tell whether what we are saying is really of any interest to those we are addressing.

告訴我們說的是不是真的 對我們正在解決的人感興趣。

Few people – other than our partner in a bad mood or our adolescent child – will

很少有人 - 除了我們的伙伴 心情不好或我們的青春期孩子 - 會

ever directly cut us short and announce that they find us dull. It is as a result all too

永遠直截了當地宣布這一點 他們覺得我們很無聊。結果也是如此

easy to develop an impression of our own compelling nature. If we were to ask our interlocutor

容易形成我們自己引人注目的印象 性質。如果我們要問我們的對話者

Am I boring you?, we can be certain that the one answer we would never receive is: Well,

我很無聊嗎？我們可以肯定的 我們永遠不會得到的答案是：嗯，

since you ask, yes you are rather. If we choose to wait until people fall asleep while we’re

因為你問，是的，你更確切。如果我們選擇 等到人們入睡的時候我們才會入睡

recounting an anecdote or check their phone as we get to the punchline of our joke, it

講述軼事或檢查他們的電話 當我們到達我們笑話的妙語時，它

will be too late. Our reputation as a windbag will long ago have been sealed.

為時已晚。我們作為風袋的聲譽 很久以前就已經被封了。

Fortunately, most of what people need to tell

幸運的是，人們需要講述的大部分內容

us does not have to be directly stated; the evolution of a civilisation can be measured

我們不必直接說明;該 文明的進化可以衡量

by the scope of its dictionary of unsaid signals. The clue to another’s interest lies not

按照其未說明信號字典的範圍。 另一個人感興趣的線索不在於此

in their overt declarations but in their degree of responsiveness to our words. We can gauge

在他們的公開聲明中，但在他們的程度 對我們的話語的反應。我們可以衡量

interest by studying how closely and logically another’s questions follow on from our statements;

通過研究如何密切和邏輯地研究興趣 從我們的陳述中得出另一個問題;

how fast their replies come; how invested they seem in their emphases; whether their

他們的回復有多快;如何投資 他們看起來很重要;是否他們的

eyes meet ours when we stress a point; and the degree of elasticity and benevolence in

當我們強調一點時，眼睛會碰到我們;和 中的彈性和仁慈程度

their smile. To a trained observer, an urgent cry – ‘I need to go to bed now’ – can

他們的笑容。對於訓練有素的觀察者來說，是緊急的 哭 - '我現在需要去睡覺' - 可以

be communicated by nothing more brutal or direct than a gaze at the overhead smoke alarm

沒有更多的殘酷或溝通 直接而不是凝視著頭頂的煙霧警報器

that is held a fraction too long or a ‘That’s wonderful’ that lacks a minute but critical

這是一個太長的分數或'那是' 精彩的'缺乏一分鐘但很關鍵

dose of wonder. It is mostly easy enough to note the cues; when we ignore them, it isn’t

奇蹟的劑量。這很容易 注意提示;當我們忽略它們時，事實並非如此

that we aren’t receiving them, but that we are somehow opting not to register them

我們沒有收到它們，但是那個 我們在某種程度上選擇不註冊它們

– and we are not doing so for a poignant reason: because we cannot bear to imagine

- 我們並沒有這樣做是為了一個痛苦的人 理由：因為我們無法想像

that we might be boring, because the idea of not belonging sufficiently deeply in another’s

我們可能很無聊，因為這個想法 不完全屬於另一個人的

life is untenable; because we are unreconciled to the fundamental loneliness of existence

生活是站不住腳的;因為我們不甘心 對存在的基本孤獨感

and the tragic disjuncture between what we want from others and what they may be prepared

和我們之間的悲慘分裂 想要別人以及他們準備的東西

to provide. We have grown deaf from the rigidity of our need not from any failure of sensitivity.

提供。我們從僵硬中變得耳聾 我們不需要任何靈敏度的失敗。

Somewhere the idea of not pleasing someone conversationally has turned from a risk into

某處不喜歡某人的想法 會話已經從風險轉變為

a catastrophe that must be manically warded off. We become insistent and wilfully oblivious;

一場必須經過嚴格保護的災難 關閉。我們變得堅持不懈，故意忘記;

we give up seeking to delight and settle instead on the more modest hope of not being actively

我們放棄尋求快樂和安定 關於不積極的更溫和的希望

thrown out. The insult to our self-love that we read into another’s bored reaction feels

拋出。對我們的自愛的侮辱 我們讀到另一個無聊的反應感覺

too great, and our resources to deal with it too slim for us to take in the meaning

太棒了，我們的資源要處理 它太苗條了，我們無法理解

of the long pauses and wandering eyes. We overlook the cues because what they indicate

長時間的停頓和流浪的眼睛。我們 忽略了線索，因為它們表明了什麼

to our unconscious minds isn’t the relatively innocuous thought that the other wants to

我們的潛意識不是相對的 另一個想要的無害的想法

go to bed; they become embroiled in a deeper story about our self-worth: they become indicators

睡覺;他們捲入了更深的境地 關於我們自我價值的故事：它們成為指標

that we are fundamentally displeasing, that we deserve our isolation, that we are hateful

我們從根本上說是令人不快的 我們應該孤立，我們是可恨的

wretches. The best guarantee of not boring others is – therefore – the development

壞蛋。不枯燥的最佳保證 其他人 - 因此 - 發展

of an internal robustness that can allow us to withstand the thought of our tedious aspects.

內部穩健性可以讓我們 經受住我們乏味方面的思考。

The interesting person can acknowledge that losing someone’s attention is a setback

有趣的人可以承認這一點 失去某人的注意力是一個挫折

not a sign of damnation.

不是詛咒的跡象。

To develop a more benevolent picture of what it means occasionally to bore, it can help

為了發展一個更仁慈的畫面 它意味著偶爾鑽孔，它可以幫助

to study the responses of parents to their small children, for there are no better examples

研究父母對他們的反應 小孩子，因為沒有更好的例子

of the easy coexistence of boredom with love. To a parent, their four-year-old child will

厭倦與愛的輕鬆共存 對於父母，他們四歲的孩子會

be at once the most loveable creature they have ever met – and, by a long way, especially

他們是最可愛的生物 從來沒有見過 - 尤其如此

in their conversation, the most tedious. Even outside of parenthood, we are all endowed

在他們的談話中，最乏味的。甚至 在父母身份之外，我們都是天賦

with surprisingly rich capacities to love someone and at the same time to find them

擁有令人驚訝的豐富愛情能力 某人並同時找到他們

extremely wearing. It does not, as the bore mistakenly ends up thinking, need to be a

極度穿著。它不像孔那樣 錯誤地結束思考，需要成為一個

choice between love or boredom. To skirt the danger of being a full-blown bore, we should

愛情或無聊之間的選擇。繞開裙子 我們應該成為一個成熟的危險的危險

foster the inner courage to imagine that we might sometimes, without anything too awful

培養內心勇氣去想像我們 有時候可能沒有太糟糕的事情

being meant by this, be such a thing.

這意味著，就是這樣的事情。

At The School of Life we are constantly developing new products to help us develop emotional intelligence.

在生命學院，我們不斷開發新產品，以幫助我們發展情商。

To learn more follow the link on your screen now.

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