I graduated college.

I live alone and I'm a real adult.

Or so That's what I've been told.

It is Thursday morning and I'm running on a spicy four hours asleep.

Now you might be wondering.

Actually, you have only to make your video.

You work for yourself.

Why are you so sleep deprived?

And that is due to a personal condition that I don't talk about often called.

I'm 21 years old.

I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

I have no time management skills whatsoever.

And I'm still running on the all nighter mentality that we got me through college.

So that's what life is like right now.

So today I thought I would bring you guys along on what I call my get your shit together Day.

This happens every morning after I have emerged from like, my video pays off for like, four days just straight, working on my video and editing and ignoring all of my other responsibilities.

I look up and suddenly like my apartment is a mess.

I have e mails to answer.

I have adult responsibilities to attend to my plants to water.

I have food to make all of this other adult ing stuff in my life I have to take care of, like, nobody warming.

How much?

And for me, there is an adult life, like all of my stuff is just like, slowly defaulting to chaos.

And it takes so much effort to, like, bring it all back together.

So, yeah, there should be a fun and productive, although very sleep the product day in my life, I am gonna make myself some pancakes because that is literally the only food left that I have in my apartment.

I'm gonna make my favorite Marcia milk lot like the hipster l a gal that I am Also, I just require caffeine to get my brain started, and I'm gonna pin my bangs back, which is how you know I'm about to get into some serious concentrated adult vote.

Hello, my little home office corner.

Obviously, the main part of my job I see is the videos, and that is 100% of the most important part of my job.

But when you don't see is look behind the scenes when it comes to organizing all of these extra opportunities like I'm doing a Q and A on YouTube's Instagram tomorrow.

I also have a big project is launching there soon, which is exciting, but also taking a lot of like administrative work.

The first thing I have to tackle right now is I have a brandy Oh, coming out in November.

But right now we're starting the like planning and production process.

So I have to send my selectable the products that I want to silent video and photos of my apartment and asked my building manager if we are allowed to feel my apartment of image fingers crossed.

She says Yes, because I don't really know what I'm gonna d'oh Also fun back that is hold you in like 30 minutes.

So it's called Just told me anything.

It is how to finish your assignment with an aggressively short time.

He was the most satisfying part.

When you can close all of your tabs just before you go on to the rest of the day, I want to show you guys a quick look at how I am at least attempting to organize my life.

So as you might have noticed, I have this giant monthly calendar, which I will link down below.

This is where all of my appointments and deadline I don't use Google drive because I am an old person and I'd like to do things physically.

Go Recently, I've been trying to figure out a way to motivate myself to do work more.

So I got myself these colorful post its and I've been using those to write down all your ideas and when I should be instagram post and even like things to look forward to on the beginning, something about my brain really just likes being able to see, like a sticky note physically represent a task that I have to do.

And then when I'm done in the past, like when I had my instagram post, which I'm trying to do twice a week like super strict about it, I just like, compute it off and it feels like I did something physical, which is nice because my job is like so digital, and sometimes I go from the week.

I don't even feel like I've done anything because, like there's no physical proof that I did something that might get all online and distant.

All of this I also use this bullet journal, and I just right out on one side all of my past that I want it done in a week.

I've organized by big things, little things, e mails, errands and stuff to do later.

That isn't like an urgent task for that week and then on the other side, all right, out of a schedule for everything that I want to do, Get a certain day.

To be honest, I've been really bad about actually using my planner recently and planning out my days.

I don't think I've done it in, like, three weeks.

I've just been, like, pushing around in the space time continuum.

Not sure what I should do at any given point in time.

So today I want to get back on schedule.

I'm gonna create a rough weekly outline for myself and what I should be doing every single day, fingers crossed.

Actually stick to it this week.

And I'm also gonna update some of these notes because I get plans change over Julie.

I had an embroidery and Ted talk day, but I think I'm gonna go to Malibu with my friend.

So one of those sounds a lot more exciting.

And it's definitely in bordering in my own room and was needed head dogs, but occasionally sacrifices.

Okay, so that I've neglected to mention so far is that every week after my video, I leave a joint s in my apartment, and I don't stop to clean up that nest until I'm done editing on Thursday.

Hence why my apartment looks like this.

Luckily, this week I filmed a sit down in that video.

So my apartment looks like it was on Lee struck me like a category two hurricane and not a full on clothing tsunami, like it usually does.

Anyway, I'm just gonna put on some music which will then be covered up by copyright free music because I've lost, like, half of my absense you to coffee, right?

Strikes recently.

Love that for me recently.

By the way.

They're like ethical plus sustainable company.

Isn't this the cutest jacket design you've ever seen?

It has this little pocket in, like, one of the pockets on the inside for life hiding snacks.

This'll is the most hilarious dilemma I think anybody has ever had.

Basically, the other day, I got this gigantic PR package from Starburst.

It's literally like it.

Here, let me get like a Here's a potato for scale.

Do you see?

That's like 50 potatoes worth of starbursts.

I don't know what to do with this much.

Candy currently is dirtier than my lying.

When I'm on my period, does anybody else get like period Ward here?

Is that just me?

And for some reason, recently I've been having a period every like two weeks, So I was alternating between extremely horny and extremely upset and horny.

Wait.

Also my days for watering my plants because, as you guys have noticed, I have a slight plant obsession and bias, like playing obsession.

I mean, I have, like, 50 fucking plans in my apartment.

E reported recently into these little thrift store containers that I got like, a dollar from goodwill.

I think that the most precious thing I did put like pebbles at the bottom.

But you have to be really careful with how much you water them because they're obviously is not a drainage hole which has killed a many a plant in my day, my homes for plants like this one, I just have to get out there and take it down and I ran over the kitchen sink and I give it a little plant back, and then I just shake it out and hang it up over here.

Well, I drive, I don't know What about the bathroom?

But this is fucking thriving like, Oh, he's glowing.

What highlighter does she use?

Is that bendy along my window sill?

I've been trying to root some new plants, so obviously you can see I have a lot of photos.

I basically just cut off a couple of new leaves that are sprouting from one of my existing Put those plans.

And then I problem in a computed our that I took the label off like the hipster l a piece of trash that I am.

My little baby planes are honestly pretty self sufficient because obviously they have more water than they could ever ask for.

But at least when I read online is that over time they deplete the oxygen in the water so around, like every two weeks or so, I'll swap out the water, just get out, give the new best, and for my plans that are getting a pretty intense root system like this one I also pop in, like, half a pump of plant food because it helps it get like all the nutrients it needs to grow.

All right, so my camera battery dying while I was a Trader Joe's.

So all I have are these three shaky iPhone clips of bell peppers, but never fear.

Here I am, back in the kitchen where I belong, Reg, to cook a nice meal for me and my imaginary husband.

I'm gonna be cooking some good old fashioned beef and broccoli.

This is what me and my mom would always make when we were, like, feeling kinda lazy and just wanted something quick to eat.

Which describes my situation perfectly right now for all you good moral, vegan and vegetarian people.

I am trying to eat less meat, but there is something strange to me about the fact that this whole new environmentalist wave, But overall I think of a great influence is mostly like woman enforcing it on other woman online.

Like I have never seen a comment on a male influencers, instagram and YouTube asking him to go begin, especially when it comes to die.

It's the burden is really put on young woman, which, in combination with like unhealthy body standards, isn't always the best combination.

I know you could be via and like, super healthy and have great body image.

But it's kind of like intertwined with this guilt that women aren't supposed to take up space they're not supposed to take up.

Resource is, we're supposed to be a tiny and skinny and diminutive and feeling guilty about what he is such a gender specific thing.

Cutting ginger was the bane of my existence.

Is a child like How you?

Why is it some nutty Gordon Ramsay?

I know you're out there somewhere on my knife skills, but take it easy on me, okay?

I'm like, halfway for mental breakdown.

Last Kino cooking I've learned in my years of torment experiences to just narrate it in your head like corn.

Ramsey, just almost like a little tough on.

Just let it drizzle out just a drizzle.

This is all one putting my family.

People always ask me to do a British accent my dad's British and like it's gotten worse and worse.

Over the years, I actually used to narrate every single thing in my head in a British accent so I could do a killer British accent back then.

But now my thoughts are narrated by the donkey from Shrek.

So no, I'm getting My thoughts are only in America now, so my accent is awful.

Do you ever think about the fact that Gordon Ramsay sounds like mildly orgasmic every time talking about life?

Man's breathing heavy?

That's all I'm saying.

Stake in Depend Oh, that's a nice sizzle In a 2nd 10 Just all happened We need in the second hand every single time out Didn't see there's this chilling with Roughly in my over yonder on the side of the road I'm gonna boil out fucking no, Probably not even being dramatic on the video Just my own pan fading me remind you guys ever have like, I think fly just into my nose Do you ever have a beard like housewife fantasy?

Like I love my career, I love my independent.

I'm also absolutely horrible cooking as we now know.

But really, sometimes I'm just like you.

Don't be nice.

So Mary was really five and be able to spend all day using, outlined and just killing in my mansion in the hills.

Maybe what I'm describing is called being retired also.

Maybe then they be about 10 minutes.

In reality, I think I have fun being a housewife for about like, three months before I went fully insane and started having a pair for work actually enjoying so Barbara.

And then I'd give myself about a year and 1/2 before I went.

Hold on, girl.

And I framed my husband for murder because with my free time and you guys wonder why I'm honestly is looking pretty good right now.

I'm gonna take you guys in for a sexy, sexy close up.

I just realized I forgot to make the rice.

My mom would be so mad at you.

Now, if that's still lived at home.

Have it.

So I finished up my dinner and I am headed to the park right now.

I've really been making an effort to drag my ass out of the apartment once, every like, four days, because otherwise, like, I will just shrivel up and get in my depression.

It is just about sunset, and I am at my favorite little spot at the park.

Yes, like an old person.

I used to put all this pressure on myself to go to these trendy coffee shops and pay like 7 50 for tiny, mediocre macho lot.

But honestly, this makes a lot happier.

I'm releasing my inner picnic bitch.

There's a dogs here sometimes, and I don't think I need to say anything else about this park.

There's dogs.

Wait, I'm just gonna wrap up today doing a little bit of journaling.

Yeah, like I used to think that having a diary was so G and something that I would never be into.

But over the past month, I've written this much in my journal.

I think it's about 150 pages I want to say, and in all honesty, it has really helped, like re center myself.

It's helped me think about my emotions a lot.

I don't have like a therapist or anything, and I don't have a whole lot of close friends out here.

It's nice to have a way on a daily basis to kind of debrief all of my thoughts and, like, honestly, it's kind of it's not a goofy pleasure, but it is, honestly, something that I really enjoy.

This point, it seems like something indulgent almost to just be able Thio, sit down, listen to my favorite song and, like, write about my life.

I don't know.

It's super fun.

That's how we're gonna wrap up today.

I'm gonna reflect on what happened today.

I guess I'll give you guys like a little journal.

You guys could be like my video journal.

I suppose that is what a vlog is.

Really.

I had a good day today, and I felt pretty content with my life, which is a good feeling and not something that I feel super often.

But I woke up today really, really anxious about my video.