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  • FOLKS, AS I MENTIONED, LAST NIGHT WAS THE DEMOCRATIC

  • DEBATE IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

  • ONE MOMENT THAT REALLY STOOD OUT TO ME WAS WHEN ELIZABETH WARREN

  • WAS ASKED TO NAME A COMMON MISCONCEPTION ABOUT HERSELF.

  • AND SHE ANSWERED LIKE THIS: >> I SUPPOSE ONE MISCONCEPTION

  • IS I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH.

  • IN FACT, I EAT ALL THE TIME.

  • >> Stephen: FASCINATING.

  • NOW, I HAD HEARD THE RUMORS THAT SENATOR WARREN CONSUMES

  • FOOD.

  • SO I RECENTLY FLEW DOWN TO MY HOMETOWN OF CHARLESTON, SOUTH

  • CAROLINA, TO MEET UP WITH THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE AND TEACH

  • HER A LITTLE BIT ABOUT SOUTH CAROLINA CUISINE.

  • JIM?

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: SENATOR, THANKS

  • FOR TALKING WITH ME TODAY.

  • WELCOME TO SOUTH CAROLINA.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE HERE TO GET TO THE HEART AND

  • MINDS OF THE SOUTH CAROLINIANS.

  • TOW GET TO A SOUTH CAROLINIANS HEARTS, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH

  • THEIR STOMACH.

  • >> THAT'S THE WAY IT WORKS.

  • >> Stephen: THE CONTENTS OF WHICH WILL EVENTUALLY LODGE IN

  • THEIR HEARTS.

  • ARE YOU PREPARED FOR SOUTH CAROLINA FOOD?

  • >> I'M PREPARED.

  • I'M READY.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S VERY RICH.

  • YOU'RE GOING TOW WANT TO TAX IT.

  • >> OKAY, I LOAF IT.

  • I LOVE IT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'VE SAID-- CORRECT ME IF I'M WROANG--

  • YOU'VE SAID YOU'RE A FAN OF FAST FOOD.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY WISE IN WHICH ARE YOU NOT LIKE DONALD

  • TRUMP?

  • >> YES, I REBOOKED, I CALLED OUT PEOPLE.

  • >> Stephen: SO A COUPLE OF REASONS, A COUPLE OF WAYS YOU'RE

  • DIFFERENT.

  • NOW, BEING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AS FAR AS I CAN

  • TELL, IS LIKE BEING THE PERSON ORDERING FOR EVERYBODY AT A

  • RESTAURANT.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • > Stephen: IF YOU'RE THE APPETIZER ORDERER IN CHIEF.

  • WHAT ARE YOU GETTING FOR AMERICA?

  • POTATO SKINS, JALAPENO POPPERS?

  • >> I LIKE THE POEITATEO SKINS WITH CHEESE AND BACON AND SOUR

  • CREAM TO DIP IN.

  • >> Stephen: IS THIS WHY YOU WANT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE

  • BECAUSE THAT WILL KILL EVERYBODY IN THEIR TRACKS?

  • >> YOU NEED UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE AFTER THOSE POTATO SKINS.

  • >> Stephen: GOOD.

  • LET'S HAVE TWO BOURBON AND WHATEVER THE SENATOR WANTS.

  • >> I'LL TRY ONE OF WHAT HE'S HVING.

  • >> Stephen: THIS IS SOME OF OUR LOCAL FOOD DOWN HERE IN

  • CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA.

  • DO YOU LIKE OYSTERS?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: YOU LIKE OYSTERS.

  • SO HERE ARE... THESE ARE JUST RAW.

  • >> RIGHT.

  • I'M GOING TOW PUT A LITTLE HORSE RAD OISH MINE.

  • >> Stephen: HORSE ROADISH, OKAY.

  • I'LL JUST SLURP IT DOIN.

  • MMM.

  • IT'S LIKE EATING THE OCEAN IF THE OCEAN WAS CONGESTED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I DOUBT YOU'VE HAD THIS BEFORE.

  • HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BOILED PEANUT?

  • >> I DON'T THINK SO.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S PEANUTS SO IT'S VERY FATTY.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • UNLIKE ANYTHING OALS THIS TABLE.

  • >> Stephen: IT BALANCES THAT OUT BY BEING EXTREMELY SALTY AT

  • THE SAME TIME.

  • >> OH, GOOD.

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW HIGHWAY EVERYBODY LOVES CRUNCHY, SALTY

  • PEANUTS?

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Stephen: BOILED PEANUTS ASK THE QUESTION, "WHAT IF THEY

  • DIDN'T?" ( LAUGHTER )

  • SOIKIANS ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO LOOKED AT A PEANUT

  • AND SAID WHAT IF IT WAS DAMP.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE STATE SO FAR?

  • >> ALL OF THEM.

  • >> Stephen: REALLY?

  • >> YUP.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY-- EQUITABLE OF YOU.

  • >> WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILD?

  • >> I THINK IT WOULD PROBABLY BE LARRY, MY SON LARRY.

  • >> NOPE, NOPE.

  • >> Stephen: HE KNOWS I LOVE HIM MOST.

  • >> THAT'S RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: I LOAF YOU, LARRY.

  • >> THEY'RE ALL -- >> Stephen: THE ONES ARE

  • GREAT.

  • THE OTHER ONES ARE GREAT, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

  • LARRY IS THE ONE.

  • I CALL LARRY THE SOUTH CAROLINA OF MY CHILDREN.

  • WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WILLAIRES BEFORE.

  • WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "HIGHWAY WELL DO YOU KNOW THE

  • BILLIONEERS" YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE AWAY THE MONEY.

  • YOU'RE LOOK TOWING TAX BILLIONAIRES, MAYBE TAKE THEM

  • OUT OF THE POLITICAL EQUATION BECAUSE THEY HAVE TOO MUCH

  • POWER.

  • >> YUP.

  • >> Stephen: WE'RE GOING TO PLAY THIS LITTLE GAME IF YOU'RE

  • OKAY WITH IT.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> Stephen: DON'T LOOK AT THE PHOTO.

  • I'LL DESCRIBE THE BILLIONAIRE TO YOU AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL ME

  • WHICH ONE IT IS.

  • >> OKAY.

  • THE CAMERA.

  • >> Stephen: NEVER SHOWS EMOTION.

  • LOOKS LIKE HE CUT HIS OWN BANGS WITH TOW NAIL CLIPPERS.

  • >> BILL GATES.

  • ( BUZZER ).

  • >> Stephen: NO.

  • KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS WILLING TO--

  • >> ZUCKERBERG.

  • >> Stephen: ( BELL RINGS )

  • PERFECT, PERFECT.

  • LIKE THE UNDERBELLY OF A HAIRLESS CAT.

  • >> OH, GOSH, THAT'S SO MANY.

  • >> Stephen: LIKE LEX LUTHER, BUT HE KNOWS MORE ABOUT YOU AND

  • HE'S LEFT TRUSTWORTHY.

  • >>E BEZOS.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

  • HE'S SPENDING SO MUCH MONEYO THIS ELECTION RIGHT NOW THIS

  • MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A COMMERCIAL FOR HIM AND WE DON'T KNOW IT.

  • >> MIKE BLOOMBERG.

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • I CAN'T BEGIN TOW TELL YOU WHERE HE GOT HIS MONEY OR WHY HE'S

  • WEARING THAT TIE.

  • I'M NOT-- >> TOM STEYER.

  • >> Stephen: YES, OKAY.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) HE'S A TALKING WA WATERFOWEL.

  • HE SWIMSA A BASEMENT FULL OF GOLD COINS.

  • HE WEARAISE TOP HAT.

  • HE'S OWNED BY DISNEY.

  • HE'S-- PASS, PASS.

  • ( BUZZER ) OH, MY GOAIVE, IT'S SCROOGE-- HE

  • DOES THE BACKSTROKE AND THE GOLD COINS.

  • IF ONLY I'D KNOWN.

  • OF COURSE IT'S SCROOGE McDUCK.

  • HE DOESN'T WEAR PANTS!

  • >> >> Stephen: NO, HE DOESN'T

  • WEAR PANTS.

  • >> GOT IT.

  • >> Stephen: WHICH I THINK IS A BILLIONAIRE THING.

  • >> IT MAY BE.

  • >> Stephen: REGARDLESS OF WHO THE CANDIDATE IS, DO YOU THINK

  • THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WILL UNITE?

  • >> IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT WE BRING OUR PARTY TOGETHER FOR 2020.

  • WE CAN'T HAVE A REPEAT OF 2016.

  • WE CAN'T GO INTO THIS WITH ONE PART OF THE PARTY MAD AT THE

  • OTHER PART PARTY AND SHOOTING BACK AND FORTH.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT TO BRING EVERYBODY

  • TOGETHER.

  • AND WE'VE GOT TO RECOGNIZE THAT WHERE WE REALLY NEED TO FOCUS

  • OUR ENERGY IS WE'VE GOT TO BEAT DONALD TRUMP.

  • >> Stephen: HOW MANY DEBATES HAVE YOU GUYS DONE NOTICE?

  • >> 139.

  • >> Stephen: WHICH MODERATOR IS THE MOST AGGRAVATING, ON A SCALE

  • OF CHUCK TO TODD?

  • >> YOU GOT IT.

  • >> Stephen: SITH CAROLINIANS AND SOUTHERNERS IN GENERAL PRIDE

  • THEMSELVES ON BEING VERY POLITE.

  • IF SOMEONE DOWN HERE SAYS SOMETHING DUMB OR UNINFORMED, WE

  • MIGHT JUST SAY, "BLESS YOUR HEART."

  • >> RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: "BLESS YOUR HEART."

  • >> I GOT IT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU GOT IT.

  • >> I THINK I'M READY.

  • >> Stephen: DONALD TRUMP DEFINITELY LEARNED HIS LESSON

  • FROM THE IMPEACHMENT.

  • >> BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART.

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: VERY GOOD.

  • VERY GOOD.

  • NOW, LET'S IMAGINE THAT I'M A BILLIONAIRE, AND THESE RIBS ARE

  • MY MONEY.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, I WANT ALL OF MY MONEY.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S MY MONEY.

  • THEY'RE MY RIBS.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE ANY OF MY

  • RIBS.

  • >> RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: HOW MANY OF MY RIBS WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY?

  • >> IT'S LIKE A LITTLE CORNER RIGHT OFF THE EDGE THERE.

  • >> Stephen: THAT MUCH?

  • >> MORNING I'LL GIVE PART OF THAT BACK.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S THE BEST PART.

  • >> I'LL GIVE PART OF THAT BACK.

  • >> Stephen: I WANT THAT PART-- >> COME ON.

  • IT'S UNIVERSAL CHILD CARE, YOU JERK!

  • HERE!

  • ( APPLAUSE ).

  • >> Stephen: NO, I'M GOING TO LICK THEM ALL.

  • I'M GOING TOW LICK ALL THE RIBS SO NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE ANY

  • RIBS.

  • >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • WE'LL TAKE THEM ANYWHERE.

  • THAT'S CANCELLATION OF STUDENT LOAN DEBT FOR 43 MILLION

  • AMERICANS.

  • I'M DOING THIS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: STUCK WITH THE

  • DELICIOUS TASTE OF UNIVERSAL CHILD CARE, WE HEADED DOIN TOTE

  • BAR FOR A DRINK WITH THE VOTERS OF SOUTH CAROLINA.

  • WHAT DO YOU DRINK?

  • WHAT'S YOUR POISON?

  • >> MICHELOB ULTRA.

  • >> Stephen: MICHELOB ULTRA.

  • >> COMING RIGHT UP.

  • >> Stephen: PEOPLE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, WHAT'S YOUR CONCERN

  • THIS POLITICAL SEASON?

  • >> JUST MAKING SURE WE CAN GET TRUMP OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • >> THAT SEEMS GOOD.

  • I'M FOR THAT.

  • YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

  • LET'S BEAT DONALD TRUMP?

  • YOU REID?

  • LET'S DO IT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN HAVE ONE OF THEM, TOO.

  • >> ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT?

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL FIND OUT.

  • >> CHEERS.

  • >> Stephen: CHEERS.

  • THAT IS-- >> IT'S CLUB SOAD--S AND BEERS.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW...

  • DOUGH YOU KNOW THE JOKE?

  • >> NO, WHAT JOKE?

  • >> Stephen: ABOUT WHAT'S-- WHY IS MICHELOB ULTRALIKE MIKING

  • LOAF IN A CANOE?

  • >> NO.

  • >> Stephen: ABUSE THEY'RE BOTH ( BLEEP ) CLOSE TO WATER.

  • >> BLESS YOUR HEART.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) NICE.

  • >> Stephen: NICELY DONE.

  • NICELY DONE.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, SENATOR

  • ELIZABETH WARREN!

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JASON SEGEL.

FOLKS, AS I MENTIONED, LAST NIGHT WAS THE DEMOCRATIC

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