Holidays are a tough time for many people because most of us have family issues. People

are depressed either because they don’t have a family, or they’re depressed because

they do and it’s a mess. That makes the holidays an opportune time to talk about the

subject of Forgiveness – what it is, how to go about doing it and most of all why.

What Is Forgiveness?

Hurt and anger are natural and normal responses when a wrong has been done to us. In fact,

it is healthier to acknowledge that we were hurt than to pretend that everything is fine.

It’s not about whining, it’s about honesty. Denial will turn into resentments that fester

in dark places. We cannot heal until we are honest with ourselves.

But there is such a thing as ‘too much honesty’; once we have felt our anger, perhaps stewed

and grieved for a time we need to let it go or it will turn against us. Holding on to

anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. We’re the only ones

getting hurt. It becomes a necessity to take our foot off the neck of the offender.

We cannot wait until the injury is healed. It is not like taking off a bandage after

the wound has healed. In this case the wound cannot really heal unless the bandage comes

off first. Forgiveness is not something we do for the offender; it is necessary to do

it for ourselves in order to heal.

How To Forgive

So everyone tells us to do it but nobody tells us how. The reason there aren’t any instructions

for forgiveness is because it is not really a thing in itself.

Forgiveness is not a process one can follow step by step; rather it is an awareness we

gain. As long as we are caught up in tunnel vision all we can see is the injury and the

wrong that has been done. In order for Forgiveness to occur we must step back and see the bigger

picture. In order to see the big picture we must turn to Truth.

The Blame Game

It seems that almost everyone has taken a certain amount of damage from his or her childhood.

It seems that way but that’s not really true. Truth is that we did not enter this

incarnation with a blank slate. We already had a certain energetic frequency level; the

same level at which we left the last lifetime. We picked our parents accordingly, based on

a frequency that matched our own; otherwise we could not have attracted them.

Our parents were people who consciously or unconsciously made themselves available to

bring us into this physical world. They lent us their DNA out of which our bodies were

formed. Without them we could not be here. Regardless of their level of parenting skills

we owe them a karmic debt of gratitude for this.

The Iceberg Principles teach us that in this Universe our life experiences are reflections

of our own beliefs and perceptions. Although our family’s criticisms, lack of support,

and abuse were real it could not have happened unless there was a match to our own beliefs

and perceptions about what we deserved. The level of esteem at which we held ourselves

became reflected in our parent’s treatment of us. Since most of labored under the belief

that we are much less than perfect, our childhood experiences reflected this.

What this means for us today is that we can stop playing the blame game. We can stop assigning

culpability for our experiences to our parents. If they had given us anything different we

would not have been able to perceive it. It would not have been a match to us. We can

stop meting out punishment; our parent’s behavior was simply a reflection of our highest

level of awareness for us at the time. Their treatment of us was the best we could imagine

for ourselves then.

The Best We Can Do

We do not come from our parents; we come through them. We share their physical DNA and we share

a similar energetic frequency. This is the reason we appear so similarities to them.

Bear in mind that the thing you most hate about your parents must also be in you, otherwise

you could not see it.

My point is that you parents are people just like you. Just like you they did not come

with a manual on how to act. Just like you they made mistakes. Just like you they can

only ever do the best they can.

In some instances it might have appeared as if they were being intentionally mean. This

might be true, however their actions were nevertheless rooted in ignorance. Nobody can

hurt anybody else without first and finally hurting himself or herself first. If they

had knows what they were doing to themselves, on an energetic, karmic level, they would

not have done so. As it stood they were operating at their highest level of awareness. They

may have fallen far short of proper conduct but it is still they best of which they are

capable. Nobody can know more than they know.

Breaking The Cycle

Nobody can jump over his or her own shadow. The only way to break the cycle of hurt is

to give them a break. Sometimes the very thought of giving a break to someone who has hurt

us deeply is offensive but it is the only way to stop the pain that we are feeling.

The key to finding forgiveness is the recognition that everyone is always operating at his or

her highest level of awareness. The moment we give somebody else a break we give ourselves

a break, too. The moment we let them off the hook we can feel something inside of us let

go. Our feeling for the other person may be less than loving but if we continue to hold

them in condemnation we are the ones who continue to get hurt. As long as we hold on to our

‘righteous anger’ it is ourselves we hold imprisoned.

The Huge Pay-Off

Our family members reflect all of us . They reflect our worst in us but they also reflect

our very best. As long as we remain focused on the bad we never get to the good. What

we focus on always looms largest. As long as we remain focused on our family’s mistakes

we miss the good parts in them, and therefore we miss the good parts in ourselves as well.

Nobody’s childhood was all-bad. No matter how horrible things might have been, there

were happy moments that should be treasured but these moments remain locked away from

memory as long as we only focus on the bad stuff. Unless we choose to end the cycle we

can never experience the good again. Now however it is no longer on the offender; now it is

us who is keeping the offense alive. We become the guilty party.

When we forgive the beautiful moments come back to us. This focus in the good is ultimately

this is the only way in which we can finally; permanently heal the wounds of our childhood.

The True Spirit Of The Holidays

As you stop the cycle of anger towards your family – whether alive or dead – you break

your own karmic cycle of ignorance and clear away the karmic misconceptions, which created

the circumstances of your birth. You clean the slate. Your energetic frequency increases

and you become ever more aware of your true nature, which is love.

As you become more loving it not only reflects in your own experience but also in the world

around you. When you give yourself permission to forgive you literally make the world a

better place and isn’t that after all what the holidays are really all about?