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  • -Guys, I love hearing about new inventions.

  • And every new invention has a patent.

  • And I read that the U.S. Trademark and Patent Office

  • has issued over 10 million patents since it was created.

  • But only a few of them have actually become actual products.

  • So I figured there must be some gems out there

  • that have been overlooked.

  • So here's a look at some real patents I found

  • that I think should be made in a new segment called

  • "Why Wasn't This Made?"

  • ♪ -Why wasn't this made? ♪

  • Why, why, why wasn't this made? ♪

  • -Now, before we start, I just want to say

  • these are all real actual patents that you can find

  • on the U.S. Patent and Trademark's website.

  • Let's take a look at our first patent right here.

  • It was filed back in 1980,

  • and it's a device that will keep you from eating too much.

  • It is the anti-eating face mask.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • This is real. And it says here,

  • "It is for preventing the ingestion of food by the user."

  • Yeah, it's pretty subtle.

  • I think people will barely know you're wearing it.

  • Especially if you're Hannibal Lecter, maybe.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It actually has -- It has like a padlock.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's crazy.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Why wasn't it made?

  • ♪ -Why, why, why wasn't this made? ♪

  • -You don't have to do the theme song every --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Every time I say "why wasn't this made."

  • Yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • This next patent is --

  • Why, why, why ♪ [ Laughter ]

  • Next patent is an office supply.

  • It's a device for moistening the adhesive coating

  • on postage stamps and envelopes.

  • So it wets stamps and envelopes for you.

  • Let's see what it looks like.

  • [ Laughter ] There you go.

  • It's fully functional.

  • Totally appropriate for the workplace.

  • [ Laughter ] Nothing weird going on here.

  • Why wasn't that made?

  • ♪ -Why, why, why

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -You tried to sneak that one in there, yeah.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Why, why

  • This next patent was invented for people

  • who have to deal with bad commutes.

  • Okay, it is a self-propelled unicycle

  • engageable from a vehicle.

  • So as soon as you hit traffic, it's very simple.

  • You just pull over, you jack up the car,

  • you remove one of the tires. [ Laughter ]

  • You pull this seat with handlebars out of your trunk,

  • probably weighs 300 pounds.

  • Then you attach the wheel to that, and simple as that.

  • You're all done. [ Laughter ]

  • That should take you probably an hour or two.

  • Then you just roll off, problem solved.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Why wasn't this made?

  • ♪ -Why

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -We're down to our last one,

  • and it's for all you busy parents out there.

  • It's the apparatus and method for carrying a child.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Is that a child?

  • That's a really old boy.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • They definitely look related.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • They look exactly alike.

  • They look exactly -- Alright, well, anyways.

  • So someone just took stirrups and stuck them down a tool belt.

  • So all your miniature clone has to do is take his shoes off

  • and climb into the stirrups and then choke his doppelganger dad

  • around the neck. [ Laughter ]

  • I actually stayed up late last night and --

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Let's see if I can get this thing worked out.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Yeah, it's pretty subtle actually. It's pretty cool.

  • No one really knows you're wearing it.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • You're at, like, Starbucks or whatever.

  • Like, "Hey, can I get a venti?" You know, no one knows.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • All I need is my mini clone and --

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Hello, hello, hello, hello.

  • Oh.

  • It's bouncy on here.

  • -What's that? -It's bouncy on here.

  • -It's bouncy on there. [ Laughter ]

  • Alright, hold on now. -Wow.

  • -Alright, buddy. [ Laughter ]

  • You're in?

  • Yeah, not bad. [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

  • I'm so bouncy over here.

  • Aah! So bouncy! Yeah!

  • -That's all the time I have for "Why Wasn't This Made?"

  • If you have a patent that you think should be on our show,

  • I want to see it.

  • Send your suggestions

  • to whywasntthismade @tonightshow.com.

-Guys, I love hearing about new inventions.

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