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  • FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT AS THE VERY FUNNY

  • COMEDIAN WHO STARRED IN THE "ANCHORMAN" MOVIES, "TALLADEGA

  • NIGHTS," AND "ELF."

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. WILL FERRELL.

  • EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

  • YES, IT WILLEVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL

  • RIGHTEVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL

  • RIGHT.

  • EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

  • EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

  • ( CHEERS ) >> GETTING READY TO BE TOTALLY

  • LET DOWN.

  • >> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S NICE-- IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU ON.

  • >> IT'S MY FIRST TIME.

  • TECHNICALLY.

  • AS MYSELF.

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • THE FIRST TIME YOU CAME ON AS AN ANIMAL EXPERT.

  • >> AN ANIMAL EXPERT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU, AS WILL, BUT AN ANIMAL EXPERT.

  • >> ON YOUR LIVE SUPER BOWL SHOW.

  • AND IT WAS A VERY CALM ATMOSPHERE BACKSTAGE.

  • PEOPLE WERE SUPER CHILL.

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT ADDS TO A LIVE SUPER BOWL SHOW?

  • ANIMALS.

  • ADD ANIMALS.

  • THAT CALMS EVERYBODY DOWN.

  • AND THEN YOUR FRIEND RON BURGUNDY CAME ON I THINK HE WAS

  • ON FOR 45 MINUTES.

  • >> WAS HE ON FOR THAT LONG.

  • >> Stephen: I THINK 45 MINUTES OF RON BURGUNDY WAS ON THE SHOW.

  • WE HAD TO CUT HIM DOWN AND WE SHOT THE TAPE WE DIDN'T USE INTO

  • SPACE.

  • >> YOU KNOW, WHEN HE LEFT THE STUDIO, HE WANDERED OUT ON TO

  • THE STREET AND SAID HELLO TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WAS IN

  • THE AUDIENCE THAT NIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: OH, WOW.

  • >> HE JUST TALKED WITH THEM.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

  • HE'S A MAN OF THE PEOPLE.

  • >> HE'S A MAN OF THE PEOPLE.

  • THE PEOPLE DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO HIM, THOUGH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED.

  • I'M SURPRISED.

  • >> BECAUSE I THINK HE HAD SOME SCOTCH WITH HIM THAT NIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: HE DID.

  • HE DID.

  • HE LOVES THE DELICIOUS SCOTCH.

  • >> AND HE ALREADY HAD A BUNCH OF SCOTCH PRIOR TO THAT MOMENT SO

  • HE WAS THREE SHEETS TO THE WIN.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON.

  • IT'S NICE TO HAVE THE ACTUAL WILL FERRELL ON.

  • DO YOU ENJOY BEING WILL FERRELL?

  • DOES IT FEEL GOOD JUST TO BE WILL?

  • >> I LIKE BEING WILL FERRELL.

  • SURE.

  • I MEAN, WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE THIS, UHM, EVERY DAY CAN BE A

  • CHALLENGE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: ON SUNDAY-- >> YOU HAVE A MISSHAPEN HEAD.

  • >> Stephen: OH, NO, NO!

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: NO!

  • YOU'RE-- >> PINEAPPLE HEAD THEY USED TO

  • CALL ME AT SCHOOL.

  • >> Stephen: WILL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL TO SOMEONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: TO SOMEONE.

  • >> TO.

  • SOMEONE.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • IT ONLY TAKES ONE.

  • ON SUNDAY, YOU PRESENTED WITH OUR DEAR FRIEND JULIE

  • LOUIS-DREYFUS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH, WE DID THE OSCAR S.

  • >> Stephen: YOU GUYS LOOKED AMAZING.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: SO GLAMMUOUS.

  • >> SHE'S THE BEST.

  • >> Stephen: SHE'S FANTASTIC.

  • I WISH SHE COULD HAVE STUCK AROUND FOR ANOTHER NIGHT.

  • SHE WAS HERE LAST NIGHT.

  • >> SHE WAS HERE LAST NIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: SHE WAS HERE LAST NIGHT.

  • >> BECAUSE TONIGHT'S WEDNESDAY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW MY CALENDAR!

  • I KNOW MY CALENDAR.

  • >> Stephen: WAS THIS A FUN NIGHT?

  • >> IT ONLY TAKES ONE.

  • IT ONLY TAKES ONE.

  • IT WAS A FUN NIGHT.

  • IT WAS SO GLAMOROUS.

  • LET ME -- >> Stephen: TALK ME THROUGH

  • THE GLAMOUR.

  • >> LET ME SET THE STAGE.

  • HAD TO PRESENT AT 6:45.

  • WAS THERE AT 6:15.

  • WAS HOME EATING A SLICE OF PIZZA WITH A BEER IN MY HAND AT 7:05.

  • THAT'S -- >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> THAT'S THE GLITZ.

  • THAT'S THE GLAMOR OF HOLLYWOOD.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN TO THE OSCARS MANY TIMES.

  • >> I HAVE.

  • I'VE BEEN MANY TIMES.

  • AND -- >> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER

  • THE FIRST TIME?

  • WHAT WAS THE-- >> THE FIRST TIME, I DON'T-- I

  • MUST HAVE BEEN PRESENTING SOMETHING.

  • I THINK WE JUST GOT INVITED TO GO.

  • MY WIFE AND I WERE LIKE, "WE GOTTA GO."

  • >> Stephen: LEGALLY YOU HAVE TO GO.

  • >> LEGALLY, YOU HAVE TO-- IF YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE HOLLYWOOD

  • SHOW BIZ COMMUNITY, YOU HAVE TO GO.

  • IT'S LIKE JURY DUTY.

  • >> Stephen: RIGHT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> AND YOU CAN ONLY PUT IT OFF SO LONG BEFORE --

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN DEFER ONCE.

  • >> POINTS ON YOUR LICENSE.

  • >> Stephen: AFTER THAT YOU DON'T GET TO VOTE UNLESS YOU GO.

  • >> EXACTLY.

  • WE HAVEN'T AND VIV WAS NINE MONTHS PREGNANT.

  • >> Stephen: HERE?

  • >> YES.

  • WITH OUR FIRST SON, MAGNUS.

  • AND THERE WE WERE ON THE RED CARPET.

  • AND THAT'S NOT MY HAND ON HER STOMACH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SOMEONE REACHING

  • IN?

  • >> SOMEONE REACHING IN.

  • >> Stephen: RAUL JULIA.

  • >> RAUL JULIA REACHING IN.

  • AND I HAD TOLD HIM BEFOREHAND-- BECAUSE HE SAID, "I CAN TOUCH

  • YOUR WIFE'S BELLY?" AND I SAID, "RAUL, NOT THE TIME

  • OR PLACE.

  • NOT APPROPRIATE."

  • AND HE DID IT ANYWAY.

  • BUT THEY HAD AN AMBULANCE STAND BUYING READY TO GO.

  • >> Stephen: FOR YOU GUYS?

  • >> FOR US.

  • >> Stephen: FOR REAL.

  • >> JUST IN CASE.

  • >> Stephen: HOW PREGNANT ARE WE TALKING HERE?

  • >> I THINK MAGNUS WAS BORN THREE DAYS LATER.

  • >> Stephen: WOW.

  • >> SO VIV WAS A TROUPER.

  • >> Stephen: A TOTAL TROUPER TO GO.

  • >> HERE WAS AN AMAZING, A GREAT HOLLYWOOD MOMENT.

  • YOU FINALLY GET TO GO TO THE OSCARS, YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP,

  • YOU'RE EXCITED, THE RED CARPET, IT'S MORE PHOTOGRAPHERS THAN YOU

  • CAN EVER IMAGINE.

  • >> Stephen: SURE.

  • >> AND THEY'RE SCREAMING YOUR NAME, "WILL!

  • WILL!

  • OVER HERE!

  • WILL, OVER HERE!" AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE

  • CAMERAS.

  • YOU CAN'T LOOK ANYMORE MORE DIRECTLY THAN YOU ARE LOOKING.

  • AND I'M LIKE, "I'M LOOKING AT YOU.

  • I'M LOOKING."

  • "WILL!

  • OVER HERE!

  • WILL!

  • OVER HERE."

  • I'M LIKE, "I'M LOOKING AT YOU!

  • I'M LOOKING."

  • AND I FINALLY LOOK TO MY LEFT, AND IT'S WILL SMITH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND I GO...-- I GO "OH."

  • AND WE JUST STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S WONDERFUL.

  • >> AND JUST LET'S GETS OUT OF HERE.

  • LET'S GO.

  • >> Stephen: THEY'VE GOT ENOUGH OF US.

  • >> THEY'VE GOT ENOUGH OF US.

  • THEY WANT THE REAL WILL.

  • YEAH GLP NOW, WE WERE TALKING WITH JULIA LAST NIGHT ABOUT THE

  • NEW FILM "DOWNHILL."

  • YOU PLAY HUSBAND AND WIFE IN THAT.

  • AND SHE EXPLAINED LAST NIGHT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE.

  • SO I THINK-- I THINK IT'S LEGAL FOR YOU TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED

  • WHAPS.

  • SHE TOLD IT FROM THE WIFE'S POINT OF VIEW.

  • COULD YOU EXPLAIN IT FROM THE HUSBAND'S POINT OF VIEW WHAT

  • HAPPENED.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: THE EVENT NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE THAT SETS

  • THE WHOLE THING ROLLING, FROM THE HUSBAND'S POINT OF VIEW.

  • WHERE ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED?

  • >> FROM THE HUSBAND'S POINT OF VIEW, WE'RE HAVING LUNCH, FIRST

  • DAY OF OUR SKI TRIP, AT A SKI CHALET, MIDMOUNTAIN, OUTSIDE, A

  • BEAUTIFUL SPOT, THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE SHOULD ORDER, EAT A

  • LIGHT MEAL, SAVE ROOM FOR A SNACK LATER?

  • BUT I'M TRYING TO GET ON THE MOUNTAIN, I'M TRYING TO PLAN THE

  • DAY.

  • LET'S GO SKI THE BEAST, MAYBE, YOU KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: SURE.

  • >> THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED "THE BEAST."

  • >> Stephen: SURE, SURE, YEAH.

  • >> AND I'M TRYING TO GET THE TRAINS MOVING, WHEN ALL OF A

  • SUDDEN, AN AVALANCHE HITS.

  • >> Stephen: A CONTROLLED AVALANCHE.

  • >> A CONTROLLED AVALANCHE BUT IT LOOKS REAL ENOUGH.

  • AND I REMEMBERED IN THAT MOMENT THAT I HAD A PHONE CALL I HAD TO

  • TAKE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • SO I-- I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE NOTICED.

  • I TRIED TO DELICATELY LEAVE WITH MY CELL PHONE AND JUST SAUNTER

  • OFF.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) NOT KNOWING MY FAMILY WOULD BE

  • COVERED IN ICE AND SNOW.

  • BUT THEY'RE FINE.

  • ONLY TO COME BACK AND SEE THAT-- YEAH, I-- I DIDN'T GET TO MY

  • PHONE.

  • I DIDN'T GET TO MY CALL.

  • >> Stephen: SO YOU ABANDONED YOUR FAMILY.

  • >> AND THEN I REALIZED LATER I'VE ABANDONED MY FAMILY.

  • AND THEN I SIT DOWN.

  • >> AND ORDER SOUP.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AND IT PROCEEDS

  • FROM THERE.

  • >> IT PROCEEDS FROM THERE.

  • >> Stephen: THERE'S A FAIR AMOUNT OF TENSION BETWEEN YOU

  • AND JULIA THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: THIS IS THE CRAZY THING ABOUT THIS.

  • I FOUND OUT-- AND IS THIS TRUE-- THAT YOU GUYS MET EACH OTHER

  • DURING THIS MOVIE.

  • YOU GUYS HADN'T MET BEFORE.

  • >> WE HADN'T MET BEFORE.

  • >> Stephen: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

  • I HAVE MET HER BEFORE.

  • >> YEAH IS THERE AND YOU'RE WILL FERRELL.

  • I HAD DINNER WITH HER.

  • AND HOW DID I BEAT YOU TO THE PUNCH TO MEET JULIE

  • LOUIS-DREYFUS.

  • >> AND HERE'S THE CRAZY THING EYE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE

  • LOOKED LIKE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO I WAS IN--

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU'RE KIND OF

  • GOING, "JULIA!" AND SEE WHO TURNS AROUND.

  • >> NO, WE WERE MEETING-- WE WERE HAVING LUNCH IN A HOTEL SO I

  • JUST HAD HER PAGE GLD DID SHE MATCH UP WHAT YOU HAD IN YOUR

  • MIND?

  • >> NO, I JUST SAID, "THAT'S NOT HER."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) "SORRY, THAT'S NOT YOU."

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, OKAY.

  • BUT HOW-- HOW DID YOU NOT MEET?

  • >> I DON'T KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: YOU BOTH WORKED AT NBC AT THE SAME TIME.

  • ISN'T THERE, LIKE, A CENTRAL PLACE WHERE YOU PEOPLE MEET.

  • >> YOU THINK THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN-- YOU THINK THERE WOULD

  • HAVE BEEN SOME SORT OF, LIKE, GROUP BONDING, OUTWARD BOUND--

  • >> Stephen: EVERY MONTH EVERYBODY AT CBS--

  • >> DO YOU DO AN OFFSITE.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • >> WHERE DO YOU GO?

  • >> Stephen: SUN VALLEY.

  • EVERYONE WHO WORKS AT CBS.

  • >> ALWAYS SUN VALLEY.

  • >> Stephen: ALWAYS SUN VALLEY.

  • >> SAME PLACE, SAME RESORT?

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, BOUGHT THEY DON'T TELL US WHERE IT IS, WE

  • HAVE TO FIND EACH OTHER.

  • >> WHAT TIME OF YEAR IS IT.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT TIME OF YEAR IS IT?

  • ONCE EVERY THREE MONTHS.

  • ONCE EVERY THREE MONTHS WE GO.

  • SO IT'S A DIFFERENT SEASON-- >> THAT WOULD BE FUN TO CRASH

  • THE CBS OFFSITE, WOULDN'T IT?

  • >> Stephen: OH, YEAH.

  • YOU WANT TO COME?

  • >> GUEST SPEAKER?

  • >> Stephen: SURE, THIS NEXT ONE IS THIS WEEKEND.

  • >> VALENTINE'S WEEKEND.

  • >> Stephen: THIS VALENTINE'S WEEKEND.

  • YES.

  • >> I HAVE A SO, TOURNAMENT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVE WHAT?

  • >> A SOCCER TOURNAMENT.

  • >> Stephen: ARE YOU PLAYING, OR YOUR KIDS PLAYING?

  • >> I WISH.

  • I WOULD CRUSH THOSE KIDS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) APPLAUSE )

  • NO, IT'S 10-YEAR-OLDS.

  • >> Stephen: 10-YEAR-OLDS?

  • YOU COULD TAKE THEM.

  • YOU COULD 100% TAKE THEM.

  • >> EVERY TIME I WATCH, I'M LIKE, GOD, I WOULD SCORE 10 GOALS A

  • GAME.

  • >> Stephen: EXACTLY.

  • YOU KNOW, "COACH SAYS MISS THE BALL.

  • DON'T MISS YOUR MAN."

  • >> THANK YOU, I'M GOING TO USE THAT.

  • >> Stephen: KICK CHILDREN.

  • >> I'M GOING TO YELL THAT FROM THE SIDELINES.

  • >> Stephen: NOW, CAN WE GET BACK TO THE MOVIE JUST FOR A

  • SECOND?

  • >> WELL, HERE'S THE THING...

  • ( LAUGHTER ) PLEASE.

  • >> Stephen: IS THERE IS THRS A CLIP.

  • >> YEAH, THERE IS A CLIP.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS CLIP RIGHT

  • HERE?

  • I HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE AND I REALLY ENJOYED THE MOVIE--

  • >> THIS IS THE CLIP WHERE WE ARE ARE CHECKING INTO THE HOTEL,

  • JUST ARRIVING THERE, AND WE COME ACROSS THE KIND OF CONCIERGE,

  • WHO -- >> Stephen: PLANNED BY MIRANDA

  • OTO.

  • >> PLAYED BY MIRANDA OTO, AND IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF THE

  • AMERICANS-AUSTRIANS FISH OUT OF WATER.

  • >> Stephen: SHE'S INTRODUCING YOU TO THE EUROPEAN PARTY

  • LIFESTYLE.

  • >> PARTY LIFESTYLE, EXACTLY.

  • >> THE BODY, IS NOT TO BE ASHAMED OF.

  • >> SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

  • >> EVERYBODY IS GOOD, CELEBRATED.

  • >> OKAY, YES.

  • I WILL FOR SURE DO THAT.

  • >> BOTH.

  • >> YEAH, YEAH, NO, NO QUESTION, WE'LL CELEBRATE.

  • >> I AM HERE AS FRIEND, YA?

  • DO YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?

  • >> OH, SURE.

  • >> THEN WE ARE FRIENDS.

  • >> OH, GREAT, WONDERFUL.

  • OKAY.

  • >> OH!

  • >> SORRY!

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> Stephen: WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: WILL WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK,

  • OKAY?

  • WOULD YOU STAY RIGHT THERE, PLEASE?

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE WILL FERRELL, EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT AS THE VERY FUNNY

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