Trump’s Impeachment Acquittal, State of the Union & Black America | The Daily Show: Global Edition

Subtitles section Play video

- Welcome to "The Daily Show: Global Edition."
I'm Trevor Noah.
Before we begin, some news coming out of Mexico.
The Mexican president is raffling off
the presidential jet to the people of Mexico, yeah.
He says he doesn't need a jet, so he's gonna raffle off.
So, for $25, for a $25 ticket,
you could win a presidential jet.
So, if any Mexican out there was worried about the wall,
I think I've got a solution.
Here are this week's headlines.
Let's kick it off with the Super Bowl.
Yesterday's big game was very exciting.
Like, I don't know why they don't just make
every football game the Super Bowl, you know?
That way, you get more people watching.
And the best thing about it is,
even if you don't like the sport,
you're bound to find something else exciting.
- And they have done it!
Chiefs are Super Bowl champions here in Miami...
- Superstar quarterback Patrick Mahomes
leading the charge in a thrilling comeback,
defeating the San Francisco 49ers.
Mahomes making history at just 24 years old,
becoming the youngest quarterback
to be named Super Bowl MVP.
- I'm going to Disney World.
- Shakira and Jennifer Lopez wowed the crowd,
singing and dancing up a storm.
- There's one person, though, at the Super Bowl
who wasn't that impressed. - I saw this guy.
- Check out this one fan in the stands.
We got a picture of this. This guy is out cold.
A sports reporter caught him
catching some Z's during the game.
He most likely, of course, paid
a lot of money to score a seat.
The average price for a Super Bowl ticket
is close to seven grand.
- Okay, okay, okay. There are two ways to see this.
Either you can be mad because this guy wasted a lot of money
just to miss an incredible experience,
or you can see it as this dude balling out so hard,
he spent $7,000 just to take a nap.
(laughter) That's a serve.
But seriously, how-- how chaotic is this guy's life
that he's like, "I need to go to the Super Bowl
just so I can have a quiet place to sleep"?
Like, how noisy is his home?
He must have, like, 13 kids,
and every one of them is Bernie Sanders.
"Dad, Dad, Dad, I can't find my toys!
"The DNC stole them from me! Dad! Dad!"
But we're-- we're just kidding around.
This guy is clearly dead. Now, um...
The big moment from last night that everyone was talking about,
or raving about, rather, was J.Lo and Shakira.
They killed it. They really killed it.
(cheering and applause) Yeah.
But... but some people were really pissed
that J.Lo pulled out a stripper pole to do some moves.
Now look, I understand some parents might be angry
because there are kids who watch the game,
so, for all those parents, just tell your kid
J.Lo's a fireman, all right? Problem solved.
Right. And here's another thing.
J.Lo spent months learning how to be
a professional pole dancer for her movie "Hustlers."
Let me tell you something. If I spent that much time
learning how to pole dance,
I would be pole dancing every chance I get.
I don't care where I am, I would be doing it.
I'd be in the subway like... ♪ Jump on it, let's do it ♪
(cheering and applause) ♪ Riding my pony ♪
And finally, yesterday was Groundhog Day,
which leads me to ask,
what the hell is Groundhog Day?
People pull a rodent out of the ground,
and then ask the animal to predict the weather?
I'm sorry. This is so unfair,
because if Africans were doing shit like this,
and you heard that we pulled animals out of the ground--
Like, there are villages in Africa
where people wear animal skin,
and if I tried to explain to them
that Americans use groundhogs to predict the weather,
they'd be like, "Ah, but why not use
the satellite data, huh?"
All right, that's it for the headlines.
Let's move on to our top story.
(cheering and applause)
Impeachment.
It's democracy's version of sending back a meal.
And, today, we reached the series finale
of this president's first impeachment.
So, let's check in on the latest developments
in another installment of
"The Magical, Wonderful Road to Impeachment."
- ♪ The Magical, Wonderful Road to Impeachment ♪
♪ Who knows where it'll go? ♪
- It's probably presidential harassment.
(cheering and applause)
Today was the final day in the impeachment trial
of Donald Jambalaya Trump.
And no big surprise-- he was acquitted
by the Republican-run Senate,
which was never in doubt. (audience booing)
Yeah, yeah. Don't boo. Vote.
(scattered cheering) See, impeachment...
(cheering and applause)
...was... was-- no.
Like, everyone knew where this was going.
This was like a movie where you can guess
what was gonna happen without even watching it, you know?
Like "Titanic."
Okay, it's a ship that's gonna sink.
Or "Sophie's Choice."
Some lady has to decide which dude she's gonna bone.
I get it. I get it.
So, with the outcome never in doubt,
the only really drama today was whether any Republicans
would dare vote against Donald Trump.
And it turns out there was one man
with binders full of courage.
- Republican Senator Mitt Romney emotionally announced
on the Senate floor that he will break ranks
and vote to convict and remove President Trump.
- The president asked a foreign government
to investigate his political rival.
The president's purpose was personal and political.
Accordingly, the president is guilty
of an appalling abuse of public trust.
With my vote, I will tell my children and their children
that I did my duty to the best of my ability,
believing that my country expected it of me.
That is shocking. (applause)
That... is...
shocking.
Who would have thought
that the most badass Republican in the Senate
would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitt?
And I got to say, Mitt,
you proved everyone wrong.
The haters said you were as radical as a glass of skim milk,
but they were wrong, Mitt.
You're whole milk, my man.
That's right. Whole milk, fam.
(cheering and applause)
And, by the way, I like how Mitt said
that he voted this way so that he could tell his children
he did the right thing.
'Cause that's such a white people thing to say, right?
No, white people love explaining themselves to their children.
"I couldn't look my son in the eye
if I didn't do the right thing."
Black parents don't give a shit.
Like, black parents are just like,
"Boy, you better not look me in the eye.
I made you. I'ma do whatever I'ma do."
Now, other than Romney, another Republican senator
who was considered on the fence was also--
uh, about Trump was Susan Collins of Maine.
All right? But she decided
that we don't need to throw Trump out
because she thinks he's already been scared straight.
- There are some senators
who could have crossed party lines.
Senator Susan Collins will not be one of them.
- I'm voting to acquit.
I believe that the president
has learned from this case.
- What do you believe the president has learned?
- The president has been impeached.
That's a pretty big lesson.
- However, during a TV anchors lunch
at the White House yesterday, Trump responded
to questions about Collins' comments,
saying he had done nothing wrong,
and that his conversation with Ukraine's president,
quote, "was a perfect call."
- Man, Donald Trump would be the hardest person
to defend in court.
He'd be like, "Your Honor,
my client has learned his lesson."
(imitating Trump) "No, I haven't!"
"His days of selling drugs are over."
"Who wants cocaine?!"
Because clearly, Trump hasn't learned a lesson.
If anything, he's learned that he can do whatever he wants,
and Republicans will let him get away with it.
But first, they're gonna shake their heads. "Mnnn!"
So basically, thanks to Senate Republicans, Trump is now free.
He can just run through laws
like he's got that Super Mario invisibility star.
That's what he can do. Yeah, he's invincible.
Except Trump is more powerful than Mario,
'cause in this case, the turtles are on his side.
(laughter) Basically...
basically, President Trump... (cheering and applause)
...is off the hook.
He's completely off the hook, and you know what that means.
He's gonna let loose tonight, man.
He's gonna eat 50 burgers, bang a porn star,
and then he's gonna do something crazy.
And while Trump-- and while Trump is doing
that Joker dance down the courthouse steps,
the rest of the country is still focused on the fallout
from Trump's State of the Union speech last night.
And-- and-- and it's not so much what was in his speech,
but the fallout has been
about what speaker Nancy Pelosi did to the speech,
and Republicans aren't happy.
- A bitter, bitter Nancy Pelosi
ripping up the president's State of the Union speech.
- One of the most classless things ever done
in the history of the State of the Union.
- I have never seen anybody act so childish in my life.
- A spoiled, petulant child
essentially picking her nose
in front of the American people.
- It's not just the numbers you're ripping up.
Those are people.
- Nancy Pelosi shredding the memory of Kayla Mueller,
shredding Tuske... 100-year-old Tuskegee Airman,
shredding a little two-year-old.
- That's Pelosi ripping up the stories of these Americans.
- Yeah.
That is so true, my friends.
When Nancy Pelosi tore up a copy of Trump's speech,
she wasn't just ripping up a speech.
She was ripping up the memory of the people in that speech.
Those people are gone now.
That's how paper works.
(laughter)
Like, one time at dinner, the waiter ripped up my receipt,
and then I was hungry again.
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
Now, look, man, you can argue
that Nancy was right or wrong to tear up Trump's speech,
but... but I'm sorry, guys.
These people, these people, the people that support Trump
have no business complaining
about breaches of decorum, all right?
Their dude is literally the king of that shit.
He puts the "dick" in decorum.
Don't come in acting like you're all,
"I can't believe he did this."
'Cause it's kind of funny, it's kind of funny, though,
that Republicans were so upset with Nancy's lack of decorum,
especially because Trump used the very same speech
to bestow America's highest civilian honor,
the Presidential Medal of Freedom,
on conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh, right?
A man, who, to put it mildly,
is not known for being best.
What does that make her?
It makes her a slut, right?
I love the women's movement,
especially when walking behind it.
So "nigga"
with an "a" on the end--
why, I think I can now.
(continues mocking)
He is moving all around and shaking,
and it's purely an act.
If any race of people
should not have guilt about slavery, it's Caucasians.
(audience muttering) - Yeah.
Yeah, Rush... Rush Limbaugh might be racist,
sexist, homophobic, and mock people with disabilities,
but at least he treats paper with respect.
So, maybe that was Nancy Pelosi's real mistake.
It's not that she was disrespectful.
It's that she wasn't disrespectful enough.
See, maybe if Nancy interrupted Trump's speech
with a racist Asian accent and a couple of casual "N" words,
instead of earning everyone's anger,
she would have earned her own Medal of Freedom.
We'll be right back. (cheering and applause)
- Welcome back to "The Daily Show."
President Trump...
President Trump wasn't the only person
giving a speech tonight.
After he finished his State of the Union,
Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer
gave the Democrats' response speech in English,
Texas representative Veronica Escobar
gave the Democrats' response in Spanish,
and then Beto O'Rourke gave the speech
in Spanish again but much worse.
And, as you know,
we here at "The Daily Show" have our own annual response
where we cover the issues
that are of special importance to black America.
So, please rise--
but not really, you can just clap--
as Roy Wood Jr. delivers
"The Daily Show's" annual State of the Black Shit address.
(music and cheering)
Good evening, black people,
African Americans, people of color
and really tan Italian people.
I'm Roy Wood Jr., and I'm coming to you
from one of America's blackest places:
a Popeyes in St. Louis
owned by Cedric the Entertainer.
Tonight, we black people are gathered here
to once again ask ourselves the question,
where we is?
Now, we can't deny
we had some setbacks in 2019.
Let's start with this presidential race.
All of our black candidates are gone.
Kamala, gone. Cory, gone.
Deval Patrick--
Come on, he basically...
Right now the blackest person in the race
is Andrew Yang.
And no... and no...
he is not related to the Ying Yang Twins.
I made that same mistake.
But by campaigning
on giving all Americans $1,000 a month,
Yang is doing one of the blackest things:
promising to hook everybody up before he even got the damn job.
(laughter and applause)
Y'all know how we do.
(cheering and applause)
That is how we do.
One time, I applied for a job at Bex Buy-- Best Buy.
I texted half of Birmingham.
I was like, "Hey, who want a Blu-ray of 'Frozen'?
It's on me."
Now, of course,
one of black America's biggest setbacks
happened at the beginning of 2019,
the infamous case of Jussie Smollett.
What the hell was that boy doing?
I don't know what's more messed up,
a black man faking a hate crime,
or the fact that he went out at 2:00 a.m.
to go eat at Subway.
Jussie, you're black.
Make yourself a syrup sandwich and go back to bed.
But-- but 2019 wasn't all bad.
As usual, black excellence overflowed
in the world of entertainment.
Tyler Perry opened one of the largest
movie studios in the country.
Spike Lee won his first Oscar.
Billy Porter won an Emmy
and every red carpet he walked on.
(cheering and applause) And, of course...
And, of course, Lil Nas X.
That boy made the biggest country hit of the year.
That's right, we finally got one.
We got us a country hit.
This-- this must be how white people felt
when Vanilla Ice came out.
(laughter and applause)
And...
Let's also not forget about Lizzo.
(cheering and applause) She sang...
she rapped, she twerked, and she did the unthinkable.
She made playing the flute black as hell.
That's how good Lizzo is.
Lizzo can turn any white thing into a black thing.
I bet you on her next album,
she just gonna be speaking to a manager at the Gap.
(laughter)
In sports...
in sports, we celebrate Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes,
whose last-minute comeback propelled him to victory
against the San Francisco 49ers.
And yes, I know, everybody keep reminding you
that Patrick Mahomes is half-white,
but it must have been his black side that won the game
because it showed up late in the fourth quarter.
(cheering and applause)
We also...
we also congratulate sister Meghan Markle,
who made history by telling the royal family
to shove that crown up their ass.
(cheering and applause)
We say thank you.
We say thank you to Ms. Markle.
America is now 2-0 versus the British Empire.
That's what you get.
That's what you get for that Stamp Act, bitches.
And we stole Idris Elba.
This brings me to the future of black shit
and what's in store for us in the year 2020.
This year, we're gonna be supporting black businesses,
cheering on sister Simone Biles at the Olympics,
and going to political rallies in record numbers
to support our candidates.
But mostly just to see if Obama show up 'cause we miss him.
(muttering)
So, black citizens,
when you ask the question, "Where we is?"
I stand here to say to you all
the state of black shit is, woo, goddamn!
God bless you all,
God bless black people,
and God bless the series finale of "Power" on Starz!
I gotta go. My sandwich is ready.
Good night! (cheering and applause)
- Roy Wood Jr., everybody.
We'll be right black. (cheering and applause)
(applause and cheering)
- Welcome back to "The Daily Show."
My guest tonight is an award-winning reporter
for "The New York Times Magazine,"
and creator of The 1619 Project,
which commemorates the year
the first enslaved Africans were brought
to the colony of Virginia, and it examines the ways
the 400-year legacy of slavery continues to shape America.
Please welcome Nikole Hannah-Jones.
(cheering and applause)
- Thank you.
- Welcome to "The Daily Show." - Thank you.
And congratulations on creating
and working with a group of people on a project
that has gone on to become more than just a moment,
but rather, a rethinking of America's history.
Let's start with the "why" behind this.
I mean, history seems like it has been written,
so why try and write it again?
- Well, history has been written, but it's been written
to tell us a certain story.
And, uh, The 1619 Project is trying to reframe that story.
And it's really about, uh, the ongoing legacy of slavery.
We've been taught that slavery was a long time ago.
- Mm-hmm. - "Get over it,"
which is something nearly every black person
in this country hears at some point..
And The 1619 Project is really saying
that, uh, slavery was so foundational
to America and its institutions
that we are still suffering from that legacy now.
And it's exploring the many ways that we-- that we still are.
- It's interesting that you've chosen the year 1619
because many people would say,
"But this was before America existed.
So why do you choose that point, and why do you argue,
more importantly, that on the fourteenth...?
You say, "On the 400th anniversary
"of this fateful moment, it is finally time
to tell our story truthfully."
- Yes, so, it's funny, because this year is also
the 400th anniversary of the "Mayflower."
Yet, no one argues that we shouldn't learn about
the "Mayflower" because that predates the United States.
- Interesting. - We know that that was
an important moment.
Um, I would argue that the "White Lion,"
which was a ship that arrived a year earlier
carrying enslaved Africans, was far more important
to the American story, uh, than 1620, than the "Mayflower."
So, no, American hadn't yet formed,
but Virginia was the first colony,
our institutions would come out of the 13 colonies.
- Mm-hmm. - Uh, our legal system,
our cultural system, our political system.
And certainly, the anti-black racism
that we still struggle with is born at that moment.
- When you... when you start off in this magazine,
there's a... there's a really beautiful passage
in the beginning where you talk about your personal journey,
your father was a proud American,
and how you didn't understand how he could be proud
to be American when America seemed to be against him
in spite of everything that he did.
- Yes. - How did you reconcile that,
or did working through this project change your view
on how to be American or how not to be American?
- Yeah, absolutely working on the project
changed my perspective on my father.
Um, I open the piece talking about how my dad,
who was born in apartheid Mississippi...
- Mm-hmm. - ...uh, flew this flag
in our front yard on this giant flagpole.
And he was one of the only black people I knew
who flew a flag in their yard,
and I was deeply embarrassed by that.
Um, but as I started researching for this project,
I got that he understood something that I didn't,
that, um, no one has the right to take away
our citizenship and our rights
to think of ourselves as American,
because so much of what black people have done
is what has built this very country
that we get to live in today.
So, when Thomas Jefferson writes those famous,
uh, English words, "We hold these truths
to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,"
uh, he owns 130 human beings at that time,
including some of his own family members.
And he understands that, uh, one-fifth of the population
will enjoy none of those rights and liberties.
So we are founded on a hypocrisy, on a paradox.
- Mm-hmm. - But black people read
those words and said, "Oh, we're gonna believe
that these words are true and apply to us, and fight."
We said we were founded as a democratic republic,
but most Americans could not vote
at the time of the Constitution.
Uh, but thanks largely to black resistance
and freedom struggles, we are as close
to a multiracial democracy as we've ever been.
- Before you go, one of the main questions
many people may have, and you see this,
unfortunately, all too often, is people saying,
"Why do you have to keep drudging this up?
"Can't we just move on? It's been 400 years.
Now, can't we just move on?"
What would you hope people take away?
- Uh, that's a great question.
Let me just say, for the record,
nobody wants to get over slavery more than black folks.
Uh, it's not... (Noah laughing)
(applause and cheering)
It's not to our benefit, right?
So that the fact that our nation can't get over slavery
has not benefitted black people for a single day.
But that's the problem--
we've never dealt with the harm that was done.
And there's never been any effort to redress that harm.
So, what I hope that people would take from the magazine,
every single story in the magazine starts with
America today. - Mm-hmm.
- And shows how these things about American life
that you think are unrelated to slavery actually are.
And I hope by confronting that truth,
maybe we can finally start to repair the harm that was done.
And then finally, uh, start to live up
to be the country of our ideals.
- It's a fantastic job, fantastic magazine.
Really wonderful having you on the show.
- Thank you. - Thank you so much.
To learn more about this beautiful, amazing story,
go to NewYorkTimes.com/1619,
that's NYTimes.com/1619.
Nikole Hannah-Jones, everybody, we'll be right back.
(music and cheering)
- Well, that's it for "The Daily Show: Global Edition."
But before we go, some news coming out of Iran.
Business is booming
for its largest flag factory, yeah,
which, get this, made about 2,000 US, British,
and Israeli flags for Iranian protestors
to burn last month, yeah.
And you gotta admit, that's a lot of smoke in the air
for protestors to breathe.
If I was that factory owner, I would start making
my flags scented, like candles, yeah.
Then protestors would be like, "Death to America!
Ahh, lavender!"