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  • -Oh. Oh! Oh!

  • -Paula, don't sit like that. Don't sit like that, please.

  • Paula...

  • -I'm wearing a hybrid jumpsuit.

  • -Ooh. [ Laughs ]

  • -It's kind of a dress, and kind of a jumpsuit.

  • -Oh, fun. How...

  • -I've always been a little confused.

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • And a little dangerous. -Yes.

  • Hi. I can't believe I'm here.

  • -I'm so happy you're here. -Oh, my God.

  • it feels like... -I've known your forever.

  • -It feels surreal, like we work at a mall food court,

  • and I'm like "Hey, Jimmy, I had a dream last night

  • you hosted 'The Tonight Show' and I was one of the guests."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It just feels so beautifully unreal.

  • -We used to spend so much time together.

  • Let me just do this. And you can plug your ears if you want.

  • I should have done this before you came out.

  • But Paula's responsible for some of the funniest sketches

  • in the history of "Saturday Night Live."

  • She wrote the "Spartan Cheerleaders"

  • with Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • "Omeletteville" with Justin Timberlake.

  • [ Singing ] Bring it on down to Omeletteville.

  • [ Normal voice ] "Tony Bennett" -- Alec Baldwin sketch.

  • "Gilly" -- Kristen Wiig.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • "Music School Teachers Bobbi and Marty Culp,"

  • with Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer.

  • And "Debbie Downer" -- one of my absolute --

  • just so you know.

  • She knows a thing or two.

  • I've got be honest, and tell you this --

  • I love you so much. -I love you, too.

  • -I love what you've written for me,

  • but I love, also, hanging out with you.

  • You're so much fun -- so much fun

  • I would look forward to writing something with you --

  • well, of course, I wasn't even doing the writing.

  • You were. But -- -No. That's not true.

  • -We did 1,000 bits every night, and you were a bit machine.

  • I thought we could show some of our bits that we used to do.

  • -Constant bits.

  • -You showed me the best trick on how to --

  • how to get a good fake slap.

  • -Yes. We'll show you a fake slap.

  • -Yeah. How do we do this, now?

  • -And don't do this in front of a policeman,

  • 'cause people don't understand it,

  • and they think it's real. -Yeah. It's not real.

  • -So, we'd randomly do this.

  • And Jimmy and I would do it a lot.

  • So, we'd do it in front of a host,

  • and really freak them the hell out.

  • -Yeah. -So...

  • -Here. You take the person. You face them.

  • And you go, "You know what, Jimmy?

  • I mean, this is the first time I've been here as a guest,

  • and I just thought -- I don't know.

  • I thought you'd maybe come backstage,

  • and say 'hi' to me." -But I didn't.

  • -"It's just really disappointing."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -So, what -- what you do is, your hand has to be here,

  • so that you can hear the slapping sound.

  • -I'd just leave. That was the bit.

  • -That's the end of your bit. -Yeah.

  • -How are you feeling, by the way?

  • -Uh, I'm feeling good.

  • I just, uh...

  • I went to the dentist recently --

  • finally. I hadn't been there in a while.

  • Sorry. And, uh...

  • I just -- I'd been feeling this weird thing about my j--

  • You know how bulldogs have, like, kind of a big jaw

  • that goes over the bottom, like that?

  • And I keep popping when I wake up in the morning.

  • And they said that I have something called "dog jaw."

  • And so... -Dog jaw?

  • -Yeah. Which is not very flattering,

  • but I love dogs. I have a lot of them.

  • And so, uh...

  • but it's kind of cool.

  • I'm kind of getting into it as being my, like,

  • little secret thing, is that it feels

  • like I have a sort of deformation.

  • Feel right here. Kind of like...

  • dog jaw.

  • [ Snarls ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Don't do that to an older relative,

  • 'cause they'll have a stroke.

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • We used to do... -Oh, we would do it --

  • We'd build it up so long.

  • We'd do it. We'd take a break.

  • We'd keep building it up.

  • "You know that Paula's got dog jaw, right?"

  • -Oh, it's the best bit. -And people always want to

  • feel like they know what they're talking about.

  • "Oh, yeah, dog jaw. I've heard of it."

  • -"I've heard of that." -And then, you scare the hell out of them.

  • -The other bit, if you don't mind --

  • you -- we have a talent that we both realized one night

  • at, like, 4:00 in the morning that we both have.

  • -Yes. -I don't even know how to describe --

  • -Well, I -- I can bleep out -- I can bleep out swear words.

  • So, you know, I'm like, "You're a really ignorant

  • [ Imitates bleeping ]"

  • And I bleep it out with a sound.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And so...

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • So, I realized -- because I sing,

  • and Jimmy and I used to sing together a lot,

  • goofing around -- is that I can sing doing it.

  • So, give me pen. I'll do a mic.

  • Oh, you have a mic, here.

  • Oh, great. No pen.

  • This is "The Tonight Show." We've got props.

  • -We don't sing into pens anymore.

  • -For God's sakes.

  • -Come on.

  • -They'll spend a penny. Okay. Here we go.

  • -Alright. So, wait. So, we're talking.

  • Welcome. Testing, one, two.

  • -Jimmy and I are gonna sing "You Don't Bring Me Flowers."

  • -A beautiful song by Barbra Streisand

  • and Neil Diamond.

  • -[ Hums ]

  • -[ Hums ]

  • -[ Hums ] -- I don't think the mics are working, guys.

  • -Sing without the mic for a bit.

  • -[ Hums ] [ Singing ] talk to me anymore.

  • [ Hums ]

  • [ Normal voice ] It's not working. -Yeah, no,

  • I think mine's not working either.

  • Like, [ singing ] Baby, I -- [ hums ]

  • -[ Singing ] All the ways you taught --

  • [ Both humming ]

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • All these dumb bi-- this is just three of them.

  • -The rest of them involve fart sounds....

  • -[ Laughs ] -...so we're not gonna do those.

  • -I want to talk about...

-Oh. Oh! Oh!

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