAME UP.

( LAUGHTER ) BUT I THINK IT SAYS A LOT ABOUT

TOM STEYER'S CAMPAIGN THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE DISAPPOINTED WITH THE

PARTICIPANTS IN TONIGHT'S DEBATE.

WHAT STARTED MONTHS AGO AS THE MOST DIVERSE PRIMARY FIELD IN

HISTORY HAS NOW TURNED INTO THIS.

( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, CAUCUS IS SHORT FOR

CAUCASIAN.

( LAUGHTER ) WHAT HAPPENED?

THE FIELD OF CANDIDATES WENT FROM LOOKING LIKE A DIVERSE

REPRESENTATION OF THE COUNTRY, TO LOOKING LIKE THE FRONT ROW OF

A JIMMY BUFFET CONCERT.

( LAUGHTER ) TONIGHT'S DEBATE WAS SO WHITE,

PEOPLE WHO TURNED ON THEIR TVS WERE LIKE, "WAIT, I THOUGHT THE

OSCARS WERE NEXT MONTH?" ( LAUGHTER )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MOVING ON, WE HAD TO TELL YOU

ABOUT THIS STUDY.

ACCORDING TO THE LATEST SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH, GOING TO

THE MOVIES COUNTS AS A LIGHT WORKOUT.

( LAUGHTER ) TRULY.

YEAH, THEY SAY SITTING THROUGH A FILM AT A MOVIE THEATRE IS

EQUAL TO ABOUT 40 MINUTES OF LOW-IMPACT CARDIO.

YOU HEAR THAT?

THAT'S THE SOUND OF EVERYONE IN AMERICA SAYING TO THEMSELVES,

"SEE?

I DO WORK OUT!" ( LAUGHTER )

I DO LOW-IMPACT CARDIO.

( LAUGHTER ) GOING TO THE MOVIES COUNTS AS A

LIGHT WORKOUT.

AND IT COUNTS AS A HEAVY WORKOUT IF YOU CRY AS MUCH AS I DID

DURING "LITTLE WOMEN."

( LAUGHTER ) BY THE WAY, THIS IS WHY I ATTEND

EVERY MOVIE PREMIERE DRESSED LIKE THIS.

( LAUGHTER ) JUST GETTING SOME CARDIO, GUYS.

AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.

DUNKIN' DONUTS HAS TEAMED UP WITH SNOOP DOGG TO INTRODUCE A

NEW BREAKFAST SANDWICH.

HERE IT IS HERE.

IT FEATURES TWO GLAZED DOUGHNUT HALVES FOR BUNS, EGG, CHEESE,

AND A PLANT-BASED SAUSAGE PATTY.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE MEAT WOULD MAKE IT UNHEALTHY.

( LAUGHTER ) SNOOP DOGG'S BREAKFAST SANDWICH

FEATURES PLANT-BASED MEAT, WHICH MAKES SENSE, CONSIDERING SNOOP'S

"PLANT-BASED LIFESTYLE."

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, HERE'S A CRAZY

STORY FROM MEXICO.

A MAN WAS HOSPITALIZED BECAUSE HE TOOK A SEX STIMULANT USED FOR

BREEDING BULLS, AND ENDED UP WITH A THREE-DAY ERECTION.

( LAUGHTER ) SO, IN OTHER WORDS, THE PLAN

WORKED PERFECTLY.

( LAUGHTER ) A THREE-DAY ERECTION.

OR AS I CALL IT: AN ERECTION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE MAN NEEDED MEDICAL ATTENTION

AFTER TAKING A SEX STIMULANT INTENDED FOR BULLS.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, HE IS NOW THE PROUD FATHER OF SIX ADORABLE

BABY MINOTAURS!