WELCOME BACK!

HEY, JON!

>> Jon: HELLO!

>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN

EMMY AND TONY WINNER YOU KNOW FROM "BLOODLINE," "WHEN THEY SEE

US," AND HIS ONE-MAN SHOW, "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOHN LEGUIZAMO.

♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

>> YEAH, YEAH.

NICE TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: ALWAYS NICE TO SEE YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

GOOD TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH OLD JOHNNY LEGEZ.

>> LIVE!

>> Stephen: WATCH IT.

>> THEY WARNED ME, "DON'T SAY THIS.

DON'T SAY THAT."

>> Stephen: THEY'RE OVER THERE WITH A DART AND WILL GET YOU

RIGHT IN THE NECK.

YOU HAVE DONE A LOT OF BROADWAY, STANDUP.

HAS IT EVER GONE SIDEWAYS ON YOU?

>> ON THE BALCONY, ONCE SOMEBODY THREW UP ON THE LADY'S MINK COAT

-- >> Stephen: SOMEBODY IN THE

BALL CONNIE OF YOUR THEATER-- >> THREW UP ON THE LADY IN A

MINK COAT, AND I HAD TO DRY CLEAN HER COAT.

>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DRY CLEAN THE COAT?

>> IT WAS MY THEATER AND MY SHOW AND I WAS ON STAGE.

AND I WAS ON STAGE AND I COULD HEAR PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN THE

BATHROOM AND THEY LEFT THE PANTIES.

FROM NOW ON I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE, "PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR

PHONES, I'M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR MINK COAT TO BE CLEANED, AND

TAKE YOUR PANTIES IF YOU HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM."

>> Stephen: WAS THIS DISTRACTING TO THE ODD YEENS

JUDGE IT WAS DISTRACTING TO ME.

THEY DIDN'T CARE.

I'M LIKE, "WHO IS HAVING MORE FUN THAN I AM?"

>> Stephen: THAT LEADS TO MY QUESTION BECAUSE WHEN YOU WERE

HERE IN JULY, YOU SAID AT THE TIME, THAT YOUR ANGER AT SEEING

THE WAY TRUMP WAS BEHAVING WAS GIVING YOU-- YOU CALLED IT

"TRUMP RAGE MADE YOU HORNY."

>> YEAH, IT DID.

I HAD ALL THIS EXTRA ENERGY.

AND I WAS, YOU KNOW... MY POOR WIFE.

AND-- >> Stephen: YOU SAID, "YOU

WANTED TO PROCREATE AND BUILD A LATINO ARMY."

>> YEAH.

I'M TIRED NOW.

>> Stephen: I'M QUOTING.

( APPLAUSE ) MR. LEGUIZAMO-- I REMIND YOU

YOU'RE UNDER OATH.

WHAT IS THE RAGE OF YOUR HORNY RAGE AFTER THE SPEECH.

>> THERE WAS A LOT OF PIMP TENSE UP THERE.

SO I FELT VERY-- YEAH, NOT SO MUCH.

THE RAGE IS GONE.

NOW I'M MORE CREATIVE.

SEX TAKES AWAY YOUR CREATIVITY ANYWAY.

>> Stephen: IT DOES?

>> YEAH, LIKE BOXERS, THEY DON'T HAVE SEX.

THEY HAVE TO ABSTAIN SO THEY CAN BEAT THUR OPPONENT S.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING BOXING IS CREATIVITY?

I KNOW IT'S A SWEET SCIENCE, BUT NOT CREATIVITY.

>> IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF ORGASMS, YOU DON'T HAVE AS MANY BOOKS OR

SHOW S.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA PICASSO GOT.

>> I CAN CHECK THAT ON GOOGLE.

>> Stephen: YOU CAN LOOK AT HIS PAINTINGS!

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> Stephen: THE WOMEN ALL HAD, LIKE, FIVE BREASTS.

>> DON'T YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE A LOT OF GREAT SEX YOU'RE NOT AS

CREATIVE.

>> Stephen: UHM...

>> I KNOW HOW I FEEL.

LIKE, WHEN I'M PENT UP, I CREATE A LOT MORE.

>> Stephen: WE'RE LIVE.

WE'RE LIVE RIGHT NOW, AND I'M-- >> SORRY, WE'RE OFF TOPIC.

>> Stephen: WE'RE DANCING VERY CLOSE.

>> I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND NOT BE CREATIVE.

>> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK MORE ABOUT THIS.

>> IN PRIVATE.

>> Stephen: I WANT TO BREAK SOME NEWS, SOME PEOPLE DO NOT

KNOW THIS, YOU ARE THE LATEST MEMBER OF THE YANG GANG.

>> YES, I AM.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE DEAL?

>>?

DO YOU NEED $1,000?

>> MY SON NEEDS $1,000.

HE TALKED ME INTO IT.

>> Stephen: YOUR SON IS A FAN.

>> HUGE FAN.

>> Stephen: I GET ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHO MY KIDS ARE

ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT, TOO?

>> AND HE CONVINCED ME WITH ALL HIS PLANS, HEALTH CARE FOR ALL,

AND TAKE IT FROM PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES AND GET MORE HEALTH

CARE WORKERS.

HE'S GOING TO TAKE FROM THE BIG TECH COMPANIES AND GIVE $1,000

TO EVERYONE.

I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, SON, YOU WANT THAT $1,000, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU

I'M GOING TO JOIN THE YANG GANG."

>> Stephen: I LIKE GETTING ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHO MY

CHILDREN ARE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT.

IT'S THEIR WORLD.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT LEST OF LEFT IN US.

>> NOT MUCH.

>> Stephen: WEEKS.

>> DAYS!

PLUS HE'S THE LAST PERSON OF COLOR LEFT.

SO I HAD -- >> Stephen: OH, MR. YANG,

THAT'S RIGHT.

>> MR. YANG, A LITTLE COLOR.

>> Stephen: THE DEMOCRATIC FIELD USED TO BE FAR MORE

DIVERSE-- >> AT THE BEGINNING.

>> Stephen: AND NOW IT'S MORE LIKE ME.

>> WHICH IS NICE, IT'S NICE.

>> Stephen: NOTHING WRONG.

>> I JUST LIKE BEING INCLUDED A LITTLE BIT MORE.

>> Stephen: WHO DO YOU EXWHRAIM BLAIM?

DO YOU BLAME THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY OR THE VOTERS AND DONORS?

IT'S BASED UPON DONATIONS AND POLLING.

SO WHERE DO YOU LAY THE BLAME AT TOM PERES?

>> EVERYBODY WANTS TO LAY IT ON TOM PERES.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LAY THE BLAME.

I GUESS THE VOTERS, THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THE

CANDIDATE THAT CAN BEAT TRUMP.

>> Stephen: SO THEY WANT A SAFE CHOICE.

>> THEY WANT A SAFE CHOICE.

THEY DON'T WANT ANYBODY WHO IS GOING TO SHAKE THINGS UP AND

MAYBE NOT GET THE INDEPENDENCE, NOT GET THE MODERN REPUBLICANS

SO EVERYBODY IS PLAYING IT SAFE.

>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE DISASTER DOWN IN IOWA?

BECAUSE THAT WAS-- >> WHAT'S A CAUCUS ANYWAY?

IS YOUR CAUCUS BIGGER THAN MINE?

WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST CAUCUS?

>> Stephen: IT DEPENDS ON?

>> >> NOBODY WANTS A LITTLE CAUCUS.

>> Stephen: IT DEPENDS ON HOW CREATIVE I'M FEELING, JOHN.

>> OH!

( APPLAUSE ) >> CAUCUS SIZE MATTER S.

>> Stephen: IT DOES, IT DOES.

WE JUST LEARNED THAT.

>> CAUCUS SIZE MATTER S.

>> Stephen: IT DOES.

YOU DON'T VOTE, YOU GET IN A ROOM AND PEOPLE RAISE THEIR

HANDS AND THEY COINCIDENT THEM.

>> RIGHT, RIGHT.

>> Stephen: IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY SIMPLE WAY TO VOTE.

>> IT'S VERY OLD FASHIONED AND ANALOG.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY.

IT'S LIKE AN OLD TOWN HALL MEETING.

>> BUT THEY HAD AN APP THIS TIME, AND THAT ALL WENT HAYWIRE.

AND WE DON'T KNOW.

THEY'RE SOMEWHERE ELSE-- NEW HAMPSHIRE ALREADY.

WE VOAM 62% OF THE VOTE IN!

>> Stephen: YEAH, I MEAN DO YOU HAVE SUGGESTION HOW TO MAKE

IT EASIER?

>> LET'S NOT GO TO IOWA.

WHY IOWA?

THEY DON'T REPRESENT AMERICA.

WHERE WHY ARE WE THERE?

>> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED THERE ISN'T SOME MACHINE TO MAKE

IT EASIER.

>> BANKING, OUR MONEY SYSTEM WORKS.

WHY CAN'T WE DO THE SAME THING WITH BANKING FOR VOTING.

I HAVE A PIECE OF CARD, A PIECE OF PAPER AND PAPER TRAIL AND WE

ALL FEEL GOOD.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF YOU GO TO YOUR ACCOUNTANT AND THERE'S NO

FREEDOM LEFT IN IT?

YOU'RE OVERDRAWN.

>> WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE TECH COMPANIES AND TAKE MORE

MONEY FROM THEM YOU.

>> Stephen: HAVE A ONE-MAN SHOW, WHICH WE TALKED ABOUT

BEFORE BUT IT'S ON NETFLIX AND AUDIBLE.

IT'S CALLED "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."

>> WHY MORONS.

>> WE'RE ALL MORONS, ESPECIALLY ME, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT

MY LATIN HISTORY.

IT WAS "LATIN HISTORY FOR DUMMIES," AND THE COMPANY SUED

ME AND THEN IT WAS "LATIN HISTORY FOR IDIOTS," AND THEY

SUED ME.

THEY TOLD ME CEASE AND DESIST.

WHAT DO WE SAY IN NEW YORK, MORON.

AND REX TILLERSON CALLED TRUMP A MORON.

>> Stephen: YOU DO AN IMPRESSION OF YOUR SON IN THIS

SHOW.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: DOES HE GIVE YOU NOTES ON THE IMPRESSION?

>> MY SON HATES MY IMPRESSION OF HIM.

HE SAID, "DAD, YOU MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ISSUES."

I SAID I'M A 55-YEAR-OLD PLAYING A 12-YEAR-OLD."

MY DAUGHTER, TOO, HATES IT.

SHE GOES, "I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, DAD.

EXPIVMENT GO, "YES, YOU DO."

>> Stephen: YOU MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN ARTIST AND

ENTERTAINER.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF AN ARTIST MORE THAN AN

ENTERTAINER.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE FOR YOU AND WHY IS IT

IMPORTANT?

>> ENTERTAINERS ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND THEY HELP US ESCAPE,

RIGHT, AND WE NEED THAT IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES.

BUT AN ARTIST IS POLITICAL.

WE STICK OUR NECK OUT.

WE TAKE RISKS.

WE CALL PEOPLE ON THEIR-- I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO-- ON THEIR

STUFF, CALL THEM OUT.

WE CALL THEM OUT.

>> Stephen: NICE CATCH.

>> GOOD CATCH.

IF IT WAS A LITTLE LATER, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CATCH

MYSELF, BUT I WAS STILL AWAKE.

SO, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT ARTISTS DO.

ARTISTS RISK TO HELP US GET ACROSS THE NEXT EVOLUTIONARY

HURDLE.

>> Stephen: THE NEXT EVOLUTIONARY HURDLE.

>> CULTURAL EVOLUTIONARY HURDLE.

>> Stephen: CULTURAL.

OKAY, I I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO GROW SOMETHING NEW.

>> LET'S HOPE NOT.

YOU DON'T WANT ANOTHER APPENDIX.

>> Stephen: WE COULD USE ANOTHER CAUCUS.

WE RACED EACH OTHER FOR THAT ONE.

JOHN, LOVELY TO SEE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

>> I GAVE MY HAND LIKE TRUMP.

>> Stephen: "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS" IS AVAILABLE ON

NETFLIX AND AUDIBLE!

JOHN LEGUIZAMO, EVERYBODY!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE AUTHORS OF "A VERY STABLE

GENIUS," PHILIP RUCKER AND CAROL LEONNIG.

STICK AROUND.

THANKS, MAN.