Subtitles section Play video
LET'S GET RIGHT INTO THE HEADLINES.
WELL, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S DEFENSE TEAM HAS FINISHED
PRESENTING THEIR ARGUMENTS IN THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL.
AND YOU MAY HAVE RECOGNIZED A FAMILIAR FACE DURING THE CLOSING
ARGUMENTS LAST NIGHT.
ONE OF TRUMP'S LAWYERS IS ALAN DERSHOWITZ, WHO FAMOUSLY
REPRESENTED O.J. SIMPSON.
( LAUGHTER ) SO, OBVIOUSLY, HE'S PRETTY MUCH
THE GO-TO LAWYER IF ALL SIGNS POINT TO YOU BEING VERY, VERY
GUILTY.
( LAUGHTER ) REPUBLICANS CONTROL THE SENATE
SO THEY'RE GOING TO THINK TRUMP'S INNOCENT NO MATTER WHAT.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST AS EFFECTIVE IF DERSHOWITZ WENT UP
THERE AND SANG "BOY WITH LUV."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: THAT'S WEIRD.
SEEMS TO BE SOME BTS FANS HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IF YOU ARE HERE FOR BTS YOU ARE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IF YOU ARE HERE FOR BTS YOU ARE
GOING TO LOVE THIS NEXT STORY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SOME BIG NEWS FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE TODAY.
PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED A NEW OUTLINE FOR A MIDDLE EAST
PEACE PLAN, WHICH HE IS CALLING, "THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY."
THIS FINALLY OVERTAKES TRUMP'S PREVIOUS DEAL OF THE CENTURY.uú
WHICH WAS WHEN HE HAD THAT COUPON TO GET THAT "TWO FOR
ONE BIG MACS."
( LAUGHTER ) AS PART OF HIS PLAN, TRUMP
RELEASED A MAP WITH NEW BORDERS FOR THE REGION.
I MEAN, WHO BETTER FOR THE JOB, RIGHT?
TRUMP HAS ALREADY SHOWN TREMENDOUS SUCCESS WITH HIS
MEXICAN BORDER WALL.
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S THE PERFECT PERSON.
IT TOOK TRUMP FOUR YEARS BUT HE FINALLY HAS THE PERFECT
COMPROMISE FOR ISRAEL AND PALESTINE.
BASICALLY, EVERYTHING STAYS THE SAME, BUT NOW IT'S CALLED
DON-SRAEL AND TRUMP-ESTINE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MOVING ON, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
AN INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER WENT TO TAKE A SELFIE ON A BEACH IN
SOUTH AFRICA AND GOT PHOTO-BOMBED BY WELL, THIS...
TWO PENGUINS GETTING IT ON.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( LAUGHTER )
SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT WAS GOING ON, BECAUSE
MORGAN FREEMAN WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE NARRATING THE WHOLE
THING.
CAN I SEE THAT PHOTO AGAIN?
LOOK AT THAT PHOTO.
NOW, I'VE GOT TO SAY, THIS SEEMS LESS LIKE PENGUINS PHOTOBOMBING
HER, AND MORE LIKE THEM HAVING SOME TIME ALONE WHILE SHE MADE
AN X-RATED PENGUIN VIDEO.
( LAUGHTER ) THE PENGUINS ARE REPORTEDLY VERY
EMBARRASSED AFTER GETTING CAUGHT HAVING SEX ON CAMERA, BUT ALSO
VERY EXCITED TO LAUNCH THEIR REALITY TV CAREERS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND, FINALLY, WE HAD TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THIS.
THE STATE OF VERMONT IS CONSIDERING ALLOWING DRIVERS TO
PUT EMOJIS ON THEIR LICENSE PLATES.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) YEAH.
THAT WOULD MAKE POLICE CHASES A WHOLE LOT WEIRDER.
( LAUGHTER ) "I'M GONNA NEED BACKUP.
WE'RE IN HOT PURSUIT OF A STOLEN VEHICLE, LICENSE PLATE: DANCING
LADY, PEACH, EGGPLANT, MONKEY WITH EYES COVERED, SORRY, EARS
COVERED, PERSON WITH PALM ON FACE.
FORGET IT, HE'S GONE."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LICENSE PLATES WITH EMOJIS.
I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS.
THEY'LL GO GREAT WITH VERMONT'S NEW STATE MOTTO, "VERMONT, IT'S
LIKE, WHATEVS."