Amy Poehler & Rashida Jones Take a Lie Detector Test | Vanity Fair

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This is an important question.
Do you guys have a group chat without me?
Why would we do that?
Yes, Machida.
Yes.
We've brought you here today to take a lie detector test.
No problem.
No problem.
No matter what happens, I don't believe in lie detector tests.
Okay, that seems convenient.
The way this is gonna work is that one of you will be hooked up to a lie detector while the other asks questions, and then you'll switch.
So who wants to be in the hot seat first?
I'm putting you in the hot seat.
I'm ready.
I will tell you the truth, no matter what.
I never lied to my wife.
Have you ever done this before?
Not for the camera.
For my own.
That's a first.
Okay.
How's this look?
Great.
Great.
Kind of like BDs.
Emmy.
Right on.
All right.
So subbed.
Um, sorry.
Just what we're asking.
We're gonna start off easy just to test the parameters.
You ready?
Are you ready?
Sam, We're ready.
Is your name Amy Poehler?
Yes.
Are you one of the founding members of the Upright Citizens Brigade?
Yes.
Are you ready to take this lie detector test?
I've never been more ready.
All right, let's get started.
Would you say that your parenting tactics or anything like your characters in mean girls?
Oh, no, no.
Um Rasheeda.
One of the things you know about me is I love to get into character, dive deep because I love my craft.
So once I leave my characters, you know, I don't bring them home with me.
You open the wine shop?
Yeah.
In Park Slope?
Yes.
I own a wine shop in Park Slope.
You don't know everything about me.
Is that true?
That is true.
What?
Yeah, You didn't know that?
No, I'm actually set right now.
So cool.
Okay.
Would you consider yourself a wine snob?
No, I'm not a wine snob.
Um, I I think I know a little bit about line, but I think I would be afraid to be around people who really know about what I know enough to not say that.
But don't we think that wine snobs are just people who I think they know more than everybody else?
Not necessarily the people who do know more than ever.
Yeah, that I am a wine snob.
Have you ever conducted a wine tasting at that bar?
Yes.
What?
I mean, I couldn't e I I'm so sorry that I didn't invite you, but I was afraid you were going to ruin it.
That's so fair.
That's fair.
No, I will get it.
Wine tastes.
I know.
I get very Brody.
Get very rad.
Yes, I've been around when?
I don't know if I've conducted it.
Okay.
Can you improvise a fake wine description right now?
Oh, yeah, sure.
This is a white.
Okay.
What I like about this is it's very crisp and has almost like a It's very apple forward.
And it is.
It's aggressively summer, but it there's some vanilla notes.
There's a little bit of pineapple.
There's the smell of desperation, which is always really great when you're drinking a white late at night.
The finish is really smooth.
It's kind of like what we like to call Jazzy finish.
Yeah.
Doesn't have legs.
All of my stuff has likes That's questionable.
Yeah.
Would you ever do a parks and record union?
100%?
Yes, I've made Say, Are you clear?
That's true.
I want it too much.
You know what I mean, right?
I need to pump the brakes.
Did this man this man right here?
Did he ever make you break on set?
Oh, yes.
Break, break, dance, break down, break a dish.
You know what I love about Nick?
He looks like he could be a member of my family.
You guys definitely, right?
Yes, we're probably related.
Do you text with any of your former co stars?
I do.
We have a text chain.
We see each other.
We all see each other a lot.
This is an important question.
You guys have a group chat without me?
Why would we do that?
That is the question.
Why would we have a challenge?
Because I crazy.
I know for a fact that there's a post season six group Chad that I'm not on.
Well, this is why lie detectors don't work because this is the answer.
She's skirting the question, folks.
You want to know the truth?
Here's the truth.
There's about four parks and rec text chains.
There's parks fam, right there's like parks, parks, fan.
There's parks and rec.
Yes, and there's another and there was one that we don't use because you're not on it.
And Chris Traeger Zatanna, Rob Lowe's done on it, but I think it started because we were trying to surprise you.
Oh, and we kept you off.
So to answer your question, yes, there is a text chain that you're not on there is.
But I do also think there are four other text chains that that I'm not on your own.
Okay.
Um, you Oh, I said you were on SNL for several reasons, but you're a lesson for several seasons.
Was an SNL for several reasons.
How many reasons were you thinking in there for, like, seven reasons?
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Is that true?
That's true.
Okay, Um, do you think that I would make a good cast member 100%?
You can sing.
You're funny.
You're a great actor.
You have the temperament of that kind of comedy.
Emergency room.
100%.
Thank you so much.
Very well.
I think you should audition for it now.
That's a good idea.
I think it's a really good you should do an impression of an from parks and rec.
And that's the only one I have.
And also my character from Duncanville.
I could do that impression.
Yes.
You said already that I'd be a good cast member of a share, which I really appreciate it.
Do you think that I would have been a better weekend update co host than that guy?
Oh, that's this is this is Lina.
It's really You know what?
I'm not really prepared to answer that question, cause I don't know.
I feel like you both to a great job.
I think you both do a better job than I would know.
No, she's going, going, going, going What?
Honestly, what does it say?
That's crazy.
Of course, you guys would have done a better job, and I did.
You could be honest.
I I will accept it.
And also, I think this sexual chemistry would have been better between you and I.
Okay, but I do think Seth did an okay job.
He's okay.
He's a solid C.
Yeah.
Did you ever do anything backstage with this woman that in any state or any country could be considered illegal?
I've never seen this woman before in my life.
Sam.
That's not true.
Wow.
So many lies.
Okay.
Aside from acting, writing and directing, you also produce Is it safe to say that you conduct a lot of your business over email that it's safe to say yes.
Have you used the phrase circle back in the last 24 hours?
Circle back is a great for you.
Like it love it.
Why I like it because it's like answer your question.
Let's just circle back and hopefully you'll forget it.
Have you ever passive aggressively written as stated in my last email?
Just someone read your last e mail or something of that ilk?
I'm really trying not to be passive aggressive these days, just straight up.
Try to be straight in progress.
But of course, I have probably written things like, it seems like you don't really have time to answer this question like stuff like that.
Or like maybe I should take your silence as an indication that you're not interested in this.
That's great, but that's pretty passive aggressive.
What about you?
Have you done that?
Oh, definitely.
I'm so past.
I was like reading, looking forward.
Also, write a lot of checking in dot, dot, dot checking in like fuck.
Are you putting this at the top of your Oh, yeah.
That was something about taking this to the top of your things just do that.
But something This to the top of your inbox.
In case you haven't seen it, you're really We should answer.
Evil's more.
It seems like we have fun doing it.
Okay, Um, do you watch everything?
I'm in No, on, Lee, because you are in a lot of things, and I don't think I've seen it all, and I don't want to lie.
And I feel like there will probably be some kind of surgery coming up at some point that I'll be dead before and I'll catch up.
Yeah, I'd rather be with you during surgery anyway.
You know, at any point in this interview, did you lie and we didn't catch you?
The answer is did I?
You know, if you were wind back, everything we've said, you take the first word of everything that I said.
It was a riddle, and it's gonna tell you where the body is buried, right?
Go back and live tapes.
Open up the box and see what's in there.
Okay.
You're not gonna like it.
I'm not gonna like it.
I do like the look.
It feels very like Balenciaga 2020 right?
It's very high fashion is very Rick Owens.
Is your name Rashida Jones?
Yes.
Already lost.
Already lying.
Is your dad musical legend Quincy Jones?
Yes, he is.
Are you nervous to take this lie detector test?
This just?
Yep.
Count is an answer.
Was I lying?
You're telling the truth?
He went to Harvard.
I did.
Do you think you're better than me because of that?
Worse.
Did you write for the Harvard Lampoon?
I did not.
Is it because he thought the guys that road for the Harvard Lampoon or annoying?
Oh, this is so a little bit.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Rashida.
We were in Parks and Rec together.
Yes.
Did the cast ever talk about me behind my back?
No, no, it's true.
She's telling the truth.
You know, we're tight.
Where my improvised dance parties onset ever annoying.
Yes.
You still the joy of my life?
Do you think I'm a good dancer?
I d'oh!
Oh, my God!
But where she did Do you ever have fantasies about like, being a professional dancer?
Of course.
I mean, I would never But you think you could be one?
No, at this point?
No.
Like a middle aged upstart?
No.
Maybe had I like done some ground work early on.
Maybe, but probably not.
Would you go on?
Do you think you could dance?
Now?
I know that seems hard.
Played characters that have been under both this character Michael Scott and Leslie.
No.
Yeah.
Who was the better boss?
No, but I will say Steve Carell was also my boss is a human being and he's a better Boston.
Michael Scott.
So you're going on record to say that you like Steve Carell?
I do.
Lexie Girl.
First person I've heard say that, you know, it's It's tough room out there.
You were voted most likely to succeed in high school.
What I did not know what I was.
It's me and Terrel Jackson who's Tito Jackson's son.
And then in the picture.
We're like have like a water cash like every 96 wad of cash on your injured, a wad of cash that cause that success right?
That's amazing.
Do you hate being asked what it's like to be a woman in comedy?
Yes.
Is there an answer?
You wish you could say that you've never been able to ask me something else.
It's not stupid.
Yeah, that's the answer.
You wish you could be like that, Stupid.
You don't mean that.
That's what I wish I could say.
You don't mean that.
You don't mean that.
I think that's a good one.
Yeah, that would be a good one to put in an email.
You don't mean that.
Oh, my God.
I thought you were better than you.
Just type it in really tiny letters.
So it sounds like you're whispering in there like this.
If I called you from jail, would you bail me out?
Definitely.
Even if you didn't know what it waas?
Yeah.
Thinks if you were stuck in a remote desert island with either me or Chris Pratt, who would you choose?
Yeah, I think about it.
I mean, he's got a lot of pros.
He can cut wood.
Hey, could build something.
He's got a good attitude.
Does have a good attitude.
And my attitude would be in the knees strong.
I mean, you and I, we would spiral way couldn't hold Mick down in like, a comedy stage.
Acting way for sheer like time, value of time.
I would say you because we have so much to talk about.
We never don't have anything to talk about.
But if I was trying to survive, Probably that guy.
Yeah, you know.
Sorry.
I do love you, though.
If Pratt died, there be more to eat.
That's true.
You wrote an episode of Black Mirror?
Yes.
And it explores the way we rate people on social media.
Do you seek validation on social media?
I try not to, but yes, sometimes.
D'oh.
Have you ever posted a thirst trap?
Um, like, not expressly.
Like, I think I've posted things that were, like out of my comfort zone in terms of, like, trying to come off sexy, but like not to actually entrapped someone.
I did not know this.
You're in Rapper Jeremiah Song past Dad.
Oh, yeah.
He calls you bad.
That's right.
What is the story there?
No, I heard it when it first came out.
I was like, I don't think about school like you guys talking about me having that song.
If you could pick a song that was like Like your anthem, even for the year.
Um, you know what song I love is that Khalid Song?
It's from last year.
Can we just, uh it is such a good song is so good.
Good.
Okay.
And Rashida, at any point during this interview, did you lie?
I don't think so, But I'm having a weird sensation.
We're like, I'm not sure if I'm lying because I'm hooked up to something that's trying to return.
That's why.
Keep asking you if I'm lying cause I just don't know.
I don't think so.
Did I?
Bie, rial, This is your moment, Be Riel.
Did I lie?
You are telling the truth, okay?
Spoken like a true sociopath.