Every time I film a video, I'm supposed to be going somewhere.

It's like my my mind just procrastinates and it's like, I have an idea.

Let's do it now.

We need to have a conversation.

Oh, this video is not gonna be a whole cute Japan took it.

Okay, traveler thing s o if there's any kids watching this video in for you, So parents, if you watch it with the kids, just skip to another Japan related video.

So I went to a party last night at Kelly's Place.

It was great.

I had a great time.

Love the people.

They're awesome.

I made a video while I was there because I was actually quite sad.

I know I said I had a great time.

I did have a great time.

You could have a great time while also being said.

I find I just re watched it and I actually really appreciate it.

I really enjoyed it.

And the reason for that is I recently watched a video by Dodi Dodi, Double Little.

She's a British musician, I believe, and she does YouTube.

She's super popular.

Anyway, she did a video called making pastor.

I'm sad or something like that, where she made past and talk about her current situation with this boy who was who wanted something casual.

But she wanted a relationship and they had a misunderstanding.

And she was really sad.

And she had a huge conversation about that with with the camera while she was making Palestra something.

And it was just like I watched it.

I was like, This is the content that I like.

This is why I saw the YouTube.

This is what I want.

I didn't Yeah, this is what I want.

So, yeah, and last night and made a video, and it's as honest as I can be.

I was wondering, should I make another channel to put personal stuff with stuff?

Anything on, uh, so that this channel could be Japan?

Stuff on the other channel could be me weird stuff, But I didn't start this channel to be Japan Channel.

I started it to, you know, go on my adventures in Japan, but also just released stuff.

I didn't start YouTube to be business.

I started it to be a reflection of myself.

So with all that said and done, I present you this very WeII video of me drunk talking about feelings.

It's probably slotted to make a second channel.

That's good.

No one's ever gonna see this except myself.

So I can literally just say what played to my brain.

But, you know, sometimes you thoughts just told him out your life.

I'm drunk.

Everything's so overwhelming right now.

No, positive is hell.

That's just who I am, Uh, things just hectic.

And it's like a soon as since you stopped making money off you.

Too soon as you get into a little bit, it's people giving you advice and which I love.

Love advice.

Advice is great, but there's a lot of advice, and a lot of this is how you can improve your child.

I am.

I know I need to hear that kind of stuff, but I want to improve it organically, a little each time, making me here learn, and I don't like.

I don't want to improve it in a way that somebody else wants, because I know that that's how they do their channel.

That's how a became successful.

There's no soul, unwritten rules of how you become successful hell, make your type of videos on YouTube.

I think you do that organically and you find it yourself.

But I'm tired.

I said, I'm leaving.

Has given me the best people ever.

Everyone's been so kind and so lovely and we'll get along Wells Well, so well.

Jesus, We will get along so well.

Great.

So many things lately that I just I know I'm trying to figure out my sexuality.

You have?

No right now I'm gonna tell you stuff.

Sounds stupid to say that, doesn't it?

Because I told you have this kind of stuff.

Just let it brew in your head.

I don't like Yeah, yes, I'm in a new country and trying to figure out my life trying to solve with who I am as a person But yet when I think about who I am as a person, bland is what slice of bread mayonnaise, just like jury is disgusting.

I just don't It's like, Oh, so what?

What's unique about, you know, like outside in a quirky, quirky sense of humor.

But when I think about myself, it's like, Oh, blend.

It's like, Why?

Why?

Don't think that I know.

Awesome.

I'm special.

I'm like not to be out myself, but that that's who I am.

I'm I'm cool.

That's I'm supposed to think about yourself.

Yet deep down we think about it.

I'm unhappy.

I am.

Why parties?

I don't know.

I like even more drunk looking people a bit.

Being around people is great, but when there's a lot of people in when I'm not drunk, if there's a lot of people, I find it so hard to connect with others.

I feel very overwhelmed and I just wanna be by myself.

So that's why I'm here in this room, just getting a bit too much out there, even talking to a small group of people.

I just feel so like the more people more feel alone.

It's always felt like that.

It was it's high school.

Yeah, and it's like I spent all of yesterday watching these videos from English YouTube like Tom Scott and was pulled from pulls me all these short films in the UK with most amazing actors and best scripts, and they made me feel so much talk.

Such beautiful stories like I wouldn't love to do that work.

That work is just no, but I'm scared.

I can't run that script I can't do that will have seen.

I mean, I'm sure I could get my bloody old man those actors.

And yet here I am just I want to slap up messing around, messing around.

No, I live here.

I need to create my work.

I would love to do films, but films like Star doesn't work.

Kick page a dozen people that they've got good connections UK humorous, just points, sense of stories just on point and have all these dreams and all these hopes and all these things that I'm like Okay, that's a skill that I have.

Okay, that's what I can work on.

That's what I can do.

And yet my channel is just me talking to a camera, and I know that's what I wanted to do and I know that's what I want to do I started because I was acting and I needed somewhere to get out of character and just to have a conversation without responsive, just needed someone to talk and reading that people in all my life and just be honest.

But now my creativity is gone, and my biggest outlet is YouTube.

But I can't be.

I can't play Characters on here have to be myself, which is fine.

I'm cool.

Everything.

But I miss characters.

I do in private is fun playing characters.

I want to be people.

I need a script I need to work on.

Scripts are weapons group.

Mind isn't gold space.

My house is tiny.

I know this is just complaining about I tired of it.

No, no.

What?

I'm confused.

Confused about my sexuality.

And it was about my fashion abuse, about acting.

And if he's not Korea, I'm confused about I give my heart away too easily.

That's a sudden and I hate that.

I mean, I'm sure I'll love it when I find the right person, but I hate that when I just don't know hell is going on, I just give my sauce.

Hello.

You know who else is going?

Tyler, Just go.

I'm here.

Thanks.

Listening.

I thought we'd get an impulsive, but we don't.

I'm so sad.