the injustices of today?

Obviously, there's no better activism than listening

to a podcast.

It's time to join the resistance against a tyrannical

device of elementary school principal along with your

hosts Johnny, Tommy, and Isabel.

This is, Pod Save Little Creek Elementary.

(old computer music)

- [Johnny] Hello, and welcome to another episode

of Pod Save Little Creek Elementary, the 519th podcast

in our growing network.

- [Isabella] We are the podcast by the resistance--

- [Tommy] And for the resistance.

- [Isabella] Inside Little Creek Elementary School

in Fairfax, Virginia.

- [Johnny] I'm Johnny.

- [Isabella] I'm Isabella.

- [Tommy] And I'm Tommy.

- [Johnny] We're in fourth grade and we have so much

to discuss this week including Principal Welsh's outrageous

decision to shorten recess by 15 minutes.

- [Isabella] This is not normal.

- [Johnny] We also have plenty more about Principal Welsh's

efforts to build a wall between Little Creek Elementary

and Santa Puebla Middle School.

- [Isabella] Your parents tax dollars hard at work.

- [Tommy] Later in the pod, we have an interview

with Ms. Stone.

She's a substitute teacher who we think should be the next

principal of Little Creek Elementary School.

She made a lot of waves last week when she let us have

two snack times.

- [Isabella] So excited for that.

- [Johnny] Before we get going, some housekeeping.

We are recording a live episode of Pod Save Little Creek

at Jackson's 9th birthday party on Saturday.

- [Tommy] If you'd like to attend the taping,

get your mom to RSVP to Jackson's mom.

- [Isabella] There's gonna be laser tag!

- [Johnny] Tommy, we also have some news about our sister

broadcast--

- [Tommy] Yes, our sister podcast has a new interview

with my sister.

Her name is Victoria.

She's in eighth grade and she's really mean to me.

Checkout Pod Save My Sister on iTunes.

- [Isabella] Also, this episode of Pod Save Little Creek

is brought to you by Glue Apron.

- [Tommy] Glue delivered straight to your cubby hole.

- [Isabella] Are you tired of constantly running out

of glue?

- [Tommy] I know I am.

- [Johnny] Glue Apron is your new source for all things

glue: crazy glue, rubber cement, you name it.

- [Isabella] Last week, I got an amazing glue stick

from Glue Apron.

It's purple.

I'm obsessed.

- [Tommy] Love Glue Apron.

I especially like their edible glue.

- [Johnny] I don't think any of their glue is edible.

- [Tommy] Eh, I have to go to the bathroom.

- [Isabella] Glue Apron, it's paste modernized.

(quiet carnival music)

(low beat)

- [Johnny] Let's get to the news.

This week, Principal Welsh announced an escalation

in his trade war banning the trade of all Pokemon cards.

He said, quote, "I'm calling for a total and complete

"shutdown of all Snorlax Decks until we figure out

"what's going on."

A few questions.

First of all, can the principal do this?

- [Isabella] Absolutely not.

He is way beyond his authority here.

- [Tommy] It's mind blowing.

For years, the foundation of our elementary school

can take two unmistakable truths.

First, everybody needs a cootie shot.

And second, that free trade is essential to the health

of this school.

- [Johnny] Isabella, I want to turn to you.

Why aren't any teachers speaking up about this clear

abuse of power.

- [Isabella] Well, did the teachers speak up when Principal

Welch appointed Timmy Johnson hall monitor even though

he's the biggest bully in fifth grade?

Did the teachers speak up when he tried to ban all finger

painting because one kid ate the paint?

- [Tommy] Again, it looked like it was edible.

- [Johnny] We know this about the teachers,

they are complicit.

They are egotistical.

And they are isosceles.

- [Isabella] Can I just say something?

This is a principal who was stoking divisions.

He's making us learn long division.

Every phone has a calculator.

- [Tommy] Amen.

- [Isabella] And can I just say another thing?

There's no reason we should be learning to play

the recorder.

This is a bologna instrument.

- [Johnny] Let's get back on track.

I think we need to face the facts here.

And this is unpleasant to admit but the principal

is a fart face.

- [Isabella] This is a principal who has shown time and time

again that he's a fart face but all of his enablers

are too afraid to say, Principal Welch is a fart face.

- [Johnny] It's almost like calling someone a fart face

is worse than actually being a fart face.

- [Isabella] Speaking of fart faces,

how is it Principal Welch's son got student of the month?

- [Johnny] You're talking about Principal Welsh Junior.

- [Isabella] Yeah, he doesn't even know what a fraction is

and all of a sudden he's doing morning announcements

and getting straight A's?

- [Tommy] It's part of a larger pattern of corruption.

I mean, why is it that Principal Welch is forcing us

to learn cursive?

No one writes cursive anymore.

- [Johnny] It's because Principal Welch

is a white supremacist.

- [Isabella] He's an out and outright supremacist.

This is not normal.

- [Tommy] Let's also not forget that Principal Welch

has repeatedly committed adultery.

- [Johnny] And Tommy, remind our listeners what adultery is.

- [Tommy] Adultery is when you ask an adult why

they're doing something and they say because I'm an adult

and you aren't.

- [Isabella] Ugh, I hate adultery.

My dad always commits adultery when I ask why he gets to eat

ice cream for dinner.

- [Tommy] My dad also committed adultery and now I get

two Christmases.

- [Johnny] Isabella, what can our listeners do to fight

back against Principal Welch.

- [Isabella] There's so many awesome organizations

out there, you can go to votesavelittlecreek.org for a list

of opportunities.

We are currently looking for volunteers

to TP Principal Welch's office.

- [Tommy] That's a great event for a great cause!

- [Isabella] You should also check out our friend

at Swing Left.

- [John] And how can our listeners find Swing Left?

- [Isabella] On the playground.

It's a swing set on the left, next to the monkey bars.

- [Tommy] Another great organization and a very fun swing.

- [Johnny] Okay, we'll be right back after this word

from our sponsors.

- [Tommy] Great, I'm gonna go to the potty.

(old computer tunes)

- [Johnny] Pod Save Little Creek is brought to you

by Progressive Mommy Insurance.

Did you accidentally call your teacher mommy?

Did you start crying as everyone laughed at you?

- [Tommy] I've done that several times.

- [Johnny] Well Tommy, you need Progressive Mommy Insurance

which can protect you in the case of a mommy accident.

Progressive Mommy Insurance will tell other students

you didn't actually say mommy and that you were just

crying because you had dust in your eye.

- [Tommy] Question, would this work if I called

Mr. Thomson dad and hypothetically peed my pants

during the school talent show?

- [Johnny] Absolutely.

Progressive Mommy Insurance also covers dad accidents

for no additional cost.

- [Tommy] Wow, where was this all of second grade?

- [Johnny] Progressive Mommy Insurance,

don't talk to your teacher without it.

(old computer tunes)

- [Tom] Hello Pod Save Little Creek Elementary

listeners, I'm Tom Stier.

If you're like me, you're concerned about the direction

of Little Creek Elementary School under Principal Welch.

That's why I'm spending $12 million of my own money

on podcast ads, to announce my candidacy for principal

of Little Creek Elementary.

I support progressive school policies,

like more flavors of milk in the cafeteria

and a ban on dodge ball.

Whether you're a third grader or a P.E. teacher,

I'd appreciate your support.

And now, back to the pod.

(old computer music)

- [Johnny] Our guest today is someone that we believe

should be the next principal of Little Creek Elementary.

She's our substitute teacher last week.

Please welcome Ms. Stone.

- [Ms. Stone] Hi, kids.

This podcasting studio is so cool.

Did your parents help you set it up?

- [Tommy] Are you kidding?

My parents are so behind the times.

They communicate via text message.

(everyone chuckling)

- [Ms. Stone] What's wrong with texting, I don't...

- [Tommy] So, Ms. Stone, you are an amazing substitute

teacher.

We were suppose to take a geography quiz.

You let us play board games.

We were suppose to learn long division.

You let us watch, "Chicken Run."

Let's start at the beginning.

Why were you inspired to become a sub.

- [Ms. Stone] Hm, let's see.

I got fired from Old Navy for running an illegal casino

in the fitting rooms.

The next day I saw a popup ad for a substitute teacher

on NastyCelebMakeouts.com and two days later, boom!

I'm teaching fourth graders.

- [Johnny] Inspiring.

- [Isabella] Tell me, Ms. Stone.

What would your first act as principal

of Little Creek Elementary School be?

- [Ms. Stone] Hm, I would probably turn the music room

into an illegal casino.

- [Tommy] Okay, what else?

- [Ms. Stone] I guess the performing arts theater,

I would also turn into an illegal casino.

- [Tommy] We were hoping you had some ideas that would make

the school better for us, the students.

- [Ms. Stone] Oh, okay, okay, okay.

Um, you know, I've got problems with Principal Welch.

- [Tommy] We hear that!

- [Ms. Stone] For example, why do you fourth graders

have so much homework?

- [Isabella] Sing it sister.

- [Ms. Stone] In fact, why do you have to come to school

at all?

- [Tommy] I'm loving this.

- [Ms. Stone] You could make plenty of money

as a Black Jack dealer in my illegal casino.

- [Johnny] Okay, Ms. Stone, you've given us

and our listeners a lot to think about.

Thank you for coming on the pod.

- [Ms. Stone] Thank you for having me.

Do you validate parking?

- [Isabella] Parking is free.

This is a public elementary school.

- [Ms. Stone] Well then who did I pay-- Ah, hell no.

Who's the man I gave my keys to?

(door opens)

- [Johnny] I think she could be the future of this

elementary school.

- [Tommy] Yeah, I mean, I have some concerns about

the illegal casino part of her platform

but there's no such thing as the perfect candidate

for principal.

- [Isabella] This is not normal!

- [Tommy] What's not normal?

- [Isabella] Sorry, my mom forgot to cut the crust

off my PB&J.

- [Johnny] That's all for today's episode