This week's Music Monday is the Alien Debut edition with EXO-K's 'Mama'

本週的音樂星期一是「外星人出道」版本

[music]

有Exo-k的Mama

WOOOOAH!

[音樂]

After 10,000 teasers and prologues and singles that aren't really singles but feel like singles. . .

嘩!

EXO has finally debuted with their first single, which I actually consider their third single.

在一萬個預告片和前序和

I get it. SM was trying not only to build up hype for their new band,

疑似單曲的音樂之後

but also tell mini-stories that lead up to their debut video.

Exo終於推出他們第一首單曲

Which is a pretty bad-ass explanation of EXO's roots.

而我認為這是第三首

Which, in brief, is this:

我明白了 SM不單想炒作他們的新樂團

EXO are not actually boys but 12 forces which protect a tree.

還想講述音樂錄像中的故事的迷利前傳

From what?. . . I don't understand what it is.

是一個對Exo的根源挺酷的解釋

My guess? Intergalactic lumberjacks or a hoard of hungry space beavers.

簡單來說是這樣的:

Except, that doesn't sound as impressive when I say it.

Exo不是男孩

Where's Morgan Freeman's voice when you need it?

而是十二道保護那棵樹的力量

[Morgan Freeman impression] "And thus, came the penguins, walking."

保護不受誰侵害呢? 我不知道

"And I make this sound interesting when it really isn't."

我猜也許是星際伐木工人

And these 12 forces have taken on the shape of young, slim, good-looking Korean boys!

或是一群飢腸漉漉的水狸

Which, when they're not protecting Tree of Life on their free time,

只是從我口中說出來沒那麼吸引

join together in union to practice singing and dancing.

當你需要摩根‧弗里曼的聲音時

I get it! Bet it'd be hella boring to just stand around and protect a tree all day!

它在哪裏呢?

It's like, "Look!! I've got the power to create a fire eagle!"

[模仿摩根‧弗里曼]「因此, 一群企鵝步行過來」

"But I should just stand around and protect the tree!"

「我令本來無聊的事聽起來有趣」

"Hey guys! Look! Look at my fire eagle! Look! Look! LOOK!"

而這十二道力量化身成

"Oh shiii* almost burned down the tree. Gotta go"

年輕、苗條、俊俏的韓國男孩

[godly boom voice] You twelve are banish-ed to Earth for almost burning down Tree of Life

當他們不在保護生命之樹時

"Oh man! Earth is so laaame!"

在空餘時間集合一起

[GBV] Accept your punishment with more dignity than that you whimpering Korean boy!

練習唱歌和跳舞

Okay! So Before we go any further into this video about EXO's mythology,

我明白的! 想也知道整天站在樹旁

we've got to point out something that's REALLY been nagging us.

保護它是無聊透頂的事

I NOW understand why Super Junior has had such lackluster videos lately.

就像「看! 我能弄隻火鳥!」

In which they just dress well and dance in oddly lit rooms over and over again.

「但我應只站在這裏保護那棵樹!」

It SEEMS that SM has been saving all of their money for EXO,

「喂! 看! 看我的火鳥! 看! 看! 看!」

and have been neglecting Super Junior as a result.

「噢! 幹! 差點把樹給燒掉了! 快跑!」

Seriously. I get it SM.

[上帝般的響亮嗓音]你們十二個因為差點燒掉生命之樹

Super Junior is already well-established with a HUGE fanbase

所以要被放逐到地球

that will blindly love everything Super Junior does no matter what it is.

噢! 天呀! 地球很無聊呢!

So SM knows that they don't have to spend a lot of effort with Super Junior.

[響亮嗓音]表現出你的尊嚴來接受懲罰吧!

But, I still personally feel that SM should have spent a LITTLE bit of that budget from

你這個愛抱怨的韓國男孩

EXO's 25 teasers and 3 music videos, on just beefing up Super Junior's videos a little bit.

好吧! 在我們繼續討論錄像中

"Ok guys! Listen up. Heechul! Pay attention. Shindong, hey."

有關Exo的神話前

"Um, for todays' music video we're gonna have you guys in an oddly-lit room, um, and we're gonna get- oh!-

我要指出一件纏繞我們很久的事

we're gonna get the slo-mo camera! Ooo, sparkly! Slo-mo camera! Great!"

我現在明白為何Super Junior

"What? We already did that for our last music video aaand, we already used the slow motion camera a lot."

近期的錄像如此乏善可陳了

[clears throat]

他們在裏面多次只是穿得漂漂亮亮

"Shindong come here."

在燈火通亮的房間中跳舞

"Huh?"

看來SM將所有錢留給了Exo

[scary demon voice! D:] "I will beat you by the SOLES of your feet so that NOBODY can see the bruises."

而忽略了Super Junior

"Let's see you dance THEN lover boy!"

真的, 我了解的, SM

"I'm sorry!!"

SuJu有龐大而完善的粉絲團

"That's right. Okay everyone! Costume, places!"

他們會盲目地愛SuJu的一切

Okay! Back to the song and video!

所以SM知道他們不需要

We totally LOVED this song! This really brings SM back to the music that we really love from them.

投放很多資源在SuJu身上

Not electro, club, rap mash-ups, but instead, something EPIC!

但我個人認為SM應該將用在

And this song is so super epic!

Exo的25個預告片和3個音樂錄像的

With the semi-Latin chanting in the background!

預算來給SuJu的錄像增一點趣味

And the tension building violin riffs!

「好吧! 所有人聽住!」

At least that's what I think.

「希徹! 專心! 神童, 喂!」

Though Simon still likes the SONG, he's still really enamored by E-X-O's first single,

「呃, 今天的音樂錄像中, 你們要在

or their debut-debut, their prologue-prologue-prologue. . .

燈火通明的房間中, 而且還有─噢!─

And still, 'rippido, flippido, super slow-motion' loses his pants on a daily basis.

還有慢鏡! 噢! 閃耀的慢鏡! 棒!」

[Simon background performance] Iiii lost my miiiiind!!!

「甚麼? 我們在上一個音樂錄像

As for me, my rock roots can't help but alert me to the striking similarities this song has to Led Zeppelin's 'Cashmere'

已經是這樣了, 而且我們已經

or Puff Daddy's 'Come with Me' featuring Jimmy Page.

用了很多遍慢動作鏡頭了...」

I mean, it's DIFFERENT, but it's pretty SIMILAR, but I'm not saying I don't like the song.

[清嗓子]

I'm just saying that my rock roots alerted me.

「神童, 過來」

But, perhaps that's just because I'm old.

「嗯?」

And DYING. Dying of oldness, and dying for

[可怕的魔鬼聲音! D:]「我會瞄?你的腳跟來打

a Viva Puff [the cookie?]

保證沒有人會看見瘀痕!」

Raspberry! [It has raspberry filling!]

「看你到時候怎跳舞! 男孩!」

Now, as we were saying before in our understanding of their mythology,

「對不起!!」

EXO used to be 12 forces that protected Tree of Life.

「這就對了! 好! 所有人! 服裝, 就位!」

Not THE Tree of Life, but Tree of Life.

好! 回到音樂和錄像

But, being young boys, they obviously fooled around with their super powers

我們愛死這首歌了!

until they almost burned down Tree of Life.

它真的把SM帶回從前

So, their MAMA kicked them off their planet, onto the parallel universe,

我們喜愛他們的音樂的時代

planet Earth, to teach them a lesson.

不是電子、酒吧、饒舌雜錦

At first, when EXO arrives on Earth, SOME people don't really care about MAMA's warning.

而是史詩式的音樂!

While OTHERS, have taken MAMA's scolding to heart.

而這首歌真是史詩中的史詩!

Especiallyů

背景有半拉丁語的吟詠

This guy.

還有建立張力的小提琴

He looks the most depressed to be off of Planet EXO.

至少我是這樣想的

He's all, like, sulking in the middle of the desert,

雖然Simon也喜愛這首歌

Sitting on a lawn chair,

他還是沉醉於Exo的第一張單曲

making angry tornadoes and catching butterflies for Skyrim.

即是他們的出道出道曲

At least, I hope he's the one who's responsible for that tornado,

即是他們的前傳前傳前傳...

and not just some random dude about to be mowed down by a class six while he runs around chasing butterflies.

現在「rippido-fippid super slow motion」

Otherwiseůyour lack of any spider senses

每天還是會弄丟他的褲子

are about to get you killed.

[Simon幕後演出]我我我~瘋瘋瘋~了!!!

Meanwhile, the other fire Exotics and transportation Exotics are still fooling around with their powers very irresponsibly.

至於我呢, 我的搖滾根基不斷提醒我

Yooo, bro! What's up?

這首歌和Led Zeppelin的Cashmere

Ugh! Can you stop fooling around with your stupid Death Eater transportation powers?!

或是Puff Daddy的Come with Me

This is what got us kicked off the planet in the first place!!!

(Jimmy Page客串)有多相似

Pfft! Jealous bro?

我的意思是, 它是不同的

Ugh! What kind of lame power doesn't(?) teleport 3 feet? That's so dumb!

但又有幾分相似

I can transport more than 3 feet you know!

但我又不是說我不喜歡這首歌...

Pssh! Yeah, prove it.

我只是想說我的搖滾思維提醒了我...

Fine! I will!

但可能只是因為我老了

Sucker.

和快要死了. 快要老死了

[emotional breakdown]

快要因為viva puff而死 [你指曲奇?]

NO ONE WHO CARE ABOUT ME!!!

紅梅! [它有紅莓夾心!]

Uhhhh, this is AWKWARD.

如我們之前對Exo神話的了解

WHO SAID THAT?!

Exo本來是十二道保護生命之樹的力量

Eyyy, yo bro!

不是「THE」生命之樹, 是生命之樹

Ugh. Gooo awaaay.

但身為年輕的男孩

Oh come on! I'm really really bored! Play with me!

他們明顯在用他們的超能力在生事

It is this kind of irresponsible Death Eater transportation that got us booted off the planet in the first place.

直至他們差點燒掉生命之樹

Gooo awaaay.

所以他們的MAMA把他們趕走了

Oh God you're so boring.

趕到了平衡宇宙中的地球, 作為教訓

Ooo butterfly, ha ha ha!

一開始Exo來到地球的時候

[emotional breakdown continues]

有些人顯然漠視MAMA的警告

[emotinal breakdown continue] Still crying ey loser?

而其他人則將MAMA的教誨銘記於心

DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!!!

尤其是這傢伙

[incomprehensible scream]

他看起來是最低落的一個

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!

他像是在沙漠的中央生悶氣

Haduken!

坐在椅上弄出憤怒的龍捲風和抓蝴蝶

-Yooo -Yoooo

至少我希望那龍捲風是他弄出來的

-Yooo, cool transportation-ness bro. -Nice sunglasses.

而不是在他抓蝴蝶時經過的路人甲

-Thanks, good bros think alike. -Yeeeeah.

不然他的弱智會把他弄死

Hey! Remember how I almost burnt down Tree of Life with my awesome fire burn?

另一邊廂, 火焰Exotics和瞬間轉移Exotics

Yeah.

還在不負責任地運用他們的異能

Well, there's another member, about to be in a lot more trouble.

喲!! 怎樣?

-With MAMA? -That's right!

啊! 你可不可以不要到處用你的

What did he do?

食死人瞬間轉移能力生事呢?

[secret whispers]

這就是為何我們被踢到這個星球!

-I know! -Let's go, let's go!

嗤! 羨慕吧?

Okay!

啊! 這是甚麼沒料子的超能力呀?

Kai, dude!! You know that's permanent right?!

瞬間轉移三呎? 笨死了!

Sidenote:

我可以轉移比三呎更多的!

You know who transports into a puff of black smoke?

嗤! 那就證明給我看吧!

Death Eaters! That's who!

好哇!

Think about the implications.

笨蛋

"You're a wizard EXO!"

[精神崩潰]

Okay, so apart from the slightly confusing super power

沒人關心我!!!

part in the video, we gotta admit, this video was really freakin cool-looking.

噢! 這很尷尬

I want the burn the fire shoes when I walk.

誰在說話?!

I want the fire shoes.

嘿喲! 兄台!

Seriously, this video is exceptionally well done and exceptionally

啊! 走開啦!

Awesome!

不要這樣嘛! 我悶得很! 跟我玩吧!

From the special effects, dancing, the amazing set changes.

就是這種不負責任的食死人瞬間轉移

But we were a little bit weirded out with the part with Kai I think his name is, and he's covered in tattoos

弄得我們給趕走的! 走開啦!

and like screaming violently at the camera.

噢天呀, 你真是個大悶蛋!

Now, sometimes we complain about like random rap sequences that are thrown into songs.

噢~ 是蝴蝶! 哈哈哈~

But, I think this is the first time we've ever complained about a face-tattoo, up-close, screamo guy.

[繼續精神崩潰]

It just really snuck up on me out of nowhere, and I personally, really love heavy metal.

還在哭嗎? 失敗的man

I know, you're like, "She likes heavy metal?"

不要開我的玩笑!!!

But I do! I totally love heavy metal.

[費解的慘叫聲]

I think maybe if this was already a rock song, then it would've fit in perfectly.

我下次一定會扔到你的!

But it was just kind of like,

嘿!

"Woah! Korean Mike Tyson yellin' at me."

喲!

But within the context of this video, it was a little bit awkward.

喲!

Sorry Kai(Bai Bo)

嘩! 瞬間轉移好酷呀!

[music]

你的太陽眼鏡好棒!

This dance was just AMAZING.

謝謝 好兄弟想法一致嘛!

These guys must have been training REALLY REALLY hard because they are almost in PERFECT unity when dancing.

對呀!

I would personally say that some of the members are a little bit better at dancing than others.

嘿! 記得我如何差點用我超級

It's not that the other people are BAD dancers, It's just that a few of them really kind of popped out for me.

無敵的火焰燒掉生命之樹嗎?

What I really liked about this dance was that it had a very like crisp, robotic feel to it.

記得

Like when they started the invisible lawn mower.

現在有另外一個成員快要遭殃了

Or when they threw their tiny invisible umbrella to the ground.

在MAMA?

But then, it would suddenly become soft.

對呀!

Almost like the robot had lost all its bones and just kind of like, melted away into a fluid movement.

他幹了甚麼?

Like when they were serving up pasta!

[悄悄話]

I thought it was really cool.

不就是嘛!

Also! Don't think I didn't notice your drive-by crotch caress,

走吧走吧!

Cuz I saw it!

KAI, 你知道這是永久的吧?!

I just really loved all the dances in the video.

旁註:

And I was so happy that they had lots of little dances, rather than one dance that was kind of repeated over and over again.

你知道誰會瞬移到一團黑煙中嗎?

My only request?

食死人! 就是他們!

Never ask me to learn any of this dance,

想想這意味?甚麼

because I will fail so miserably.

你是個巫師耶Exo!

[music]

好吧, 除了那些令人有點混亂的異能外

As for the English of the song, EXO gets aů.

我們不得不承認這錄像超級酷

Whomping ZERO out of Five.

我想走路時鞋子會起火

Well, if SM didn't spend as much on Super Junior as they did on EXO for their video department,

我想要那雙火鞋子

They at least were fair enough to spend the same amount of money for the English lyric writing department.

說真的, 這錄像做得特別好特別棒

Which is, f*** all, zero dollars.

從電腦特效到舞蹈到佈景

SM, if you DID pay somebody to write those lyrics for you in English, you should probably call them and get your money back.

但我們對於Kai (我想這是他的名字)

No surprise here. Allow me to read it to you.

滿臉刺青對?鏡頭尖叫的一幕感到古怪

"Careless careless Shoot anonymous anonymous "Heartless mindless no one who care about me?"

有時我們會抱怨人們把隨機的

I didn't make that up.

饒舌歌詞硬擠進歌曲裏

Good googly goo, what the hell is this?!

但我想這是我們第一次投訴一個

Also, those ads at the bottom of your video, which you've embedded which nobody can ex outů

臉上刺青、近鏡在尖叫的男人

Come on! 'Genie is the music service for smartphone'?

這念頭就像無中生有

(What's that even mean?)

而我個人是很喜愛重金屬的

I think they're trying to say that this is an application for your phone.

我知道你在想: 「她愛重金屬?」

(What does it mean by service? Like-)

但我真的好喜歡重金屬

The music service-I don't even know!

我想如果這是一首搖滾音樂

[with accent] Genie is the music service for smartphone!!!

這場景會配合得天衣無縫

Who is this ad directed to?

現在看來就好像

If it's for Korean people, then write it in Korean!

「嘩! 韓版Mike Tyson向?我尖叫!」

If the ad is for English-speaking people, than I can tell you that I sure as hell will never download that app.

放在這個錄像中有點古怪

If there's this amount of Engrish just in the advertisement, I can't imagine how unusable that app would be.

對不起KaiBaiBo(石頭剪刀布)

Really, that is a very unprofessional ad.

[音樂]

And, even though the beginning animation sequence was AWESOMELY animated,

這舞蹈太驚人了

and that voice actor was top notch,

這群人肯定有在很努力地練習

Don't let the National Geographic voice trick you into thinking that this actually makes sense.

因為他們的動作幾乎一致

Here it is, read in a normal voice, so you won't be tricked.

我個人會說有些成員跳起來

"When the skies of the ground were 'wumble' legends through their 12 forces nurtured the Tree of Life"

比其他的成員好一點

Really, I listened to this like 3 times,

不是指其他成員跳得不好

WUMBLE legends is the only thing I could hear.

只是有幾個是特別出眾

"An eye of redforce created the evil which coveted the heart of Tree of Life and the heart of slowly grew dry"

我喜歡這段舞的地方是它給我

"To attend and embrace the heart of Tree of Life the legends hereby divide the tree in half and hide

一種爽脆的、機械式的感覺

each side, hence time is overturned and space turns askew" ???

例如他們的「隱形剪草機」步法

I wanna cry.

或他們「丟下隱形的雨傘」

Now, using mythological language SOUNDS cool,

但接著舞蹈變得柔和

And I can put together what they're TRYING to say,

就像機器人失去了所有骨頭

But maaan, this sure was difficult for me.

溶化成流動的動作

I kept on feeling like I ALMOST got what they say,

好像他們在傳餐般

But then something goes in there and I'm like,

我覺得那很酷

"Now I lost you again"

還有! 別以為我沒留意你們摸陰的動作

All together, from the intro narration, to the Latin chanting, to the obnoxious ad at the bottom of the video,